Upper-middle-aged man (insert) experiencing prepubescent glee. Photo: North Shore
Upper-middle-aged man (insert) experiencing prepubescent glee. Photo: North Shore

Surfing’s 45-to-49 year old cis white male demographic explodes in fit of prepubescent glee as actor famous for playing Rick Kane snapped ripping on Oahu’s fabled North Shore!

"It's him! It's really him!"

With the landmark study revealing the average participation age, in surfing, to be 45-to-49 years young now officially part of the canon, wave sliders near and far are celebrating things they love publicly and without shame. Totems of this surfing life that were once hidden so the “youth” wouldn’t see and point mocking fingers. The musical stylings of Pennywise, for example, or the 1987 film North Shore.

Oh, any and every middle-to-upper-middle age cis white male has seen the classic multiple times. First on VHS, later on DVD, lastly streaming. It tells the story of Rick Kane, an Arizona surf standout who wins a contest in a pool, a drawing kit, a belt buckle and enough airfare for a trip to Oahu’s fabled North Shore. Once there he is treated to a heavy wake-up call via the powerful waves, sharp reef and serious local justice. He falls for Sam George’s ex-wife, is taken under the wing of a Pyzel-like surfboard shaper and eventually beats Laird Hamilton by discovering his soul.


And while surf fans have long been aware of Turtle, played by John Philbin, regularly popping up on the scene, Rick Kane’s Matt Adler has been harder to glimpse.

You can understand, then, the explosion of prepubescent glee when Adler was recently snapped on what was identified as the North Shore holding an expertly waxed mid-length and looking resolute.

Examining the photos further reveals he is nowhere near the North Shore, likely California, which lightly diminishes the joy.

In any case, the Daily Mail discusses Adler’s career in depth. How he rode from Michael J. Fox vehicle Teen Wolf into his North Shore role then alongside teen heartthrobs Corey Haim and Corey Feldman in Dream a Little Dream. His career later stalled but, apparently, he is friends with George Clooney and also much-loved by 45-to-49 year old male surfers the world over.

Beautiful nostalgia.

Speaking of, what do you image former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan is up to these days?

Home eating tubs of ice cream or is he preparing a crack legal team to challenge his ultra-harsh dismissal? He has stopped “liking” photos of Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer.

Smoke or fire?

More as the story develops.

UFC featherweight god Max Holloway joins surf star girlfriend Alessa Quizon at wave pool in Texas, “Surfing is crazier than fighting!”

"WTF Max Holloway can surf???"

If you’re into watching human beings beat hell out of each other in a 750 square foot cage, you’ll know, and possibly adore, the preternaturally gifted Hawaiian striker Max Holloway, the self-described “best boxer in the UFC.”

Holloway, who is thirty-one and a former featherweight champ (these days he’s the #2 contender), is the husband of Hawaiian surf star Alessa Quizon (once the gal of Caio Ibelli) and grew up on Oahu’s west side, famous for Sunny Garcia, Johnny Boy Gomes, Makaha and so on.

So he’s been around surfing, even if boxing is his game.

As he told Rogan,

“I know all the big-wave surfers, Makua Rothman, and they always tell me, Zeke Lou, Kana Asing, hey, fighting is so crazy, I tell them, guy surfing is crazy, they’re like, no fighting is crazy! Guy, I’m fighting with a human being and I can kinda control what they do at certain times and what I do. When you’re surfing, you’re fighting mother nature my guy! If you fall off and if mother nature wants to throw you three times you’re going to get thrown three times!

As for safety equipment, says Holloway, “You got a puff-up vest? What if it doesn’t pop?”

In a recent Instagram post by Perfect Swell, the company behind the Waco pool, we see Holloway and Quizon riding back-to-back waves at the lauded Texas tank, Holloway competent enough while Quizon, as expected, concusses the wave with her endless beautiful strokes.

Fans were thrilled by the event, “WTF Max Holloway can surf???” but less so by the Reels format that cropped out most of the wave, “Worst camera work I’ve ever seen. 3 people surfing and he managed to miss all of them.”

Holloway’s wave pool adventure comes on the heels of another Hawaiian MMA superstar BJ Penn who nearly became surfing’s first pool fatality three years back when he was sucked outta the tank and into the engine room.

