Hill (center) with a mystery brunette and perpetual bachelor Leonardo DiCaprio (left).
Hill (center) with a mystery brunette and perpetual bachelor Leonardo DiCaprio (left).

In stunning love earthquake, reports trickle out that poetic snaps of world’s most romantic surfer Jonah Hill kissing surf instructor girlfriend may actually be racy snaps of Malibu prince smooching “mystery brunette” instead!

Charles Baudelaire redux.

The ink is not yet dry on the most recent Prince of Malibu Jonah Hill story and not only because it was published less than thirty-minutes ago. Melted hearts and teardrops mingled to keep the page moist as it featured the most beautiful love poetry being made on the sand, Hill denying no public display of affection to his surf instructor longtime girlfriend Sarah Brady.

Men, worldwide, felt shame in their own romantic tendencies and began furiously flipping through yellow pages in order to find the nearest Edible Arrangements.

Well, as it turns out, Hill’s beautiful love poetry may have actually been racy naughtiness as The Daily Mail is the woman on the receiving smooch end is not, in fact Brady but a “mystery brunette.”

What?

I did my surf journalism and studied images of Brady and the “mystery brunette” side by side for minutes but could draw no firm conclusions. Brady may have dyed her hair darker or this might, in fact, be a brand new fling though suggesting that Hill has a definite “type” when it comes to his lady friends.

Hard to say.

Back to Edible Arrangements, though, will you cancel your order and go back to your old lazy ways or are you a man reborn?

Fruit like flowers except yucky.

Speaking of yucky flowers, have you ever read Les Fleurs du Mal?

Jonah Hill the new Charles Baudelaire?

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