Wright (pictured) in aftermath of shock loss.

Pipe Master and current world number seven Tyler Wright suffers shock loss in elimination round of Tahiti Pro thereby ending season in depressing fashion!

Much sad.

The Outerknown Tahiti Pro got started early this morning for the first time of the event window, the women paddling out into building swell under a grey sky that eventually gave way to rainbows. Not many barrels were ridden as most chose to “go to turns” for the score. Action saw Johanne Defay suffer defeat to local wildcard Vahine Fierro, Brisa Hennessy taking down Gabriela Bryan, Tati Weston-Webb barely surviving Isabella Nichols and, shock of all shocks, Tyler Wright falling to Lakey Peterson in the last heat.

The Pipe Master, and current world number seven, needed a win in order to, maybe, propel herself into the final five and had opportunities, late, but came up just shy after throwing a large backhanded hack near the barrel as time clicked down.

The season began with much promise for Wright and the months leading up to the start of the 2023 campaign may be filled with second-guessing. With sadness.

How do you feel?

Depressed not to see the two-time world champion knocked from contention?

Happy for Lakey Peterson, still in the hunt, and her coach Mike “Snips” Parsons?

Much to discuss.


Open Thread: Comment Live, Day Two of the Outerknown Tahiti Pro where brave surfers can avoid reality but not the consequences of avoiding reality!

Presented by contest holds.


Laird (pictured) showing off his beans.

Laird Hamilton receives unsolicited offer of whopping $3 (per share) for sweet cream from suited and booted banker sending self-esteem soaring!

Catcall.

Now, when was the last time you were unsolicited offered anything at all? Walking down the street and hearing cat call, co-worker telling you they like your blouse and would love to buy you a drink, having something slipped in that drink and waking up without memory in a roadside motel?

The age of the unsolicited offer seems like a bygone one and so you can imagine how thrilled Laird Hamilton felt when he was unsolicited offered $3 for his cream by a stogy banker named EF Hutton.

Now, $3 may seem low for one of the world’s greatest surfer’s eponymous Superfood but things have not been great for the business since it was established in 2015. Initially, Joe and Jane loved to spoon Laird into their morning coffee and, when it went public, the share price soared up near $50 per share.

Happy days with Hamilton the cock of the walk.

But then something happened, Joe and Jane found other turn ons and share price crumbled near junk level.

Sad days with Hamilton limp and blue.

But now, and per Business Wire:

Laird Superfood, Inc. (NYSE American: LSF) (“Laird Superfood” or “Company”) today confirmed that it has received an unsolicited offer from EF Hutton SPV I LLC to acquire all of the Company’s outstanding common stock for $3.00 per share in cash.

The Laird Superfood Board of Directors will carefully review the proposal and determine the course of action that it believes is in the best interests of the Company and all Laird Superfood shareholders. Laird Superfood shareholders do not need to take any action at this time.

Laird Superfood does not intend to further comment publicly on these matters unless it determines it is in the best interest of shareholders to do so.

Rumors swirling in chat rooms suggest that Laird wants $5 or $6 per share, feeling sassy with the newfound attention.

Well, we totally should have gamestonked.

Lost opportunity.


Courtney Conlogue aka Lil Tiger, is ready for anything! Let 'em loose, boss! | Photo: @wsl

Surf fans slam “sexist” decision to run historic first women’s heats at Teahupoo in sixteen years in surf deemed too poor for male competitors, “How can the WSL claim to promote gender equality while putting only women in these terrible conditions?”

"So disappointing. #wslmaledominance is grossssssss.”

An historic moment for women’s surfing today as the best in the world, including those storied multiple world champs Stephanie Gilmore, Tyler Wright and Carissa Moore, paddled out at Teahupoo for the first time in sixteen years. 

What should’ve been a day to celebrate was slammed by the WSL’s own fans as the women were forced to surf in waves so poor their male counterparts were given another day off as they wait for an upcoming epic swell. 

The fans railed,

“How come WSL claims to promote gender equality while putting only women to surf these terrible conditions? That’s disrespectful to women’s surfing.” 

“ALWAYS PUTTING THE GIRLS IN THE SMALLEST CONDITIONS. So disappointing . They deserve the best conditions. #wslmaledominance is grossssssss.”

“What a joke, why even show this? These girls shred in proper conditions. Not this.” 

