Bethany Hamilton with once-cherished sponsor Rip Curl. Photo: Facebook
Bethany Hamilton with once-cherished sponsor Rip Curl. Photo: Facebook

Surf brand Rip Curl parting ways with shark attack victim Bethany Hamilton over alleged transgender disagreement explodes internet!

Chas Smith

By

Tempest in exclusive teapot.

Bethany Hamilton is, arguably, the most well-known surfer on the entire planet. Under belt, the Kauai local has a major motion picture, best-selling book and story that beats all comers. Kelly Slater be damned with none of that save fan art. Hamilton, an up and coming pro junior, was famously mauled by a tiger shark when 13-years-old. Arm lost. Instead of never touching the ocean again like you or I might, the young legend fought back and became an absolute force, continuing to surf, speak and be a beacon for against-all-odds perseverance.

Hamilton was sponsored by core surf brand Rip Curl when the attack happened, and the beautiful partnership continued for decades.

An inspiration that surfed better than most two-armed men, you very much included.

Your li’l old BeachGrit was basically launched on an exclusive hard earned clip of her launching a gorgeous air reverse that was quickly stolen, without credit, by Stab.

The now premium subscription website, in any case, recently announced that Bethany Hamilton and Rip Curl were parting ways after twenty-odd years (credit here).

The implied reason?

Bethany Hamilton Not Wanting To Be Trans-Adjacent

Rip Curl has launched a new positivity campaign including the wonderful Sasha Jane Lowerson in order to promote new initiative 365 days of surfing girlhood.

Oh certainly the now mother of three (Hamilton not Lowerson) has publicly stated her opposition to trans athletes being allowed to compete against naturally born females, though she has never positioned as “anti-trans,” in general, and suspect reporting around such is as lazy as…

…Lazy.

No one walks away from hundreds of thousands of dollars in these the inflation years of our lives. The Stab subscriber (bless you) might think that Bethany Hamilton happily exploded the deal over values.

Doubtful.

The punter might imagine greener pastures, financially.

Equally doubtful.

I’d venture that Rip Curl’s appearance demands and Hamilton’s familial scheduling concerns plus not wanting to leave islands butted final heads with NDAs being signed to protect Rip Curl as new Kathmandu company owner severed ties with a cash infusion to insure “quality vibes.”

Just a guess.

Support premium here, in any case.

You’re welcome, again and again and again, dear Stab.

No need, or expectation, of returned favor.

John John Florence sailing.
"Sometimes I’m like, this is the most amazing thing ever. Look at it. We’re sailing at 15 knots and it’s beautiful and everything feels great. And then the next moment something breaks and I’m like, this is the worst. I hate this."

John John Florence sails New Zealand coast after failing to sell gunboat Vela for $1.3 million

Derek Rielly

By

“My relationship with the boat is definitely a love, hate relationship," says John John.

Four months ago, John John Florence, brother of Surfer of the Year Nathan Florence, listed his forty-eight foot gunboat for sale in New Zealand for $1.3 million American dollars.

It followed a terrific voyage across the Pacific where John John Florence and pals sailed the catamaran 1200 miles to Palmyra Atoll. The accompanying video series drew gyspy rings around all the edits and series’ doin the rounds at the time.

In 2015, Florence had declared, “My ultimate goal with sailing is to be able to travel fast, cover long distances, and go surfing. I want to combine the two.”

And, so, once monied enough to realise the dream Florence bought snowboarder Travis Rice’s forty-eight foot cat, Falcor, which was promptly renamed Vela, with its three “queen berths” (everyone’s a queen at sea), one thousand feet of sail area and a main saloon where all sorts of naughty and dangerous activities often take place at sea.

“My relationship with the boat is definitely a love, hate relationship,” says John John Florence. “Sometimes I’m like, this is the most amazing thing ever. Look at it. We’re sailing at 15 knots and it’s beautiful and everything feels great. And then the next moment something breaks and I’m like, this is the worst. I hate this. I don’t know why we’re doing this. Why do I put myself through this stress? I’m selling the boat. When we get to Fiji, I’m selling the boat, we’re done.”

