Chants of “Blame Surfline!” ring as
“definitely under-forecast” swell paralyzes Oahu’s North
Shore!
By Chas Smith
Terrified land barons, aggravated drivers and a
whole lotta finger pointing.
Big wave season snuck into Oahu’s North Shore
over the Thanksgiving Day weekend, terrifying land barons,
aggravating drivers and thrilling the few surfers who saw it
coming. The swell, which was not predicted by forecasting giant
Surfline, left everyone confused, baffled, altogether
kerflummoxed.
“We didn’t know when to go,” one frustrated surf hopeful left
flatfooted in California was overheard mumbling to a neighbor.
“Start with a bang, you know, swell definitely under forecast,”
Ocean Safety Lt. Kyle Foyle told Hawaii News
Now. “Surf was a very large and surges this morning
especially with that high tide earlier this morning.”
While thrilling surfers who track their own swells, the sneaky
pulse alarmed home owners who woke up at midnight to the sound of
pounding waves. Randy Meyers, who lives on Ke Nui Road, declared,
“In the middle of the night I heard the surf, I came down and it
was way bigger than anyone anticipated but still the direction of
the swell was favorable to this beach – even though it’s taken out
a lot of sand it’s not causing any damage.”
He was pleased to see a lack of plastic debris and tarps etc. on
the beach. Fights have broken out between neighbors, there, over
illegal structures that are erected in order to halt erosion but
often magnify the troubles. You will certainly recall surf great
Kelly Slater getting snared in “burrito-gate.”
While Mr. Meyers was momentarily pleased, this time around,
tourists and commuters were very much dismayed. The extra high tide
pushed sand up onto the Kam Highway, snarling traffic and sending
drivers into fits of rage against the aforementioned Surfline.
“If I knew, I wouldn’t have gone!” cried one depressed snorkel
enthusiast hoping to peek underneath placid seas.
So far no word from the World Surf League.
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Surfer Toby Begg who lost leg in wild
multi-pronged Great White attack returns to ocean
By Derek Rielly
Begg to join memorial paddle out for fellow Port
Mac surfer Zac Young, killed by shark aged nineteen.
Back in August, surfer Toby Begg was belted by a
twelve-foot Great White in Port Macquarie, a holiday hamlet midway
between Sydney and Byron Bay, losing half of his right leg
and much of the utility in his left.
He was dragged so far underwater it went dark and he thought he
was going to drown. He was only able to swim for the surface after
his foot ripped off at the ankle.
Back on the surface, the Great White hit him again, Toby Begg
scrunching into a ball, which would save his life, but causing his
leg to take most of the impact.
“Then he was on the surface punching it in the head for ages,” a
BeachGrit source close to Beggs said. “Both his hands were balloons
from hitting it. After 30 seconds it let go and he started paddling
in. It’d severed the femoral artery in his leg and the only thing
that saved him was there was a doctor and emergency room nurse
walking on the beach (separately who didn’t know each other). His
foot is gone and they’re saying his other leg might come off at the
hip but they’re trying to save it. He’s a mad keen surfer and wants
to get back in the water.”
After Mick Fanning called him in hospital and gave him a pep
talk about how he’d bounce back Toby Begg reportedly said, ‘That
was nice of him, but the shark snapped his fucking leg rope… I’ve
lost my foot and maybe my leg, so I dunno what he was going on
about.’”
Epic sense of humour, yes?
The off-duty doctor who was on the beach, Kurt Durbridge,
recalled, “As I reach the knee-high water, I can see a man
who is as white as a ghost with horrific injuries and a massive
bloody laceration to his left thigh and a traumatic amputation of
his right foot.”
Anyway, Toby Begg is getting back in the water today as part of
what is hoped to be a world record paddle-out for a local kid who
was killed by a shark ten years ago.
Zac’s daddy Kev is making a documentary of his kid’s life
called, Forever Young, and want 682 surfers to join the paddle out
and join hands for sixty seconds.
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Venice woman says, “I almost died” after
being impaled on her fins at Waco Surf, Texas!
By Derek Rielly
"I have a lot of thoughts about what it means to
almost die on a two-foot head dip in a pool in Central Texas."
A Californian surfer has barely avoided an audience with
her maker after she was impaled on her fin and belted her head on
the concrete bottom at the world’s premier wave pool, Waco
Surf.
Nicole Lynch, who hails from Venice Beach, was into her fourth
session at Waco Surf when she got bounced in the barrel.