“Gotta feels sorry for the women having to surf this shit.” 

“What an anti-climax after all the hype… yawn… turned it off and vacuumed the house instead.” 

“Disrespectful.”

“This is embarrassing.” 

“The WSL: hurry up and turn the women’s before the swell comes in.” 

“Waited sixteen years to send them out prior to the swell. A total setback joke.” 

“There were four proper waves in four hours of competition, your call today was a big LOL.” 

Even former title contender Julian Wilson couldn’t help ripping in, “Shortened field still can’t escape the poor conditions.” 

The event was scrapped for women in 2006 because the wave, which is shallow as hell and has nowhere to run if you don’t wanna get near the tube, was deemed too dangerous for the gals, a call that infuriated the then best female surfer in the world Layne Beachley. 

“There’s been a rumour going around that the girls all got together and decided they didn’t want to go there because we were too scared… That’s completely untrue,” Beachley told the Australian newspaper, The Sun-Herald at the time. “We’re extremely disappointed and incredibly frustrated.”

Four years earlier, she’d conducted her victory interview there as she stood in a pool of her own blood, feet, arm, back and legs covered in lacerations.

The tour leader at the mid-point in 2002, Melanie Redman-Carr, said, “It’s a pretty sexist decision. If the men can go there, why can’t we? They’re scared about one of us getting badly hurt and having all the bad publicity coming from that. Just going to Teahupoo has improved the standard of women’s surfing. They seem to think it’s too heavy and dangerous for us. We want to show that’s wrong, and we’ve been doing it. To lose Teahupoo – it’s just pointless.”

Critics will point to the fact that highly ranked tour surfers Megan Abubo and Lyn Mackenzie didn’t catch a wave in their Teahupoo heats although that criticism could also be levelled at the men given that the current world number one, Filipe Toledo, scored the lowest total in professional surfing history when he achieved a zero-heat point total at Teahupoo seven years ago. 

Even Gabriel Medina had to be coaxed into surfing the Box a few years back when the Margaret River Pro was moved there with the words, “You’re the world champ! You have to surf!”

More tomoz!


Swellnet (pictured) waiting for World Surf League call.

Question: In comical aftermath of Surfline’s “cartoonish” wave-height calls during Outerknown Tahiti Pro, will World Surf League turn to Swellnet as official forecast partner despite damning accusations of “creepy voyeurism?”

Out of frying pan into fire?

A dark cloud of deep shame and embarrassment has, officially, descended upon Surfline. The World Surf League’s “official forecasting partner” has been riding high-ish over the past two decades, transforming itself from a telephone call-in service to robust internet prognosticator to monopoly-adjacent beach video n advice one-stop-shop. To surf media powerhouse without peer.

Impressive.

Though the chicken, “the bigger they are, the harder they fall,” has come home to roost during the currently stillborn Outerknown Tahiti Pro.

Surfline opened its pre-event communiques traditionally, promising initial small swell quickly growing to five-to-seven feet then double-overhead+ toward the end of the waiting period.

Who was there to dispute?

Second largest forecasting site Magic Seaweed?

Surfline purchased in 2017 so no.

Panic may have clawed at current number one Filipe Toledo’s mind, making its way to his lion-adorned heart. Then again, Surfline has been known to exaggerate and Toledo has possibly slept easy, taking a well-advised wait and see approach to very scary, when medium sized, waves.

Well, with a complete and utter lack of swell bumping up against Teahupoo’s famed reef, Surfline has looked more and more foolish by the day. Comical, even, as the company’s senior forecaster lashed out at reality/BeachGrit, insisting that the waves are, in fact, robust and tricks/#fakenews is being utilized.

Cartoonish.

The World Surf League, clearly paying attention, has done its best to divert attention from the clown show with CEO Erik Logan prancing around onstage wearing the world’s largest lei, but inside the Santa Monica headquarters blood must be boiling.

Hot enough to drop Surfline?

Who would replace as “official forecasting partner?”

Early rumors suggest Swellnet may be a front-runner.

Even though the Australian site suffered an embarrassing slap, months ago, by being fingered an un-repentant voyeur by the government, could it be a better choice than buffoonish Surfline?

The Outerknown Tahiti Pro has just been called on.

Let’s see if Joe Turpel can single-voicedly alter reality.