Lord Byron redux.
Is there anything better than young-ish California love toward the end of summer? Those who are familiar with the Golden State will certainly agree that this time of year holds much magic. The water is warmer, sunsets more colorful, vibe just right. Tourists, for the most part, have gone home and a real sense of freedom reigns.
Freedom to hold hands whilst riding Disneyland rollercoasters, freedom to write sweet notes and leave them on windshields, freedom to smooch on the beach with not a care in the world.
The problem is, too many California men are frigid, forgetting to buy flowers, chocolates, publicly display affection with the ones they love. The same can be said, I suppose, for men worldwide but leave it to the globe’s most romantic surfer, Jonah Hill, to shame all by taking his surf instructor girlfriend on a Malibu walk and smothering her in sweetness.
While wearing, it appears, Birdwell Beach Britches in valentine red.
Oh you must examine the snaps here but Hill is, yet again, setting the bar very high for our kind. And, please be honest, when was the last time you did anything charming for the man or woman of your life and was it really charming?
Like, better than a gift certificate to TGI Fridays or half off a Thai massage from down the street.
Take in mind the Wolf of Wall Street star is writing physical sonnets while bravely refusing to work due the mental stress of talking to others.
Jonah Hill.
Surfing’s Lord Byron.
What is this crap? Who writes this? What the hell is all this puff fan man love crap? And you wonder why low t entitled gen whatever are in your line up. Amazing what color are Lairds underwear….does he wear any ? Beachgrit wants to know? Hill does not wrk because he made more money then most of you will by 30 ….not because he is brave…..brave is going to work everyday you have to in order to feed your family.
Chas, do you ever wonder if BG is the source of his crippling anxiety?
I like to give Joanna shit because his fame in movies is what makes him popular not his surfing or antics. Does he do anything positive for surfing or is he using it to stay viable? We’ve been kicked out of our beach communities by wealthy landlords. Some of us can’t even surf where we grew up because of parking fees and access issues. Joanna represents what we all fear, rich assholes taking over surfing. Even if he isn’t an asshole he’s an asshole gatekeeper. Opening the floodgates for shittyness.
His lady sure has a hairy arm. I mean. whatever. you know?
He is more of a man than me…I could never be with a girl taller than me.
You haven’t lived until your ass is full with a pair of big naturals resting on your shoulders.
I’d pay for a giant woman to rest her big naturals on my shoulders these days
Not in Scotland, Chas. At this time of year spirits are so high we’ve often been known to address our partners in a tone that might almost be regarded as slightly warm.
procal harem, then the turtles,,,AM radio/
I’m Chief Kamanawanalea!
JMD looks good with a beard, two thumbs up.
DR–you taking dating notes from Chas? Are Cali fornication methods transferable to Oz? Negs, thoughts?
Only if it involves fasters and bar b q sausage with vegimite.
Jonah doesn’t use nearly enough Sun In for his hair.
What if Jonah turns out to be a fun dude? Chick seems nice. Love the video (mostly the music) of him at bu… 88, that should be shaming enough. More people have watched his worst movie than have read Charlie’s entire collection of writing. He’s one of a thousand kooks in that lineup and I prefer them to be happy, content there.
Why not follow Conan’s progress with changin an election? How about a semi surf discussion about the final 5 bullshit contest? Why not reach out to JMD and allow her to hang herself over that decision? Or skewer ol Elo? What sex preference or identity is Elo? Oprah has a checkered hiring history in that regard and he seems to favor fantasy over reality? Why not interview someone about the bullshit revisionist history of the WSL editing G land contest that sucked? Has Cheyne and Kalani finally expanded that wedge to an actual wave? How is there NO INTERVIEW with any Chinese girlfriend waiting till medicare to get a ring? Maybe ring Lewis Samuels up and ask him why Karl VF has dropped the rankings ball? Where was JP during the HB contest of the year? How fun would it be to read Nega’s critique of the last contest since he is a head judge himself and would have beaten the Cowardly Lion in the elimination heat?! Gosh darn it, just have Bexy interview Ben.
I know, too surf. But there are stories unwritten and no one cares what Jonah is doing. No one. Hope he’s getting laid and tanning as I type.
You have suggested some excellent ideas for articles, Hip,
but…
WUT?!
REAL surf journalism on BG?
Pigs will fly before that happens. Or even less likely, Sam will come out of the closet as a hardcore WSL junkie.
He probably is a chill, fun dude. He’s got a sense of humor, probably loves weed and is not your typical Hollywood douchebag. BUT when you go full bore into a Matthew McConaughey caricature of a surf bro he deserves to be skewered. Even Jonah realizes that. He could have taken his millions and become a hard core philatelist but that would not entertain the 30 or so regular BG devotees.
So bugger all chance of an interview then, Chas ?
I’m still trying to find the map to the road of learning how to be funny.
Comedy is easy. Just stick to tried and true themes like: south Asians/Muslims owning 7-11s, East Asians and their driving prowess, white guys talk like this/black guys talk like this, anything having to do with Mexicans and pickup trucks or large families, gay men”s penchant for dressing well/being fit or something about Jewish mothers/grandmothers. That’s basically the history of American comedy from 1980-2010. You’ve got this!
Invite Jonah for a surf. Maybe he’s ready to surf Grandview St. (on a small day, at high tide)? Then, you two can share Avocado toast at Pannikin. After that… BFFs!
Exactly–call him and ask him for directions, and go from there.