Now, after apparently failing to sell the catamaran, John John Florence has taken to exploring the New Zealand coastline, surfing hither and yon, and thrilling locals with his coolly explosive lines. 

“John – thanks for being so friendly and patient with us frothy kiwis in your travels here. You were so kind to my son at the beach today!” wrote one fan. “He hasn’t stopped talking about it, and may never! Mihi nui!”

The most recent sightings have been at Ocean Beach in Whagnarei Heads as well as a high-speed sail with America’s Cup holders Emirates Team New Zealand.

“We’ve had it all, everything from fifty knots of wind to perfect little barrels,” writes John John Florence. “We are loving New Zealand.” 

World Surf League (left) pictured gatekeeping. Photo: The Dictator
World Surf League (left) pictured gatekeeping. Photo: The Dictator

World Surf League total control over big wave records exposed as frenzied Guinness-Gate thrusts into third day!

Chas Smith

By

More like "Guinness-Gatekeeping!"

The surf world is now fully staggered as the duplicitousness, the deception of the World Surf League has been further revealed. Three days, Laura Enever, the “Angel from Narabeen,” was delivered a historic Guinness World Record for “largest wave ever paddle-in (female).” What should have been a glorious celebration of heroics has, instead, devolved into further proof of the “global home of surfing’s” evil ways.

The World Surf League, which took control of professional surfing in 2015 circa 1976, has done its very best to own and control every facet of this “Sport of Kings.” Champions suspended for speaking out.

Records changed via fiat.

A totalitarian power gobble not seen since Nicolae Ceaușescu insisted he owned Dracula.

Wanting cover for the, frankly disgusting, control, the World Surf League turns to respected organizations like the Guinness Book for cover.

The august beer maker, though, merely a pawn in a dark game.

For, according to the rules and regulations, probably world record waves must be delivered to Dublin via the World Surf League’s El Segundo veterinarian office in order to be considered.

Guinness-Gatekeeping

Per the bold fine print:

WSL SHALL REVIEW AND VERIFY SUBMISSIONS FOR BIG WAVE WORLD RECORDS. ONCE WSL HAS VERIFIED A SUBMISSION AS A POTENTIAL WORLD RECORD, IT SHALL BE SENT TO GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS™ FOR OFFICIAL VERIFICATION.

And…

WARNING: ANY ATTEMPT BY A SURFER OR ANY OTHER INDIVIDUAL TO DELIBERATELY UNDERMINE THE LEGITIMATE OPERATION OF THESE SUBMISSION PORTAL OR DAMAGE ANY WEBSITE ASSOCIATED WITH WSL OR UNDERMINE ITS LEGITIMATE OPERATION MAY BE A VIOLATION OF CRIMINAL AND CIVIL LAW, AND SHOULD SUCH AN ATTEMPT BE MADE, THE WSL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO PROSECUTE AND SEEK DAMAGES FROM ANY SUCH PERSON TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW.

Also, by law, not allowed to make fun of the WSL in submissions. All videos are judged by World Surf League paid “scientists” too.

Ominously, all of the “rules” have been disappeared.

Gatekeeping, or controlling access to something that should, by rights, be open, is considered a real modern faux pas. Racist and such. France’s Justine Dupont recently felt the World Surf League’s boot on her neck.

You might be next.

David Lee Scales and I spoke about all of this in greater depth on today’s weekly chat. We also discussed a surf podcast host who may or may not be anti-Jewish. Can you guess who?

Have fun playing.

The old wooden tower built on the Teahupoo reef.
The old wooden judging tower that had served the WSL for many happy years. | Photo: WSL

Paris 2024 organisers may swap Teahupoo’s “Wall of Skulls” for beachbreak following tower furore!

Derek Rielly

By

Christmas comes early for small-wave world champion Filipe Toledo!

