"He wanted to share his love. To teach the teacher in Wisconsin the thrill of a cutback. The farm boy from Ohio the glory of a barrel-tube."
The man walks down the sunlit Santa Monica street as if in a daze. It’s a midsummer morning, early August. The air still has a dry, suffocating warmth. Birds drift on the breeze overhead like passing thoughts.
The man is walking slowly, measuring his every step. Thinking about all he had. All he lost.
Around him the the world continues on as if nothing ever happened. Tourists roll back and forth, camera phones out and necks askew. A dump truck hisses as it deposits another load in its belly. Bums hold their hands out in pity, as if they’re the only ones that deserve it.
It’s what gets to him most. His world had been turned upside down, inside out. Torn from him in the most callous of ways. Yet out here on the street, you wouldn’t even know. Life goes on.
It’s been three weeks now since It happened. Three weeks since he had seen his Lion. Three weeks since it all disappeared.
The man wears a bright, short-sleeved button-up and tight-fitting chinos. His short brown hair is greying at the sides and his five o’clock shadow is tastefully trimmed. He could be any office worker or creative type, off to their morning coffee.
But he wears no shoes. His feet are grubby and brown. He hasn’t so much as toed a sock since he had been home. Hasn’t felt the need for them. It’s his freedom. It’s his silent protest. The soles make a pleasant soft, thud every time they connect with the grimy sidewalk.
There was another beloved prophet who once wandered the earth barefoot, he thinks to himself. Who was nailed to a cross for imagined sins. Lord, he knows how he felt.
Up ahead of him, there’s a group of surfers heading towards the beach, a couple of blocks to the west. They’re carrying softboards and backpacks. Their wetsuits half hanging from their pale torsos. Laughing. High-fiving. Living their best lives.
They don’t know, the man says to himself. They don’t know who he is, or who he was. They don’t know who he still could be.
He can see a slither of blue between the buildings. The ocean.
It was once his domain. Once his kingdom. He ruled the waves and everything in them. World champions, sponsors, support staff, all kneeled to his mighty rule. All rubbed their nose to his. All felt his mana! All felt his love!
And he wanted to share his love with the world. To teach the teacher in Wisconsin the thrill of a lip-line cutback. The farm boy from Ohio the glory of a barrel-tube. The synergies. The vectors. The cross-cutting synchronicities. Those ripe, taut bodies. All there for the taking!
But it’s all gone now. All turned to shit.
And they will never know.
Something awakes him from his reverie. Somebody’s calling his name. Could it be one of the surfers? Might they finally recognise him? Might they be there to offer him a shoulder to cry on? A word of consolation? We know its not your fault! We know you were only trying to help them!
ELO… ELO…
Oh wait, that’s not it.
Hielo. Get your hielo. Is muy frio!
It’s that god damned Mexian selling shaved ice cones. Can’t he get a better job?
He spits on the footpath. Turns his back to the ocean. Heads for the liquor store instead.
It all seems like a distant memory now. Some fevered dream. But he knows it happened. He knows it was real. As real as those few items he was able to grab before they herded him onto the plane back home. Before they so ruthlessly excommunicated him from his role.
These were his keepsakes to saviour. His reminders of a better time.
He takes them from his pocket. The Apple Watch. The tube of Shiseido sunscreen. And the strand of hair, so curly and black and thick. He holds it to his nose, sniffs. He can still smell the Lion’s scent.
He will have it all again, he says out loud, though nobody is listening. His soft feet thud towards the liquor store’s neon lights. He will have it all again. Some day.
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Honestly, all this “lol Elo, what a kook” narrative is crass.
He wasn’t brought in to run a surfing organization. There would have been dozens if not hundreds of better candidates to do that. He was brought in to turn the WSL into a media company and sell the TV rights off the back of the wave pool and the Olympics. Then Dirk could cash in his chips and get his money back, preferably with a few million profit.
That’s why we got the stupid final 5, the mid year cut, the hobbling of the triple crown, Surfing Victoria being forced to sell them Bells, and finals day at Trestles. Even the decisions before he arrived like the rescheduling of pipe fiasco, ending the season in September, and buying the wave pool were for this aim.
If anyone really knows why he got sacked then just post it. Probably got loaded and put the hard word on someone. That’s gross misconduct and no surprise he had to walk the plank. But hey, not so long ago one of the head judges was sleeping with a female world champ and he kept his job.
lol! That was excellent!
How low, how ridiculous can you go, dude, go, just go, write a book, write a blog, just write this overly descriptive rhetoric nonsense, you dare bring christ into a bs articlebon the lame duck Eric Logan, ELo c’mon from the beginning he was absolutely worthless at taking the helm, he screwed Tudor so bad, his kharma still hasn’t come about on him on that.
Are we allowed to bring Santa Claus, or the Great Pumpkin into a BS article?
Asking for a friend.
“Here, JMD..hold this...”
(insert after 2nd paragraph) and a wad dropped on his his plaided collar “damn those flyin chickens…thought those days were behind me.”
“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”
― Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Nicely done.
But I don’t see him as the enemy. He’s a product of the enemy, though. Ostensibly, a cheap & disposable one. They’ll keep being trudged out, for us to obsess over.
What might have happened to an ELO if they hired him off Oprah for the job back in the 80s or 90s?
All I can say after spending a week in g land I know how old mate feels………no where to hide
I still can’t believe he tried to back door that particular Brazilian surfer (particularly without lube!).
jerk’s his chicken…like pee-wee/
Why’d he get booted anyways? Chasing poon?
