Surfline Man can see it now! Rocking up to Pipeline with a boardbag full of freshies — for sure, he would be getting free boards, due to his new, important role! Surfline Man could get so barrelled in the real ocean! Of course he would have to learn how to get barrelled backside, but he’s confident he could definitely do it.

Surfline Man buys a World Surf League, “He’ll learn so much hanging out with all his new pro surfer friends. They’ll be BFF’s in no time at all!”

Surfline Man feels so certain all the pro surfers would love him and help him learn to surf better. It would all be so educational.

Since we last saw him getting totally barreled at Surf Ranch, things have been going so well for Surfline Man.

Just last week, he scored such an awesome session right here in Cardiff. He didn’t even have to drive around in the Sprinter looking at like, ten different spots. It was just right there in front of him. Truly the best day ever!

Better yet, Surfline Man found an even better coffee shop than the Pannikin. The coffee is so good here! The wifi is so screaming fast, and he has the perfect view of the surf.

Surfline Man is so totally living the dream. All his chakras are perfectly aligned.

Right now, he’s sitting in his favorite new coffee shop, laptop open, working. Trey asked him to do some contract tech stuff, and although Surfline Man is totally over capitalism, he figured it was a good idea to stay in the game.

Maybe an awesome opportunity will come his way!

If he’s honest, Surfline Man is really just hoping Trey will invite him to Surf Ranch again someday. It was so fun getting super barrelled! Surfline Man wants to get barrelled again so bad. Next time, he’s totally going left.

Writing a little code here and there is worth it. Just sitting here, tapping out some code, drinking a matcha latte, it’s so relaxing! Surfline Man feels so zen right now. Chakras, baby!

Surfline Man hears his phone buzz. New text. He huffs a little at the interruption, but it could be important. It could be a surf trip or something awesome! Surfline Man sets aside his super perfect code, and picks up his phone.

Oh. It’s Trey. Surfline Man opens his phone and begins to read. As usual, it is a lot. Trey loves to text so much.

Trent! Buddy! How are things?
Getting some waves, I hope!
Loved seeing you rip at Surf Ranch
That was such a good time!

Some investor buddies of mine and I
are putting together a deal and
we want to bring you in on it
It’s such a perfect fit for you!

Surfline Man has never really been brought in on a deal before now. This sounds exciting and important!

There’s just one problem. Surfline Man does have some money, but not like, invest in crazy deals money. Hey Trey, not everyone gets the sweet equity! Surfline Man rolls his eyes, and continues to read.

We’re taking a hard look
at buying the World Surf League
In fact, we’re pretty sure we can do it

We want you to join us!
We feel like you will bring some
much-needed authenticity to our group
What do you think?

Surfline Man feels so light-headed right now. He has to set down his phone.

Buy the World Surf League! Trey called him authentic! Surfline Man has so many feelings. It’s all so overwhelming.

Here he is, just sitting in his favorite coffee shop, looking out at the ocean, writing some code. Then, bam! This whole thing comes crashing into his life, like a car crashing into a building or some other big, loud thing.

One day, you wake up and everything changes. Surfline Man, an authentic surfer! He can’t even believe it.

hey trey
definitely interested
i don’t have a ton of assets available
don’t know how much i need?
appreciate the invite, for sure

So good to hear back from you, Trent
Yah, we should be alright on the money side
Got some high-rollers interested ha ha
If you can put up $50k it should be a-okay

I need to know if you’re in ASAP
Big investor call at noon tomorrow!
Hope you can join us!
Barrels at Surf Ranch every weekend!

Surfline Man sets down his phone, and takes a sip of water from his shiny new Yeti water bottle. So lightweight! Totally shatter-free!

Then he leans back in his chair, and stares at the horizon. He could be an owner of the World Surf League! Surfline Man tries to imagine his exciting, new life. He would definitely have to travel around the world to all the events. No question.

Surfline Man can see it now! Rocking up to Pipeline with a boardbag full of freshies — for sure, he would be getting free boards, due to his new, important role! Surfline Man could get so barrelled in the real ocean! Of course he would have to learn how to get barrelled backside, but he’s confident he could definitely do it.

Anyway, Surfline Man can’t be bothered with details just now. There are just so many possibilities! He could expand his horizons so far beyond Cardiff. Surfline Man only thought he was living the dream. Now he can do it for real!

For sure, Surfline Man would learn so much hanging out with all his new pro surfer friends. They would be BFF’s in no time at all.

Maybe he could finally master that awesome cutback he’s been working on for so long. Surfline Man feels so certain all the pro surfers would love him and help him learn to surf better. It would all be so educational.

All Surfline Man has to do is pay out $50k. His college education cost more than that, and really, he’s not sure it got him that far. He could be surf industry elite! Surfline Man can’t imagine a better use of his money. It will all be so, so worth it.

Surfline Man returns to the present. Here he is, sitting in Cardiff at his favorite coffee shop, writing some code. But he could be somewhere else entirely. It is all so seductive.

