“This same one nearly got me twice last summer! Had to roll up my mat and swim in with shoved into my suit”

A surfer is five hundred bucks poorer after an otter made off with his high performance 4GF Omni surf-mat at Santa Cruz on Saturday.

In a short video filmed on the sort of device usually reserved for alien or Big Foot sightings, we see the otter, an animal famous for its territorial nature and who will fiercely defend their turf, giving hell to the surfer who is forced to give up his beloved craft.

“Dr. Dave had his 4GF Omni stolen on Saturday in Santa Cruz … by an otter. Apparently, the otter has been behaving aggressively towards surfers in the lineup, and authorities are looking to relocate the spirited fellow,” writes Surf Matters. “Dave wasn’t able to retrieve his mat. If any locals have found a stray Omni along the coastline, let us know.”

It wasn’t news to one commenter, “This same one nearly got me twice last summer! Had to roll up my mat and swim in with shoved into my suit.”

The man’s treasured surf mat is called an Omni because “it’s an omnivore…it eats up anything! Tubes, mush, offshore, onshore, high tide, low tide…it seems to thrive in any environment.”

Don’t let the otter’s insane cuteness fool ya.

It ain’t the first time a confrontation with a human has escalated into a violent showdown. Last year a pregnant otter commandeered surfer Nick Ericksen’s board, baring its teeth when Ericksen tried to retrieve it.

 

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Not all otters are mean, howevs.

Some are imprisoned in zoos and get to place their paws through holes in their cells so they can be stroked by loving humanoids.

@cerijuice Happiness is holding hands with the otters at the Dubai Aquarium 🥰🦦@Dubai Mall @Dubai Places For licensing or usage, contact [email protected] #dubai #dubaiaquarium #animalsoftiktok #animallover #otters #ottersoftiktok #otterhands #travelbucketlist ♬ Big Girls Don’t Cry (Sped Up) – You Can Hold My Hand If You Want To, Cause I Want to Hold Yours Too – Hiko

“The best thing about a Republican woman is no penis!”

Ever since the WSL’s popular CEO and former Oprah confidante Erik Logan was mysteriously disappeared midway through the Vivo Rio Pro, there has been much speculation about his long-term replacement. 

Surfer magazine, once the bible of the sport now a “dystopian zombie site” following a takeover by a tech-powered media company”, has anointed Dave Prodan, the WSL’s Strategy and Brand Officer, the living embodiment of the WSL’s pivot away from surfing’s roots and to its generously inclusive LGBTQ+ friendly model.

The Australian surf website, Stabmag, meanwhile, has veered sharply left, choosing pro snowboarder-turned-super-agent Circe Wallace, also the wife of BeachGrit principal Charlie Smith. 

The smart money, of course has always been on Dana Point’s Pat O’Connell, the fifty-two-year-old president of Florence Marine X, the eponymous waterman-brand of two-time world champ John John Florence. 

Patty, noted for being fiercely proud of and prone to exhibiting his monstrously elongated scrotum, pivoted out of a successful pro surfing career into VP Of sports marketing job at Hurley before becoming the WSL’s Head of Tour and Competition and, two years ago, joining his old mentor Bob Hurley at FMX. 

While Head of Tours and Competition at the WSL, Patty was adored for his King Solomon-like decision making. 

In one decision so sage and so wonderful it could be registered in an updated version of the Hebrew Bible Patty  ordered one of the two injury wildcards to be split between the Australian Mikey Wright and the Italian Leonardo Fioravanti.

And we can’t forget when Pat pushed back against a rebellious Kelly Slater in Brazil in 2019. Read, “Tensions flare in Brazil as Kelly Slater challenges WSL’s Pat O’Connell during filming of epic docuseries Lost Tapes”

Who better to step into Erik Logan’s oversized boots, yes? 

An online sleuth has thrown Patty’s candidacy into doubt, however, after rummaging through his Twitter likes.

“Not entirely the WSL’s values align with those of Mr O’Connell. Just a hunch,” writes Full-On Steez IV.

The former world #11 who has wrinkles on his face like cat whiskers and who once told Surfer he wanted to be friends with everybody on tour liked what might be called, in zeitgeist-y parlance, “problematic” tweets, including one from Ted Nugent where he writes “the best thing about Republican women is…no penis.” 

Another tweet liked, “The GOP has introduced a bill that will only allow American flags to fly over US embassies. No more BLM or pride flags. DO YOU SUPPORT THIS BILL?” 

As I said, very problematic. 

So, if no Patty, then who? 

“I’ve never felt so alone and powerless”

The five-time world surfing champion Carissa Moore, the living embodiment of the famous Aloha spirit, says she was “violated” and “handled inappropriately”by Houston airport security earlier today as she made her way back to Hawaii from Brazil. 

In a story to her more than half-a-million fans the thirty-year-old Olympic gold medallist who finished third in the Vivo Rio Pro wrote, 

“Went through security at the Houston airport, felt violated and disrespected when I was searched. No one had the decency to listen and treat me with kindness. I’ve never felt so alone and powerless. I’m fine but pretty shaken up. I don’t think I deserved to be treated that way. No one does. Trying to have some empathy for them. Maybe they are going through something, how knows. Let’s try to be a little more patient, kind and understanding with each other.” 

A few hours later Moore continued, 

“I really appreciate all the kind messages. I’m truly grateful for the loving community around me and support. I definitely don’t feel alone. 

“What happened to me was unacceptable and I just hope to encourage some improvement. I am more than ok. I realise how fortunate I am that I don’t ever have to deal with these types of situations and others have been though or have had to deal with way worse situations of being handled inappropriately or feeling powerless.

“We all have the power everyday to choose the kind of person we want to be and the kind of energy we want to share with the world. To those working TSA, I hope to encourage more patience, kindness and empathy towards travellers. I feel fortunate to be able to travel a lot and have a decent understanding of the flow at the airport but others do not. Some people move a little slower than others, don’t know what to take out of their bags and put in a bin or how to stand in an X-ray machine.

“Pat downs are uncomfortable and an invasion of personal space but we all do it for the safety of each other. I’ve had more than I can count and all have been pretty fine. Please proceed with care, be gentle and sensitive.

“You as a trained officer have the power to make this experience for someone a positive one, to ease someone’s anxiety and send them on their journey with your love and kindness. You matter and make a difference.” 

Ain’t that the sweetest takedown ever? A lesson in conflict resolution, a model for all Americans?