"How big’s your board?" I asked, after watching another vain attempt to kick into a little swell.
There is one thing gloriously certain in this our modern day and age. Sam George, preeminent surf guru, a Buddha by any other name, has rediscovered his vast mojo thanks to “the definitive voice of surfing and the outdoors” The Inertia. The silver-haired 67-year-old, “still very active in surfing, continuing to compete in standup paddle races and tandem events,” went more quiet than he should have a decade, or such, ago on the surf writing end, focusing on film and celebrity wife swapping instead.
It is all wonderful, The Inertia’s soft-topped enthusiasts losing sleep waiting for his latest drips of pure wisdom.
George always delivers.
Most recently, Nia Peeples’ ex-husband shared with them that they are all riding boards that are “too short.”
“So I recently enjoyed a fine session at a remote California point break, sharing modest, three-to four-foot right walls with a small crew, all who could generously be described as ‘middle-aged.'” he began, before continuing:
One of our number, a very experienced surfer on the far side of 50, sat in the pack, sunk up to his clavicles on a tiny Sharp Eye thruster, patiently waiting his turn, when he would paddle for, and miss, virtually every wave that came his way.
“How big’s your board?” I asked, after watching another vain attempt to kick into a little swell.
“Five-seven,” he said, and proudly, too.
“Wow,” I said. “I bet it would work great in a hollow reef break.”
The devastating takedown led to a discussion on how too many surfers are on the wrong board, i.e. not long enough, and how they would do well to lengthen up in order to make Phil Edwards smile.
Though the word “volume” never comes up, it is a similar conversation that embroiled the surf world eight, or so, years ago.
Should the perpetual intermediate be on more foam.
It must be assumed that “thinking surfer” on an 8-foot Wavestorm Classic in rasta red, yellow, green will add the 9-foot Wavestorm Classic, Barbie edition, to quiver.
The thought piece echoed what the master told theBeachGrit community three years ago.
Always ahead of the curve, here.
David Lee Scales and I, anyhow, discussed George genius along with a robust debate on if adult males should dress for Halloween in tandem with wife and child.
What do you think about that?
Listen here.
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Lupita Nyong'o with "deceptive" barrel dodger Selema Masekela. Photo: Instagram
Surfing’s Selema Masakela accused of “barrel dodging” after turning Instagram comments off in wake of damning breakup from Lupita Nyong’o
"There have been barely any comments supporting Selema Masekela."
To know Sal Masekela, who transitioned to Selema when it became personally beneficial, is to know him, as the saying goes. It was, then, with much shock that the millions upon millions who have never made his acquaintance received word of his breakup from Lupita Nyong’o.
The Academy Award-winning actress took to Instagram, yesterday, to both story and hard-post the demise of the relationship that had been robustly celebrated less than one year ago.
“At this moment, it is necessary for me to share a personal truth and publicly dissociate myself from someone I can no longer trust,” wrote Nyong’o, who won an Oscar for her performance in 12 Years a Slave. “I find myself in a season of heartbreak because of a love suddenly and devastatingly extinguished by deception… I am reminded that the magnitude of the pain I am feeling is equal to the measure of my capacity for love. And so, I am choosing to face the pain, cultivating the courage to meet my life exactly as it is, and trusting that this too shall pass.”
Extinguished by deception.
While fans rallied to Nyongo’s side, one writing “How do you fumble her???” Masekela barrel dodged by turning off the comments to his Instagram page.
All of them.
Thousands upon thousands of encouraging words praising the part-time surf commentator’s various self portraits.
“Masekela has not said anything and has turned off his Instagram comments,” the BBC reported, later adding, “There have been barely any comments supporting Masekela.”
Nyong’o’s channel is a different story with throngs of defenders. Amongst them are Marlon Wayans, of the famed Wayans brothers, who suggested, “Be kind to you as you heal. I always say whenever I have a break up ‘lucky me, I get to love ME again. I missed you me.’ Go love on you woman.”
