In move certain to re-snare surf champion Kelly Slater’s sustainable heart, Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bündchen sages her car to rid bad Tom Brady juju!

Sleepless nights!

Surf fans, already whipped into an obscene frenzy over Gisele Bünchen and Tom Brady’s sudden split, could not believe the news, this morning, that the Brazilian supermodel very publicly took a wad of sage out to her car in order, presumably, rid the ride of the star quarterback’s bad juju.

Those who are aware of sage’s mystical properties know that its burning has purifying, restorative effects. More to our point, though, the move might also have been a smoke signal, as it were, to the greatest surfer of all-time Kelly Slater.

Slater and Bündchen famously dated across 2005 and 2006, those years, maybe not coincidentally, being two of eleven championship seasons for the Boy from Cocoa Beach.

A lost day and age when surfers dated stars. When our kind was embodied by pure gorgeous as opposed to adult-learning flubber.

Might we be back, though?

As it happens, Sage Erickson is an ambassador for Kelly Slater’s Outerknown, a company that prides itself on renewability etc. The right way to live. Etc.

Per Vogue:

Last year, sustainable men’s label Outerknown debuted its first women’s collection with a unique campaign. Founder and 11-time world champion surfer Kelly Slater certainly could have asked a few of his athlete or celebrity friends to participate, but instead, he cast a trio of activists working in climate change and sustainability. To the average Instagram user, they probably weren’t familiar, but the women Outerknown hoped to engage likely already followed them. It was an early example of how a brand can align its vision, mission, and marketing in a truly authentic way.

Burning sage.

Oh not “burning” in our parlance but restorative, spiritual, healthy burning. Exactly like surf fans, everywhere, are burning candles down to nubs for a Slater-Bündchen reunion.

Sleepless nights.

Astounding health benefits of surfing revealed in New York Times feature aimed at inspiring the millions upon millions of recent converts!

Listen to Dr. Newcomer!

Let us be altogether honest with each other. When you picked up surfing, all those years ago, health and wellness were, likely, not your top priorities. Rock n’ roll, boozy nonsense and shredddding, maybe, topped the list but you, sir, are an ugly dinosaur. A relic of a monolithic past that has been shattered by an unprecedented spike in participation amongst those who once felt locked out of the insular life.

But did you know many of these freshies come to both feel and be better?

It’s true and the august New York Times has just revealed how good surfing can be for the mind, body and soul.

Shall we?

Surfing is an outstanding cardiovascular and strength-building sport. It delivers bursts of extreme anaerobic exercise followed by a recovery stage, similar to high-intensity interval training, said Sean C. Newcomer, department chair of kinesiology at California State University San Marcos.

“What most surfers realize, and the general population probably doesn’t realize, is the vast majority of the time in the water is spent either paddling or stationary — a small fraction of the time (between 2 to 5 percent) is spent wave riding,” Dr. Newcomer said.

Surfers spend 40 to 60 percent of their time either endurance paddling to get to the lineup, where waves start breaking and surfers wait to catch them, or sprint paddling to catch waves — both of which strengthen muscles in the back, shoulders, chest and neck, Dr. Newcomer said.

There is some evidence that surfing can lead to better coordination later in life. One small study found that people between the ages of 57 and 64 who had surfed for several years had better balance and stronger posture than non-surfers their age.

Dr. Newcomer.

Hee hee.

Little Kalani meets hero Kelly Slater. "He was one of the most talented surfer/skaters on earth," said Slater.

Mother and father of Hawaiian surf-skate prodigy Kalani David locked in courtroom battle over destination of son’s remains as sister describes harrowing attempt to save her little brother, “I was right there, I gave him CPR. Like, I really tried”

"I really love him. He had a big heart and he never liked to see people cry and I just want to bring him to his home in Hawaii."

Barely had news broke of the Hawaiian surf and skate prodigy Kalani David’s death of a massive seizure while surfing in Costa Rica on September 17 when the family’s troubled core was laid bare. 

Kalani’s daddy David and his wife Andrea set up a crowdfunding account to raise the cash to bring their kid’s remains to Florida, chasing thirty-four k. 

David told me he wanted to get him to Florida so he could be buried next to his beloved grandfather. When he was little, David says, Kalani had nightmares of his body being burned into ashes.

David promised him that’d never happen. 

“I don’t want my son in a jar or spread on the water, as I would see fit for myself. I want to give him a place you can go see him and know he is listening when you share your feelings with him.”

Controversy built when many close to Kalani questioned the GoFundMe account.

Zoë McDougall, North Shore surfer and friend, posted that the GoFundMe was a “scam” and that a private fundraiser would be held.

Anthony Sherman of Ant Boards declared, “It’s a scam by his dad. Do not donate.”


(There is no suggestion by BeachGrit that the GoFundMe sponsored by Kalani’s Dad is anything but legit.)

Now, Kalani’s Costa Rican mother Maureen Barrientos, who was sixteen when she gave birth, and David David are locked in a courtroom battle over the final destination of their son’s remains.

Barrientos says Hawaii; David wants Florida. 

“For me he was everything. My little boy. I reconnected with him when he was 17. I was really happy,” Barrientos told Kitv. “I really love him. He had a big heart and he never liked to see people cry and I just want to bring him to his home in Hawaii.”

