"I’m surfing like Apocalypse Now come (too close) to life."

There’s considerable heat on the streets of the Mexican state of Sinaloa tonight following the arrest of Ovidio Guzmán, alleged major mover of Fentanyl into the US and son of the wonderfully cinematic drug lord Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzmán.

The Americanos have been trying like hell to get El Chapo’s kid extradited back to the US since 2017 when the old boy got life in a Florida pen for “drug trafficking with intent to distribute, conspiracy association, organized crime against health, money laundering, homicide, illegal possession of firearms, kidnapping, and murder in Chicago, Miami, New York, and other cities.”

“It’s a reality that drugs destroy,” said El Chapo. “Unfortunately where I grew up, there’s no other way to survive.”

And, now, a five-mill reward offered by the US government has seemingly persuaded one brave soul to snitch on the kid. 

After the arrest of Guzmán, who, authorities claim, was moving up to five tons of fentanyl a month into the US and who also allegedly ordered informers killed, as well as a popular Mexican singer who refused to sing at his wedding, the Sinaloa capital, Culiacán, has gone up in flames, literally. 

The Sinaloa cartel have set up road blocks all over the joint, they’re firing at Mex air force planes with 50-caliber machine guns, cars and trucks are on fire and new arrivals at the airport are huddling under their seats.

And, just a couple of hours south, in surf-soaked Mazatlan, surfers have been told not to move from wherever they’re staying.

In a missive sent to the noted surf journalist Ben Marcus one wrote:

“I’m down in Mazatlan surfing at Olas Altas beach when the Mexican federales captured cartel boss Ovidio Guzman this morning and the cartel goes into reprisal mode and Culiacan and Mazatlan are locked down; the city here is absolutely silent and deserted with choppers flying overhead—and I’m surfing like Apocalypse Now come (too close) to life.

“And now we’re hiding out in our apartment with no water or food wondering what the night will bring down. All a bit too weird. Hope you’re well!?”

“The city council in their reasoning referenced BeachGrit articles three times!"

Three months ago, a bold plan to build a Kelly Slater wavepool surrounded by “hundreds of houses” in Palm Springs was unanimously shut down by La Quinta’s city council, “citing community concerns that the surf club would bring ‘the wrong element’ i.e. people still alive.”

“Concerns about building a wave tank during a historic drought were raised, though the developers promised it would take less water than neighboring golf courses,” reported BeachGrit. “The footprint was shrunk to alleviate stress but there was no alleviating the stress of ‘surfers’ coming to town.”

Now, it can be revealed that it was a raft of stories from shock jock Chas Smith that caused the project to be shelved.

In a podcast broadcast three days ago, the show’s host David Scales tells the story of one of the principal architects of the scheme texting Smith and writing,

“The city council in their reasoning referenced BeachGrit articles three times, articles that you had written talking crap about the wavepool and the Slater technology. The city council is referencing your work and that’s part of the reason we got shut down!”

Another anecdote from Scales, however, suggests the BeachGrit excuse is a red herring to cover for a plan that was unlikely to succeed in the first place.

 “A friend of mine, a potential investor,” says Scales, “sat through meetings, saw pitches, saw the financials, all the plans, said this thing is a pipe dream. The numbers are ridiculous. There’s no way they’re getting this funded. And, even if they do, no one sees a return. What they’re asking, the prices the homes need to sell for, and the fee people need to pay, are insane.” 

Chas Smith, who has fled to Park City, Utah, following the revelation, has been approached for comment.

My fav story from the series is BeachGrit commenter Hippy’s take on the project, “Palm Springs wedding planner reveals tragic flaw in Kelly Slater’s $250 million La Quinta wavepool and real estate gamble.” 

“Flea has written a lot of music at the property and has had band members jamming in the music room downstairs."

There’s a joint called Congo five hours drive south of Sydney and halfway to the Victorian border. Less than three hundred souls breathe the cool air and the beaches are empty, the sorta place you’d go to decompress after doin’ a wild stadium tour.

And when you go to Congo, and it ain’t to be confused with those grand African utopias the Democratic Republic of the Congo, capital Kinshasa, a name familiar to fight fans, Rumble in the Jungle and the subsequent Norman Mailer book The Fight, or Republic of the Congo, capital Brazzaville, not to be confused with Brazzers, a love-making website for those who liked to be roughed up, you’ll soon become aware of the fabulous beachfront compound of the famous bass player, notable for his “slapping” technique.

The Australian-born Flea, lesser known as sixty-year-old Michael Balzary from Melbourne, bought the half-acre beachfront spread at 775 Congo Road, Congo, almost thirty years ago in 1994.

Flea and New Zealand architect Michael Cheadle designed the five-bedder with the roof designed to look like a cuttlefish and with wooden floors sourced from the old Parliament House in near-ish by Canberra.

“It has a rock-star vibe to it but also a relaxed holiday feeling that is really suited to the village of Congo,” selling agent James Hamilton says. “Flea has written a lot of music at the property and has had band members, jamming in what was the music room downstairs. It has a contemporary Californian design that sprawls out towards the ocean with amazing views and really compliments the natural environment.”

If you peeled open the marketing brochure you’d learn the place is,

“Situated in Congo on 2946sqm (approx. half an acre) of land and bordering National Park on one side and beach on the other, you will love spending your time, just relaxing in a spot that is virtually unknown except to the very very lucky few.

“The custom-designed home opens to a magnificent entry with a bespoke spiral copper and steel staircase connecting two double-storey wings.

“Beautifully maintained, the property has undergone extensive updates over the past years. Its features include an open fireplace with stone detailing and a master retreat featuring a luxe ensuite with a mosaic-tiled plunge bath. Bi-fold doors open to an alfresco terrace with views across the property. There is also a multipurpose sports court.”

Take a video tour below!

(In case y’wondering, the joint goes to auction on January 29, same day the band’s Australian tour opens in Brisbane.)