"It's gotta sting."

Real wins, lately, for Santa Monica’s ultra-green World Surf League. A Chinese internal combustion engine truck and sport utility vehicle manufacturer was just announced as tour partner, the Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach is ready to kick off in small but fun surf and Kelly Slater was recently celebrated by James Bond but might a rare jab from popular shoe brand Vans take some of the glow out of those cheeks?

It was just announced that the Duct Tape Invitational and Festival will be kicking off in Sayulita, Mexico April 20 – 23. It will not be one of the just-announced three stops one the reinvigorated World Surf League Longboard Tour but it will be very publicly headlined by Joel Tudor.

Tudor, you must recall, is the reason for that re-invigorated World Surf League Longboard Tour. As rumors floated, that were never denied, of a slash and burn, WSL executives cutting professional longboarding from three promised stops to one, the current world champion took to the airwaves and rallied much support, calling those WSL executives hypocrites etc. along the way.

Well, feelings were hurt as hot war broke wide open and Tudor became very suspended for “knowingly making baseless accusations of corruption and instigating social media based-attacks on the WSL and tour leadership.”

But now look. There our hero is with his name in lights once again, or at least acrylic paint.

Will this thumbed nose cause that hot war to reignite, World Surf League executives hurt feelings still smoldering and ready to scorch the earth?

Or is this a signal that the suspension is maybe coming to an end?

Much to ponder.

Fellow surfers less impressed, however, “this warrants violence.”

If you were in Sydney on Sunday, y’would’ve thrown yourself into the dreamiest of four-to-six-foot barrels, pretty wedges wiped smooth by an all-day north-west wind. 

Day of the year at most places, one of the best days ever at my local etc.

At Cronulla, home to some of the city’s finest reefs including but not limited to Voodoo and Shark Island, spectators were thrilled when local legend Ronnie “Skull” Hill fired up his homemade jet-board at the Island, scooping up waves from outside and deep on the reef, before riding to glory. 

 

 

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Following a post on the Instagram account @sufads, however, the figurative knives came out from surfers apparently jealous of Skull’s innovative and effective approach to wave-riding. 

“He’s a known pest and they’ve been trying to get him for a while now.”

“After wathcing this i think im now done with surfing forever.”

“Tbh you have to give the man credit, he has been a pest at shark island for years however on Sunday during a bodyboard comp managed to run through the lineup for about 30 mins. Every single person there told him to fuck off and he just kept doing laps kinda finding it funny hahahahahahaha.”

“Is this guy trolling? Looks like hes really trying to piss off the lids??”

“…this warrants violence.”

And, from Stu Nettle, chief writer at surf forecast site Swellnet.com, something a little more serious:

“Ronnie Hill AKA Skull. Amazingly, he’s been taken to court with charges dismissed owing to testimony from the importer of the machine.”

Wild etc.

Are you pro or anti-jet-board? I’m in the former camp though fear I may be in the minority.

Below is Skull at Voodoo from a few years back.

Magic.

Defend Hawaii.

OMG but the wheels are absolutely spinning right now. So much so that it will be impossible for me to write an appropriate opening paragraph much less headline. Here is the skinny, anyhow. The world’s favorite surfer, save Mick Fanning, just joined the greatest quarterback of all-time Tom Brady investing in Hypebeast, the “sneaker enthusiast media firm” that has just secured $353 million in a US SPAC merger.

Per the South China Morning Post:

Listed in Hong Kong since 2016, Hypebeast disclosed the merger in a stock exchange announcement on Monday. The merger with the SPAC will also inject up to US$167 million in cash into the firm, which was raised by the blank-cheque company from its Nasdaq initial public offering in June 2021.

Hypebeast has become one of the first Hong Kong-listed companies to seek a second listing in New York through a SPAC, rather than through a traditional IPO pitching its business directly to public investors. SPACs are shell companies created by promoters to raise financial war chests through a share sale to investors, using the proceeds to buy assets within a limited period of time.

As part of the deal, Hypebeast has also entered into an agreement with several private investors, including multiple celebrities, who together will invest about US$13.3 million worth of Hypebeast shares, subject to the completion of the merger.

The investors include tennis star Naomi Osaka, American football player Tom Brady, and actor Jonah Hill, who played the character Donnie Azoff in the movie The Wolf of Wall Street.

Ok, ok, ok and finally we can get to the meat of the it all. What has got my wheels spinning.

If Hill is allowed to design a luxury vanity sneaker a la the Yeezy will it be surf-influenced?

Something just perfect for ambling around his new hometown of Honolulu?

Maybe something in a Defend Hawaii color way?

Make it happen, Hill. Do the right thing.