Surf fans widen eyes as mysterious “Tenōre”
clothing appears on ex-RVCA team riders!
By Chas Smith
Christmas lists currently being edited.
It’s Christmas season with surf fans busily making
lists of what they wish and hope and aspire to see under
the tree. A bar of BeachGrit co-branded Sticky Bumps surf
wax? A pair of Klly Sltr turtle moon
sandals wrapped in micro-plastic paper? One of the
recently excused Vans employees?
But how about t-shirts and trunks, hoodies and beanies?
Alas, a surf industry implosion has rendered once joyous staples
like Billabong and Quiksilver, Volcom and Hurely entirely
embarrassing. No one but no one wants Mountain and Wave beard oil
in a stocking.
Or Stone paper clips.
Though what’s this? What’s this? Is there possibly magic in the
air?
Days ago, you certainly know, the Eddie held its annual opening
ceremony drawing a who’s who of big wave men and women. There they
stand, like demigods and goddesses, giant boards behind them. Icons
of cool. Surf fans, however, widened eyes at one particular
invitee. Maui’s Billy Kemper sporting a pair of trunks reading
“Tenōre.”
As you recall, Kemper and a handful of professional surfer
friends, recently turned down contracts from disgraced RVCA. The
brand, absorbed by Authentic Brands alongside the aforementioned
Billabong and Quiksilver, icky like them too.
Rumors instantly percolated that RVCA founder Pat M. Tenōre was
up to something and is this it?
Tenōre beneath the bows?
Please mama?
More as the story develops.
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Lupita Nyong'o, the Mexican-Kenyan actress
living her best and most beautiful life on Instagram and, inset,
Lupita and Sal in happier days.
Surf world in meltdown after TMZ forgets
name of Lupita Nyong’o’s surfer-ex Sal Masekela and says he was
“not a super public figure”
By Derek Rielly
"So, Lupita Nyong’o was dating this guy…I forget
his name…Sal…Mas…Mas…this dude…"
While war rages hither and yon and pro surfing
stubbornly refuses to climb out of its WSL-dug grave and the Pipe
Masters runs as a B-grade exhibition event, you should be
pleased your reporters at at BeachGrit are here to cover the
important and profound, in this case the love games of broadcaster
Sal Masekela and Black Panther star Lupita Nyong’o.
As I may’ve mentioned four or five times in the past few months,
and which I’ll cut and paste for your enjoyment below, I met the
extreme sports identity at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch in 2017.
This was before Lupita Nyong’o and therefore Sal Masekela was,
ostensibly, single.
Occupying one of the bench seats in the Surf Ranch’s heated
jacuzzi aprés our allotted waves was Sal, he was Sal back then, and
just as I was about to enter the swirling maelstrom, heated to one
hundred degrees and offering needed respite from the winter cold
and a possible cure for a dreadful hangover, his telephone
rang.
Sal asked me to rummage through his colourful outfit which was
bundled on a barrel, enough clothes to suggest, or was I hoping, he
was nude in the tank, and to pick it up.
It was Kelly Slater.
“Answer it,” he commanded, which I did.
Kelly Slater remained silent when he heard my voice, an early
portent of the blood feud that would simmer for the following six
years.
After a howl of laughter and some chortling Sal hung
up.
Despite an expanded adiposity, he gobbled protein bar after
protein bar, informing me of the health-giving properties of the
foil-wrapped chocolate chip treats. Privately, I questioned the
wisdom of these calorie-dense treats and made a mental note to
avoid once they arrived in Australia.
Stories flowed like a river of honey, however, and I left, like
everyone who spun in his orbit that day, a fan for life.
I didn’t heard from Sal again and only knew in passing that he’d
transitioned to Selema.
Nine months later, the relationship was in ruins, with Lupita
Nyong’o publishing an unflattering picture of their affair on
Instagram.
“At this moment, it is necessary for me to share a personal
truth and publicly dissociate myself from someone I can no longer
trust,” writes Lupita Nyong’o, who won an Oscar for her performance
in 12 Years a Slave. “I find myself in a season of heartbreak
because of a love suddenly and devastatingly extinguished by
deception… I am reminded that the magnitude of the pain I am
feeling is equal to the measure of my capacity for love. And so, I
am choosing to face the pain, cultivating the courage to meet my
life exactly as it is, and trusting that this too shall pass.”
Worse, for Sal Masekela, however, after TMZ, the BeachGrit of
important celebrity news, called surfing’s beloved broadcaster and
star a nobody, while discussing Lupita Nyong’o
annihilation of any mention of Sal on socials as she pivoted to
the, let’s be frank, wildly inferior Josh Jackson.
Surf feminist and prizewinning filmmaker
Lucy Small reveals obsession with Gaza conflict
By Derek Rielly
"1. Wake up and think about Gaza. 2. Watch the
latest atrocities on phone. 3. Have breakfast think about
Gaza."
Many brave and loud voices were heard in the surf
community after twelve hundred Jews were either slaughtered, raped
and, or, kidnapped by the Iranian-backed and trained
religious extremist group Hamas on October
7.
The surf feminist and trans-in-sports-activist Lucy Small was
among the loudest, although Andy St Onge and Surf Equity ran a
close second and third, busily posting a series of stories after
the attack.
These included a reel from Al Jazeera showing Hamas
terrorists in paragliders landing in Israel and about to murder and
rape indiscriminately with the caption, “Palestinians in Gaza made
history as they escaped the world’s largest prison”.
Among today’s fusillade of stories, Small has revealed her
obsession with the conflict with an eighteen-point explanation of
an average day in the house of Chez Yay Hamas.
