Preeminent surf guru Sam George delights
adult learners with a treatise on the “surfboard size” issue eight
years too late
By Chas Smith
"How big’s your board?" I asked, after watching
another vain attempt to kick into a little swell.
There is one thing gloriously certain in this our modern
day and age. Sam George, preeminent surf guru, a Buddha by
any other name, has rediscovered his vast mojo thanks to “the
definitive voice of surfing and the outdoors” The Inertia.
The silver-haired 67-year-old, “still very active in surfing,
continuing to compete in standup paddle races and tandem events,”
went more quiet than he should have a decade, or such, ago on the
surf writing end, focusing on film and celebrity wife swapping
instead.
It is all wonderful, The Inertia’s soft-topped
enthusiasts losing sleep waiting for his latest drips of pure
wisdom.
George always delivers.
Most recently, Nia Peeples’ ex-husband shared with them that
they are all riding boards that are “too short.”
“So I recently enjoyed a fine session at a remote California
point break, sharing modest, three-to four-foot right walls with a
small crew, all who could generously be described as
‘middle-aged.'” he began, before
continuing:
One of our number, a very experienced surfer on the far side
of 50, sat in the pack, sunk up to his clavicles on a tiny Sharp
Eye thruster, patiently waiting his turn, when he would paddle for,
and miss, virtually every wave that came his way.
“How big’s your board?” I asked, after watching another vain
attempt to kick into a little swell.
“Five-seven,” he said, and proudly, too.
“Wow,” I said. “I bet it would work great in a hollow reef
break.”
The devastating takedown led to a discussion on how too many
surfers are on the wrong board, i.e. not long enough, and how they
would do well to lengthen up in order to make Phil Edwards
smile.
Though the word “volume” never comes up, it is a similar
conversation that embroiled the surf world eight, or so, years
ago.
Should the perpetual intermediate be on more foam.
It must be assumed that “thinking surfer” on an 8-foot Wavestorm
Classic in rasta red, yellow, green will add the 9-foot Wavestorm
Classic, Barbie edition,
to quiver.
The thought piece echoed what the master told theBeachGrit
community three years ago.
Always ahead of the curve, here.
David Lee Scales and I, anyhow, discussed George genius along
with a robust debate on if adult males should dress for Halloween
in tandem with wife and child.
What do you think about that?
Listen here.
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Surfing’s Selema Masakela accused of
“barrel dodging” after turning Instagram comments off in wake of
damning breakup from Lupita Nyong’o
By Chas Smith
"There have been barely any comments supporting
Selema Masekela."
To know Sal Masekela, who transitioned to Selema when it
became personally beneficial, is to know him, as the
saying goes. It was, then, with much shock that the millions upon
millions who have never made his acquaintance received word of his
breakup from Lupita Nyong’o.
The Academy Award-winning actress took to Instagram, yesterday,
to both story and hard-post the demise of the relationship that had
been robustly celebrated less than one year ago.
“At this moment, it is necessary for me to share a personal
truth and publicly dissociate myself from someone I can no longer
trust,” wrote Nyong’o, who won an Oscar for her performance in 12
Years a Slave. “I find myself in a season of heartbreak because of
a love suddenly and devastatingly extinguished by deception… I am
reminded that the magnitude of the pain I am feeling is equal to
the measure of my capacity for love. And so, I am choosing to face
the pain, cultivating the courage to meet my life exactly as it is,
and trusting that this too shall pass.”
Extinguished by deception.
While fans rallied to Nyongo’s side, one writing “How do you
fumble her???” Masekela barrel dodged by turning off the comments
to his Instagram page.
All of them.
Thousands upon thousands of encouraging words praising the
part-time surf commentator’s various self portraits.
“Masekela has not said anything and has turned off his Instagram
comments,” the BBC reported, later adding,
“There have been barely any comments supporting Masekela.”
Nyong’o’s channel is a different story with throngs of
defenders. Amongst them are Marlon Wayans, of the famed Wayans
brothers, who suggested,
“Be kind to you as you heal. I always say whenever I have a break
up ‘lucky me, I get to love ME again. I missed you me.’ Go love on
you woman.”