Former girlfriend Natalie Keali’inohomoku said, “Everyone knows in this world that Kalani loved the ocean, that’s where I know his heart and soul should rest and be celebrated is back home in Hawaii.” 

Kalani’s sister Rachel Feeney Zamora was in the water when he suffered the fatal seizure. 

 “For everybody he was like a world champion and great surfer, for me he was just my little brother,” she said. “I was right there, I gave him CPR. Like I really tried. I just want to bring him to his home where he belongs. All this family problems we’re having right now we had it before when he was younger so he was always trying to find peace within us.”

Whatever the outcome of the court case, one thing remains, surfing lost one of its wildest talents.

From Kelly Slater,

“Kalani was one of the most talented surfer/skaters ever on earth.”

And from friend and WCT stand-out Seth Moniz,

“He was literally the best surfer and skater of our generation,” WCT stand-out Seth Moniz said. “Not just that but him as like a friend was even better. Like that’s what made him Kalani David. The guy would literally give his shirt off his back to anyone that needed it. Just an incredible human and friend.”

Flecky and Danny Kwock with Allan Sarlo and his Benz soaking up the background, 54th St, Newport, circa eighties. | Photo: Gomery

Californian surf pioneer and founder of wild sunglass start-up famous for “lurid marketing campaigns, including parties of Caligula-like decadence”, dead, aged sixty-nine

"A life lived well by any measure."

Early reports have it that the Southern California surfer and businessman, Dan Flecky, has passed. A stroke was listed as the cause of death.

Dan Flecky hadn’t surfed much of late, like many of us, and had actually moved to the landlocked state of Missouri a few years ago. His social accounts were mostly full of the country life on the Lake of the Ozarks.

He actually appeared to be very happy.

Let’s talk about some earlier days.

Straight up, when Dan paddled out, during his prime, he fucking ripped.

But, he also kept up a very appropriate underground vibe during those creepy early days of the mid 70’s. He eventually became one of So Cal’s established ‘pros’ and was featured in considerable advertising as well as editorial coverage in the surf rags of the time. His unique 50/50 board color scheme becoming his trademark.

Solid in Hawaii, good sponsors, seamless jump back and forth from HB to Newps (Which he did often and what was not an easy task), he was an early inspiration to many of us groms. In retrospect, Dan almost single-handedly filled the weird gap in Southern California surfing that almost went silent once the Mike Purpus show faded, and then reemerged almost a decade later with the Echo Beach scene and other pockets of progression up and down the coast.

Dan not only made the jump, but was right amongst it with the slightly younger Newport crew that had begun re-imagining surfing during that period.

As one of Peter Schroff’s early muses, Dan helped push Pete’s experimental equipment and should be noted as a key player who bridged surfing from the soul of the early 70’s to something more futuristic well into the 80’s.

As the pro surfer thing began to fade, Dan opened a low-key but important silkscreen business located right at ground zero of the nascent surf industry in Costa Mesa. He was, literally and figuratively, very well positioned as many of his customers were some of the same small start-ups that eventually turned into surfing’s biggest brands. Quik, Billabong, Maui and Sons, and many, many more, all used Dan as an important supply chain partner during this time.

Shortly after, he and his partner Jack Martinez launched the notorious but very successful Black Flys eyewear line. If there was a company having more fun during the early 90’s, I must have missed something.

From Warshaw’s Encyclopaedia of Surfing, 

“(It) soon earned a reputation for its lurid marketing campaigns, including parties of Caligula-like decadence, a promo video called Rat F@#ed, and an ad blitz featuring large-breasted strippers wearing nothing but strategically placed Black Flys stickers. In 1996, the company did $10 million in sales.”

However, as priorities changed, Dan check out to Missouri but was still the same dry, sarcastic, smart-ass we knew him for on his socials. He loved him some Facebook.

We’ll miss you brother, but congrats on a life well lived, by any measure.

Safe travels Dan.

Slater (pictured) born ready.
Slater (pictured) born ready.

“Sexless marriage” cited as reason for Tom Brady, Gisele Bündchen split driving surf fans into obscene frenzy over possible reunion between Brazilian supermodel and one-time flame Kelly Slater!

Surf stud.

A bombshell exploded, this morning, in the scintillating though sad story of Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bündchen and the greatest football player of all-time Tom Brady each hiring divorce lawyers. Radar magazine is reporting the reason for the split is that the “marriage has gone cold as ice,” according to an NFL insider close to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ starting quarterback. “Gisele is a Brazilian supermodel with a super sex drive and she’s told her friends she needs more from her all-American husband.”

Brady, you see, appears to be one of those sorts of sportsmen who believes that love making, before partaking in an athletic feat, diminishes… virility when pushing against other men, I suppose.

The actor Dax Shepard asked Brady directly about sex before sport on a podcast, once, Brady demurring before offering, “That wouldn’t be my pregame warm-up.”

The news sent surf fans, already sitting by lit candles, into an obscene frenzy.

Bündchen and the greatest surfer of all-time, one Kelly Slater, you see, were involved with each other, romantically, in 2005 and 2006. Two years when Slater, maybe not coincidentally, won world titles. As everyone but World Surf League CEO Erik Logan knows, surfing is not, in fact, a sport so unaffected by a little night music.

Now, Slater is currently in a committed relationship but Ben Affleck was in one with Ana de Armas and Jennifer Lopez was in one with Alex Rodriguez before they reunited in a flurry of marriages.

Mt. Power Couple.