Slater (pictured) giddy. Photo: WSL
Slater (pictured) giddy. Photo: WSL

North Shore hellmen squeal like bachelorettes in Vegas as favorite rosé partners with fabled Turtle Bay!

Rosé all day!

Summer has turned to autumn, in the northern hemisphere, meaning the North Shore of Oahu is about to get cracking. The seven-mile miracle featuring waves so famous, so wildly well-known, that even grandma in Dubuque is familiar. Waimea Bay, The Banzai Pipeline, Off The Wall and Rocky Rights. Surfers from around the world, attempting to prove their worth, steel spines and gird loins and descend upon the island grim faced and ready for battle.

Though this year, a giddy new crop is on the way.

And you are, no doubt, familiar with the “rosé all day” craze that has swept through the female population during the past decade. Pink wine become the absolute must. But did you know that the brand that really kicked it all off came out of France’s Provence from the winery Chateau D’esclans? Yes, it’s Whispering Angel label became de rigueur at every bachelorette party, every baby shower, every sweet sixteen (don’t tell mom!) and, starting last week, every Pipeline Masters.

Yes, Whispering Angel is partnering with Turtle Bay to offer special cabanas at the resort. Per luxury title Forbes:

The Whispering Angel Cabanas will be a celebration of the luxury goods powerhouse, world-class rosé, and the spirit of aloha that is carried throughout the resort. The Whispering Angel Cabanas are just feet from Turtle Bay Resort’s scenic coastline with a premium view of the surf and sunsets. Open to resort guests and the public, the elevated cabanas will come with a bottle of Whispering Angel Rosé and complimentary light bites, including a fruit arrangement, sourced from the resort’s very own 468-acre Kuilima Farm – that’s a definite wow feature — and artisanal cheese and charcuterie spread. Cabana guests will have access to an exclusive menu featuring additional iconic brands from the MH portfolio, including Ruinart, Moët & Chandon Ice Impérial, and Dom Pérignon. The sommelier-selected libations will be offered either by the glass, bottle, or as a cocktail starting at $15.



But can you imagine da boyz getting on the rosé before paddling out? I’d imagine a whole new lineup vibe.


Which professional, do you think, would best exemplify the “rosé all day” spirit?

Italo Ferreira?

Good choice.

Kanga, with the big buffalo head and, inset, Elon Musk.

Testosterone-squirting big-wave icon Ian “Kanga” Cairns joins Elon Musk in slamming Wikipedia, “The editors are crazed!”

"History is written by those who can harness the most editors."

Ian “Kanga” Cairns, a rough, tough, lover of big chicken-fried steaks, has joined Elon Musk in slamming the online resource Wikipedia for “shocking” inaccuracies.

If you know surfing, you’ll know Kanga, of course. He is a man with the physique of a comic-book hero who ruled big waves, who was pivotal in the creation of a world tour, who would launch the ASP after tearing the game off the IPS’s Fred Hemmings and whose thin-eyed stare could give a man stomach cramps.

Kanga, who is seventy-one, was moved to comment after Musk, the fifty-two-year-old billionaire owner of Twitter/X, as well as SpaceX and the nerd chariot producer Tesla, quipped “History is written by the victors. Well, yes, but not if your enemies are still alive and have a lot of time on their hands to edit Wikipedia”.

(Watch the clip and see Benji Netanyahu add, “History is written by those who can harness the most editors.”)

The baseball-bat-swinging-send-the-king-of-the-hui to jail Kanga replied,

“My personal experience with Wikipedia was shocking. Accused of hacking I finally had to engage with another Ian Cairns in Scotland to vouch for me, that I was me. It makes me doubt every page on the site. It’s not Encyclopedia Brittanica!”

When I asked Kanga, whose bravura was last on full display when he took on surf feminist hero Lucy Small over a meme featuring a white man being hung (Lucy don’t dig white boys!), he came back with:

“I rewrote my profile to match the truth. The next day it had reverted to the old version. I asked why and the thoughts police accused me of hacking the account. They told me I could not update my profile. My conclusion is that the ‘editors’ are crazed and I’ve never been back.” 

Read Kanga’s Wiki page here and tell me what you think they got wrong and what the truth might be! Answers tomoz or whenever the old boy is back on his phone, laptop. 


In a wild escalation of the blood feud, Alana Blanchard weighed in, excoriating Stab after its recent Instagram post captioned "Loyalty is a two-way street" with, "I’m surprised you have the word 'loyalty' in your vocabulary. It’s funny how you portrayed one of the nicest pro surfers as the 'worst' without any explanation of why."

Blood Feud between Stab and Jack Freestone escalates wildly after surf star Alana Blanchard accuses “talent friendly” blog of disloyalty!

"It’s funny how you portrayed one of the nicest pro surfers as the 'worst' without any explanation of why."

It has been a heck of a week for surfing’s most premium blog Stab. Heck of a week.

Things got off weird, just five days ago, when the subscription-based outlet delivered a cashmere cuddly “interview” with the World Surf League’s Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer which succeeded in not asking any difficult question. Fans instantly revolted but instead of taking it on the handsome chin, co-founder Sam McIntosh decided to double down with a throaty defense of “access journalism,” wherein Stab purposefully babies its subjects in order to be friends.

