"A single website has a choke hold on surfing..."
The World Surf League’s 2023 Championship Tour is now in the rearview and along with it all the flotsam and jetsam of professional surfing at its highest level. Bailey Ladders, Candy Crushes, Jessi Miley-Dyer’s increasingly “cry-for-help” fashion choices, the ghost of Erik Logan, mid-season culls, suspect forecasts and lousy waves.
The penultimate in that incomplete list came courtesy of Surfline, the World Surf League’s official forecasting partner, and the Huntington Beach-based website has had quite a few years. From absorbing Magic Seaweed, getting a $30 million dollar infusion from The Chernin Group to the recent sudden departure of a visionary CEO and seeming pivot away from fresh ideas, Surfline has been on a ride.
No space in our cloister is as polarizing as Surfline, some enjoying, others hate-using, others still just hating. The heat growing so hot that even The Atlantic felt the warmth and touched with bare hands. In a just-published expose, steamy, the historically important liberal American magazine asked a who’s who of relevant surf players, including Matt Warshaw, William Finnegan and “grumpier critics” in an attempt to discern if the tool is a “this big kind of evil corporation.
A brief description of Surfline leads into concerns about post-pandemic overcrowding and Surfline’s “strangle hold” on forecasting’s role in the mess.
Head forecaster Kevin Wallis, a name very familiar amongst surf aficionados, is consulted and attempts to puncture rumors that untrue forecasts are purposefully delivered and that Surfline employees turn off cameras near their favorite breaks in order to minimize crowds.
“There’s a real sense of responsibility,” he said. “It would be terrible for our business model to do anything but our absolute best in providing people with the most accurate information.”
The whispers are left at that.
At the end, Finnegan stands up for Surfline, declaring, “I live in Manhattan, and I do not know how we surfed from here without Surfline. There are really good waves within an hour of New York City. But you really, really have to nail it.”
Warshaw too, adding, “The whole history of surf is taking advantage of everything you can to surf better to get more waves. If you’re in the ocean, that’s all that counts.”
Pushovers.
Surfline Man was, somehow, not consulted.
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When we put life before surfing, as most of us have had to do at one point or another, we are not supposed to score good waves. The fact that surfline offers relief to the surfline man in these situations allows us to be ok with letting life get in the way of surfing but with out the fomo. I say no! Surf or don’t. If you don’t know how to score good surf or are not cool with surfing bad surf you might not be a surfer. I truly believe the covid surf craze would end if the plug was pulled on the surfline man. Let the VALs earn it like we had to. Long live surfing.
Its simple and obvious, ‘swell’ reports and forecasts are shamelessly overinflated to spike and conflate interest(s) and click-bait $$$.
Storm surf for the win, Surflie has the cams though so you have to subscribe to both.
we love surfline down here as the VALS swear by it , which means we get lots of surfers when Surfline says it’s going to be good….which is about 50% of the time….by far the worst forecasting site….I often get asked is there a conspiracy that they are so bad which favors local surfers,LOL!
nearly everybody I know , whether its europe/South Africa/Hawaii and those in the know in australia…use Windguru…..
but of course if you need to watch cams to work out the surf….well that’s another VAL story!
Windguru has been the gold standard for forecasts for years, free long range 16 day
Since Sean Collins passed away surfline have become a tv channel , creating crowds everywhere with no fucks given , US corporate greed model 101
There’s no substitute for knowing how to read the B&W Mean Sea Level Pressure Chart
Is he coming out like Tyler? That kind of so much to say?
Hahahar – that’s a good trick, I have to admit.
They don’t do it here tho.
Everyone hates it. Everyone also has a collection of grainy video grabs from Rewind recording their four stage roundhouse cutties
Surfline Man is too busy looking at ebikes for his new mtn bike hobby. He learned they can double as a board carrier for super long hikes into the perfect break and they look super cool on the Sprinter rack
I miss MSW 🙁
I’m not gonna lie, Surfline is pretty important to my current situation, swell-catching wise. I hate being in the thrall of a corporate monolith that’s probably overall bad for the life of [surfers who stood up before age 14] but whatever — my boards are made of fiberglass and not bamboo too.