But who is there to love Selema, besides Selema, that is, who has already been enjoying a years’ long affair with self? It must have been extremely difficult to turn off the shower of accolades he so clearly enjoyed.
Hopefully back on soon.
Fingers crossed.
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North Shore altered. Photo: Surfline
Surf forecasting giant alters potentially traumatizing name of beloved North Shore wave
The Israeli-Hamas conflict is entering its second week and it is heart-wrenching. Mass innocent casualties, many more over the horizon. The entire world is bent and twisted with rage, while watching. Comedian Sarah Silverman tweeting that Palestinian babies don’t deserve water. Beverly Hills doctors going on unhinged screeds about “demonic, pedophile zionists.”
Civil discourse down the drain.
In light of these wildly polarized times, Surfline, the forecasting giant and official partner of the World Surf League, has quietly altered the name of a beloved wave on Oahu’s North Shore just up from the Banzai Pipeline.
Yes, Gas Chambers is now, officially, simply Chambers.
A “gas chamber” is not, in and of itself, evil or bad though the most common association is certainly with the horrors of World War II when Germany’s Nazis attempted to wipe Jewish people from the earth, often utilizing gas chambers in hellish concentration camps.
Now, do you think Surfline’s sensitivity, here, is long overdue or are you of the mind that history is history and changing names, destroying monuments etc. is an affront to sense?
Which “team” are you on and can you shout the opposing side into oblivion or jail?
Give it a go.
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Oscar winner Lupita Nyong’o and extreme sports identity Selema Masekela in happier days.
Black Panther star Lupita Nyong’o in acrimonious split from surfing’s Selema Masekela, “A love devastatingly extinguished by deception”
"It is necessary for me to share a personal truth and publicly dissociate myself from someone I can no longer trust," writes Lupita Nyong’o.
At the turn of the new year, the surfing world was treated to news that beloved broadcaster Selema Masekela, the Los Angeles-born occasional surf commentator, had hitched his considerable caboose (protein bars!) to the film star Lupita Nyong’o.
Selema, who is fifty-two, is the sort of person who would put anyone under his spell. As I may’ve mentioned a couple months back, I met the extreme sports identity at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch in 2017.
Occupying one of the bench seats in the Surf Ranch’s heated jacuzzi aprés our allotted waves was Sal, he was Sal back then, and just as I was about to enter the swirling maelstrom, heated to a pleasing one hundred degrees and offering needed respite from the winter cold and a possible cure for a dreadful hangover, his telephone rang.
Sal asked me to rummage through his colourful outfit which was bundled on a barrel, enough clothes to suggest, or was I hoping, he was nude in the tank, and to pick it up.
It was Kelly Slater.
“Answer it,” he commanded, which I did.
Kelly Slater remained silent when he heard my voice, an early portent of the blood feud that would simmer for the following six years.
After a howl of laughter and some chortling Sal hung up. Despite an expanded adiposity, he gobbled protein bar after protein bar, informing me of the health-giving properties of the foil-wrapped chocolate chip treats.
Stories flowed like a river of honey and I left, like everyone who spun in his orbit that day, a fan for life.
I didn’t heard from Sal again and only knew in passing that he’d transitioned to Selema.
Nine months later, the relationship is in ruins, with Lupita Nyong’o publishing an unflattering picture of their affair on Instagram.
“At this moment, it is necessary for me to share a personal truth and publicly dissociate myself from someone I can no longer trust,” writes Lupita Nyong’o, who won an Oscar for her performance in 12 Years a Slave. “I find myself in a season of heartbreak because of a love suddenly and devastatingly extinguished by deception… I am reminded that the magnitude of the pain I am feeling is equal to the measure of my capacity for love. And so, I am choosing to face the pain, cultivating the courage to meet my life exactly as it is, and trusting that this too shall pass.”
The actual act of catastrophic deception is left for the reader to decode but is it possible Selema may’ve forgot to mention he is estranged from BeachGrit’s own Chas Smith, often described as the “voice of surfing”, or was it his savaging by Black Girls Surf’s Rhonda Harper whose online tirade included the unkind epithet “Uncle Tom.”