But who is there to love Selema, besides Selema, that is, who
has already been enjoying a years’ long affair with self? It must
have been extremely difficult to turn off the shower of accolades
he so clearly enjoyed.
Hopefully back on soon.
Fingers crossed.
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Surf forecasting giant alters potentially
traumatizing name of beloved North Shore wave
By Chas Smith
Introducing "Chambers."
The Israeli-Hamas conflict is entering its
second week and it is heart-wrenching. Mass innocent casualties,
many more over the horizon. The entire world is bent and twisted
with rage, while watching. Comedian Sarah Silverman tweeting that
Palestinian babies don’t deserve water. Beverly Hills doctors going
on unhinged screeds about “demonic, pedophile
zionists.”
Civil discourse down the drain.
In light of these wildly polarized times, Surfline, the
forecasting giant and official partner of the World Surf League,
has quietly altered the name of a beloved wave on Oahu’s North Shore just up from the
Banzai Pipeline.
Yes, Gas Chambers is
now, officially, simply Chambers.
A “gas chamber” is not, in and of itself, evil or bad though the
most common association is certainly with the horrors of World War
II when Germany’s Nazis attempted to wipe Jewish people from the
earth, often utilizing gas chambers in hellish concentration
camps.
Now, do you think Surfline’s sensitivity, here, is long overdue
or are you of the mind that history is history and changing names,
destroying monuments etc. is an affront to sense?
Which “team” are you on and can you shout the opposing side into
oblivion or jail?
Give it a go.
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Black Panther star Lupita Nyong’o in
acrimonious split from surfing’s Selema Masekela, “A love
devastatingly extinguished by deception”
By Derek Rielly
"It is necessary for me to share a personal truth
and publicly dissociate myself from someone I can no longer trust,"
writes Lupita Nyong’o.
At the turn of the new year, the surfing world was
treated to news that beloved broadcaster Selema Masekela, the Los Angeles-born occasional
surf commentator, had hitched his considerable caboose
(protein bars!) to the film star Lupita Nyong’o.
Selema, who is fifty-two, is the sort of person who would put
anyone under his spell. As I may’ve mentioned a couple months back,
I met the extreme sports identity at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch in
2017.
Occupying one of the bench seats in the Surf Ranch’s heated
jacuzzi aprés our allotted waves was Sal, he was Sal back then, and
just as I was about to enter the swirling maelstrom, heated to a
pleasing one hundred degrees and offering needed respite from the
winter cold and a possible cure for a dreadful hangover, his
telephone rang.
Sal asked me to rummage through his colourful outfit which was
bundled on a barrel, enough clothes to suggest, or was I hoping, he
was nude in the tank, and to pick it up.
It was Kelly Slater.
“Answer it,” he commanded, which I did.
Kelly Slater remained silent when he heard my voice, an early
portent of the blood feud that would simmer for the following six
years.
After a howl of laughter and some chortling Sal hung up. Despite
an expanded adiposity, he gobbled protein bar after protein bar,
informing me of the health-giving properties of the foil-wrapped
chocolate chip treats.
Stories flowed like a river of honey and I left, like everyone
who spun in his orbit that day, a fan for life.
I didn’t heard from Sal again and only knew in passing that he’d
transitioned to Selema.
Nine months later, the relationship is in ruins, with Lupita
Nyong’o publishing an unflattering picture of their affair on
Instagram.
“At this moment, it is necessary for me to share a personal
truth and publicly dissociate myself from someone I can no longer
trust,” writes Lupita Nyong’o, who won an Oscar for her performance
in 12 Years a Slave. “I find myself in a season of heartbreak
because of a love suddenly and devastatingly extinguished by
deception… I am reminded that the magnitude of the pain I am
feeling is equal to the measure of my capacity for love. And so, I
am choosing to face the pain, cultivating the courage to meet my
life exactly as it is, and trusting that this too shall pass.”
The actual act of catastrophic deception is left for the reader
to decode but is it possible Selema may’ve forgot to mention he is
estranged from BeachGrit’s own Chas Smith, often described as the
“voice of surfing”, or was it his savaging by Black Girls Surf’s
Rhonda Harper whose online tirade included
the unkind epithet “Uncle
Tom.”