Surfline Man picks up his phone. He has no doubts now. He should totally do it. Sure, Trey is an asshole who laughed at Surfline Man when he sprained his ankle at the Elevate! company dodgeball game.

But if Surfline Man owned even a tiny portion of the World Surf League, he could travel the world and get so good at surfing. Surfline Man definitely can’t rest until he is the best surfer he can possibly be. It’s his only goal!

hey trey
sounds cool
i’m so in

Surfline Man debates whether he should sign off with a shaka, but that might be pushing it. It feels far better to play it cool. Surfline Man’s brand is totally authenticity, and he’s pretty sure a real surfer would never sign a text with a shaka. As he hits send, Surfline Man can’t resist saying it, though. Shakas, bro!

Awesome, dude!
I am so happy to have you on the team!
Looking forward to living the dream
It’s going to be so insane

I’ve come up with the perfect role for you
You’re such the real surfer!
We’re going to make you the
Ambassador of Stoke!

World Surf League CEO Erik Logan takes claiming to heretofore unforeseen level; tosses “double deuces” when not quite barreled at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch!

Sliding into your heart.

“Claims” have long been a divisive issue amongst fans of professional surfing. Should one of our heroes pump arms, wag tongues, throw heads back after an exceptional ride? Moreover, should they after an unexceptional one? Likely not, ever, but the debate continues to rage.


All can agree that World Surf League Erik Logan’s “double deuces” whilst not barreled at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch goes well over the line.

Or does it?

Fans appear divided.

Or maybe not.

Only “fire” emojis and “raised hands” emojis in the comments once he posted the clip of himself to his own Instagram account.

No negative.

David Lee Scales and I, anyhow, discussed the double d, the power of surf films, Dennis Jarvis’s genius and much, much more during our weekly chat. This super pod touches two hours in length and each minute is worth its weight in minutes.

Enjoy here.

Kelly Slater (pictured) hiding assets.
Kelly Slater (pictured) hiding assets.

Surf fans wring hands in worry over Kelly Slater’s financial health after surf great, onetime flame Gisele Bündchen, her ex-Tom Brady, Larry David exposed in cryptocurrency exchange collapse!

Candle, please.

Things were going so wonderfully well for surf fans and their dreamed of reunion between Kelly Slater and Gisele Bündchen. The ink dried, almost instantly, on the Brazilian supermodel and her ex-husband, Tom Brady’s, divorce papers. She moved herself to Costa Rica, very near the ayahuasca retreat center where the world’s greatest surfer just so happens to sit on the board, and an announcement of conscious re-coupling seemed but days away.

Until, that is, cryptocurrency exchange FTX collapsed earlier this month.

Founded by Sam Bankman-Fried three years ago, the exchange promised to be the place that cryptocurrencies would be bought and sold. The future experienced in real time. No pesky “government printed dollar bills” getting in the way. Bright skies. Big horizons. Pure non-fungibility.

Megastars, including Larry David, Tom Brady, his ex-wife Bündchen were quick to sign on, invest, make beautiful commercials together.

But then came the crash.

Per CBS Sports:

The cryptocurrency market was rocked Friday by the collapse of FTX, which filed for bankruptcy and saw CEO Sam Bankman-Fried resign after his assets plummeted in worth from $16 billion at the beginning of the week to virtually nothing. The fall of FTX, which had been hailed as a trusted crypto platform, is set to have major consequences for its investors, several of whom are major figures on the field and in the business of sports.

One such prominent investor is Tom Brady.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers QB and his now ex-wife Gisele Bundchen are among the celebrity investors in FTX, as the two were announced as having taken major equity stakes in the company in 2021. He has served as a brand ambassador for the company and starred in its commercials, receiving cryptocurrency in return, while Bundchen was named the company’s environmental and social initiatives adviser.

Brady and FTX’s other major investors have now likely lost most if not all of their stake in the company, particularly after a deal for cryptocurrency giant Binance to rescue FTX fell through after a review of the company’s finances.


And it might be thought, amongst polite society, that Slater was spared the fall and would have plenty of reserves to sweep Bündchen out of financial despair.

Alas, surf fans know that our hero is a “diamond handed” crypto holder, extolling various tokens, going to war with Elon Musk over strategies.

Certainly, currently, taking a complete bath.

But silver lining?

Slater and Bündchen able to commiserate over losses?

A fun little competition of whose hands are diamonder?

Inexpensive camping trips and a re-connection with simpler times?


Candle, please.

World Surf League Global Chief Revenue Officer responds to news of Netflix’s stymied purchase with ultra-cryptic tweet: “(coy winking emoji) #surfsUP!”

Much mystery.