Thoughts, prayers and so on for the great Mike Stewart as Kelly Slater hints at conspiracy.
For all his zen and humbleness, Mike Stewart must surely look at Kelly Slater and feel just a little bit of green in his heart.
Kelly Slater has operated in a world of big time sponsorship dollars, mainstream media appearances, a relatively stable and continuous now billionaire funded world tour with a quality series, full-time professional athletes, coaches, trainers, post-heat interview sponsor hat putter on guy, commentators….you get the point.
Mike, at sixty years old mind, conversely started his 2023 campaign in what is now the International Bodyboarding Corporation (IBC) world tour by surfing from the trial rounds in many events after not securing a seeding last year after a shoulder injury sidelined him from many events.
(The IBC is essentially a promoters group who sanction events under the IBC banner if they meet certain financial and promotional criteria. Like the old ASP I suppose, but without the big surf clothing companies to prop it up and make it look all nice and flashy.)
The final IBC event of the year is the Fronton Pro, held at a wildly slabbing split peak which historically pumps. It’s far and away the best and most prestigious contest on the tour and attracts the largest number of potential competitors.
Now while Mike hasn’t set the world on fire in competition this year, he’d made it through enough heats in previous IBC contests to have himself seeded into the four round of competition at the Fronton Pro.
Our story really begins when Mike was unable to make it in person to the official riders check in meeting held on the 11th of October. Stewart maintains that he contacted IBC officials prior to the check in meeting that he would be unable to attend as he was still travelling from Java and had his sponsored team rider and current world tour leader Tanner McDaniel pay his entry fee and pick up his contest information package at the check in meeting.
However, because he failed to physically attend the check in meeting, Stewart was then informed by IBC officials that he would be stripped of his place in the fourth round and would have to again surf from the first round trials if he wished to compete in the main event.
Stewart has subsequently withdrawn from the competition maintaining that “there’s no rule in the rule book that they can strip my ranking.”
In a passionate piece to camera on social media Stewart states he is taking his position to ensure it doesn’t happen again to riders in the future and likens IBC officials to a “dictatorship regime” that are “completely unaccountable to anyone”.
So how valid is Stewart’s claim? A quick perusal of the IBC’s rule book throws up a few curly quotes.
Article 1.5.03 states “Failure to confirm intention to compete pursuant to 1.20.02 will result in loss of any seeding that competitor may have had going into the event.”
Article 1.6.03 gives us “Once a competitor is deemed to have entered an event, it will be assumed that they will compete at the event. Entrants are expected to confirm their attendance at an event check-in, details of which will be provided to all entrants prior to event commencement.”
In a separate email sent to all registered competitors regarding the competition check in meeting it was also stated, “Those competitors who do not attend without justification may be penalized in the competition and not receive their competitors kit”.
So, was Stewart’s contacting of officials prior to the event in writing that he would be competing enough to tick off his attendance?
Was it really necessary for the IBC to physically sight Mike Stewart, a man who’s been competing in every form of high level bodyboarding competition since 1982, has sat on multiple riders board committees, who helps sponsor events and also makes appearances in the IBC commentary booth to confirm that he was going to compete in the Fronton Event?
The fall out on social media is almost a landslide in favour of Mike’s position.
Damian Hobgood wrote, “Sorry Mike, pretty disrespectful that the goat of bodyboarding would be getting treated like this.”
Johnny Boy Gomes threw in “F#%k All Them & Their BS 🤬 Competition now days is a Circus run by Clowns🤡”
Tension series creator Chris White suggested, “Take a dump at the check in tent, see if that’s in the rule book.”
And Kelly Slater?
Well Kelly being Kelly smelled a conspiracy, “Sounds like Mike laid it out pretty objectively here and cried about nothing. Sounds like someone is glad he’s not in the event.”
Whatever the true story is, for a man who has won nine world titles and is all but a demigod in the bodyboarding world to bow out of professional competition after 41 years on a rule book technicality doesn’t seem fitting.
