"...after Kelly Slater wins a heat and walks up and pinches me, it’s pretty cool."
The dust is now fully settled in Margaret River where Gabriel Medina and Carissa Moore hoisted the trophies at the end of that eponymous championship tour stop and the rankings are set heading into the back half of the season. As you know, underperforming surfers were chopped in Western Australia leaving the twenty-two best-thus-far and one Kelly Slater.
Oh, the world’s greatest surfer, fifty-one, needs no introduction but did not have a good 2023, competitively, and was left sprawled out, neck under guillotine blade alongside Kolohe Andino, Jackson Baker, Zeke Lau, Nat Young and many others.
It was to be the first time the 11x champion would fall off tour and surf fans wondered if he would retire. If he could retire.
Well, the World Surf League tipped its hand, weeks ago, when, under cover of darkness, the rule book was quietly changed to allow wildcard surfers to receive points for performances in championship tour events if they just so happened to be past world champions.
Sneaky.
The path was greased for Slater to re-qualify with two average showings and then all but guaranteed when he was gifted a season-long wildcard.
Important for a few reasons. Not only will Florida’s finest remain on tour for the foreseeable future but, instantly, he is much closer to Olympic glory.
The mid-season cut, you see, was extra harsh to Americans, decapitating most. Griffin Colapinto is certainly in the driver’s seat, currently fourth, and John John Florence also looking sharp, hovering at sixth. Below him, and in the qualification chase, Barron Mamiya, Seth Moniz and Ian Gentil. Fine surfers all, but in no way dominant.
With the rules changed allowing Slater to continue, might a few more be changed allowing him to realize his Olympic dream?
Slippery slope etc.
But why all this bending over for the GOAT?
Certainly he is a great draw, historically meaningful etc. but more disturbing reasons may be in play.
Sensual reasons.
For in a just-released interview with the West Australian, World Surf League CEO Erik Logan let a small cat out of a smaller bag.
“Every event I go to, I’ll be in the locker room, I’ll be at the stairs, in Tahiti I was in the channel,” the Oklahoman told the broadsheet. “To be on the stairs after Kelly Slater wins a heat and walks up and pinches me, it’s pretty cool. I love being around it and I’m a fan, I don’t know what else to tell you.”
To be on the stairs after Kelly Slater wins a heat and walks up and pinches me, it’s pretty cool?
Pinches me?
Pretty cool?
Locker room?
Yikes.
Read the rest of how Logan is bringing the “razzle-dazzle” to surfing here.
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Oklahoman SUPer represents surfing
Imagine the heartbreak, disgust, and anger toward the WSL and Elo right now in Syria. This is a global sporting conspiracy that will stunt the rise of Syrian men’s national surf team to a degree not seen before. The United States’ thirst for global hegemony knows no limit.
Maybe you it’s you who needs to start thinking about their future then?
I’ll think long and hard about that.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Not against kelly,but the wsl ruined pro surfing ,i use to watch the dream tour ,ot was fun interesting,ever since the wsl toke hold i slowley stoped watching pro surfing , and i know many people like me do the same ,
The dream tour? Lol you’re hard core man!
When was the high point of surfing in your opinion?
Before they started judging it
https://www.surfer.com/.ima…
This is the article/headline that forced me to tell google to not allow beachgrit in my feed any longer.
Congrats. This clickbait is particularly wack.
but you commented?
I know it seems impossible, but both can happen.
Stick around mate, you’ll miss all the articles about Giselle and Kelly!
You maybe convinced me. MAYBE.
You can tell Google to 86 them? Will go figure out how to do that now
I know it’s your reader of choice, but old white homophobes are a shrinking market. You guys at beach grit should start thinking about your future.
Looks like someone on the inertia dobbed on us and the hand wringers have come to visit.
You’ll need to elaborate, I don’t speak bogan. Nor do I read the inertia. I hadn’t read beach grit in a few years but for some reason a couple months ago Google started interjecting their headlines into my search page. That’s when I realized that they had turned into a neo con surf tabloid. An unfortunate transformation, but i guess you do what you gotta do when all your real journalists have moved on and less and less people actually read. They should start making surf incel tik tok videos, same vibe, more demand.
You need to hang around a bit longer. There’s only a few incels here and the rest of us heap scorn upon them when we’re not heaping scorn on Kelly or ELO.
Please investigate this. Knowing where he was pinched, how hard and with which fingers would literately tell us everything we need to know about pro surfing.
Kindda homophobic comment from the writer of this article
🐐…. ……. . . . . . . . …………….
If every Athlete had “ equal “ access to pinching Elo I think he’d be a world of pain.
Winners are pinchers.
Even if cut
got a battery-powered drill………………….
dude. rainy day at Magnolia. no one around. I drop pants, slip into wet suit sans towel and I get busted. Where was the dude hiding? Turns out, he doesn’t like my black ball annual protest, imagine that? Lecture ensues. Oh good, life guards come to support support. “Why can’t you follow the rules?”…. turns out, most of the anger is about not coming in for the black ball they just reintroduced last week.
And the year before.
Let’s just call it Surfer Lives Matter.
Yes, “Surf City” restricted surfing after 11 on an empty beach with pumping waves because of an arbitrary date.
Fuk that place.
“You can’t script this”…..(but we can.)
vintage LGR
Fuck Kelly.
Fuck the WSL.
(notice a theme here?)
the wsl is kelly slater is the wsl is kelly slater is the wsl is kelly slater – official WSL slogan by 2026 no doubt… the Lemore Tour is going to be great… Central California ladder companies will be lining up as sponsors…
Belly seemed totally normal
Presumably the wifeless childless Eric Logan is homosexual, which is quite common, especially amongst his show business crowd.
Nothing wrong with that if that’s what you’re into.
Though it’s a bit dodgy that he’s trying to involve the fiercely heterosexual 11× world champ in his ‘story’.
But on the subject of the shameful Slater wildcard to next years tour, it wouldn’t be surprising if he gets Gilloolied by a fan of one of the other competitors who’s missing out because of it.
Surely there’s some mad Morrocans willing to swing the truncheon…
I think that’s Slater’s move if poor young Baron is ahead of him heading toward Olympic qualification. Watch your back, Baron!
“Gilloolied”… LOL
my cousin’s grew potato’s and had a panga/
ELO is married with kids. He actually seems like a nice fella, but he is ruining or has ruined professional surfing so he has to go!
Really ?
Who told ya that one ?
Surely I wasn’t the only one to presume he’s a classic showbusiness gayboy.
Nice fella ?
Hahahahaha, nice joke
So-called ‘nice fellas’ are usually the biggest fuckwits of all…
His wife bought him a wetsuit, he discovered SUPing, a few years later competitive surfing is history!
So what you’re saying is that his wife was the root cause of all of this by encouraging Elo in the first place—the Lady Macbeth of professional surfing
Exactly. If ELO was gay then competitive professional surfing would still be worth watching! But he isn’t gay and the WSL is dogshit as a direct result!
you sound more like u’r self…
ooh la la , a male being pinched by another……as a sign of….thanks/sexual desire/jealousy button for wives/partners/kinky public showing of affection / S&M invitation….or just pinch me to see if this a dream/nightmare……ah will Elo pinch Opra next time he sees her????
Ended up in the clink getting pinched?
haha , I actually just pinched the rails on a new board I made ,after I got pinched making one too tick!
Most folk can use the volume.
pinch the rail , put the Volume under the chest…….way more better, new model coming called the Pinchy?
I see so many poor board decisions, especially travel.
Epidemic.