“Last year when I got sucked into a wave pool engine room and thought I was going to die… I kept thinking “don’t die for your kids” I was surfing for a about an hour and the line started getting longer to catch the wave. I was sitting next to the owner of the wave pool by the “wall” where the waves come from. The first wave it shoots out is a dud to get everyone ready for the next wave. The dud wave came back and because I was so close to the wall the wave swallowed me and pushed me and my surfboard underneath a huge cement wall. I remember feeling like I was getting sucked in a pipe and at that moment I got scared. It ended up pushing me into a big dark cement room that fills up with water to push the next wave for the wave pool. It felt like I was in the movie SAW or Final destination. The room would fill up with water to the top and I would hold my breath and then it would push the water out to make the wave and it was really rough inside there. Everything I bumped up against in the room that hurt me got infected. I got a bad sinus infection and a couple facial fractures from getting knocked around the cement walls and from the fractures the dirty water got in my face and infected my whole sinus. I was on antibiotics for three weeks for my face. While I was in the wave pool engine room I knew that one of my friends outside from big island is a legendary surfer and I knew he would come in there to rescue me so I stayed calm. A lot of other people might have panicked and maybe gave up but I just stayed strong for my kids. Anyway to make a long story short I survived that mother fucker 😛😛😛 !! The name of the people and water park have been left out. I not the kine guy shows up to your house to play and gets hurt and tries to sue you so all love ❤️ to everyone who helped me get there and helped me survive 🤙 Maybe I was the first guy in history to get sucked into a wave pool engine room while it is in operation but no matter what happens in life and no matter how scary it is if I can offer you any advice I would just say to “stay calm”. If I didn’t fight tough cunts my whole life I might have panicked, but it was just another day in the office.”


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Panicking swimmers and happy shark.

Jaws-like scenes in New York as beaches forced to close following five shark attacks in two days!

“Officials reported 200 sharks swimming fifty yards from the beach…”

The Sharks of NYC got many ways to make multiple incisions in every part of ya from your inner sanctum to your extremities. 

The Manhattan Hammer heads will bludgeon you into submission with tales from their night out at Chelsea with P-Diddy. The Bulls on Wall street could sell you on just-patented rocket jet packs to beat the AM rush hour. And the Tigers of the Bronx don’t show their stripes till ya hip is already three bags into their maw. 

And now, you can add the beaches of Long Island as another part of NYC that’ll mow the joy outta ya when you’re getting a reprieve from the summer months with a little ocean therapy. 

On Independence Day, sharks hit two swimmers at Fire Island (a place in the seventies that would make The Village People forget about the YMCA) and another swimmer in the Hamptons (many would say well deserved).

A 49-year-old man was bitten on the right hand as he paddled off Fire Island Pines. The second was the punctured  thigh of an adult woman as she swam in Cherry Grove. The third was a gash in the right knee of a 47-year-old man in chest-deep water in Southhampton.

Drones spotted swarms of sharks after the bites. 

The day before, a fifteen-year-old surfer was bitten at Kismit beach and a gal of the same age was hit on the leg while swimming near Robert Moses’ beach. 

Local surfers and fisherman say Thresher sharks are, likely, the culprits.

Robert Moses State Park, on Fire Island’s western end, opened to swimmers ninety minutes late Tuesday morning after officials spied a school of fifty sharks swimming two hundred yards from the beach. The school was believed to be made up of sand tiger sharks. The sharks grow between seven and ten feet long and are common in New York waters, but do not often swim in large schools.

Local experts say the sudden attacks can be attributed to cleaner water and the proximity of baitfish closer to the shore. Not to be forgotten is the Gulf Stream that travels up the eastern shores in the summer months from the Caribbean and swaddles our old friends in liquid  blankets so warm it could stir an appetite in an NYC fashion model during runway week. 

Surf fans devastated as host nation Indonesia pulls out of World Beach Games over alleged anti-Israel sentiment!

Dark days.

The World Surf League is on hiatus, currently, with various professional surfers and staff en route to South Africa where event number nine, the J-Bay Open, is set to kickoff shortly. Jordy Smith will be there and so will Kelly Slater, who has miraculously recovered from spinal meningitis. Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer will be there, likely in a fancy swimming pool, but Chief Executive Erik Logan will not because he was fired for… well, let’s just say more as the story develops.

Six days without professional surfing can seem an eternity, though, and surf fans were very much looking forward to the World Beach Games, hosted in Bali this year. Over 1,500 athletes from 100 countries were set to compete in the “youth-focused tournament” featuring sports including beach soccer, surfing, sailing and beach volleyball.

While organizers may not know that surfing is no longer “youth focused,” it doesn’t really matter because overnight Indonesia has withdrawn as host thereby cancelling the fun.

The government cited budget issues though savvy geopolitical thinkers think Israel’s inclusion is likely the true cause.

Three months ago, FIFA wagged a finger and removed Indonesia’s right to host the U-20 Men’s World Cup after the predominately Muslim nation objected to Israel being invited. The country has no diplomatic ties with the bravest Middle Eastern apartheid state and anti-Israel sentiment runs high amongst the population.

Indonesia National Olympic Committee spokesperson Raja Sapta Oktohari said the World Beach Games were cancelled “with a heavy heart,” but that did not stop the Association of National Olympic Committees from angrily declaring, “It is with great surprise and extreme disappointment that ANOC has learnt that the Indonesian Olympic Committee (KOI) has withdrawn from its commitment to host the ANOC World Beach Games and the ANOC General Assembly in August 2023.”

Though I am no sporting body governor nor diplomat, I would suggest something a little stronger. Something like this:

To the WSL community,

I want to address the conversation that happened in our community following the recent Championship Tour event at the Surf Ranch. As you likely know, a small number of athletes made statements questioning the judging of the competition and the final results.

I want to respond directly to those statements, however, we first need to address a much more important issue. In recent days, a number of surfers, WSL judges, and employees have been subject to harassment, intimidation, and threats of violence, including death threats, as a direct result of those statements. Those things should never happen in our sport or any sport, and we’re devastated that members of our community have been subject to them. It is an important reminder to us all that words have consequences. We hope the entire WSL community stands with us in rejecting all forms of harassment and intimidation.

In terms of the statements made, we completely reject the suggestion that the judging of our competitions is in any way unfair or biased. These claims are not supported by any evidence.

Firstly, the judging criteria are provided to the athletes ahead of each competition. All athletes competing at the Surf Ranch Pro received these materials on May 20th. Every athlete had the opportunity to ask questions about the criteria at that time. None of the athletes who made these statements took advantage of this opportunity at the Surf Ranch Pro.

Secondly, our rules allow any athlete to review the scoring of any wave, with the judges, and receive a more detailed explanation of how they were scored with the judges. This process has been in place for a number of years, and is the direct result of working with the surfers to bring more transparency to the judging process. It is not acceptable, and is a breach of league policy, for surfers to choose not to engage with the proper process and instead air grievances on social media.

A number of athletes at the Surf Ranch Pro received points for elements such as progression and variety, so it is simply incorrect to suggest these are not taken into account in the judging criteria. Furthermore, our rules have been applied consistently throughout the season, including at events this season that were won by athletes who are now questioning those same rules.

Surfing is an ever-evolving, subjective sport and we welcome a robust debate around the progression of our sport and the criteria used to judge our competitions. However, it is unacceptable for any athlete to question the integrity of our judges who, like our surfers, are elite professionals.

No one person or group of people are above the integrity of the sport.

Erik Logan
WSL Chief Executive Officer


Logan (left) and icon Tom Carroll. Happier days. Photo: WSL
Logan (left) and icon Tom Carroll. Happier days. Photo: WSL

Breaking: Former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan alters much-loved Instagram account to reflect hopeless new reality!

Goodbye horses.

“Life is like a box of chocolates,” the famous thinker Forrest Gump once declared, adding, “you never know what you are going to get.” Former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan certainly didn’t. The Oklahoman with a million dollar smile and a magic wetsuit of armor was riding high. After slamming those who dared put themselves above “the integrity of the sport,” the big boss traveled to Brazil in order to revel in victory while living his best life.

Alas, something happened (more as the story develops), and Logan was suddenly and brutally sacked in the most terse way possible.

Simply “no longer with the company.”

Rabid surf watchers immediately swung to Logan’s much-loved Instagram account, a place where he took followers on special tours and ordered his employees to take their shirts off, in order to find clues or, at the least, comfort.

Their dreams dashed, slowly, by days upon days of silence.

Though a small devastating shift has, just moments ago, occurred.

While not posting a topless massage of Jordy Smith ahead of the J-Bay Pro, Logan quietly disappeared the phrase “CEO World Surf League” from his biography.



The fact that Logan continues to live life “one wave at a time” certainly provides some comfort but what is his new “passion” and how will he remake his life around it?

If he would speak, I imagine him saying,  “I see you rise.” But, it always falls. I see you come, I see you go.

He say, “All things pass into the night.” And I say, “Oh no sir I must say you’re wrong. I must disagree, oh no sir, I must say you’re wrong.”

Won’t you listen to me?

He told me, I’ve seen it all before. I’ve been there, I’ve seen my hopes and dreams.

Lying on the ground. I’ve seen the sky just begin to fall.

He say, “All things pass into the night.”

And I say, “Oh no sir, I must say you’re wrong. I must disagree, oh no sir, I must say you’re wrong.”

Won’t you listen to me?

Goodbye horses I’m flying over you.

Logan’s Linkedin still, thankfully, lists him as CEO of the World Surf League.

Hope springs.