Woman almost dies at Waco Surf, Texas
Lynchie, stitched back together after errant fin scoops out her guts.

Venice woman says, “I almost died” after being impaled on her fins at Waco Surf, Texas!

"I have a lot of thoughts about what it means to almost die on a two-foot head dip in a pool in Central Texas."

A Californian surfer has barely avoided an audience with her maker after she was impaled on her fin and belted her head on the concrete bottom at the world’s premier wave pool, Waco Surf.

Nicole Lynch, who hails from Venice Beach, was into her fourth session at Waco Surf when she got bounced in the barrel.

“As I tumbled I hit the bottom, my fin stabbed me in the gut as hard as anything I’ve ever felt,” she writes.

“My head slammed on the concrete bottom of the (Waco Surf) pool. The pain was excruciating, I had a massive egg on my head and a protrusion like an alien fist sticking out of my abdomen.”

Woman nearly dies at Waco Surf in Texas
“I have a lot of thoughts about what it means to almost die on a two-foot head dip in a pool in Central Texas.”

Things went south real fast.

“CT Scans at the local ER revealed terrifying news: I was bleeding internally from my aorta, the main blood vessel that comes out of the heart and feeds the body. I needed to be transported to a Grade 1 Trauma hospital immediately. They made arrangements to helicopter me to Baylor Hospital, every minute counted. There I was whisked straight into the operating room for emergency surgery.

“When I woke up I heard the news. I had suffered a Grade 3 traumatic aortic rupture. The bulge from my stomach was a traumatic abdominal wall hernia. Because the blow was so strong, they needed to remove all of my internal organs and visually inspect them to ensure there was no other damage. I am left with a massive 11 inch incision spanning the length of my abdomen. The doctors say the best I can hope for is an 80% recovery of my abdominal strength. I spent 5 days in the hospital.

“I’m lucky to be alive, that Doc Faye was with me likely saved my life. She is a fucking legend! And Veronica who ran point on everything and slept with Faye in the ICU so they could keep an eye on me every second. My sisters Amy and Nicole red-eyed out to Texas to be by my side. I received excellent care every step of the way.”

Later she wrote to BeachGrit a little sardonically, “I have a lot of thoughts about what it means to almost die on a two-foot head dip in a pool in Central Texas.”

Lynch ain’t the first surfer to nearly die at a wave pool.

You’ll surely remember UFC hall of famer BJ Penn’s brush with death when he was sucked outta the pool and into the engine room at an experimental facility.

BJ was sitting next to the owner of the pool, got a little close to the wall and, next thing, he’s fighting for his life.

Last year when I got sucked into a wave pool engine room and thought I was going to die… I kept thinking “don’t die for your kids” I was surfing for a about an hour and the line started getting longer to catch the wave. I was sitting next to the owner of the wave pool by the “wall” where the waves come from. The first wave it shoots out is a dud to get everyone ready for the next wave. The dud wave came back and because I was so close to the wall the wave swallowed me and pushed me and my surfboard underneath a huge cement wall.

I remember feeling like I was getting sucked in a pipe and at that moment I got scared. It ended up pushing me into a big dark cement room that fills up with water to push the next wave for the wave pool. It felt like I was in the movie SAW or Final destination. The room would fill up with water to the top and I would hold my breath and then it would push the water out to make the wave and it was really rough inside there.

Everything I bumped up against in the room that hurt me got infected. I got a bad sinus infection and a couple facial fractures from getting knocked around the cement walls and from the fractures the dirty water got in my face and infected my whole sinus. I was on antibiotics for three weeks for my face.

While I was in the wave pool engine room I knew that one of my friends outside from big island is a legendary surfer and I knew he would come in there to rescue me so I stayed calm. A lot of other people might have panicked and maybe gave up but I just stayed strong for my kids.

Anyway to make a long story short I survived that mother fucker 😛😛😛 !! The name of the people and water park have been left out. I not the kine guy shows up to your house to play and gets hurt and tries to sue you so all love ❤️ to everyone who helped me get there and helped me survive 🤙 Maybe I was the first guy in history to get sucked into a wave pool engine room while it is in operation but no matter what happens in life and no matter how scary it is if I can offer you any advice I would just say to “stay calm”. If I didn’t fight tough cunts my whole life I might have panicked, but it was just another day in the office

Shane Dorian, who was the legendary Big Island surfer who saved BJ, replied, “Happy you kept it together down there. That was really terrifying. Live to shred another day!”

And, last June, a man in his forties was pulled unconscious from the water by other surfers at URBNSURF, Australia’s only commercially operating wavepool. 

A statement from URBNSURF said they’d reviewed the footage which showed “the surfer collapsed while paddling out and did not the hit the wall”. 