The president of French Polynesia has made bombshell comments that may force the surfing of the 2024 Olympics to take place at an insipid beachbreak rather than at the world-famous Teahupoo reef. 

Much heat, you’ll remember, surrounds the building of a magnificent aluminium judging tower on the reef at a cost of five-mill US. Paris 2024 demolished the old wooden structure used by the WSL for years citing safety issues.

Local surfer Tahurai Henry, who organised a mass protest against what he regards as rich man’s folly, wrote, 

“This judge’s tower project will completely destroy a large part of the lagoon in the face of the most beautiful wave in the world! A construction worth over 500 million francs for 3-4 days of competition that won’t be reused for our local surfers!”

French Polynesian president Moetai Brotherson, who also supports independence from France, told the Pacific Islands Forum that by moving the three-day event to Taharuu, forty or so clicks back towards Papeete, “would have enabled us to avoid the problems we have today. At the time, it wasn’t possible. In view of the issues at stake and the protests today, perhaps we can revise this option.”

Teahupoo just beat out Taharuu as the choice for Paris 2024 following a visit by delegates in 2020.

In a response Paris 2024 organisers said in a statement,

“Tahiti was chosen because of the Teahupo’o site and its legendary wave, one of the most beautiful in the world.

“As our president, Tony Estanguet, recently pointed out, our priority today is to find a solution that will enable us to organise the surfing events of the Olympic Games in Tahiti, at the Teahupo’o site, in the best possible conditions.

“Discussions and studies will continue over the coming weeks to find a solution for organising the events on the Teahupo’o site. Along with all the stakeholders, and the Polynesian government in particular, Paris 2024 will continue to listen to all possible solutions to further improve the project. Dialogue and work will continue with environmental associations and local residents.”

So, yeah, still Teahupoo. For now.

Bad news for Filipe Toledo, whose struggles at Teahupoo have been well documented.

But with a little more heat applied maybe the Paris 2024 organisers lose their nerve and black sand Taharuu becomes the site of Toledo’s greatest triumph, Olympic gold.

A developing story, one imagines.

Nathan Florence, waveless in Portugal.

World’s best surfer Nathan Florence admits “I was afraid” after waveless session in Portugal!

Derek Rielly

By

See the waves even Nathan Florence is too scared to catch!

Two weeks ago at the Big Wave Awards, Nathan Florence, brother of US Olympian John John, officially become the alpha male of the Florence squad, which also includes little brother Ivan and shredder mom Alex.

The cups for Surfer of the Year and Ride of the Year were both awarded to Nathan Florence, and only nine months after he was rushed to hospital following a wipeout during a twenty-foot day at Jaws.

You’ll remember Nathan Florence took to social media to credit his powerlifting routine for saving him from a life in a wheelchair.

“Deadlifts are to thank, I believe,” he said.

Despite recent revelations Kainoa Igarashi has started to read, Florence, who is almost thirty and named after the son of the Hebrew King David, is widely regarded as the “world’s smartest surfer”.

(It ain’t the highest bar. Like the best white linebacker in the NFL or best Jewish sprinter.)

Anyway, Florence likes to be out there at the edge of things. He approaches big waves with steady unfaltering movements for he knows fear releases power. 

But even the Surfer of the Year sometimes hits a wall, where fear of the unseen menacing beast, tusked and terrible, overcomes his terrific lust for waves. 

And, so, we find Nathan Florence at a wave called The Cave in Portugal.

“The whole reef shelf comes out, the wave is dangerous at any size but especially at dead low,” says Florence. “It’s a mix of Backdoor, Off the Wall, but more shallow and heavy with a big reef chunk in front of it.”

Alone, he paddles out, a twitching pulse beating in a bladder of bones and skin.

Waves are examined, avoided. The sea breathes like a stinking dog.

Eventually, Nathan Florence, surfer of the year, paddles in without catching a wave.

“I’ll admit I was afraid,” he says.

But then, redemption as he returns to surf the wave with friends, for he knows that to share fear is the greatest bond of all.

Essential.

Photo: Jack English
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