President Biden (insert) angry.
President Biden (insert) angry.

President Biden casts furious scowl at Surfline after bomb swell explodes in California, declares “State of Emergency” as coastline crumbles into the Pacific!

Chas Smith

By

A Golden State of emergency.

Surfline doesn’t always get it right, but when it does ooooeeeeee! Oh, even if you are not from California, you have certainly soaked in the images, the videos, the pandemonium of this just-passed “bomb” swell that had been telegraphed gorgeously by the official forecasting partner of the World Surf League.

Yes, the Golden State was abashed with giant waves from up near Santa Cruz all the way down to the border with dear Mexico.

Ultra-sized breakers wreaking havoc, causing fun, creating a large frown across United States’ President Joe Biden’s waxy face.

Yes, local news is reporting that Biden has just declared a state of emergency in California due to Surfline’s forecast that has caused extensive damage, flooding, destroyed piers and multiple closeout barrel attempts.

Per KTLA:

Biden ordered Federal assistance to help state, tribal and local response efforts to deal with the conditions brought on by the storms in the counties of El Dorado, Los Angeles, Mariposa, Mendocino, Merced, Monterey, Napa, Placer, Riverside, Sacramento, San Bernardino, San Mateo, Santa Clara, Santa Cruz, Sonoma, Stanislaus and Ventura.

The National Weather Service warned of a “relentless parade of atmospheric rivers” — storms that are long plumes of moisture stretching out into the Pacific and are capable of dropping staggering amounts of rain and snow. Two major storms are expected to drop heavy rainfall on the coast and snow in the mountains over the next couple of days.

For days, California has been walloped by Pacific storms that last week knocked out power to thousands, flooded streets, and battered the coastline with high surf.

I missed this first helping, as I was in Utah, but that did not make me sad. Foots of fresh powder fell on the mountain where I was wintering, the roads were closed due avalanche forcing an inter-lodge situation and I have never had more fun.

Viva the storm.

Gabriel Medina (insert) and the new Brazilian Storm. Photo: WSL
Gabriel Medina (insert) and the new Brazilian Storm. Photo: WSL

“Brazilian Storm” takes on fresh meaning after supporters of surf champ Gabriel Medina’s pal Jair Bolsonaro sack government offices!

Chas Smith

By

Wild times.

Surfing’s history is littered with monikers describing groupings of paradigm shifters. From Bronzed Aussies to the Wolf Pak, Momentum Generation to the Irukandjis, some are better than others but we must all agree that “Brazilian Storm” is very near the top.

First coined in 2012 (give or take), the conjoined words captured a sea change with literary panache. Young Brazilian surfers, who had long toiled under the heavy shadow of Australian and American counterparts, were suddenly the most exciting on earth. Adriano de Souza, Gabriel Medina, Filipe Toledo, Italo Ferreira, various Pupos hucked, spun, stomped, battled, frothed and began winning championship after championship with no end in sight.

Much passion.

And “Brazilian Storm,” portraying gorgeously, became part of our shared vocabulary.

A shorthand for professional surfing dominance.

Well, as things happen in linguistics, the phrase has been coopted overnight by supporters of the country’s ex-President Jair Bolsonaro.

According to the once culturally important Time:

Supporters of former Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro who refuse to accept his election defeat stormed Congress, the Supreme Court and presidential palace Sunday, a week after the inauguration of his leftist rival, President Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva.

Thousands of demonstrators bypassed security barricades, climbed on roofs, smashed windows and invaded all three buildings, which were believed to be largely vacant on the weekend. Some of the demonstrators called for a military intervention to either restore the far-right Bolsonaro to power or oust Lula from the presidency.

Hours went by before control of the buildings on Brasilia’s vast Three Powers Square was reestablished, with hundreds of the participants arrested.

As you certainly remember, the aforementioned Gabriel Medina, a three time World Surf League champion, is wonderful friends with Bolsonaro, trading video messages with him and soccer stud Neymar Jr. and penning a song to buoy his spirits after his shock loss to Lula just months ago.

Though Medina’s opinion on the office sackings has not been made public, what is clear is that “Brazilian Storm” no longer belongs to surfers. A cursory google search of the appellation reveals link after link after link to Reuters, the BBC, Associated Press, New York Times and riots etc. save one brave little story wondering “Did gorgeous Brazilian models break up the Brazilian Storm before the surf supergroup reached its vast multiplatinum potential?”

Can you guess the source?

Though while you’re here, if Joe Turpel had happened to be in the booth calling the popular uprising, what might he have said?

Something to think about.

Smirking (pictured). Photo: NBC News.
Smirking (pictured). Photo: NBC News.

Local California news affiliate ruthlessly mocks adult learners who even thought about chasing glory during bomb swell: “Not a beginner’s day!”

Chas Smith

By

Ouch.

California’s “bomb” swell is now but a grand memory, something that surfers will tell their children and grandchildren about whilst sitting around the open door of a late model Sprinter van, semi-worn bit of astroturf lovingly placed out the front in order to minimize sand and dirt entering the mobile lounge.