“As I tumbled I hit the bottom, my fin stabbed me in the gut as
hard as anything I’ve ever felt,” she writes.
“My head slammed on the concrete bottom of the (Waco Surf) pool.
The pain was excruciating, I had a massive egg on my head and a
protrusion like an alien fist sticking out of my abdomen.”
Things went south real fast.
“CT Scans at the local ER revealed terrifying news: I was
bleeding internally from my aorta, the main blood vessel that comes
out of the heart and feeds the body. I needed to be transported to
a Grade 1 Trauma hospital immediately. They made arrangements to
helicopter me to Baylor Hospital, every minute counted. There I was
whisked straight into the operating room for emergency surgery.
“When I woke up I heard the news. I had suffered a Grade 3
traumatic aortic rupture. The bulge from my stomach was a traumatic
abdominal wall hernia. Because the blow was so strong, they needed
to remove all of my internal organs and visually inspect them to
ensure there was no other damage. I am left with a massive 11 inch
incision spanning the length of my abdomen. The doctors say the
best I can hope for is an 80% recovery of my abdominal strength. I
spent 5 days in the hospital.
“I’m lucky to be alive, that Doc Faye was with me likely saved
my life. She is a fucking legend! And Veronica who ran point on
everything and slept with Faye in the ICU so they could keep an eye
on me every second. My sisters Amy and Nicole red-eyed out to Texas
to be by my side. I received excellent care every step of the
way.”
Later she wrote to BeachGrit a little sardonically, “I have a
lot of thoughts about what it means to almost die on a two-foot
head dip in a pool in Central Texas.”
Lynch ain’t the first surfer to nearly die at a wave pool.
BJ was sitting next to the owner of the pool, got a little close
to the wall and, next thing, he’s fighting for his life.
Last year when I got sucked into a wave pool engine room and
thought I was going to die… I kept thinking “don’t die for your
kids” I was surfing for a about an hour and the line started
getting longer to catch the wave. I was sitting next to the owner
of the wave pool by the “wall” where the waves come from. The first
wave it shoots out is a dud to get everyone ready for the next
wave. The dud wave came back and because I was so close to the wall
the wave swallowed me and pushed me and my surfboard underneath a
huge cement wall.
I remember feeling like I was getting sucked in a pipe and
at that moment I got scared. It ended up pushing me into a big dark
cement room that fills up with water to push the next wave for the
wave pool. It felt like I was in the movie SAW or Final
destination. The room would fill up with water to the top and I
would hold my breath and then it would push the water out to make
the wave and it was really rough inside there.
Everything I bumped up against in the room that hurt me got
infected. I got a bad sinus infection and a couple facial fractures
from getting knocked around the cement walls and from the fractures
the dirty water got in my face and infected my whole sinus. I was
on antibiotics for three weeks for my face.
While I was in the wave pool engine room I knew that one of
my friends outside from big island is a legendary surfer and I knew
he would come in there to rescue me so I stayed calm. A lot of
other people might have panicked and maybe gave up but I just
stayed strong for my kids.
Anyway to make a long story short I survived that mother
fucker 😛😛😛 !! The name of the people and water park have been left
out. I not the kine guy shows up to your house to play and gets
hurt and tries to sue you so all love ❤️ to everyone who helped me
get there and helped me survive 🤙 Maybe I was the first guy in
history to get sucked into a wave pool engine room while it is in
operation but no matter what happens in life and no matter how
scary it is if I can offer you any advice I would just say to “stay
calm”. If I didn’t fight tough cunts my whole life I might have
panicked, but it was just another day in the office
Shane Dorian, who was the legendary Big Island surfer who saved
BJ, replied, “Happy you kept it together down there. That was
really terrifying. Live to shred another day!”
A statement from URBNSURF said they’d reviewed the footage which
showed “the surfer collapsed while paddling out and did not the hit
the wall”.
A surfer who was in the lineup when the incident happened says
the man “didn’t make the drop on a wave and just kind of tumbled
and then all I saw was him floating but that was a little bit
after…it took some time for people to get to him. It was weird.
They did CPR on him for twenty minutes and then put a sheet over
him and we all assumed the worst.”
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Gold Coast surfer fumbles chance to win
heart of Hollywood “it-girl” Sydney Sweeney!
By Chas Smith
Paradise lost.
It’s not every day that an Australian surfer
has the opportunity to win the heart, maybe even the hand, of a
Hollywood “it-girl.” Not even every year. Maybe every every other
year if the Australian surfer carries the last name “Hemsworth” but
for the average Jones, Campbell, Smith it is a rare, rare
chance.