Impressive package.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Youve hit a bottom
nicely done
Nothing left but a fistfull of brazzillian pubes … how fitting the final chapter ends for elo
Name a “job” that’s better than selling shaved ice, when you have an IQ of 50.
My bad, I forgot about “chief of sport”.
Soon to be Queen of the Nerang Maccas Drive-thru, I hope.
It is “shave ice”…. like you shave your face if you’re old enough, nut I guess you aren’t.
Wonder if Billy K gives his ol mate a call ? Or Kai L?
Prolly not.
Bare feet – at least he is practicing grounding!! Nice write up Ads
BUT
Doesnt this muppet have a family ?
Thought i read 2 daughters and wife previously?
So why hasnt someone just knocked on his fucking door and gotten the interview?
Many years ago
Journalists journalisted
Now they press release
Or frivolously write some steamy twaddle to appease their conscience about their latest cut n paste.
This has potential as an ongoing BG series. Sort of a cross between Point Break, Hunger Games, and Brokeback Mountain. You should collaborate with KVF on future episodes.
I guess he’s either moving onward or is employed at “Onward” now. The only company called “Onward” out there is a medical device company dedicated to helping people with spinal cord injuries walk/move again.
Imagine ELo promising some paraplegic kid that he’ll be able to walk again within 6 months and that not happening at all.
Lots of deliciously nihilistic potential there for the next segment of this series.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Amber Heard: “Yes, I was pledging a donation…” to the ACLU and Child Care at St. Jude’s…”Like ELO…”
Just walk, keep walking, you can feel it…onward…it’s the forward momentum…the momentum is real.
Even if I am not.
Ya though, I’m guessing Elo’s happy to move on.. For him a hobby’s just a hobby after all. Where as, Chas and David Lee Scales are still trapped in the Dungeon of Surf Gossip Blogs and the dead end tar pit they’ve mistaken for a flourishing surf podcast sea. But there’s solace in that empty void they’re stuck in. It’s a safe space after all, where their voices can reign unchallenged and stroking each others ego’s feels supreme.
Over inflated egos are rampant in surfing. Chas and David Lee have way less than most.
I wasn’t commenting on the size of Chas and David’s ego’s, but on how they get energized by publicly stroking each others ego’s off-I should have clarified, specifically in regards to their long running WSL smear campaign, where they passionately purport to have all the answers while the WSL is eternally wrong. It just seems stale and lazy. They could do better. Just having someone who disagrees would make it way more interesting. For all their talk of “Wall of positive noise” criticisms, they’re just being the opposite. A wall of negative noise.
Fair criticism but they have discussed how to restructure and revitalize the tour but that requires first restructuring the front office. And no sign that’s going to happen. Also they are going to ome across as negative, bc they view their role not just as journalists but as critics. Critics of the corporatization of professional surfing, of surfing culture and of the broader culture and world we live in. That sounds pretty lofty and pretentious perhaps and they often fall short. But even when they miss, you don’t hold it against them bc they don’t take themselves too seriously and they’re a likable and talented group of writers that feed us content, feed us dinner, and then you finish off the meal with the dessert, the comments, which are frequently as good as the main course.
I disagree with their ideas about restructuring, and I disagree with a fair amount of their criticisms. They just come off like a broken record. Really about every 6 months I try to listen, and inevitably just hear the same bs.
For years they have harped on how the tour needs less surfers- I disagree. The more surfers (as the tour typically has had) the more surfing I get to see my favorite surfers do, as they decimate the larger field. That being said the WSL did axe a number of surfers (like Chas and Dave have always harped on) with the mid year cut. Though neither Chas or Dave ever pointed out that from their perspective that’s a good thing. Chas and David start with the assumption that the WSL can do no right. This is a Fox News propaganda type stance. The flip side of the WSL always being wrong, is implied that Chas and Dave are always right (occasionally self deprecation doesn’t negate that).
I believe Dave recently said to cut the Tour down 5 so you can strike mission the best waves wherever. That sounds more like an exhibition than a tour. Or a team boat trip for a video. The reality in surfing is sometimes even the best spots in the world have crappy waves over a given window during their best seasons. I appreciate seeing the top pro’s being forced to surf less than perfect conditions. That’s a challenge too, that most surfers deal with. I find it entertaining even motivating. Who’s still gonna seize the opportunity? Lesser days also makes the days they score that much more valuable. Same as for the rest of us.
Chas and David like to harp on the commentators. Who cares about the commentators? I’m watching for the surfing. If I’m cooking or folding laundry, I want to be informed someone is riding a wave. If I want stories and opinion there are a million podcasts for that . Also the commentators on the Natural Selection snowboard tour that Circe produces do the the same crap. Yet Beachgrit only has glowing idealized coverage of that.
Which brings me too the fact that a lot of Chas’s criticisms could also be leveraged at the Natural Selection tour.. Though Beachgrits coverage of Natural Selection is always glowing and positive. Which makes Chas’s long running smear campaign on the WSL look more like a power move, than an actual desire to improve the tour.
Also, it’s super easy for Chas and Dave to purport that they have all the answers when they can disregard all the real life constraints that the WSL has to deal with to make it all happen. I could go on and on, elaborate more, but this is already too long.
In Chas’s defense he’s from Oregon now living in So Cal, surrounded by absurd amounts of tacky surf culture, so being jaded makes sense. Also, his gift is for attacking. So being forced to endlessly write and talk about surfing (which has to feel nauseating most of the time), must naturally make him want to attack his oppressors.