Like fishing stories, I’d imagine there might be some light exaggeration. Maybe where one actually paddled out, what one was surfing, the size of what one caught.

Well, San Diego’s local NBC News affiliate, hoping to catch some laughs at VALs’ expense, sent a reporter down to Windansea where heavy waves lapped up the rocks.

Audra Stafford stood on the those rocks, smiling wide above the chyron that read “Not a beginner’s day” and gleefully told stories of kooks that got washed around before pivoting to a tale of two experienced surfers who even needed saving.

Turning the microphone to local surfer Dick Hansen who had decided not to paddle but spectate instead.

“Look at what nature has to offer; pretty cool,” he told her. “I haven’t seen on the surf report 15+ foot waves maybe as long as I live here.”

San Diego lifeguard chief James Gartland came next, who declared, “This is not a beginner’s day. One of these big waves catches you, pushes you inside. You got the rocks, the reef and all that energy so it can be really dangerous.”

Stafford merely smirked some more.

Watch here.

Ouch.

Logan (pictured) laughing in the face of mortality. Photo: Instagram
Logan (pictured) laughing in the face of mortality. Photo: Instagram

World Surf League CEO Erik Logan terrifies onlookers, nearly gets swept into sea by monster Manhattan Beach surge during Southern California’s recent “bomb” swell!

Chas Smith

By

Laughing in the face of danger.

“But where were did you paddle out during the “bomb” swell?” will be the question asked for the next fifty years amongst Southern California surfers. Surfline had been telegraphing the event for days though the area’s surfers were disinclined to believe. The World Surf League’s official forecasting partner, you see, had set up camp on the other side of the patented Wall of Patented Noise™ and had been delivering such cartoonish wave heights for the Bells Classic, Margaret River Pro, Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch Pro as to become assured.

Though they were correct this time.

Massive monster waves lashed the shore from San Diego to Santa Cruz and where were you? Blacks? Huntington? El Porto? The super secret Silver Strand?

World Surf League CEO Erik Logan found himself at the Manhattan Beach pier, just south of the aforementioned El Porto. While social media is well aware of his diverse quiver ranging from mid-length SUPs to full volumed “short” boards, Logan stunned fans by pulling out a heretofore unforeseen blade.

A Nikon D7000.

Per Instagram:

With the huge swell hitting California, the South Bay saw some of the biggest surf we’ve seen in a very long time. So, I dusted off my Nikon D7000 and tried my best to be like these world-class photographers who shoot our sport.

Shooting over a thousand photos, mostly shaky, out of focus, and almost getting washed away, it was a HUMBLING experience. I landed the plane on a handful of very ‘iffy’ photo’s, but nowhere close to what these pros do. Swipe across to see the attempt! (and me almost washed away)

Checkout the video, then the “GREAT” photo. LOL

The waves were huge, fun to be on the shore and shooting with all the crew! Always ready to learn more!!!

Swiping across to the moment of sudden doom, my heart nearly stopped.

Logan, there, crouched, capturing is so focused on the action he doesn’t even see the angry whitewater approaching. It slams into what appears to be a sand bank, gurgles upward, and nearly wets the Oklahoman who escapes certain embarrassment by yelping to the heavens.

Light a candle of thanksgiving LOL.

Jimbo and his stump looking very much like a hot dog with a smear of mustard, main photo, and at the gas station, inset.

One-armed “jumbo” surfer’s wild racist rant at gas station attendant goes viral on TikTok “Go back to Iraq…Muslim piece of s**t, look, get the f**k out of my country!”

Derek Rielly

By

"People are always in awe, especially when I go to places I have not performed yet."

Jimbo Pellegrine, now there’s a name that rings a few bells.

Jimbo is the plus-sized surfer who lost his arm in an auto collision and was charged with two felony counts of terroristic threatening when he “unleashed on first responders transporting him to the hospital.”

BeachGrit covered every step of Jimbo’s journey through the court process,

“World Famous Jumbo Surfer” back in news!, Update: Jumbo Surfer officially “insane”!, Fast times: Jimbo’s even wilder ride! and Just in: Jumbo Surfer Walks Free!

His well-worn clip where he wrangles a cave at Padang Padang proves his surfing chops and this clip, below, of Jimbo lighting up on a gas station attendant in California demonstrates, I suppose, his antipathy toward Iraq and its mostly Muslim inhabitants.

Jimbo ironically channels the Iraqi kid in the Mos Def/Slick Rick classic, Auditorium, when he tells the presumably Arabic-looking attendant to gimme my oil and “get the fuck out of my country.”

A hero to many in the High Mass Individual (HMI) community, Jimbo told Chubstr.com founder Bruce Sturgell a few years back,

“People are always in awe, especially when I go to places I have not performed yet. Usually people get strange looks on their faces and snicker, and kids talk shit. Then there are the places I have been known to frequent where you can find my name carved into cement and posters of me everywhere, so I have a ton of hype at my favorite spots and all the pros and homeys are with me so that makes a difference.”

So many disappointed HMI’s and surf fans tonight.

Photo: Jack English
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