Twins. Photo: @LairdSuperFood
Twins. Photo: @LairdSuperFood

Lonely surf journalist gets back down to “The People’s Work” after premium surf blog Stab abdicates duty!

Chas Smith

By

Afflicting the comfortable and comforting the afflicted.

Well color me dumbb. I was stunned, this morning, after reading premium subscription surf website Stab’s heartfelt defense of “access journalism” after its Editor-in-Chief failed to ask the World Surf League Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer why former CEO Erik Logan was unceremoniously sacked whilst galavanting though Brazil.

Co-founder Sam McIntosh took to arms attempting to shred “dickheads” who would dare question the “global home of surfing” and risk losing the ability to licensing footage all while elbowing Steph Gilmore under the bus (oops).

Stab’s comment section, mostly a Wall of Positive Noise, much to my furthered shock. Many praise for brave open collaboration only punctuated by a few gems that snuck through the censors, like this one from filmmaker Paul Taubleib.

“You sold your soul for a two-hour jump on releasing a tour schedule? ‘Afflict the comfortable and comfort the afflicted’ – the great HL Mencken on journalism. There is a wavy line in matters of trust and access but to admittedly descend into unadulterated toadyism, and to equate a bit of discretion in personal issue with covering a league is pure embarrassing solipsism.”

Well, it is time to leave consternation behind and re-shoulder The People’s™ Work.

Afflicting the comfortable and comforting the afflicted.

On that note, have you examined Laird Hamilton and his wife Gabby Reece lately? In a recent spot for Laird Superfood’s Pumpkin Spice creamer, the two are sipping autumn’s favorite flavor and it is, truly, impossible to tell them apart.

Not a bad thing, certainly. The couple is the very picture of health, bronze, healthy full hair.

They are also now twins.

And how do you feel about spouses transitioning into each other? A listener to The Grit! podcast wondered the same thing, today, and wrote in with his ponderings:

Gents, I’ve got a concern. I was on the sofa scrolling when I was fed an ad by Laird Superfoods. Laird’s chiseled, tanned image caught me and I stopped to watch. He was sitting at the counter and Gabby walks over with a cup of pumpkin spiced creamed coffee, sits down, and unison, they take a sip and nod approvingly at one another. And I’ll be damned if it didn’t look like Laird was looking straight into a mirror. Maybe through shared workouts, maybe through their shared diet, but Laird and Gabby have morphed into one another. Gabby’s musculature had increased, and if Laird’s sun kissed blonde locks are a mere 6 inches shorter than Gabby’s but certainly, by mid January that will match, too.

Almost aghast, I turned to share this epiphany with my wife and, lo and behold, I saw, for the first time, a version of me starting right back. We’ve been married for 22 years and if I look back at our wedding photos, there is a noticeable transition that has taken place in these two decades. We’ve swapped plenty of DNA in those years, but never did I think the results would transform our appearance. How is this happening? And, she’s gorgeous, so I shouldn’t be fighting it, but what if she’s morphs more towards me and I spoil her beauty. Science is of no help. Please boys, do you thing!

One other thing, Gabby runs his insta account!

She does.

How to navigate? David Lee Scales and I discuss, in depth, on today’s program without asking for Jessi Miley-Dyer’s approval.

Will you enjoy?

No.

But would you like to give it a try anyhow?

Thanks!

Surf fan (pictured) in disbelief. Photo: Youth in Revolt
Surf fan (pictured) in disbelief. Photo: Youth in Revolt

Surf fans stunned as Stab co-founder proudly defends trading soul for access in wildly ill-advised boast!

Chas Smith

By

Maximum condescension achieved.

Surf watchers are rubbing their eyes in disbelief, this morning, after reading, then re-reading, Stab’s Sam McIntonsh’s stunning admission that the premium surf blog is openly and proudly collaborationist. The usually cool, calm, collected co-founder, as handsome as any man who has ever sauntered though our world, came undone after the latest “surfer interview” featuring World Surf League Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer.

Healthy and honest criticism for studiously avoiding “tough questions” floated instantly on BeachGrit and on Stab’s own comment forum leading McIntosh to let everyone see him sweat in a wildly ill-advised defense titled Risk Reward: The Dickhead Index.

In it, McIntosh declares, in the day of social media, modern media is “essentially worthless” and is only as successful as the access it has. From there, he discusses how Stab received the 2024 World Surf League championship tour schedule a few hours early plus the aforementioned sit down wherein Miley-Dyer was not asked about former CEO Erik Logan’s departure because it would have been “radioactive.”

