11x world champion Kelly Slater revives age
old “surfers vs. jocks” blood feud by making a mockery of throwing
out first pitch at University of Central Florida baseball
game!
By Chas Smith
Retribution coming.
Before e-bikes, serious training regimes, Mike
Parsons and ice baths surfers had one sworn enemy and it was the
malignant jock. Brawny boys to men who played organized stick and
ball sports under the watchful eye of “coaches” and “umpires” or
“referees.” Their way of life, all rules-based and rigid, was not
ours with its radicalized “freedom” and home cut mohawks and hot
war festered.
The salad years.
But leave it to our great champion, 11x, Kelly Slater to bring
the enmity back for footage has just emerged of our hero taking the
mound, before heading to Bells, at his hometown University of
Central Florida and purposefully spiking a ball into the
ground.
Mike Parsons, I’m certain, rolling over in his grave.
The vengeance with which Slater bounces his pitch also certain
to roil long dormant angst.
Will retribution be sought by jocks at an upcoming professional
surfing event, maybe Margaret River?
Trestles?
Filipe Toledo duct taped to a light pole?
Morgan Ciblic given a swirly?
World Surf League CEO Erik Logan short sheeted?
Let’s hope.
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Enigmatic surf champion, current world
number 2, Tyler Wright announces exciting new partnership with a
canned spice rum distiller!
By Chas Smith
Time to party.
The Margaret River Pro began yesterday, though
did not run, and all eyes are on Western Australia. Blood will soon
stain that hearty earth, the claret of those professional surfers
who happen to be below the cut line, included but not limited to
Owen Wright. Wright’s brother, Mikey, is safe via all the wildcards
he shall receive and sister, Tyler, shall not dealt the indignity
of challenger serieses as she is currently number two in the world
after an impressive Bells victory.
The enigmatic former world champion was ecstatic post-triumph,
telling The Guardian,
“I cannot put into words what this means. It’s more than a win.
It’s the only event I’ve ever wanted to win. I’m over the moon, I’m
stoked. Two years being out is a long time. That fire that kind of
got snuffed out by illness has been re-lit. It’s been a long time
since I’ve felt like I’ve surfed like myself.”
The illness a reference to the post-viral syndrome she was
diagnosed with nearly two years ago. In an interview with
ESPN she said, “Overnight, I lost everything, what
made me Tyler Wright. I lost my personality, my physicality. I’m
used to excruciating amounts of pain, but the physical pain got so
bad that it would mentally break me. And it broke me every day. I
didn’t get a minute where I was unbroken.”
A sports and exercise chiropractor with expertise in
neuroscience, Dr. Brett Jarosz, anyhow, miraculously stitched
Wright back up and now she is winning, again, and debuting exciting
new partnerships with canned spice rum distilleries.
“Lots to celebrate lately,” she announced on Instagram. “Excited
to partner with @reeftip as their ambassador. Celebrating feels
even better when I can give back to the reef while also learning
about it. 10% of @reeftip profits go to reef regeneration through
the work of the @coralnurtureprogram.”
Sailors of old used rum as a medicinal to cure aches and pains
and also enhance vibrato whilst singing sea shanties. It became
associated with British naval might in the mid-1600s and spirits
bottled above 57% alcohol by volume are still marked “Naval
Strength” in that country. It is also synonymous with piracy and
featured in such classics as Robert Lewis Stevenson’s Treasure
Island which I just so happened to read and is very fine.
Spiced rum traces its origins back to 1879 when Myers’s, in
Jamaica, produced a sweeter, spicier, darker version of the drink
made from pure Jamaican molasses.
Captain Morgan became the most recognized spiced rum brand in
the mid-1980s and uses a character and general tone that might be
described as “toxically male” in many of its advertisements.
Reeftip, Wright’s choice, donates 10% of of profits to saving
reefs and comes in at 4.5% abv.
Not “Naval Strength” but also not blatantly sexist.
A good fit, me thinks.
