Spilled ink.

There have been, throughout our time, a very few proper surf heroes in movies. One handful. Vince, from North Shore, might be considered. Jan-Michael Vincent, from Big Wednesday, too. In God’s Hands’ Shane Dorian for those smoldering good looks and possibly Kate Bosworth from Blue Crush but that is it, that is all, save the best of all.

Keanu Reeves in Point Break.

Johnny Utah, as he was then called, was perfect inspiration. A football gunslinger turned FBI hotshot turned surfer who discovered the true meaning of stoke etc. learning at the feet of Patrick Swayze’s Bodhi.

Reeves’ laconic drawl, his slow eyes and languid movement were perfection and have aged like fine meatball sandwiches though, apparently, our champion is not appreciated by all.

Friends’ star Matthew Perry, for instance, was not and is not impressed. In a forthcoming memoir, Perry, without prompting, wondered, “Why is it that the original thinkers like River Phoenix and Heath Ledger die, but Keanu Reeves still walks among us?”

Ouch.

Though the actor who played Chandler Bing later apologized, declaring, “I’m actually a big fan of Keanu. I just chose a random name, my mistake. I apologize. I should have used my own name instead,” the ink has already been spilled, printed, published, out soon.

Who among us has not written things in hardback that were later regretted though?

Certainly not me.

Buy here, here, here and here.

Environment first.

But let’s stop being polite and start getting real. Where are you, currently, on the issue of electric vehicles? Do you drive, or dream, in Tesla? A car that you could use to whip across town, shaming your greenhouse gas spewing counterparts while also taking them off the line? Maybe a more luxurious Lucid Air? Swedish Polestar? Or do you just scoff at the hole thing, telling your electric vehicle driving friends that they are not, in fact, saving the environment but simply passing their gross onto coal powered plants that hurt the air of working class families?

Well, wherever you find yourself, surfing’s Jonah Hill has just made a bold statement rolling himself to the beach for a recent surf in a army green 2022 Rivian R1T electric truck. When he last saw the heir to Miki Dora’s Malibu throne he was just up the street, in Ventura, having driven himself there in a Mercedes 4×4 Sprinter that had been retrofitted into “Beast Mode.”

The Daily Mail described it thusly:

The luxury camper van is fully decked out with mod-cons that include a two-person bed, tons of storage space, a shower, fridge and microwave.

It also is also equipped with a state of the art AC and heating system and gets its power from solar panels that are mounted on the roof.

Rough estimates suggest the vehicle gets somewhere around 14 miles per gallon.

Carbon belching.

Hill, anyhow, stood chatting with a pal by his new Rivian, which retails near $90,000, wearing loose-fit cuffed blue jeans, a black tee-shirt and green loafers. He also had a bubble-wrapped longboard and, apparently, another longboard in the bed. You must take the whole scene in here and rate it on a scale of 1 – 10.

It must also be noted that he was without female companionship.

Electric boogaloo.

Bite me.

But when was the last time Santa Barbara County had this much heat? That sleepy chunk of California coast, home to a handful of fickle when not unfortunate waves, is typically happy to remain under the radar, as it were, housing the rich and famous whilst, at the same time, avoiding various spotlights.

Alas, in the past few years, Prince Harry of England and his wife Meghan Sussex née Markle had moved into town followed, just yesterday, by American royalty Travis Barker and his bride Kourtney Kardashian. While the notably camera-averse Dane Reynolds may be sad with that glamorous shine, he is certainly sadder with the re-introduction of Tough Guy.

The alleged surfer-killing great white shark had been absent for a hot minute but not hot enough.

Per USA Today:

A tagged great white shark nicknamed Tough Guy has been tracked to an area where at least three attacks on surfers have occurred since 2010.

The male shark, which measured 12 feet when he was tagged in November 2021, pinged this week off Minuteman Beach, 20 miles north of Surf Beach.

Both are on Vandenberg Air Force Base, north of Santa Barbara. Both are open to the public.

Fatal shark attacks occurred at Surf Beach almost exactly two years apart in October 2010 and 2012. A nonfatal bite, also attributed to a white shark, occurred in the same area in 2014.

Yikes.

Getting down to brass tacks, though, would you prefer Tough Guy or Kardashian in your neighborhood?

What if Kardashian was combo’d with Travis Barker?

Think hard before answering.