NOAA buoy swell and wind forecasts are a more reliable source of information.
“Just one more question ma’m…do you own cats?”
https://sadanduseless.b-cdn…
Maybe it’s about time Surline Man got introduced to a crew from the wrong side of the tracks, gets on the meth and turns into a gun-totin’ hardcore surf gangster (with neck tattoos for good measure).
Or heads off sight seeing around the Horn of Africa before a triumphant return home to write about it, and dabble in slightly surf-adjacent gossip (with neck tattoos just for fun)…
I need to delete my surfline subscription only cause it leads me to surf less. I watch the cams see its mostly shit and don’t paddle out. Without Surfline I surfed more although mostly in worse conditions. Its either Surfline’s fault or im getting old.
I had to get over that by just showing up in the dark before you can see anything on the cams. Maybe bc of Surfline, those pre-dawn moments tend not to be too bad even at the most crowded spots — presume everyone is waiting to see what it looks like on the cams before heading out. Gives you a few minutes of at least sitting in the ocean (w/ no waves) or catching a few little ones before the crowd shows up.
Same same
Interestingly enough, the author also interviewed me for the piece sometime between Tahiti and Finals Day (full interview story below). I’m assuming it didn’t make it in, as, like with the full two-week forecast for Surfline, I never saw the rest refusing to pay/subscribe for it…
A man pulls into the Starbucks parking lot nervous and sweating excessively despite the air conditioning in his truck being cranked full blast. He came here to talk about… something with some writer who reached out to him a few days back to talk about surfing. He was nervous because he couldn’t for the life of him remember what about surfing they were supposed to talk about…
“What was it?…” he mutters to himself audibly, all schizo.
*Tap on the glass*
Startled, the man seeing the face and figure of the woman who just tapped on his driver side window, stumbles around trying to get out of his car, fully embarrassed by the obscene number of empty Diet Dr. Pepper two-liter bottles piled up on the floor behind his seat.
“Hhhhuhhiya,” he says upon opening his door.
“Are you Karl? Karl Von Fanningstadt?” the young woman asks with an affected German “shtaht.”
“Ye-yeeeahhh,” the man stammers.
“Ooh, great! I’m Caroline!” she exclaims, putting her hand out for a handshake, which he accepts, clasping her hand a little too limply, remembering only halfway through to try to squeeze harder as to project confidence.
“You must be a pretty big dork to pronounce it like that…”
“That’s not how you pronounce it?”
“I don’t know.”
The stand there looking at each other for a few seconds, awkwardly silent.
“So, thank you for coming here to meet me at my usual spot,” she says, breaking the ice.
“No problem, not like I have anything better to do,” he offers, which she laughs at, not understanding that, really, he does not have anything better to do.
They walk into the shop together, Karl pretending to look up at the menu board like he might actually be interested in something.
“Did you want anything?” she asks, pulling her phone out of her purse to pay with her app.
“N–no, that’s fine…”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I don’t drink coffee…”
“Oh, OK,” she says as they make their way to the front.
She orders some long-winded thing the man does not pay any attention to. As she finishes her order, the man looks nervously at her and the barista kind of feeling pressured into paying for the drink even though he is neither with her nor is he trying to get with her. As she pays for it and the two turn to head for a small table, the man looks at the confused barista, pumping his eyebrows up and down with a flat-mouthed sheepish expression.
“So, what was it that you wanted to talk about again?” asks the man.
“Huh, oh, we were going to talk about Surfline, remember?”
“Right… was just seeing if you remembered,” he blurts, clearly not having known on his end.
“So,” she starts, opening up her laptop, “what are your thoughts on Surfline?”
“I don’t really have any thoughts.”
“Err, OK, um… that’s what… wait, really?”
“I mean, I used to look at the cameras when you could watch 30-seconds at a time without paying… now I rarely use it, mostly just to look at the tides…”
“OK, well, any thoughts about what the website means for surfing?”
“As a whole?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Nope.”
The two sit quietly for a few brief moments, the girl clearly a little peeved.
