World Surf League Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer pitches beloved champion Carissa Moore under bus in damning new interview!

Extra rude and for no reason.

One of the more surprising turns of the past decade has been Stab magazine’s transition from rough n rowdy naughty time to respectable organ. Following the zeitgeist from Bondi to Venice down to Oceanside, the premium website, today, delivers all manner of quality content alongside straight-faced propaganda from the World Surf League. Its bold collaborationist attitude garners small gifts from the “global home of surfing” including early peeks at upcoming schedules and sit downs with Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer.

Miley-Dyer, now the “face of the brand” since the sensually-tinged departure of Chief of Executive Erik “let’s-play-a-touching-game” Logan, sat down with Stab’s new editor-in-chief Mikey Ciaramella (congrats!), recently, to discuss various matters. Certainly essential though one bit stood out most.

As we learned, yesterday, Finals Day will be held at Lower Trestles again and, likely, forevermore meaning that Filipe Toledo will win on the men’s side and someone not named Carissa Moore will win on the women’s side. Ciaramella asked, “Are there any internal conversations about Carissa or John, and what their future with the WSL might look like if you guys don’t make certain changes to the Finals format or locations?”

To which Miley-Dyer replied, “Look, I wouldn’t want to speak on behalf of athletes — especially big stars like that. It’s important that they make their own decisions and that we respect any decision they make for themselves. I want to support them no matter what. I would absolutely love to see John competing in the Final Five for sure. He’s someone that every year fans have been watching and hoping for. As for Carissa, I wouldn’t want to speak for her as to how she’s evaluating her future with the sport.”

Doesn’t that seem entirely dismissive toward Moore?

Personal even?

Like, extra rude and for no reason?

As if the stately Hawaiian has somehow become a burden?

Moore has been absolutely ripped off by the World Surf League’s decision to crown champions at a dumb venue with a new dumb format, missing out on at least one, if not two, titles. She has carried herself with poise and grace, even still. A second coming of Duke Kahanamoku. If the continued idiocy pushes her off tour, though, it’ll be a great loss for the WSL, one it will not easily recover from, I’d imagine.

The end nigh etc.

World Surf League Finals Day one of most watched sporting events of 2023 according to its own numbers!

The momentum of professional surfing is REAL!

Let us all, Chris Cote aside, be honest for just one moment. The World Surf League is the greatest comedy show in town. Absurd in a form that would make Franz Kafka absolutely jealous. Andy Kaufman rolling over in his grave recognizing the stunt to end all stunts. From deposed CEO Erik Logan to Jessi Miley-Dyer’s various pantsuits, the “global home of professional surfing” has transitioned to peak ridiculous. More tomorrow on the aforementioned Chief of Sport’s sit down with collaborationist surf media Stab wherein the beloved Carissa Moore is completely pilloried, but today we have the nether regions of a press release.

Namely, the World Surf League claiming, without irony, that 10 million plus souls tuned into the just-wrapped Lower Trestles Finals Day.

25 mil in the “lead up to competition.”

Per the lightly viewed presser:

This is how we stacked up vs. real sport viewing in the United States.

For the win, I suppose.

Do you believe?

Is the “momentum of professional surfing real?”

Calling Erik Logan, wherever you may be…

“At some level I’m super impressed that WSL put it out there. It feels incredibly fifth column. It’s like if Wild Wild Country was released as a promo for Rajneesh.” Matt Warshaw on the WSL’s Sound Waves episode featuring Kelly Slater and mystic Charlie Goldsmith.

The 50 Best Quotes in Surfing, “Kelly Slater in middle age is anti-factual, irresponsible, and flagrantly narcissistic”

The Matt Warshaw edition!

Yesterday, we presented part one of our fifty best quotes in surfing special, a search engine optimisation story designed to be evergreen and which was forcefully suggested by a man in Chicago who is an expert in these sorta things and who comes highly recommended. 