A surfer who was in the lineup when the incident happened says the man “didn’t make the drop on a wave and just kind of tumbled and then all I saw was him floating but that was a little bit after…it took some time for people to get to him. It was weird. They did CPR on him for twenty minutes and then put a sheet over him and we all assumed the worst.”


Sweeny (center). Paradise lost (pictured). Photo: Instagram
Sweeny (center). Paradise lost (pictured). Photo: Instagram

Gold Coast surfer fumbles chance to win heart of Hollywood “it-girl” Sydney Sweeney!

Paradise lost.

It’s not every day that an Australian surfer has the opportunity to win the heart, maybe even the hand, of a Hollywood “it-girl.” Not even every year. Maybe every every other year if the Australian surfer carries the last name “Hemsworth” but for the average Jones, Campbell, Smith it is a rare, rare chance.

And so you can imagine the utter despair Miles Shepherd is feeling right now after fumbling his once-in-a-lifetime chance at Hollywood it-girl Sydney Sweeney.

Ooooeeeee!

The classic bogan, feat. bad sunglasses and curly brown mullet, narrates the scene from a perch on the sandy beach, beginning with, “So I’m just trying to process what just happened. I’m ups on the Gold Coast absolutely beautiful and I’m sitting on the towel, the sun’s out, I’m watching the surf and I tell myself, ‘Geez. Life can’t get much better…'”

But it did.

“My eyes were blessed with something I don’t think they’ll ever forget,” he continued. “You gotta think to yourself, ‘What does a magazine cover look like when the supermodel is on the front and she’s walking out dripping in water? What does that cover look like? What does the James Bond scene look like when the girl’s coming off the beach? What does Baywatch look like?’ Well that’s what I just experienced (pregnant pause) with Sydney Sweeney.”

He goes on describing his far away encounter with the “genuine A-lister,” amazed. Gobsmacked. Thoroughly wowed and posted his description to TikTok.

Sweeney truly is a zeitgeist actress. Star turns in Euphoria, The Voyeurs, Night Teeth, The White Lotus have launched the 26-year-old to the absolute moon. She is everything, everywhere all at once.

Well, Sweeney took to social media and direct messaged Shepherd “u should’ve said hi” including a dagger laughing-crying emoji as the ender. The twin fin enthusiast responded, “Ahaha yeah well how about I take you out and i can say hi for real x,” but she never responded.

Shepherd (right) with twin fin. Photo: Instagram
Shepherd (right) with twin fin. Photo: Instagram

Ball very clearly fumbled.

Surf drop of the century?

Do you have a similar story? A moment in your life that you let slip that will forever and ever haunt?

Share, please.


In response to Malik Yoba furore, Kelly Slater says sex is "assigned at birth."
"I don't understand this 'assigned' thing," writes Kelly Slater in response to Malik Yoba beatdown. | Photo: @sensitiveseashellcollector

Kelly Slater shocks progressives with claim on Malik Yoba post that sex is “assigned at birth”

"I don't understand this 'assigned' thing. You're born a girl or a boy, end of story," says the world champ.

Empire star Malik Yoba, ooowee-oo he kinky as hell, and brave, after he told the world he was into pre-op trans-gals a few years back.

In a now deleted post on Instagram, Yoba, who also played a pivotal role in the cult film Cool Runnings, told fans,

It’s is NOT about GENITALIA OR SEX but about attraction to the soul and humanity of an individual and often hte beauty that is in the courage and conviction to live one’s truth! As a self-identified cis heterosexual man I too am learning what it means to be trans attracted.

Many of us famous and otherwise that have struggled with accepting our attraction so we do NOTHING. This MUST change.

Yoba, who is fifty-six, was subsequently accused by a trans-hooker of paying her for sex when she was a kid.

“What Malik paid me to do, as a 13 and 16 year old, wasn’t love,” Mariah Lopez Ebony wrote on Facebook.

“His ignoring that I was clearly a child prostitute, wasn’t love. Paying for cheap thrills and secret orgasms; begging for unsafe, unprotected sex from a runaway Trans teen, while enjoying stardom as a successful artist and businessman ….isn’t love.

“Where was his LOOOOOOOOVVVVEEE for Trans women over the last 20 years? Where are his Trans girlfriends? Something tells me I’m not the only one who got some dirt on this individual and, something also tells me that he didn’t just up-and-decide to ‘come out’, he was pushed.”

Anyway, he’s an ally, as they like to say, anything for that juicy She Dick I guess, but walked into a firestorm when he misspoke on a podcast about “naturally born cis gender women…”

“Assigned!” shrieks a panel member.

“Not naturally born! Nothing about it is natural! Nothing about that is natural!”

“Do the work!”

Etc.