It all might have ended there… except the entirely loved, and just released, second season of How Surfers Get Paid did former Championship Tour stalwart Jack Freestone dirty.

The episode under the microscope features surfboard shapers discussing trade secrets and also fingering Freestone as a “difficult customer.”

Stab, as it is wont to do, attempted to avoid fireworks by claiming the lantern-jaw’d Freestone was “in on it,” penning, “Also, a big thanks must go to Jack Freestone. This episode featured some loose ends and ‘off the record’ quotes from our talent. We interviewed Jack and he was gracious, good humoured and totally unperturbed to have a few jabs by shapers let in.”

Freestone, however, was maybe not all that “in on it” and, perturbed, shot back, “So lame. Always twisting questions and answers. All respect lost.”

Well, in a wild escalation of the blood feud, Freestone’s better half, and surf star, Alana Blanchard weighed in, excoriating Stab after its recent Instagram post captioned “Loyalty is a two-way street” with, “I’m surprised you have the word ‘loyalty’ in your vocabulary. It’s funny how you portrayed one of the nicest pro surfers as the ‘worst’ without any explanation of why. And not too mention you twisted it so it looked like he knew everything that was said about him. #dobetter”

Ouch and especially when an entire business model is built upon being as soft as a down pillow.

Access journalism, I suppose, tricker than previously thought.

As stated before, I spent fifteen or twenty minutes with Freestone in Lemoore and found him to be nothing but open, honest and charming. I am absolutely certain I would feel the same way about Blanchard.

BeachGrit in the Park.

Heroic surfer castigates hundreds of beachgoers who “stood around taking selfies” while he saved woman from drowning!


Yes, I love technology, always and forever, but we can all agree that modern day self documentation has gotten completely out of hand. Camera forever pointed backward. Reams upon reams of digital emptiness. A pack of Narcissuses drowning in ceramic hardened glass.

Well, a British surfer finally had enough with the whole business and castigated hundreds of the crown’s subjects after saving a woman from drowning while they all stood around in selfie mode.

The scene unfolded at Portreath Beach, there on the southwest end of the English pendulum, when a woman got caught in a rip current. Peter Elliott, surfer, watched as she kept getting “battered” by six-foot waves. Being the heroic sort, Elliot immediately paddled into the action and got to the work of lifesaving.

Did those on the beach join in?

According to our brave friend, “Over a hundred people just watched a woman drowning today but only three of us went in to try to help her. This poor lady is beyond incredible, she survived but hundreds of onlookers taking selfies should just hang their heads in shame. Can you imagine how that poor lady fighting for her life felt looking at the beach seeing everyone just watching and doing nothing?”

What complete and utter bollocks.



A helicopter eventually came, hauling the poor lady right up into the sky and to a hospital and the lifeguards were very thankful to our bold brother, saying, “Although we don’t advise members of the public putting themselves at risk, thanks must go to the surfer and friend who aided the casualty whilst the emergency services were en route.”

Though when will this selfie craze end?

Or is this how the dinosaurs went out?

Staring at gorgeous reflections in puddles of mudd?

Begg, at right, just before the life-changing attack. | Photo: 7News

Astonishing bravery of Australian surfer attacked by 12-foot Great White shark revealed, “Both of his hands were balloons from hitting it!”

"He was dragged so deep it went dark and he thought he was going to drown. He was only able to swim for the surface after his foot ripped off at the ankle."

If there is any sort of generational memory or learned behaviours among Great White sharks, the sons of bitches around Port Macquarie must surely be getting the hint. 

Three years ago, thirty-five-year-old surfer Chantelle Doyle was hit by a ten-foot White at Shelly Beach, Port Mac, only for her husband to jump off his board, climb on the shark and beat hell out of it, saving her life.

“It was unbelievable, the scream was incredible and there was splashing everywhere,” witness Jed Toohey said, “Mark, her partner, got her up on the board. Mark was a hero. He started laying into the shark because it wouldn’t let go. He saved her life. He got off his board and started punching the shark. If he hadn’t put his own life at risk, it would have been strong enough to take her out to sea.”

Now, it can be revealed, Toby Begg, the forty-four-year-old surfer who was belted by a twelve-footer one month ago in Port Macquarie, losing a foot and maybe a leg in the process, has become one of the few human beings on earth who can say they survived multiple Great White bites. 

Like Chantelle Doyle’s husband, Beggs got hands although the details certainly make for sobering reading. 

According to our source in Port Mac, Begg was dragged so far underwater it went dark and he thought he was going to drown. He was only able to swim for the surface after his foot ripped off at the ankle. 

Back on the surface, the White hit him again, Begg scrunching into a ball, which would save his life, but causing his leg to take most of the impact.

“Then he was on the surface punching it in the head for ages. Both his hands were balloons from hitting it. After 30 seconds it let go and he started paddling in. It’d severed the femoral artery in his leg and the only thing that saved him was there was a doctor and emergency room nurse walking on the beach (separately who didn’t know each other). His foot is gone and they’re saying his other leg might come off at the hip but they’re trying to save it. He’s a mad keen surfer and wants to get back in the water. After Mick Fanning called him in hospital and gave him a pep talk about how he’d bounce back he said, ‘That was nice of him, but the shark snapped his fucking leg rope… I’ve lost my foot and maybe my leg, so I dunno what he was going on about.’”