Photo: @markrichardssurfboards
Photo: @markrichardssurfboards

Surf legend Mark Richards delights fans by transforming into life-sized Elf on the Shelf for Christmas!

Joy to the world!

Merry Christmas, or eve depending on when and where you are reading, to one and all on this glorious day. But how are you spending it? With loved ones cuddled together by a warm fire? Maybe a little dawn patrol with da boyz? Are there traditions in your home or are you a li’l bit grinchy?

Whatever the case, Mark Richards will certainly bring cheer to your heart as, just look at him, transformed into a life sized Elf on the Shelf.

Pure magic!

The Elf on the Shelf is, of course, a modern miracle bringing joy and terror to children around the world. If you are unaware, the Elf on the Shelf comes to the house in the start of December in order to spy on everyone then report back to Santa on behaviors. Much like North Korea security services. Or Mark Zuckerberg. He moves to a new place in the home the next morning, the children find him and the whole charade is repeated and repeated until Christmas morning.

Richards, anyhow, does the little narc proud and now you have happiness in your soul.

Jingle bells!


“What the f$%?” North Shore’s Rick Kane makes shock cameo at Palm Springs Surf Club!

“The original king is still the king!”

The actor Matt Adler, whose turn as the wavepool surfer turned Pipeline hero Rick Kane in the 1987 film North Shore shifted the B-grade thespian into cult stardom, has made a triumphant return to pool surfing at the just-unveiled Palm Springs Surf Club. 

Adler, now fifty-seven, riding a magnificent Matt Biolos-shaped middy and with a laugh that rings through the tank like a baritone bell, cameos in the Palm Springs Surf Club pool alongside Blair Conklin, Italo Ferreira, Parker Coffin, Josh and Sierra Kerr. 

Matt Adler is clearly proud of his mesmeric pull and the fascination Rick Kane holds for platoons of what are now old men. 

Watch the beautiful moment the Palm Springs Surf Club’s “wave-making maestro” Cheyne Magnusson is told the little fellow in front of him with the strange eyes burning like green lasers in their deep sockets, is actually…Rick Kane. 

“You don’t recognise him?”

“No!” 

“You don’t, huh!” 

“No!”

“Take a good look at this guy. It’s…Rick! 

Magnusson explodes, “What the fuck!” 

“That’s Rick, dude, that’s Rick! That’s Rick, dog!” 

In the middle of this year, Charlie Smith wrote of the lingering appeal of North Shore to the middle-aged surfer.

Every middle-to-upper-middle age cis white male has seen the classic multiple times. First on VHS, later on DVD, lastly streaming. It tells the story of Rick Kane, an Arizona surf standout who wins a contest in a pool, a drawing kit, a belt buckle and enough airfare for a trip to Oahu’s fabled North Shore. Once there he is treated to a heavy wake-up call via the powerful waves, sharp reef and serious local justice. He falls for Sam George’s ex-wife, is taken under the wing of a Pyzel-like surfboard shaper and eventually beats Laird Hamilton by discovering his soul.


The "running of the Igarashis" as part (hopefully) of the "Kanoa Igarashi is a Traitor Becasuse Even Though He Was Born and Raised in Huntington Beach He Surfs For Japan and Lives in Portugal Bacchanal."
The "running of the Igarashis" as part (hopefully) of the "Kanoa Igarashi is a Traitor Becasuse Even Though He Was Born and Raised in Huntington Beach He Surfs For Japan and Lives in Portugal Bacchanal."

“Surf City, USA” Huntington Beach cancels Black History Month!

Women's History Month gone too!

Huntington Beach, California, there in the coastal heart of Orange County, is a surfing treasure. Officially nicknamed “Surf City, USA” after beating rival Santa Cruz in the courts, the town hosts the annual U.S. Open of Surfing as well as semiannual surf-induced riots. Mega big surf shop Huntington Surf and Sport is right across the street from mega big surf shop Jacks with Rockin’ Fig is tucked up there somewhere. Huntington Beach is home to the Surfing Walk of Fame, living surfing legend, plus US Olympic surf team coach, Brett Simpson and the offices of surf forecasting juggernaut Surfline.

All very cool but, lately, the municipality has made more news for its politics than its gorgeous mushburgers. No rainbow flags are allowed to fly, for example, and I would imagine libraries are forbidden from hosting transexual reading hours.

Hate crimes don’t exist in Huntington Beach either.

Not satisfied with smacking the LGBTQ+ community around, the city council, days ago, passed a resolution that would officially cancel Black History Month.

Women’s History Month too.

Pride Month, obviously, burned with a propane torch.

Etc.

Except for the recognition of the Holocaust in January which was mercifully preserved by Mayor Gracey Van Der Mark.

The stated reason for the move was to celebrate uniquely Huntington Beach moments. “I’ve been amazed to learn just how much of our rich history I was unaware of,” Councilman Casey McKeon from the dais on Tuesday night’s meeting. ​“We wanted to focus on 12 themes a year instead of dozens to help city staff get on the same page.”

One proposed theme is “Black Gold Jubilee” which will celebrate the discovery of oil offshore.

Another should be “Kanoa Igarashi is a Traitor Becasuse Even Though He Was Born and Raised in Huntington Beach He Surfs For Japan and Lives in Portugal Bacchanal” wherein effigies of the Olympic silver medalist are burned.

