World Surf League CEO Erik Logan (pictured) with paddle.
World Surf League CEO Erik Logan (pictured) with paddle.

Explosive controversy builds in wake of brutal lineup assault on surf champion Joel Tudor’s buttocks: “What did the stand-up paddler know and when did he know it?”

Was this a hit?

Earlier today, the surf universe was shocked to learn that champion longboarder Joel Tudor had been brutally assaulted at his home break. Surveillance video appears to show the Duct Tape Invitational creator and style master being repeatedly beat on his knees, torso and buttocks by an alleged out-of-control stand-up paddleboarder’s naughty paddle.

As surf violence is on the rise, initial response to the disturbing video centered on the viciousness the SUP pilot intended to mete out on Tudor’s buttocks but has since turned to questions of why.

Who would do such a thing?


Who would do such a thing?

Tudor had well-publicized beef with the World Surf League, earlier this year, wherein he called the home of professional surfing out for its performative equality and etc.

After a series of other hammers, the iconic longboarder and sitting world champion, was unceremoniously suspended, indefinitely.

Well, as it turns out, the World Surf League CEO is a notable SUP pilot and…

… oh stop. I am not presuming anything, here, just wondering.

Was this a hit?

Yacht surfing stud Dan Price (pictured by self). Courtesy: Facebook.
Yacht surfing stud Dan Price (pictured by self). Courtesy: Facebook.

“America’s best boss” and yacht surfing stud Dan Price brought low after allegations he grabbed woman by throat after she refused kiss, did parking lot “doughnuts” in his Tesla to teach her further lesson!

Minority Report.

Almost four years ago we learned, here, about the “best boss in America.” Dan Price achieved fame for slashing his own CEO pay in order to give the employees of his credit card company a $70,000 per year minimum wage. He was hailed as a wonderful example of modern corporate generosity and chill vibes.

Also a noted “yacht surfer.”

Well, it turns out that Price has been accused of sexual abuse and various other naughty bits of bad behavior. A damning New York Times feature paints an unflattering portrait of the man along with with a recent New York Post piece which declares:

Earlier this year, Seattle prosecutors charged Price with misdemeanor assault and reckless driving after he allegedly attempted to kiss the woman following a business meeting and then grabbed her by the throat when she rejected his advances.

After the alleged altercation, Price purportedly drove to a parking lot and performed “doughnuts” in his Tesla while she was still in the car, according to the Seattle Times. Price pleaded not guilty to the charge in May and has denied wrongdoing.

“Mr. Price respects the legal process and is confident that he will be vindicated in court,” an attorney for the executive told the outlet earlier this year.

Creepy, if true, but also look at his picture (above).

I think it could be argued that any man who appears like that should be preemptively locked up.

And/or any man that does parking lot doughnuts in a Tesla.

Plus yacht surfs.

Precrime like Minority Report.

And I hear you thinking, “First they came for the young, long-haired (heavily-conditioned) CEOs with veneer grins and a penchant for selfies and I did not speak out – because I wasn’t a young, long-haired (heavily-conditioned) CEO with veneer grin or a penchant for selfies.”

But seriously.

Tesla doughnuts.

SUP pilot (left) on knees attempting to spank Joel Tudor's buttocks.
SUP pilot (left) on knees attempting to spank Joel Tudor's buttocks.

Joel Tudor brutally assaulted in lineup as enraged stand-up paddleboarder appears to repeatedly swing deadly oar at surf champion’s torso, knees and buttocks!

"Summer in Cardiff is special."

Surf fans, near and far, woke up to shocking images, this morning, that appear to show Joel Tudor being brutally assaulted at his home break of Cardiff-by-the-Sea, California by a man riding a stand-up paddleboard. The apparent attack occurring during a recent small to average run of swell was all caught on camera.

Tudor can be seen taking off near the peak of a left that the SUP pilot must have considered a right. The multiple-time longboard champion gamely crosses over the SUP’s tail while its pilot appears to grow enraged, swinging his deadly paddle at Tudor before falling into the soup.

Not satisfied, he remounts his steed, getting to his knees, and paddles after Tudor as he is returning to the lineup, attempting to vigorously spank those offending buttocks.