Malik Yoba bravely soaks it up but keeps walking into slaps.

And, so, when Kelly Slater, a common sense avenger who can often be found fighting multiple battles online, saw the three-year-old clip on the Instagram account @therightwingedangel, well, he waded right into the furore.

“Wait, what? I don’t understand this ‘assigned’ thing. You’re born a girl or a boy, end of story. How is this found to be offensive by anyone! And how do they end up in a conversation getting to belittle and bully anyone who doesn’t keep up with this quickly changing narrative?

“You’re free to tell me how you identify and I’ll respect the individual for it you’re not brainwashing objective truth out of my head. Imagine Aretha Franklin rolling over in her grave right now thinking Natural Woman would be cancelled.”

Wise or foolish words?

Do the cultural math etc and leave thoughts, ideas below the line.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Oliver Mac (@therightwingedangel)


Sean Penn as Jeff Spicoli. Thoughtful. Photo: Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Sean Penn as Jeff Spicoli. Thoughtful. Photo: Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Iconic surf actor Sean Penn reveals premonition of Matthew Perry’s tragic drowning

"I can’t say that I was terribly surprised..."

Four weeks ago, the surf world fell into deep mourning as it was revealed that Matthew Perry had drowned. The beloved Friend had, just months previously, run afoul of the aforementioned watery group after he wished Keanu Reeves dead in his acclaimed memoir. “Why is it that the original thinkers like River Phoenix and Heath Ledger die,” he penned “but Keanu Reeves still walks among us?”

Surf fans, of course, venerate Reeves as a saint after his portrayal of Johnny Utah in Point Break, which remains one of the best surf movie ever made and were ready to march upon Perry’s Pacific Palisades home with pitchforks. The 54-year-old quickly realized his error and apologized to Reeves, declaring he would remove the line from forthcoming editions of his book.

The surf world breathing a sigh of relief.

Now, the other best surf movie ever made is certainly Fast Times at Ridgemont High which brought to us Jeff Spicoli marvelously portrayed by Sean Penn. The star turn, really, created the surfer stereotype which has survived until this day.

Penn recently sat down with Piers Morgan and reflected on Matthew Perry, saying, “What a talented guy. I can’t claim to have known him well, but I liked him very much.” He then went on to praise him for his book, the people it would help etc. before adding, “It’s tragic, I can’t say that I was terribly surprised. I don’t know what the whole coroner’s report things and everything, but I know he had done a lot of damage to his organs over the years.”

Surf wisdom, I suppose, and it certainly is interesting that Matthew Perry had direct ties to the two greatest surf actors in the last days of his life.

More reasons to love and cherish.


The Millennial Wave feat. Laird Hamilton
The Millennial Wave feat. Laird Hamilton

Laird Hamilton shrieks like school girl as artificial intelligence makes Surfline irrelevant!

700 years of data, over a billion waves, 1 OMG.

To be honest, I don’t know if Laird Hamilton actually surfs big waves any more but he sure used to. King Poseidon taming the wild seas with quadriceps the size of watermelons, abs like a washboard, a jaw made from an old timey lantern. Who could ever forget his OMG Teahupo’o wave?

OMG.

Now, that I think about it, I only really remember him surfing big waves during his strapped years. Jaws etc. Though was that him or Derick Dorner or that other guy?

Well, back to the issue at hand, big waves and how to find them. In years past, hunting beasts required much knowledge of weather data and swell blah blah plus a premium subscription to forecasting site Surfline. Overnight, all that has vanished.

For scientists at the University of Copenhagen and University of Victoria have plugged 700 years worth of data about “freakishly large” rogue waves into the artificial intelligence machine and can know predict when, and where, they’re going to strike.

“Basically, it is just very bad luck when one of these giant waves hits. They are caused by a combination of many factors that, until now, have not been combined into a single risk estimate. In the study, we mapped the causal variables that create rogue waves and used artificial intelligence to gather them in a model which can calculate the probability of rogue wave formation,” scientist Dion Häfner told phys.org.

“Bad luck,” of course in the eye of the beholder. Shipping companies losing containers on the burly ocean etc.

Good luck if you are Laird Hamilton

“Our analysis demonstrates that abnormal waves occur all the time. In fact, we registered 100,000 waves in our dataset that can be defined as rogue waves. This is equivalent to around one monster wave occurring every day at any random location in the ocean. However, they aren’t all monster waves of extreme size,” explained other scientist Johannes Gemmrich.

One monster wave every day? This all really forces the question: what has Surfline been doing all this time?

Like, these Danish bros have plugged in over 1 billion waves to their algorithm and, as far as I can tell, make no money from premium subscribers.

WTF?

Let’s now turn our attention to Sam George discussing OMG.