Days ago, an earthquake rumbled across the surfing landscape when it was revealed that real company Netflix had considered purchasing our World Surf League in whole. Per reporting in the Wall Street Journal:

The company recently bid for the streaming rights for the ATP tennis tour for some European countries, including France and the U.K., but dropped out, one of the people said. It also discussed bidding for a series of other events including U.K. rights to the Women’s Tennis Association and cycling competitions, the people said. The company late last year was in talks to buy the World Surf League, but negotiations fell apart because the two organizations couldn’t reach an agreement on a price, people familiar with the potential deal said. Some Netflix executives believe that given the size of its platform, Netflix could turn lesser-known sports like surfing into big franchises, and create new sporting tournaments or events, the people said.

So many questions, including what the difference on price between the World Surf League and Netflix was, how radically the streaming giant would alter the tour, what would happen to CEO Erik Logan.

Things have only gotten murkier since in the wake of an ultra-cryptic tweet from Chief Revenue Officer Cherie R. Cohen.

Cohen, whose preferred pronouns are she/her, was responding to another tweet from a Media Universe Cartographer referencing the Journal piece and reading:

BREAKING: The least surprising sports news of 2022. As I’ve pointed out many times: Of all major streamers, Netflix is the only one without sports. Their interest in #sports and their newly launched ad biz coinciding, is not coincidental.

She/her return?

A coy winking emoji plus the hashtag #surfsUP.

What could this possibly mean?

Another buyer in the wings?

Deal not dead?

Double deuces.

In miracle for impatient butt n boob connoisseurs, Surfer (The Girl) contest featuring scantily clad women who don’t surf winner announced!

Tyler Wright not saying anything. Busy reading ocean.

Surfer (The Girl). An event riding the coat tails of the once great Surfer magazine. Loosely formatted like a traditional Beauty Pageant, a selection of 18-25’s are judged and ranked online by their physical attributes whilst wearing bikinis.

Cheeks out, coy knowing smirks to camera.

Slightly more classy than the wet t-shirt bikini contests of the 80’s but nonetheless a return to a more simpler time pre 2000’s when Women left the adverts of Surfing magazines, ventured to a beach near you to walk half naked on poorly made stages. Men leering and cheering. Pro-surfers whacking three to the beach in the background, watched only by half the judging panel.

It was hard graft scrolling though bikini shots on Instagram but the search for truth and justice in this case transcended the grind.

And It would seem the winner of Surfer (The Girl) was crowned back in June.

Should we blame more shoddy surf journalism and a certain surf media outlet that has been accused of laziness in recent times for not picking up on this?


Or is it another example of just how capable the surf industry is of putting the blinders on unsuspecting doe-eyed surf journalists, numbed to controversy and criticism of their keepers after decades of boozy lunches and back slapping from low-tiered industry bottom feeders wielding company credit cards.

Rip Curl obviously under instruction from its first Woman CEO Brooke Farris has distanced itself from any ties to this brand smearing, cheap tit and arse fest and buried its association to the event into the darkest recesses of the internet.

One can only assume in the aftermath, a series of boardroom meetings were held.

Much finger pointing.


Deep shameful sighs and ultimately… stoic self-reflection and a steadfast new direction for the brand.

Team Rip Curl jumped straight into damage control with a new series of positive, socially aware, feel good stories on its website.

Learning to read the ocean with Tyler Wright.

Offsetting carbon emissions through community and Country.

My personal favourite “Riding the wave of motherhood” featuring Team Rider Rosy Hodge, one of Rip Curls many strong female role models wearing stunningly practical, body positive swim attire, far removed from the tawdry promotional shots from Surfer (the Girl).


What do you have to say to other women who want to surf whilst pregnant?

“If you feel comfortable doing it, then go for it! Listening to your body is the key. I learned so much about my body and myself by staying in the water. There are opinions and arguments against surfing while pregnant, but I think ultimately, it’s your decision and it’s about what you are comfortable with. My advice is to get a board with lots of volume that you can still have complete control over and just keep it mellow.”

Rip Curl quick to distance itself from any form of controversy after its last minute withdrawal of its substantial $500 gift card to the second place getter at the recent Surfer (The Girl} Bikini focused beauty pangent was very mindful to its readership of prepubescent grommets considering having children to seek professional medical advice.

“We would like to note that what works for one person may not be right for another and that this interview contains one person’s personal view. It is not medical advice. For this reason, it is important to speak with your doctor and seek professional medical advice before deciding to surf while pregnant or after childbirth”

Another story celebrates Rip Curls 30% improvement on its 2021 result in the Ethical Fashion report released by the Baptist World Aid

Kate Miller, Rip Curl’s Social Impact Specialist, says that:

The result reflects the significant investment the brand is making in transforming its business culture to a purpose-driven model. It also highlights a broader shift from a top-down approach to ethical sourcing, to knowing and collaborating with suppliers to drive positive social and environmental performance.

I was unable to find a statement from Rip Curls Social Impact Specialist about its involvement with the Surfer (The Girl) but must assume it’s still being carefully drafted.

Oh, and congratulaions of course to the winner of Surfer (The Girl) 2022 Ashlund Gardner!