"Now you’re making more stupid rules and you guys want the surfboard manufacturing industry to kow-tow to your demands."
If you know your boards, you’ll know the name Bert Burger, the surf industry adjacent Western Australian-born shaper who invented the technology that would eventually become Firewire Surfboards.
Firewire, if you didn’t know, is a surfboard brand owned by Kelly Slater that builds boards in Thailand and sells ’em for between six hundred and thirteen hundred dollars.
Burger, who lives in Thailand, was named Surfer Magazine’s shaper of the year in 2007, which the now-revived AI zombie magazine celebrated by spelling Bertie’s name wrong throughout.
Anyway, he’s got surfboard building bona fides. So when he launched an extraordinary tirade at the WSL on his personal Facebook page, figure I should put it up in lights.
Responding to an apparent change in the ruleset for the longboard tour, Burger wrote:
“WSL…over the past five or six years I’ve watched the world’s best longboarders leave the sport, disgusted with the change of judging criteria. Replaced with kooks who go straight. Now you’re making more stupid rules and you guys want the surfboard manufacturing industry to kow-tow to your demands. Talk about regression.”
There’s a longboard tour? The rules have been changed?
Last I heard, grappling dynamo Joel Tudor, a three-time world champ, had been disappeared following conduct detrimental to the integrity of the WSL per the WSL Rule Book, which includes the violation of the following provisions: sportsmanlike conduct (14.02), damage to surfing’s image (14.04), and verbal assault (14.08).”
The suspension followed a heated series of posts, interviews, with and from Tudor following a rumour, possibly started here, that the World Surf League was gonna slash cut the longboard world tour from three events to one.
“(They) want to run this fake shit about equality and inclusiveness,” wrote Tudor. “Don’t be a bunch of fucking phonies.”
Burger, whose initial missive struck a chord with his followers later added,
“You spend your entire career helping to advance the sport through innovation and product development. Then one day, the powers that be decide to show favoritism to all those manufacturers still using 70 year old technology.”
Dark days, I suppose, or is it a subtle way of telling log people to ride a regular craft if they wanna do turns?
the judging criteria basically rewards classic retro-style longboarding over “high-performance style”, which lets be honest is pretty ugly and an oximoron.
Bert Burger just screams commentary booth shenanigans to me!!!
Bert and Turps!!
WSL has a “rule book”. That’s all you need to know.
straight-off, Adolph!
Those are some radical shades
I think he is just making shit up. Like Chas.
Core Lord…
And here I thought Bertie was talking about Sasha Jane Lowerson going straight back to being a man…it’s all so confusing these days!
Kelly still hasn’t figured out how to ride Firewires. Why should we expect longoarders to be able to?
Who?
Fuck! Just as I was transitioning…
Looks more like a medieval weapon than a surfboard. Will need to employ it as such to fight his way out of the deep hole he has found himself in.
will be interesting when they have to come to Bells in August , usually very good big surf.
Just for the record Bells is now having a WSL longboard event , they had to cancel the local 50 year Storm event which was the Shaun Brooks memorial in aid for mental health….no more as the WSL kicked it out against the local community!
#Fuck WSL
DR working the Kelly algorithm for clicks. Both in article name and lede pic. Future articles:
1. Charmin, toilet paper brand used by 11x champ Kelly Slater, found in toilet at Lemoore.
2. Oxygen, breathed by one time Pamela Anderson lover Kelly Slater, is once again breathed by one time Pamela Anderson lover Kelly Slater today, on the 22nd anniversary of Pamela Anderson breaking up with 11x world champ from Florida, Kelly Slater
3. Breaking news: Kelly Slater was not considered to provide a voice for new DreamWorks animated film, despite experience providing a character voice for a penguin named after the 11x world champ in Surfs Up
4. Shock rumor that 11x world champ Kelly Slater has joined surf journalist Charlie Smith’s wife in never reading any of Smith’s books
5. Steps used by 11x world champ Kelly Slater to get to beach at Bells are also used by other surfers
Google Shark Murders Kratam Tea Held By Taylor Swift As Kelly Slater Watches
DHMF could have said! “DR! Is the click bait not paying enough to pick up the fucking phone and interview Burt Burger? For fucks sake DR the fifteen or so loyal commentators cannot survive on this maddening Ke11y clickbait gruel forever.” I think that’s what you meant! Maybe..
Side note while traveling to Caribbean this winter I had dinner with such progressive elite longboarder Mr. Berger probably could build a board for but he rides for Stewart. Whom won’t be on tour due to max 10 competitors and some other WSL budget related issue. Your jujitsu longboard renegade traditional agenda has added to WSL judging confusion.
Finally watching a Channel Island model video unveiling of recent. One of the “Gooodangs” hyped a quote discovering new lines on a wave with such “snake(oil) foam model”. Those “Megalodon Boy’s” have been grinning through the lineups the world over selling that big teeth twinkle baloney! Baloney has a first name and its the G_U_D_A_U_S_K_A_S!
Newish Line by said Stewart Team Rider and WSL reject..
https://uploads.disquscdn.c… https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
put ’em all on bonzers ’cause that’s the only board I ever rode that had a mind of its own and drew lines never before seen. anybody heard from the Campbell Bros lately? saw dude at market wearing such a tee-shirt and approached him. we discussed said boards for another 20 minutes. do it for us fans!
a damn shame, because so many surfers on the log mini-tour were obviously going to ride carbon wrapped EPS single fin 9 foot boards
The LGBD community…
astro, you are charged with violations of Wooz codes, namely, unsportsmanlike conduct (14.02), damage to surfing’s image (14.04), and verbal assault (14.08).
How do you plead ?
Guilty as sin, your grandiloquence. In my defence, I would like to use the Tudor Mitigation – I was left unsupervised.
There is a long board division?
Stealth.
To each his own, but please Elo, don’t include that division in the Lowers final day.
Most of us view that as sacred until you realize the finals at Lemoore is the only solution.
Why go to bells when you have a pool right near Melb’s airport?
Solution waiting for a problem.
Let’s be honest, Lowers is more of a longboard wave.
Sasha will crush the competiton there, whether male or female!
Certainly a spot that became popular during the longboard eras. “More” of a longboard wave? Yes and no. If you could surf it solo, its definitely a super high performance shortboard wave. Considering there’s always 100 people in the water, it quickly becomes “more” of a longboard wave.
If your log won’t turn, try flushing again.
Seems like the WOZL just can’t win when it comes to longboarding cred.