Kelly Slater rushes to support Oahu man
described as the “Duke, Dora, Curren and Slater” of his sport
stripped of ranking by “dictatorship regime”
By Dan Dob
Thoughts, prayers and so on for the great Mike
Stewart as Kelly Slater hints at conspiracy.
For all his zen and humbleness,Mike Stewartmust surely
look atKelly Slater and feel just a
little bit of green in his heart.
Kelly Slater has operated in a world
of big time sponsorship dollars, mainstream media
appearances, a relatively stable and continuous now billionaire
funded world tour with a quality series, full-time professional
athletes, coaches, trainers, post-heat interview sponsor hat putter
on guy, commentators….you get the point.
Mike, at sixty years old mind,
conversely started his 2023 campaign in what is now the
International Bodyboarding Corporation (IBC) world tour by surfing
from the trial rounds in many events after not securing a seeding
last year after a shoulder injury sidelined him from many
events.
(The IBC is essentially a promoters group who sanction events
under the IBC banner if they meet certain financial and promotional
criteria. Like the old ASP I suppose, but without the big surf
clothing companies to prop it up and make it look all nice and
flashy.)
The final IBC event of the year is the Fronton Pro, held at a
wildly slabbing split peak which historically pumps. It’s far and
away the best and most prestigious contest on the tour and attracts
the largest number of potential competitors.
Now while Mike hasn’t set the world on fire in competition this
year, he’d made it through enough heats in previous IBC contests to
have himself seeded into the four round of competition at the
Fronton Pro.
Our story really begins when Mike was unable to make it in
person to the official riders check in meeting held on the 11th of
October. Stewart maintains that he contacted IBC officials prior to
the check in meeting that he would be unable to attend as he was
still travelling from Java and had his sponsored team rider and
current world tour leader Tanner McDaniel pay his entry fee and
pick up his contest information package at the check in
meeting.
However, because he failed to physically attend the check in
meeting, Stewart was then informed by IBC officials that he would
be stripped of his place in the fourth round and would have to
again surf from the first round trials if he wished to compete in
the main event.
Stewart has subsequently withdrawn from the competition
maintaining that “there’s no rule in the rule book that they can
strip my ranking.”
In a passionate piece to camera on social media Stewart states
he is taking his position to ensure it doesn’t happen again to
riders in the future and likens IBC officials to a “dictatorship
regime” that are “completely unaccountable to anyone”.
So how valid is Stewart’s claim? A quick perusal of the IBC’s
rule book throws up a few curly quotes.
Article 1.5.03 states “Failure to confirm intention to compete
pursuant to 1.20.02 will result in loss of any seeding that
competitor may have had going into the event.”
Article 1.6.03 gives us “Once a competitor is deemed to have
entered an event, it will be assumed that they will compete at the
event. Entrants are expected to confirm their attendance at an
event check-in, details of which will be provided to all entrants
prior to event commencement.”
In a separate email sent to all registered competitors regarding
the competition check in meeting it was also stated, “Those
competitors who do not attend without justification may be
penalized in the competition and not receive their competitors
kit”.
So, was Stewart’s contacting of officials prior to the event in
writing that he would be competing enough to tick off his
attendance?
Was it really necessary for the IBC to physically sight Mike
Stewart, a man who’s been competing in every form of high level
bodyboarding competition since 1982, has sat on multiple riders
board committees, who helps sponsor events and also makes
appearances in the IBC commentary booth to confirm that he was
going to compete in the Fronton Event?
The fall out on social media is almost a landslide in favour of
Mike’s position.
Damian Hobgood wrote, “Sorry Mike, pretty disrespectful that the
goat of bodyboarding would be getting treated like this.”
Johnny Boy Gomes threw in “F#%k All Them & Their BS 🤬
Competition now days is a Circus run by Clowns🤡”
Tension series creator Chris White suggested, “Take a dump at
the check in tent, see if that’s in the rule book.”
And Kelly Slater?
Well Kelly being Kelly smelled a conspiracy, “Sounds like Mike
laid it out pretty objectively here and cried about nothing. Sounds
like someone is glad he’s not in the event.”
Whatever the true story is, for a man who has won nine world
titles and is all but a demigod in the bodyboarding world to bow
out of professional competition after 41 years on a rule book
technicality doesn’t seem fitting.