Tudor simply captioned the post “Summer at Cardiff is special.”

The SUP pilot, unnamed, must be a brazen sort for Tudor is well-known to be highly trained in Brazilian jiu-jitsu. Do you think his mastery allowed him to resist the temptation for a choke out?

Do you recall when Bruce Lee declared, “You’re the one with the big mouth, and I would really enjoy closing it, especially in front of all my friends. But my hands are registered as lethal weapons. That means, we get into a fight, I accidentally kill you? I go to jail,” in Quentin Tarantino’s “Once Upon a Time in… Hollywood?”

A similar sentiment?

More as the story develops.

"Give us at least 80%!"
"Give us at least 80%!"

Protests erupt in street as premium surf magazine partners with canvas shoe juggernaut to turn back clock on equality, inviting only half the number of women as men to “reimagined” Pipeline Masters!

Putting the "master" back into Pipeline!

The World Surf League has been on a heavy, heavy equality push over the last handful of years and, whether you like it or not, somewhat admirably so. Attempting to level a playing field that has been tilted since forever. Women not getting a shot. Women being blamed for not getting a shot then not performing when bone is thrown or being thrown a fake bone that is called “real” (where WSL notably fails). Women asked to do better with a fraction of the resources to go, post up at critical waves, hire nutritionists, massage therapists, coaches, etc.

Vans, owned by VF and raking in one billion dollars year, has the extra scratch but seems to prefer posture and make-believe, performance, to actually making a difference.

In any case, and on the same theme, the canvas shoe juggernaut has partnered with premium surf magazine Stab in order to re-imagine the months-away Pipeline Masters. As you certainly recall, the world’s premier surf event is no longer part of the World Surf League. In some lofty wisdom, Pipeline now hosts the year’s first event though it is not the “masters,” rather the “pro,” with Lower Trestles becoming crown jewel.

New can be so wonderful and the new Pipeline Masters is set to be a progressive air show with new judging criteria, selection process, more locals, 40 men invited from across time, space, history and… only 20 women.


Not even the non-adjusted average female annual salary of around 80% the average male salary.

A very public and aggressive turning back of equality’s clock.

The definition of tokenization.

Protests erupting in streets.

But are you there holding a picket sign or simply excited for a re-imagined Master?

Biden government in Kelly Slater’s crosshairs after unvaccinated Novak Djokovic’s exclusion from US Open, “Is the US really still doing this? (Novak) you deserve better. Or you could just walk across the southern border. RIDICULOUS”

World’s greatest surfer gives hell to Dems on border security and vaccine mandates…

In a prolific twenty-four hours, Kelly Slater has opened multiple fronts on Instagram, lambasting not only beginner foil-boarders in Florida, but also his beloved Democrats’ policies on border security and vaccine mandates. 

Six days ago, the former world number one tennis player Novak Djokovic was forced to withdraw from the US Open due to travel restrictions into the US as a result of being unvaccinated against COVID-19.

“Novak is a great champion and it is very unfortunate that he will be unable to compete at the 2022 US Open, as he is unable to enter the country due to the federal government’s vaccination policy for non-U.S. citizens,” Stacey Allaster, the US Open tournament director, said in a statement. “We look forward to welcoming Novak back at the 2023 US Open.”

In a subsequent post to his millions of followers, Slater ran a screenshot of a @jerrynews story about Djokovic’s exclusion from the tournament with various comments pasted on the image, 


“Is the US really still doing this? @djokernole you deserve better. Or you could just walk across the southern border. RIDICULOUS”

In January, Slater waded into a similar fracas when Djokovic was booted out of Australia despite a vaccine-exemption. 

“Maybe Stockholm Syndrome can now change its name to Melbourne/Australia Syndrome,” Slater wrote. “It’s sad to see the celebrated division by the “virtuous” vaccinated. If you’re vaccinated why are you concerned/worried about anyone else’s status… unless, of course, it doesn’t protect you? Or you’re scared you’ll catch it or upset you had to take the risk of vaccination yourself? So much brainwashed hatred in people’s hearts regardless of vax status.”

When readers argued against his case, Slater was quick to push the blade home, demonstrating a broad knowledge of the disease and the hastily produced vaccine, a sample of ’em below.