“I thought you would be a bit more dynamic to talk to…”
“Oh, am I not?… haha just kidding, yeah, no, it’s like talking to mud.”
“How…. ummm…”
“What made you want to interview me?”
“I’ve read your funny..”
“Ish,” he interjects.
“Stories…”
“Thank you.”
“As well as some other stuff and thought you would be interesting to talk to.”
“Welp, guess not. Sorry.”
“Urggh,” she grunts out exasperatedly.
“I feel ya… kinda how I feel about Surfline too… fuck ’em.”
“Really?” she asks excitedly.
“Sorta…”
She starts to put her computer away in the reusable shopping bag she brought…
“So, you think I should write a Power Rankings for Lowers?”
“What?”
“Finals Day?”
“Ohhhh, yeah, sure why not,” she tries to say nonchalantly, he flushed cheeks betraying the words she speaks.
“Why not? Because… well, would you rather hear some of my TV show ideas?”
“Do they have to do with surf?”
“Yes!”
They talk for the next twenty-five minutes about various concepts he has for TV shows starring surfers… and by “talk,” it means he won’t shut up about a bunch of stupid premises, mostly different seasons (12!) of a show he calls Ferreira Files while she interjects with “huh”s and “really”s…
“Well, that’s about it…” he says as he runs out of steam.
“That was very interesting, I think you have a few winners… anyway, I think I’ve got what I need and will get going. It was a great pleasure to meet you,” she says with a look of enamor struck across her face, intent eyes, reddened cheeks, and slightly agape mouth. She gets up from her seat and offers a hug. He stands up and gives it to her, the two clutching each other for two milliseconds longer than necessary for a goodbye hug…
“Well, have a great day today, I’ll call if I need anything…” she trails off.
“OK, you, too,” he farts.
She leaves him there in the shop, he staying only because he has to pee real bad. As he walks toward her chair to push it in, he notices the seat to be wet where the crotch area would be.
“No way,” he thinks to himself. He stares at the wet spot, almost unbelieving that it was there, “you still got it,” he swishes his hands to waft it towards his nose until he get an overwhelming smell: pee.
“Gross,” he says to no one in particular, the various guests viewing him do all this looking like some sort of pervert. He wipes his fingers across the wet and smells.
“Yo, no, it really is pee!” he shouts, everyone staring at him like he’s really a pervert. Right then, the baristo comes out from behind the counter to escort the man out of the store.
“Whoa, I’m going,” Karl says, making his way to the door.
“That girl’s name is not ‘Caroline,’ btw,” the baristo let the man know.
“Fucking weirdo.”
and under his breath KV
SF mutters: wet bikini bottom contest winner!Could I pitch to you the alternate series title “On-tour-rage – the Ferreira files.” Like, you know, the Wahlberg (vhaaahul-burcuh) series.
The Atlantic article is clearly a McGuffin of a front of a façade of one Eric ELO Logan. Look at the author of the article, namely one Caroline Mimbs Nyce, which is an anagram for… get ready …. Barney Memo Clinics. That’s gotta be ELO.
Surfline Man is now a person of interest regarding a suspicious fire at an Oceanside hotel last weekend. One eyewitness claims the lunatic was yelling that he’s “had it up to here* with the mockery!”
*Sources indicate “here” meant three Jason Statham roundhouse kicks to the head
Crank. Jason & Amy Smart were there…banging to keep the adrenaline flowing. friction caused the fire!
Bahahahaha, solid.
Count me in the, “I hate it but pay it.”
Simple fact is one years sub can save you a shitload of $$$$$$ the first time you think about jumping in your wagon to go surf – or not. Gas is pretty much $3/litre here and big distances between breaks. I’m not at all interested in their forecasts – it’s sole benefit are the cams and cams kill surf breaks. Soooo, it’s a double edged sword – I stump up and pay, Young astro reaps the benefits …
the fact that young astro cares about Surfline is all you really need.
I was relentless on the silly fuckah years ago. He’s learnt.
After another needless trip to check on the beach or ye auld I’m just going for a look, I’m all – oh and how much gas did you blow today, ya ? And – I’m going to buy shares in Caltex. Want some?
Hahahahar.