Shakira (pictured) healing heart.
Shakira (pictured) healing heart.

Online sleuths stymied as identity of newly single songstress Shakira’s hunky surf instructor remains shrouded in mystery!

"Pique is suffering..."

Shakira, who just so happens to be the best-selling Latin artist of all-time, was recently thrust into headlines as it was revealed that her 11-year romance with soccer stud Girard Pique had come undone. While most would have hidden away, bathing in misery, the hips don’t lie songstress, instead, took a surf vacation to northern Spain allowing the therapeutic properties of ocean waves to wash away anguish.

And it was there, on that adventure, that an absolute hunk entered the scene, meeting Shakira in the lineup and helping smooth her frontside flow, plastering a smile across her famous face.

It was later revealed that he was a surf instructor with fans swooning, glowing. Might their favorite chanteuse find love in the exact same way as King of Malibu Jonah Hill?

You certainly recall the joys Hill has expressed since falling for his own surf instructor.

Well, try as online sleuths might, Shakira’s surf instructor identity remains shrouded in mystery. Might he be a Barcelona football fan and not wanting to mess with the club that Girard Pique anchor’s flow ahead of the new season?

Potentially, but also equally likely that he is a Real Madrid supporter and timing his reveal for maximum disruption of blaugrana.

“Pique is suffering,” Barcelona’s president Joan Laporta told Marca Sport. “No matter how much money and fame he has, they are people. He is a captain and he still has a lot to give us.”


But let’s pretend, quickly, that you follow “football.” Who is your team? If I examine the recesses of my heart, I suppose I pull for Juventus but really only because their colorway is the same as my beloved Collingwood.

Go Pies.

Lights, camera, action!
Lights, camera, action!

New York lifeguard playing role of victim during training exercise barbarously mauled by shark thus providing cinematic realism to drill!

“We have never had an incident like this occur. Hopefully we never will again.”

Today is the 4th of July, in America, and at time of writing the World Surf League has foregone any patriotic social messaging following the city of Orlando, Florida and its own team of commentators and senior vice presidents in rejecting the increasingly toxic holiday. Are you going to celebrate freedom or picket your local post office?

Elsewhere, very near New York, a lifeguard was playing the role of “victim” for a drill when he was barbarously mauled by a shark. Per the USA Today report:

Suffolk County authorities said the attack took place about 10:15 a.m. Sunday while a Smith Point Beach lifeguard had been playing the role of a victim during a training exercise.

Suffolk County Executive Steve Bellone said the shark, estimated to be 4-to 5-feet-long shark, bit the lifeguard in the chest and on the hand.

The shark’s species was not immediately known and the lifeguard was expected to recover.

After the attack, Bellone said, the lifeguard received immediate treatment from other officials already engaged in the training. He was then taken to a hospital to be treated for his injuries.

The lifeguard, s a 10-year veteran with the county, was in “very good spirits,” Bellone said.

“If you’re going to have an encounter with a shark this is probably the best scenario you could have,” Bellone said. “We have never had an incident like this occur. Hopefully we never will again.”

Cinematic realism.

Out of control e-biker mows down six-year-old boy playing on San Diego beach prompting calls for regulation of the “spoiled man’s weeny machine!”

“I can still see his face and his body hitting the ground.”

Southern California is currently in the midst of an e-bike epidemic. What were once tiny motors affixed to peddle bikes that allowed fatter riders to make it up hills without suffering massive heart-attacks have exploded into throttle-powered mega-wheels somewhere between a Harley Electra Glide Revival and a Honda Gold Wing in size.

These hogs, piloted exclusively by the lazy and selfish and/or young and spoiled, fly down bike paths, sidewalks, anywhere pedestrians amble at full speed cloaked in the gauze of “environmentalism” though I constantly wonder what happened to the human leg when they whiz by. Does it not work anymore? Is it a gross polluter?

Like clean coal?