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Barons has it all. Ridiculously good looking
characters with names like Trotter and Snapper dressed in
impeccably stylised recreations of ‘70s fashion. The soul surfer v
consumer dichotomy. Spiritual connections with the ocean. Drug
smuggling. Sex. Panel vans. Single fins. Copious amounts of incense
and woollen turtlenecks. It’s all fucken there.
Big-budget TV series that skewers surf
industry’s wonderfully louche drug-money funded beginnings
premieres tonight!
By surf ads
"Barons puts an imagined microscope to the
nefarious origins of Australia’s biggest surfing dynasties. It’s a
story that in many ways is still yet to be told, especially to a
mainstream audience."
With all the hullabaloo ‘round the release of Make or
Break, another mainstream surf offering here in Australia has
slipped under the radar. One that might prove more incisive, more
explosive than the Woz’s docu-drama could ever hope.
Barons, premiering tonight on the Australian taxpayer-funded
ABC, is the fictionalised story of two warring surf brands
developed by close friends out of the same small town in the early
1970s.
Sound familiar?
Billed as an authentic recount of the birth of surf culture –
and the surf industry – in Australia, Barons has it all.
Ridiculously good looking characters with names like Trotter and
Snapper dressed in impeccably stylised recreations of ‘70s fashion.
The soul surfer v consumer dichotomy. Spiritual connections with
the ocean. Drug smuggling. Sex. Panel vans. Single fins. Copious
amounts of incense and woollen turtlenecks. It’s all fucken
there.
But most importantly it puts an imagined microscope to the
nefarious origins of Australia’s biggest surfing dynasties. It’s a
story that in many ways is still yet to be told, especially to a
mainstream audience.
We want the truth. But can Barons handle it?
In my recent review of Lines to the Horizon, I talked about how
easy it is for surf storytellers to drift into cliche.
Call it the Bodhi complex.
If the competent writers in that collection of essays were
sometimes guilty of dipping their toe in those waters, Barons looks
like it has jumped head first. Judging by the preview it’s Tim
Winton meets Party of 5. But then again, this was the birth of the
surf guru epoch. Cliches are born from truth.
Early reviews have been kind without being effusive. Sydney
Morning Herald described it as a sexy, stoner period soapie but a
slow burn.
“Selling out a counterculture isn’t inherently interesting on
its own.”
It does come with some bonafides. Taylor Steele was in charge of
the surf cinematography as well as being involved in the script.
Producers include Michael Lawrence (Bra Boys, Fighting Fear).
Check the preview here.
I’ll reserve judgment until I’ve seen the damn thing. But some
observations:
Anybody with even a passing knowledge of the early days of the
surf industry in Australia knows that an M-rated soap opera isn’t
gonna tell half the story. Truth will always be wilder than
fiction, if a producer even had the gumption to try. Plus it’s
still living history. Too soon, for many that were there.
The fictionalised story is a good way of sidestepping any legal
snafus. But is a TV soap really the right vehicle? A more apt
setting might be Wake in Fright by the beach. A hedonistic,
all-consuming world of inescapable vice. All the little devils,
proud of their hell.
After all, we’re all so hungry for surf history. The culture is
quickly swallowing itself. Eager to turn history into lore.
But who should be telling the story?
A little while back WSL commissioned a profile on Surfline of
the founding of G Land. Proudly talking of the early Boyum, Lopez,
McCabe days and the lifestyle that funded it. To see the WSL
effectively coat tailing off the Sea of Darkness crew was jarring.
The industry’s once dirty little secret now, seemingly, being worn
as a badge of pride. Barons looks like it will lean into the same
territory.
Who are they to claim ownership?
The real story is still out there. Still living and breathing.
There’s narratives. Counter-narratives. Bitter rivalries. Legal
disputes. Some of the players have done well for themselves. Now in
boardrooms and beachside mansions. Others, not so much. They’re in
outer suburb living rooms. Or tiny backyard shaping bays. Or
retirement homes.
All with their own perspectives. Their own stories to tell.
What would they make of it all? This sudden mythologisation of
their lives?
World Surf League CEO Erik Logan to be
feted at grand beachside environmental ball for his extraordinary
achievements in greenwashing this year!