A terrific gap, of course, with the exclusion of Seattle-based surf historian Matt Warshaw, a man whose striking and vivid stories grip the reader like no other writer.

Here, therefore, are twenty-five of Warshaw’s best although the list is in no way complete or exhaustive. Feel free to add yours below the line. 

“He was the slouching near-mute apotheosis of surf-cool: draining an afternoon beer, flicking a cigarette butt to the side before riding the biggest, thickest, meanest wave of the day.” Matt Warshaw on Pat Curren.

“Surfing is no longer hip or cool; who cares? We’re still out there riding, surrounded by ocean…” Matt Warshaw. 

“The target, or sweet spot, or pleasure zone, got smaller and smaller, and I got tired of firing and missing. It dipped way below that 9-to-1 ratio, and I buckled. From age 45 on, my rails were stickier, the takeoffs were harder, and next thing I’m kicking the trashcan like Coach on Letterkenny screaming ‘It’s fucking embarrassing.’” Matt Warshaw on quitting surfing in middle age.

“Waves are the whole show. Waves are the only interesting thing about surfing. You’re a poetry-hating anti-New Age atheist with a penchant for hardcore rationalism? Same here. But at some level we know, we feel, that we are riding ocean-transported sunbeams, and it is magical.” Matt Warshaw on the indefinable joy of surfing. 

“We’ve traded magic for perfection.” Matt Warshaw on the unveiling of Kelly Slater’s Lemoore wavepool in 2016.

“Surfing in a wavepool is… take your pick. Parkour, half-pipe, gymnastics. Except worse, because those sports will never be any better or worse than what they are, while surfing in a wavepool you’re kind of sticking your finger in the eye of the whole deal.” Matt Warsaw on wavepools.

“John Florence, to me, is the blankest of all slates. I don’t say that to be cruel. But it’s like the way people talk about Ronald Reagan, where you try and look inside him and just get… nothing.” Matt Warshaw on two-time world champ John John Florence. 

“One hundred percent bullshit, all of it. But that doesn’t take anything away from how full-on addicted we all were, maybe still are, to riding inside the tube. I can’t explain it.” Matt Warshaw on the mysticism of tuberiding. 

“Surf media is always 95% crap and 5% great.” Matt Warshaw on the gatekeepers. 

“The Endless Summer showed what it’s like to be a surfer on the hunt — or the family-friendly version, anyway; no drugs, no drinking, no pussy.” Matt Warshaw on the most popular surf movie of all time. 

“At some level I’m super impressed that WSL put it out there. It feels incredibly fifth column. It’s like if Wild Wild Country was released as a promo for Rajneesh.” Matt Warshaw on the WSL’s Sound Waves episode featuring Kelly Slater and mystic Charlie Goldsmith. 

“It’s an embarrassment. Not for Keala, but the WSL.” Matt Warshaw on Kauai’s Keala Kennelly winning a big-wave world title without successfully standing up on one wave.

“Suicidal jihadists gave us a world champ, and I think it’s surfy to laugh at that.” Matt Warshaw on CJ Hobgood’s 2001 world title. 

“Ewing’s surfing is beautiful, you could admire it all day, but Toledo leaves you on the edge of your seat.” Matt Warshaw on Finals Day, 2023. 

“Fail-wise, it was just beyond epic.  And so very public… Filipe’s deal is un-spinnable. He isn’t ready for prime time at Teahupoo…Matt Warshaw on Filipe Toledo’s zero heat total at Teahupoo in 2015. 

“WSL decision-making is so bad it feels like performance art.” Matt Warshaw on the World Surf League’s direction, leadership etc.

“Martin Potter’s jaw-grinding voice sounds as if its been filtered through six espresso shots and a migraine headache. Ross Williams’ has me considering preemptive adenoidal surgery for my son. Rosy Hodge? Who can hear her above the angel choir and softly strumming lutes?” Matt Warshaw on WSL commentators. 