Well, an out of control e-biker mowed down a six-year-old boy playing on a San Diego beach, days ago. Per the report:

“I was out in the water with my 2-year-old and my 4-year-old and I turned around to check on my 6-year-old who is playing in a sand castle with his friends,” said Davis. “And out of the corner of my eye, I see two young boys on e-bikes going really fast.”

Davis said one of the boys lost control of his e-bike, striking her 6-year-old son.

“I can still see his face and his body hitting the ground,” said Davis. “It’s awful.”

The boy was transported to a local hospital where doctors declared there has been a serious uptick in e-bike accidents this year. California doesn’t regulate the machines and I would have nothing at all against them, myself, if they were simply classified as motorcycles for weenies and forced onto streets where they can compete with Teslas and Rivians for superiority.


This squished-to-fit-Instagram-square frame is the sorta thing you dream, or have nightmares, about. | Photo: @nathan_florence/@zoard

Only Fans star Nathan Florence shucks “Jan Brady” middle sibling curse to outshine US Olympian brother John John with wave of the year at wild Sumatran reef, “Dream come true to score a wave like this!”

"Score of a lifetime!"

The middle brother of the Florence triumvirate, which includes Olympian and two-time world champ John John and underground skate/surf star Ivan, has shucked he so-called Jan Brady curse to score wave of the year at a remote Sumatran reef.

Nathan Florence, who is twenty-eight and named after the son of the Hebrew King David, was surfing a joint called Lance’s Right in the Mentawai islands when this bulldozer shifted onto the reef.

Manipulating his little GoPro camera into his mouth, Florence, a man previously described as “extremely intelligent and extremely capable”, tip-toes over the precipice and makes the point that there’s more than one star in the Florence family.

“Score of a lifetime! What an insane few days of swell today topping it off as one for the books with waves like this! At times just Ivan and I in the lineup sharing bombs other times just a few new friends! Dream come true to score this wave like this!”


View this post on Instagram


A post shared by Nathan Florence (@nathan_florence)

Response from big-hitters in the big-wave world was swift,

“Wow that was crazy,” says Koa Rothman.

Mark Healey, “Aysus”

Kai Lenny, “Crazy!!”

Damien Hobgood, “Insane!”

A little humour from Shane Doz, “Looks pretty decent”.

And, from Nathan’s model wife Mahina, “It was even crazier in person.”

East Coast surf mecca Orlando, Florida finds itself in hot water after displaying less than rabid patriotic fervor ahead of 4th of July: “A lot of people probably don’t want to celebrate our nation right now, and we can’t blame them.”


The United States of America celebrates its 246th birthday, tomorrow, though not all citizens of this great nation are happy. World Surf League commentator Chris Cote called for the holiday to be “cancelled” via Twitter, Australian Jessi Miley-Dyer, WSL head of competition and tours, went further and called for an abortion of the land’s Supreme Court, others are planning to ignore the festivities as protest and the city of Orlando, Florida, an East Coast surf mecca, just released a tepid invitation to their firework show reading:

A lot of people probably don’t want to celebrate our nation right now, and we can’t blame them. When there is so much division, hate and unrest, why on earth would you want to have a party celebrating any of it? But in all seriousness, you know in your heart, Fourth of July fireworks are amazing, especially when you are standing in 90° heat, 100% humidity, next to 100,000 of your closest friends. In that moment, something takes over and we all become united in an inexplicable bond. Yes, America is in strife right now, but you know what…we already bought the fireworks.




Many did not think so, including the Fraternal Order of Police, and forced the annual host of Surf Expo, the largest surf-based trade show on earth, to release the following statement:

The city of Orlando sincerely regrets the negative impact our words have had on some in our community. We understand these words offended some of our residents, which was not our intent. We value the freedoms we have in this country and are thankful to the men and women who fought and continue to fight for those. We take pride in celebrating the 4th of July to express our gratitude to those men and women and honor the country we live in.




But how do you feel about the day? Ready to fly those famous stars and straps or red, white and blue all over?