By Chas Smith
A night to remember.
And the platinum hits just keep on coming for
World Surf League CEO Erik Logan. “The Rusty Cudgel” is coming off
what must be considered the greatest run, ever, in professional
surf leadership. Things were looking shaky heading into Bells with
the stench of The Ultimate Surfer still lingering and sitting
champion Gabriel Medina refusing to play but then wham-o.
It began with the announcement that a cheap Chinese-made SUV was
signing on as a sponsor of the environmentally-progressive league.
Next, a surfer protest was brutally quashed with “feelings” and
“friendship” being invoked. Then, it was revealed that Apple TV’s
much-anticipated program Make or Break will be airing at
the end of the month, disposable furniture manufacturer IKEA joined
up for co-branded shelving and Morgan Ciblic planted a bush in
Torquay.
A series of slams so undeniably grand that Logan must be the
envy of Roger Goodell, Adam Silver, Rob Manfred.
Well, they can go fete him in person as it has just been
announced that our Man from Muskogee is the person of honor at the
upcoming environmentally-forward Heal the Bay Bring Back the Beach
gala.
Following a two-year pause due to the pandemic, we are
thrilled to announce the return of our Bring Back the Beach Gala on
June 2, 2022. As a fundraising benefit for Heal the Bay, this
exclusive West Coast event welcomes hundreds of leaders from the
business, political, entertainment, and environmental
communities.
And the excitement doesn’t stop there, as we will also be
shining the light on the incredible achievements of this year’s
honoree, Erik Logan. As CEO of World Surf League, Erik has gone to
great lengths to bring clean water awareness and initiatives to the
worldwide surfing community. We hope you will join us to support
both Erik’s work and the wide-reaching impact of Heal the
Bay.
Sipping on fruity cocktails, enjoying a beautiful sunset
with the salty breeze, digging your toes in the sand, and winning
an amazing getaway—does life get any better? Yes, when it all
benefits healthy, safe, and clean coastal waters and
watersheds!
You, too, can celebrate Logan’s greenwashing by gathering twelve
of your friends and providing $50,000 (perks include recognition by
event speakers from the podium and a private beach cleanup).
Don’t have twelve friends? $10,000 will allow you and nine
others to rub shoulders with a who’s who of environmental stalwarts
from California’s oil and gas industry (though no participating in
the aforementioned private beach cleanup).
World surfing champion Gabriel Medina to
make sensational return to tour at G-Land following break for
“emotional issues” and split from Sports Illustrated model Yasmin
Brunet, “Here we go. I’m going to Indonesia!”
By Derek Rielly
“I'm motivated. I'm back to my athlete routine.
Everything is back to normal."
Three months ago, the three-time world champ Gabriel
Medina quit the tour just two weeks before its opening gambit at
Pipe.
“I have emotional issues that I need to deal with,” he told fans
via IG, referring
to the breakdown of his year-long marriage to the
thirty-three-year-old Sports Illustrated model Yasmin Brunet, as
well as ongoing, and various, feuds between his estranged
family.
“I’m motivated. I’m back to my athlete routine, waking up early,
eating well,” Medina told Brazilian news outlet Esporte
Espetacular. “Everything is back to normal. Here we go. I’m going
to Indonesia, it’s a new stage in G-Land. That makes me even more
motivated.”
In regards to his marriage, the split, estrangement from fam,
quitting the tour and so on he said,
“I’ve learned a lot during that time that I’ve withdrawn from
competition, and I feel like I’m 100%. That’s why I’m announcing my
return. I’m excited, I miss competing, travelling, in that
environment where I see all my friends there.”
Medina has already been awarded the 2023 wildcard for the first
five events, as well as the back five events of 2022.
If he nails a couple of wins it’s a pretty good chance he’ll
make the top five and, therefore, this year’s final at
Trestles.
Grajagan, if you don’t know the story, was first surfed in 1972
by a couple of American surfers, became the site of the world’s
first surf camp and, in 1995, a fabled stop on what was then the
“Dream Tour”.