Full sexual freedom returns to Bali!

In a wild ol switcharoo, the governor of Bali, has exempted tourists from Indonesia’s puritanical new sex laws. 

Last week, you’ll remember, Indonesia passed sweeping legislation that approved jail terms for up to one year if an unmarried person’s sexual energy became such you had no choice but to come, full blast, into a woman, man or beast.

Live together, unwed, and you’re behind bars for six months. 

Adultery has long been illegal, of course, in sunni Muslim Indonesia. In the more progressive provinces of northern Sumatra, lashings are common for adulterers and homosexuals.

Pointedly, no exemptions. 

“The new code, which also applies to foreign residents and tourists, bans cohabitation before marriage, apostasy, and provides punishments for insulting the president or expressing views counter to the national ideology.”

Now, following fears a significant percentage of the sixteen million tourists that visit Bali each year would go elsewhere, the island’s Governor  Wayan Koster has taken the extraordinary step of announcing local authorities would not be breaking down the doors of hotel rooms, demanding wedding certificates and so forth. 

“Bali is Bali as usual, which is comfortable and safe to be visited,” Koster said. “There will be no checks on marital status upon check-in at any tourism accommodation … nor inspections by public officials or community groups.”

Koster, aware or not of the glorious double entendre, added, ““I want to emphasise… please come… you will not be charged!”

"Brain injuries are traumatic. A lot of things were off."

The Eddie Aikau-invitee Kohl Christenen, as famous for his off-the-grid lifestyle as his big-wave wrangling, has made a triumphant return to the Pipe arena, lacing a bomb set at the world’s most dangerous wave three years after suffering a brain injury that nearly ended his career.

On New Year’s Eve in 2019, Christensen, who is forty-five and stands six-five in heels, was belted by his surfboard while surfing twelve-to-fifteen-foot Pipe.

Fractured skull, a little bleeding on the brain, ear drum blown to the heavens.

Jamie O’Brien, the carrot-topped vlogger who grew up at Pipe and whose house is directly behind the famous Lopez mansion, saw the whole thing from his upstairs perch.

“He was on this second reef double-up roll-in and he was trimming and the wave before had some turbulence in front of it and he went over the turbulence and then he skipped out.”

Jamie didn’t think much of it.

“Kohl’s a great surfer, he knows what he’s doing. He’s the kinda guy you don’t see until it’s bigger than ten feet.”

Pretty standard sorta wipeout at a wave given to sudden flourishes of unpredictable violence more than most.

“And then he popped up, it took a while, and I was, like, something’s wrong. He was looking the wrong way and the lip of an eight-foot wave was landing on him. His board was sideways and he was right behind the board. From my point of view it looked the lip launched the board straight into his head and knocked him out. I’m not sure if he broke his eardrum first and that was why he was out of it.”

Dressed in baggy sweat shorts, Jamie tightened up the legs, grabbed an eight-foot soft-top and ran down the beach. He thought, ‘Ok, I need to act right now.’

A life or death moment.

“I saw his board tombstoning right when I got to the beach. The jetski was already on him, Makua Rothman was already swimming out. It was super gnarly. I knew there was nothing I could do. He was in good hands. It was lucky help was there faster than I was. I was trying my best.”

At the hozzy, Kohl had his head sawed open, and brain tweaked back into biz.

Wild, yeah?

It was enough to give Kohl pause about whether or not he wanted to keep chasing big waves.

Until Pipe lit up last week.

“I didn’t know if I would ever surf again,” Kohl posted on his IG account @deepeatersurf , alongside a sequence of an epic Pipe cave. “Brain injuries are traumatic. A lot of things were off. I still remember my first wave months into recovery, a simple slide over crystal clear water on a longboard. That sweet flying sensation conjuring memories of my first surf’s as a youth. I can do this again… Now, surfing more and happier than ever, except… somewhere back there, haunting and challenging me has been Pipeline… I’ve been a few times since without connecting. Minutes into my first session back I witnessed Mikey Redd’s accident. Dejavú all over again.

“Do I really need to be back out here? Two beautiful daughters and a loving wife. Does that glorious glide through her aquatic cavern outweigh the risk?

“I can’t answer that, but something pulled me out there this last swell. As I waited a backlight silhouette 20 yards away waved to me. I instinctually returned the wave without knowing who it was but as he turned, the sun lit his face. Andrew Logreco the life guard that saved me nearly three years prior. He waved again and as he did the swell line stretched out towards where I was sitting. A gift from both him , the Ocean and of course Pipeline. I can’t put in words the emotions.

“And of course, as I kicked out of the wave, donning Biff’s old helmet my buddy Daniel Russowas there to capture the moment. Giddyup…”

A surf industry bloodbath!

Just slipped onto my desk is more news from the imminent takeover of those once iconic surf brands, Billabong, Quiksilver and RVCA. 

For those who came into surf in the past few years it might be hard to comprehend, even to frame in some sort of conceptual framework, but there was a time when Quiksilver, Billabong and Hurley were the archest of rivals, each brand pushing each other to build the best surf team, host the best surf event, dazzle with latest innovation for wetsuits or trunks. 

That all ended when Billabong and Quiksilver flew too close to the sun, their balance sheets melted by hubris and financial extravagance, and were sold to vulture capitalists. 

Now, after being circled by the parent company of Vans (VF) and the Authentic Brands Group (“a robust house that includes the licensing rights to Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe and Muhammad Ali”), Bluestar Alliance, which bought Hurley from Nike in 2019, is in the “exclusivity phase” with an offer pending this week.

What exclusivity phase means is, the Authentic Brands Group can only counter-offer if the Bluestar offer comes in too low. 

The way Bluestar works is it identifies brands it wants to buy and once they get the keys, “our team of experts embark on a complete and thorough understanding of the brand’s potential channels of distribution and price point strategies. We create tools such as brand development profiles, trend guides, style guides and marketing strategies. These marketing materials portray graphic illustrations and a strategic marketing road map to enhance consumer brand recognition.”

In layman’s terms, throw a logo on anything that moves, inflatable pool toys, beard oil, whatever dumb stuff people will buy ’cause it has a heritage banner on it.

If Bluestar gets the keys to the three iconic brands, it’ll create the greatest assemblage of surf brands ever created, rivalling even those honied days a decade or so ago when Billabong and Quik were throwing millions at even the silliest of provincial surf brands.

A little ironic for Billabong as its never been as lean and healthy, and therefore profitable, as it is right now. 

Meanwhile, if you wanna support those few remaining independent surf labels, go see our pals at Vissla, The Critical Slide Society, Country Club Surf Club and Brothers Marshall. 

Wetsuit wise, plenty of indies out there, still, even after Rip Curl was sold to camping retailer Kathmandu for $350 mill a few years back.

See O’Neill, Feral, Need Essentials, Project Blank etc.