Small asks,
Anyone else’s day to day look a lot like:
1. Wake up and think about Gaza.
2. Watch the latest atrocities on phone.
3. Have breakfast think about Gaza.
4. Surf and get really furious about Gaza.
5. 2 hours on phone watching new developments in
Gaza.
6. Text friends about latest fury about Gaza.
7. Get really angry at the government.
8. Read some more background on historical atrocities
committed against Palestinians you didn’t know about.
9. Feel sad and hopeless about Gaza.
10. Start trying to imagine what peace would look
like.
11. Think about the poor woman whose baby died crying as she
says she got 580 injections to have him.
12. Watch some videos of settlers attacking civilians in the
West Bank.
13. Tears in eyes thinking about Palestine.
14. Start making plan to become the prime
minister.
15. Text friends for help.
16. Reply to some comments hoping someone might decide not
to be Zionist.
17. Watch more videos and think about everyone
Gaza.
18. Sleep.
Sure beats my day.
1. Wake up.
2. Brief regime of push ups and, or, chin ups.
3. Examine deltoids in mirror and run appreciative fingernail
along slightly raised vein in bicep.
4. Look at surf. Think, tide too high or too low.
5. Sauna.
6. Copy story from Surfer and/or Stab.
7. Nap.
8. Be depressed, briefly, over myriad emotional failures and
financial missteps.
9. Go to jiujitsu, get slept.
How does your timetable operate?
Are you weeping for the brave Mohammedan freedom fighters or it
don’t touch the sides, as they say?
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Hawaiian nobility Mason Ho discusses being
told he “offended the audience” by World Surf League after Pipeline
claim!
By Chas Smith
"To declare the World Surf League does not
understand surfing is a profound understatement..."
To declare that the World Surf League does not
understand surfing is a profound understatement. The “Global Home
of Surfing” routinely steps the wrong way, its institutional
ignorance too vast to even begin to catalog. “Backward Fins” Beth,
Erik “ELo” Logan, Finals Day at Lower Trestles… I don’t have enough
time for this, to be honest.
The latest? Mason Ho discussing how he received a strongly
worded letter from the veterinarian
offices about how he was “offending the audience”
after a maybe botched Pipeline claim.
Ho, son of Michael, brother of Coco, nephew of Derek, sat next
to the legendary Cheeseburger on the must-watch new series from
Blak Bear Surf Club discussing a
wave he caught during a Pipeline event and getting caught betwixt a
finger snap and Andy Irons’ iconic shotgun claim which turned into
something all its own.
Whilst surf fans celebrated, as they always do, Ho’s creativity,
the World Surf League grew incensed and issued him a strongly
worded letter telling him he was “offending fans,” or some
such.
The conversation is priceless, Ho forgiving, kind, wonderful,
does not cast stones (other than the ones he already cast).
Burger the best sidekick ever.
But my goodness.
World Surf League?
Do you even watch surfing?
David Lee Scales and I, anyhow, discussed the moment along with
hot sake, mouth taping, faith healers and Carissa Moore’s
perfection. It might be our best show yet and I think you should
probably enjoy.
If not now then later.
RIP Party Pete.
Or did you come to the universal conclusion that listening now
is better?
It’s the right call.
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Beloved Malibu icon, pillar of the surf
community, pens beautifully poignant goodbye to friends as he
enters hospice after long battle with cancer
By Chas Smith
"I love you all from the bottom of my heart and
will always be here as a guardian angel to my loved ones."
It is easy to get caught up in the frivolities
in our surf world. The silliness of the World Surf League, for
example, or the phrase “Chinese wax job” coming under fire for
being racist, but it really is a tight knit space full of people
who genuinely do care about each other. I am reminded of this
usually during sadder days. Who, here, could forget Offrocker and
the wonderful poignancy he brought to this group?
Well, a similar human heaviness but also so beautifully human is
hovering up in Malibu. Surf icon, pillar of the local community,
Lyon Herron announced, days ago, that he was leaving palliative
care and heading into hospice after a long bout with cancer.
So I’ve made the decision to move palliative care to hospice
care, the suffering and pain has just gotten past the point of
being able to handle. For those of you that know me, know that I
have a very unique connection with death. I’ve been so close to it
so many times and have literally been told that I wasn’t going to
make it through the night more times that I can count. I’m so
comfortable with the end of this life’s journey that I honestly am
welcoming the end with open arms. I don’t want anyone to mourn me
when I pass, but to celebrate the life that I lived. I am so
blessed and so grateful for the life that I’ve had, I’ve been
living on borrowed time for a very long time now and now it’s my
souls time to move on. I’m doing it the natural way so who knows
how long it will take but I want to thank each and everyone one of
you for keeping me going through the toughest of times. Like I
said, I am blessed. I love you all from the bottom of my heart and
will always be here as a guardian angel to my loved ones. It’s not
goodbye, it’s just see you soon. So excited to finally get to see
my uncles who have passed before me. Adios friends.
A who’s who from Jamie Brisick to the Brothers Marshall, Jake
Burghart to Pink herself jumped into the feed to provide memories
and encouragement.
Dume local and exceptional filmmaker Paul Taublieb shared with
me, “I remember him clearly on a day of small south in a brief
window of remission, which was surrounded by years of surgeries and
suffering from a cancer that grew weird globs inside him, and he
laid the rail of the log into the face and stood, Dora-esque,
Fain-esque, Herron-all, and I saw a smile creep across his face, a
shard of joy penetrating past whatever he was enduring. Surfing
could do that, actually the silly hobby do something good.”
Ain’t that the truth.
Godspeed, Lyon Herron.
Godspeed.
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Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by
@theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros