Feral monkey wars continue at iconic Uluwatu in Bali after “rare and sacred” white monkey returned to wild after savage attack is nearly killed, again, by rival troupe!

The white monkey is being forced into retirement. A permanent enclosure will be built within the Uluwatu temple, complete with a pool and a garden. 

The villagers of a traditional market that caters to surfers in Bali are dealing with a violent and very different sort of localism.

A large wild Macaque, having staked a claim in one of the empty stalls during the pandemic, is refusing to leave and is threatening anyone that comes near his “spot”.

“That thing has taken control of the fruit basket line-up, says” Surfer/Juice bar owner Sam Gavin. “He reminds me of those fuckin’ angry locals in South Oz that I know. Teeth baring and chest beating and all”. 

And speaking of sacred apes, the sacred white monkey of Uluwatu can’t catch a break.

You remember him, the brave leader of the Uluwatu troupe during the pandemic monkey wars up in the Bukit.

Terribly wounded after the final territorial confrontation due to the defense of prime locations of the returning tourists, the white monkey, who is believed to be a mystical manifestation of Hanuman the Monkey God,  was taken under care and nursed back to health.  

Since then he has also become a mascot to visiting surfers, who bring him bananas in hope of swell. 

Anyway, an easy target.

And, when released, the white monkey was again jumped by marauding members of a rival troupe just outside the Uluwatu Temple. 

Captured and treated, the sacred white monkey is being forced into retirement. A permanent enclosure is being designed for him within the Uluwatu temple, complete with a pool and a garden. 

“Given that the white monkey’s new role is as a mascot for Pura Uluwatu,” says one temple official, “and has become a valuable tourist attraction, such a special enclosure is justified. The surfers love him.”

The latest is the job offer is for someone to become the white monkey’s security guard.

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M.
M.
4 years ago

White Russians?

Phat-wan kerr
Phat-wan kerr
4 years ago

“complete with pool and garden”
D.R.s real estate vibe is spreading

channelbottom
channelbottom
4 years ago

Yup. Quality watch.

channelbottom
channelbottom
4 years ago

Speed-dial list? Awesome.

channelbottom
channelbottom
4 years ago

That’s going onto the TV this arvo for the kids.

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
4 years ago

Or stroll in with pants down and hope that ya wedding tackle swinging in the wind will be enough to scare them off…

Sean Connery
Sean Connery
4 years ago
Reply to  Beef & Beer

What if they want to go for a swing?

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
4 years ago

Cover me when I run

https://www.youtube.com/wat…

velobwoy
velobwoy
4 years ago

As if Hanumanji would need the help of some effing humans.

@surfads
@surfads
4 years ago

Probably not going to google that but thanks

Uneducated
Uneducated
4 years ago

Monkey King

The punkiest monkey that ever popped

https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Stick man
Stick man
4 years ago

Mon(k)ey, so they say
Is the root of all evil today

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
4 years ago

Probably end up like this. With a harem of nubile mankey slaves. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

@surfads
@surfads
4 years ago

Gotta say I’m actually enjoying the monkey war rabbit hole. Please, keep it up.

A great pastime is YouTubing animal fights. Think of any two random animals and chances are somebody has filmed them going toe to toe. The best of course being Battle At Kruger Park https://m.youtube.com/watch…

Hippy
Hippy
4 years ago

LOL

Occ Topus
Occ Topus
4 years ago

“Jumped” by marauding monkees? Ha!
That white monkey was gang-raped, like a tender white first-timer in a maximum security prison. Now the poor mofo is in PC. So sad.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
4 years ago

Whites monkeys revered.
Twitterstorm!!!

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
4 years ago

But wait, how do the Russians factor into this?

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
4 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

The newly confined white monkey looks to be of Russian origin and had escaped out to Ulu’s from its usual home at Caangu, and now (even though being looked after) is being held against its will, inline with the confiscation of sanctioned Russian billionaires boats etc…

Ricky Spanish
Ricky Spanish
4 years ago

Is this whole white monkey saga some sort of extended allegory for Matt George’s surf career?

channelbottom
channelbottom
4 years ago
Reply to  Ricky Spanish

Are you implying that we are just outside the BG temple?

Gil Gunderson
Gil Gunderson
4 years ago

Thoughts and prayers 🙏 monkey. As a 37yo white male with a middle class income, I can completely relate to the caged oppression this monkey is suffering and will continue to suffer. Hang in there buddy. Hang in there.

channelbottom
channelbottom
4 years ago
Reply to  Gil Gunderson

Wait til you hit 50.

Gumby's Left Nut
Gumby's Left Nut
4 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

60+ I am invisible

@surfads
@surfads
4 years ago
Reply to  Gil Gunderson

My brother!

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
4 years ago

Looks like Mick

Similar story too…

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
4 years ago
Reply to  Beef & Beer

It really does.

Occ Topus
Occ Topus
4 years ago
Reply to  Beef & Beer

The monkey on the left resembles Italo.


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