And so you can imagine the utter despair Miles Shepherd is
feeling right now after fumbling his once-in-a-lifetime
chance at Hollywood it-girl Sydney Sweeney.
Ooooeeeee!
The classic bogan, feat. bad sunglasses and curly brown mullet,
narrates the scene from a perch on the sandy beach, beginning with,
“So I’m just trying to process what just happened. I’m ups on the
Gold Coast absolutely beautiful and I’m sitting on the towel, the
sun’s out, I’m watching the surf and I tell myself, ‘Geez. Life
can’t get much better…'”
But it did.
“My eyes were blessed with something I don’t think they’ll ever
forget,” he continued. “You gotta think to yourself, ‘What does a
magazine cover look like when the supermodel is on the front and
she’s walking out dripping in water? What does that cover look
like? What does the James Bond scene look like when the girl’s
coming off the beach? What does Baywatch look like?’ Well that’s
what I just experienced (pregnant pause) with Sydney Sweeney.”
He goes on describing his far away encounter with the “genuine
A-lister,” amazed. Gobsmacked. Thoroughly wowed and posted his
description to TikTok.
Sweeney truly is a zeitgeist actress. Star turns in Euphoria,
The Voyeurs, Night Teeth, The White Lotus have launched the
26-year-old to the absolute moon. She is everything, everywhere all
at once.
Well, Sweeney took to social media and direct messaged Shepherd
“u should’ve said hi” including a dagger laughing-crying emoji as
the ender. The twin fin enthusiast responded, “Ahaha yeah well how
about I take you out and i can say hi for real x,” but she never
responded.
Ball very clearly fumbled.
Surf drop of the century?
Do you have a similar story? A moment in your life that you let
slip that will forever and ever haunt?
Share, please.
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Kelly Slater shocks progressives with claim
on Malik Yoba post that sex is “assigned at birth”
By Derek Rielly
"I don't understand this 'assigned' thing. You're
born a girl or a boy, end of story," says the world champ.
Empire star Malik Yoba,
ooowee-oo he kinky as hell, and brave, after he told the world he
was into pre-op trans-gals a few years back.
In a now deleted post on Instagram, Yoba, who also played a
pivotal role in the cult film Cool Runnings, told fans,
It’s is NOT about GENITALIA OR SEX but about attraction to
the soul and humanity of an individual and often hte beauty that is
in the courage and conviction to live one’s truth! As a
self-identified cis heterosexual man I too am learning what it
means to be trans attracted.
Many of us famous and otherwise that have struggled with
accepting our attraction so we do NOTHING. This MUST
change.
Yoba, who is fifty-six, was subsequently accused by a
trans-hooker of paying her for sex when she was a kid.
“What Malik paid me to do, as a 13 and 16 year old, wasn’t
love,” Mariah Lopez Ebony wrote on Facebook.
“His ignoring that I was clearly a child prostitute, wasn’t
love. Paying for cheap thrills and secret orgasms; begging for
unsafe, unprotected sex from a runaway Trans teen, while enjoying
stardom as a successful artist and businessman ….isn’t love.
“Where was his LOOOOOOOOVVVVEEE for Trans women over the last 20
years? Where are his Trans girlfriends? Something tells me I’m not
the only one who got some dirt on this individual and, something
also tells me that he didn’t just up-and-decide to ‘come out’, he
was pushed.”
Anyway, he’s an ally, as they like to say, anything for that juicy She Dick I
guess, but walked into a firestorm when he misspoke on a
podcast about “naturally born cis gender women…”
“Assigned!” shrieks a panel member.
“Not naturally born! Nothing about it is natural! Nothing about
that is natural!”
“Do the work!”
Etc.
Malik Yoba bravely soaks it up but keeps walking into slaps.
“Wait, what? I don’t understand this ‘assigned’ thing. You’re
born a girl or a boy, end of story. How is this found to be
offensive by anyone! And how do they end up in a conversation
getting to belittle and bully anyone who doesn’t keep up with this
quickly changing narrative?
“You’re free to tell me how you identify and I’ll respect the
individual for it you’re not brainwashing objective truth out of my
head. Imagine Aretha Franklin rolling over in her grave right now
thinking Natural Woman would be cancelled.”
Wise or foolish words?
Do the cultural math etc and leave thoughts, ideas below the
line.