A report was released reading, “All monthly themes hosted by the City must be included in this approved twelve-month program and will therefore repeal and supersede all such monthly themes/celebrations previously approved by Council.”

Shockingly not everyone was on board. Councilman Dan Kalmick declared it seemed like a 4th grade school project. Councilwoman Rhonda Bolton wondered, “Why does it have to be either the proposed calendar or the existing commemorations?The fact that those are being left out of this proposal says something. That sends a message to the community.”

Still, the haters were in the minority and Huntington Beach will move forward with its beautiful recognition of “Chop Hop Appreciation Day.”

Can’t wait to celebrate.


Joel Tudor, Sterling Spencer and Phil Rajzman.
Phil Rajzman's wild on-the-face air and, inset, Joel Tudor, unhappy with move. | Photo: Sterling Spencer

Blood feud roils surfing as world champs trade wild insults online

“I won against him every time we competed…and that's why he still cries to this day.”

The pro surfing world is in disarray tonight after two of the sport’s titans, including three-time world champ Joel Tudor, traded barbs online, igniting the sport’s latest blood feud.

Sterling Spencer, who hit worldwide fame in 2010 with a dubbed video of a kid trying to get Jeremy Flores’ autograph at J-Bay, posted a video of the hot-dogging longboarder Phil Rajzman performing one of his trademark chop-hops. 

“That’s, like, bad ass,” says Spencer.

Three-time world champion Joel Tudor, however, quickly went DEFCON 5 on the trickster.

“Possibly the worst style in long boarding,” wrote Joel Tudor.

Tudor, of course, is a well-known star of blood feuds, the fort seven year old’s ultra-purist angle skewering all-comers.

You’ll remember his role as the protagonist in these classics, Blood Feud: Joel Tudor and Noa Deane in creative battle royale! Blood Feud: Joel Tudor vs The World, and Blood Feud: Kelly Slater vs Kelly Slater (part one), Blood Feud: Joel Tudor vs Kelly Slater, part two and Blood feud; Joel Tudor squares off with shaping icon Richard Kenvin.

The Brazilian longboarder Phil Rajzman, who is forty-one and the son of professional volleyball player Bernard Rajzman and professional figure skater Michele Wollens, wasn’t gonna take the hit without returning his own  salvo.

“Cry baby Joel, the king of ego,” wrote Rajzman quickly followed by, “I won against him every time we competed, so he gave up competing, and that’s why he still cries to this day… then he created his own championship, where he never loses 🤭 you know how it is with the spoiled child who owns the ‘ball,’ right?”

Readers, meanwhile, were divided down the middle.

“Joel Tudor, your comment would have some value if it did not come from someone who was always beaten by Phil! I remember well that final in Puerto with 10ft waves where he packed your suitcase!! Btw your ego is killing you! You don’t have any better style than him!!”

“90’s era hp longboarding is not “the future”. It’s a past that never should have happened in the first place.”

“Joel Tudor, shocking to have the resident ‘you wanna get rear naked choked at the beach brah’ good vibes warrior trashing a guy who takes a unique and interesting perspective in a sub genre (longboarding) self acclaimed to be owned by the Tudor regime.”

Where do you fall on the volatile matter of high-performance longboarding?

Are you a yay or a nay?

 

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A post shared by $terling $pencer (@sterlingspencer)


John John Florence and wife Lauryn Cribb
The divine coupling of John John Florence, surfing superstar and model turned horticulture student Lauryn Cribb.

US surf Olympian John John Florence gonna be a daddy in May!

“Swallowed a watermelon seed and now it’s growing. We’re excited for our little baby boy to join us in May…”

Exactly one yea ago, John John Florence, the shaggy haired boy who enchanted the world in Vogue fashion spreads and as the first tweenie to ride Pipeline, married his long-time girlfriend, the Australian Lauryn Cribb.

John John Florence proposed to Cribb, a model turned horticulture student, in 2019 using a diamond ring his mama Alex had found on the beach and right before a one-month yacht voyage.

“It was a blazing hot day, he was so nervous that he didn’t want to go in the water even though we were both sweating profusely,” Lauryn Cribb told Vogue in an interview that included a lavish spread of the wedding. “He had a knee injury, so you can imagine I didn’t get the cookie cutter dropped knee proposal. Laying down on the hot beach at midday, he made me ‘look over there’ as he grabbed the ring his mother had given him as a placeholder.”

The pair were married in the nearby Waimea Valley although torrential rains, the same storms that created an epic river wave that nearly slaughtered sad-eyed degenerate Jamie O’Brien, almost forced a switcharoo of locations.

“The Waimea River actually flooded the venue the day before, which, despite our concerns and the outcome the day of, is considered good fortune when the river is flowing,” said Cribb. “We were very lucky it subsided and the grounds were not at all muddy or wet.”

In the photo spread, which you can examine here, the couple and their myriad friends danced the night away under a grand marquee festooned with lights, the happy couple hoisted upon guest’s shoulders, forming a miracle of love against the heavens.

Now, four months into the gestation process, Cribb has announced the forthcoming birth of a baby version of John John Florence, due in May. 

“Swallowed a watermelon seed and now it’s growing,” wrote Cribb.  “We’re excited for our little baby boy to join us in May…”

In a doz years, that little boy gonna be shredding Pipe?

In twenty, ruling the Saudi owned tour?

And, y’think, John John Florence going to gift the boy a similarly unique handle?