After a definition of “access journalism,” McIntosh takes the opportunity to boast that Stab holds its editorial meetings at the exclusive Soho House Malibu while patting the subscription website on its back for not outing a “surf talent’s” relationship with celebrity that would have brought “untold traffic and notoriety” and stays “buried to this day,” even though the eagle-eye’d can now likely suss out the involved parties.

Finally, McIntosh punctures George Orwell’s famed quote “journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed: everything else is public relations,” by bragging that in being spineless, Stab is able to bring the world stunning masterpieces like Peter Schroff and Hayden Cox shaping a board together even though they used to have beef.

All honest and fair as it relates to what Stab is and what it does, though does seem unnecessary to publicly admit and, also, infantilize its audience, spooning baby food into eager mouths.

Maximum condescension.

The real troubling bit, I suppose, is when McIntosh sets up an either/or between HBO and The New York Times then Netflix and “celebrity gossip.”

Per the piece:

“Storytelling 101 is giving our audience something they don’t know. Education and entertainment are what we try to do. There’s a reason the NY Times doesn’t make TV shows. There’s a reason HBO doesn’t do celebrity news. They are two very different types of media.

Given their access with superstars, can you imagine how well Netflix or Disney could do celebrity gossip? It would be otherworldly. Can you imagine how tough it would be for the NY Times or TMZ to flip and start trying to secure talent for documentaries, series or events? Harley Levin is a gent who would struggle to get a return phone call.”

Aside from butchering the name “Harley” Levin, the statement is wildly and completely ridiculous. The New York Times makes all sorts of entertainment. HBO does all sorts of celebrity news. Furthermore, Netflix and Disney do all sorts of celebrity gossip and TMZ makes all sorts of documentaries. Further furthermore, where is the line drawn, exactly, between “celebrity gossip,” expose, whistle blown, scoop?

The aforementioned can, anyhow, can straddle because they have enough audience to do so and, therefore, are actually needed by politicians, actors, etc. If The Gray Lady, HBO, Netflix, Disney or even TMZ waved the white flag, a la McIntosh, and declared, openly and exactly like Stab, “To the rich and powerful, your secrets are safe with us. Screw the lowly unwashed masses. They will taste what we choose for them to taste and they will like it and they will love us for it…” they would be completely pilloried.

Oh, they each might operate that way, from time to time, or most the time, but to claim that as modus operandi and be both proud and patronizing in equal measure?

Wild.

The fact that McIntosh perspired so plainly about Jessi Miley-Dyer not getting asked why Logan got the boot? Like, the World Surf League shouldn’t be held to that low, low, low, low bar of accountability after the former CEO was pushed in all of our faces for years?

Again, wild and especially in light of Stab’s Google byline reading “Trusted media of core surfers everywhere.”

I guess, in the end, Stab becoming the in-house “trusted media” provider for the World Surf League is a good thing for us, as its video content is generally much better than junk that comes out of “the global home of surfing” in Santa Monica.

Enjoyable interstitials during contests while waves are being missed instead of that static “stay tuned” screen to be expected.

Thank you, Stab. May we have another?

Gilmore’s joint is the sorta place you’d love to raise a family, kids climbing trees in the backyard, running down the street with their little surfboards so they  can get their heads knocked off at the Pass, sub-tropical air filling your lungs, volcanic soil feeding the palm trees in the yard. | Photo: Inset photo @tsherms/Steve Sherman

Surf icon Stephanie Gilmore buys $2.7 million Byron Bay beach shack in possible Owen Wright-esque development play!

Derek Rielly

By

"A monument to greed wearing a spiritual cloak."

The most successful female surfer in history, Ms Stephanie Gilmore, has spent almost three million dollars on a nondescript beach shack in Australia’s Byron Bay, a town recently described as “a monument to greed wearing a spiritual cloak.”

Gilmore, who won her eighth world title after an all-day marathon in 2022 thereby making her the GOAT, as they say, was last seen on these pages five weeks ago when she listed her Tweed Heads apartment for somewhere between 850 and 950k, Australian. She bought it in 2006 for 392k. 

The two-bed condo a few streets back from the Superbank is now under offer thereby fattening the purse of the thirty five year old and providing the liquidity for the Byron purchase. 

(Gilmore, like Mick Fanning, has kept one apartment in the popular building.)

The three-bedder in Byron is on almost 8000 square feet of dirt and is four-hundred yards away from Owen Wright’s  $26 million development of four luxury villas on Daniel St.

Four years ago, you’ll remember, the one-time title contender paid $5.1 million for an unremarkable beach shack which he subsequently bulldozed and turned into four villas, with Owen and his developer partner Burke Urban keeping one apiece, the other two listed at $6.5 mill. One remains on the market. 

Gilmore’s joint is the sorta place you’d love to raise a family, the kids climbing trees in the backyard, running down the street with their little surfboards so they can get their heads knocked off at the Pass, sub-tropical air filling your lungs, volcanic soil feeding the palm trees in the yard.

Likely, like Owen, she’ll call in the bulldozer, subdivide the land and construct a couple of cubist, all-concrete boxes with tiny swimming pools in their abbreviated backyards and with art-deco inspired interiors and hues of peach and beige, all of which’ll drive Sydney buyers nuts. Four mill apiece I’d guess. 

The Massinger Street house last sold in 2011 for 800k. A little lipstick was applied here and there but the owner still walking away with close to two mill. 

The question, I suppose, for financially savvy readers at least, is this: is property development the best creator of wealth and passive income for investors a little shy of the money markets?

Or better to throw into EFTs etc?

World Surf League Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer pitches beloved champion Carissa Moore under bus in damning new interview!

Chas Smith

By

Extra rude and for no reason.

One of the more surprising turns of the past decade has been Stab magazine’s transition from rough n rowdy naughty time to respectable organ. Following the zeitgeist from Bondi to Venice down to Oceanside, the premium website, today, delivers all manner of quality content alongside straight-faced propaganda from the World Surf League. Its bold collaborationist attitude garners small gifts from the “global home of surfing” including early peeks at upcoming schedules and sit downs with Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer.

Miley-Dyer, now the “face of the brand” since the sensually-tinged departure of Chief of Executive Erik “let’s-play-a-touching-game” Logan, sat down with Stab’s new editor-in-chief Mikey Ciaramella (congrats!), recently, to discuss various matters. Certainly essential though one bit stood out most.

As we learned, yesterday, Finals Day will be held at Lower Trestles again and, likely, forevermore meaning that Filipe Toledo will win on the men’s side and someone not named Carissa Moore will win on the women’s side. Ciaramella asked, “Are there any internal conversations about Carissa or John, and what their future with the WSL might look like if you guys don’t make certain changes to the Finals format or locations?”

To which Miley-Dyer replied, “Look, I wouldn’t want to speak on behalf of athletes — especially big stars like that. It’s important that they make their own decisions and that we respect any decision they make for themselves. I want to support them no matter what. I would absolutely love to see John competing in the Final Five for sure. He’s someone that every year fans have been watching and hoping for. As for Carissa, I wouldn’t want to speak for her as to how she’s evaluating her future with the sport.”

Doesn’t that seem entirely dismissive toward Moore?

Personal even?

Like, extra rude and for no reason?

As if the stately Hawaiian has somehow become a burden?

Moore has been absolutely ripped off by the World Surf League’s decision to crown champions at a dumb venue with a new dumb format, missing out on at least one, if not two, titles. She has carried herself with poise and grace, even still. A second coming of Duke Kahanamoku. If the continued idiocy pushes her off tour, though, it’ll be a great loss for the WSL, one it will not easily recover from, I’d imagine.

The end nigh etc.

World Surf League Finals Day one of most watched sporting events of 2023 according to its own numbers!

Chas Smith

By

The momentum of professional surfing is REAL!

Let us all, Chris Cote aside, be honest for just one moment. The World Surf League is the greatest comedy show in town. Absurd in a form that would make Franz Kafka absolutely jealous. Andy Kaufman rolling over in his grave recognizing the stunt to end all stunts. From deposed CEO Erik Logan to Jessi Miley-Dyer’s various pantsuits, the “global home of professional surfing” has transitioned to peak ridiculous. More tomorrow on the aforementioned Chief of Sport’s sit down with collaborationist surf media Stab wherein the beloved Carissa Moore is completely pilloried, but today we have the nether regions of a press release.

Namely, the World Surf League claiming, without irony, that 10 million plus souls tuned into the just-wrapped Lower Trestles Finals Day.

25 mil in the “lead up to competition.”

Per the lightly viewed presser:

This is how we stacked up vs. real sport viewing in the United States.

For the win, I suppose.

Do you believe?

Is the “momentum of professional surfing real?”

Calling Erik Logan, wherever you may be…