“I’m going to hate-watch the Surf Ranch Pro, and hope it fails so badly that Sophie flies to Honolulu and throws signed checks at the feet of the powers that be to restore the Pipe Masters.” Matt Warshaw on the wildly unpopular Surf Ranch Pro. 

“Pottz just seems irritated at all times. He’s kind of a bully. He likes to intimidate. He’s always been that way, even at 15. It made him great as a surfer, but it doesn’t work in the booth.” Matt Warshaw on now-disappeared commentator Martin Potter, also the 1989 world champ. 

“Joe brings nothing to the table but mellow, mindless enthusiasm, and yeah it drives me nuts.” Matt Warshaw on milquetoast ball-by-ball commentator “Smoking” Joe Turpel.

“Filipe Toledo and Stephanie Gilmore are both righteous champions atop a glitzy, flimsy, hapless professional organization.” Matt Warshaw on the Finals Day concept. 

“Surfing, like all forms of entertainment, need villains, and because Medina is as good a villain as he is a rider of waves the sport is infinitely better for his presence.” Matt Warshaw on triple world champ Gabriel Medina.

“I find it refreshing, purifying even, that Medina goes about his work with so few fucks given as to what we all think about him.” Warshaw on Medina. 

“The mute button is Viagra for my WCT attention span —the quieter it is, the longer I last.” Matt Warshaw don’t like WSL commentary. 

“Kelly Slater’s life as a surfer of incomprehensible talent, in and out of the contest arena, at this point seems completely divorced from his life as a surfing entrepreneur. I can’t square the two.” Matt Warshaw on the greatest athlete in history Kelly Slater. 

Taj Burrow at Cloudbreak. Memories... Photo: WSL
Taj Burrow at Cloudbreak. Memories... Photo: WSL

Jeffreys Bay officially out, Cloudbreak in, Lower Trestles to crown Filipe Toledo (again) as World Surf League releases 2024 Championship Tour schedule!

Let's get ready to grumble!

The World Surf League snuck its official 2024 schedule to collaborationist surf media, overnight. BeachGrit’s spam folder lonely. But let us not be sad. Let us, instead, be mad or glad.

The tour kicks off at the Banzai Pipeline at the end of January followed by Sunset, Peniche, Bells and Margaret.

Mid-season cut.

Then straight to Teahupo’o in May, El Salvador, Brazil and… Cloudbreak, making a triumphant return.

The Final 5 showdown left open at Lowers.


Filipe Toledo’s third consecutive championship assured.

Carissa Moore’s robbing also guaranteed.


Decorated skier Lindsey Vonn desperately seeks surfer help after getting stung on buttocks by massive jellyfish!

" least I caught some waves before."

We surfers, we riders of the sea, are not good for much. Selfish, generally poor at time management, forever crafting plans to sneak away from family functions in order to smack a little lip. BUT there are certain times, certain places, where our expertise is absolutely essential. Navigating airline check-in counter bag weighing machines, for instance, or knowing how to properly deal with painful jellyfish stings.

And thus we have Lindsey Vonn turning her eyes, welling up with tears, in our direction, begging for our help.

The last we saw from the highly decorated skier, she was learning the art of the e-foil while being forced to deal with thirsty messages from a testosterone-soaked Mark Zuckerberg.


Today, though, she is desperate.

Taking to Instagram, the one-time all-time leader in World Cup race victories shared:

“What started off as a great day ended in a giant jellyfish sting/bite… I literally rode over it as I was getting up on the wake surf board. thanks to everyone who gave advice on remedies. Think it’s gonna leave a mark for a while … at least I caught some waves before!”

It was, of course, the surfers in her feed who gave advice on remedies.

The most popular?


Or them telling her she was “hot AF.”


But how do you deal with the painful barbs of the mean ol’ jellyfish?

Do you soak in a nice hot tub, drinking a glass of chilled rosé or… something else?