Panicking swimmers and happy shark.

Jaws-like scenes in New York as beaches forced to close following five shark attacks in two days!

“Officials reported 200 sharks swimming fifty yards from the beach…”

The Sharks of NYC got many ways to make multiple incisions in every part of ya from your inner sanctum to your extremities. 

The Manhattan Hammer heads will bludgeon you into submission with tales from their night out at Chelsea with P-Diddy. The Bulls on Wall street could sell you on just-patented rocket jet packs to beat the AM rush hour. And the Tigers of the Bronx don’t show their stripes till ya hip is already three bags into their maw. 

And now, you can add the beaches of Long Island as another part of NYC that’ll mow the joy outta ya when you’re getting a reprieve from the summer months with a little ocean therapy. 

On Independence Day, sharks hit two swimmers at Fire Island (a place in the seventies that would make The Village People forget about the YMCA) and another swimmer in the Hamptons (many would say well deserved).

A 49-year-old man was bitten on the right hand as he paddled off Fire Island Pines. The second was the punctured  thigh of an adult woman as she swam in Cherry Grove. The third was a gash in the right knee of a 47-year-old man in chest-deep water in Southhampton.

Drones spotted swarms of sharks after the bites. 

The day before, a fifteen-year-old surfer was bitten at Kismit beach and a gal of the same age was hit on the leg while swimming near Robert Moses’ beach. 

Local surfers and fisherman say Thresher sharks are, likely, the culprits.

Robert Moses State Park, on Fire Island’s western end, opened to swimmers ninety minutes late Tuesday morning after officials spied a school of fifty sharks swimming two hundred yards from the beach. The school was believed to be made up of sand tiger sharks. The sharks grow between seven and ten feet long and are common in New York waters, but do not often swim in large schools.

Local experts say the sudden attacks can be attributed to cleaner water and the proximity of baitfish closer to the shore. Not to be forgotten is the Gulf Stream that travels up the eastern shores in the summer months from the Caribbean and swaddles our old friends in liquid  blankets so warm it could stir an appetite in an NYC fashion model during runway week. 

Surf fans devastated as host nation Indonesia pulls out of World Beach Games over alleged anti-Israel sentiment!

Dark days.

The World Surf League is on hiatus, currently, with various professional surfers and staff en route to South Africa where event number nine, the J-Bay Open, is set to kickoff shortly. Jordy Smith will be there and so will Kelly Slater, who has miraculously recovered from spinal meningitis. Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer will be there, likely in a fancy swimming pool, but Chief Executive Erik Logan will not because he was fired for… well, let’s just say more as the story develops.

Six days without professional surfing can seem an eternity, though, and surf fans were very much looking forward to the World Beach Games, hosted in Bali this year. Over 1,500 athletes from 100 countries were set to compete in the “youth-focused tournament” featuring sports including beach soccer, surfing, sailing and beach volleyball.

While organizers may not know that surfing is no longer “youth focused,” it doesn’t really matter because overnight Indonesia has withdrawn as host thereby cancelling the fun.

The government cited budget issues though savvy geopolitical thinkers think Israel’s inclusion is likely the true cause.

Three months ago, FIFA wagged a finger and removed Indonesia’s right to host the U-20 Men’s World Cup after the predominately Muslim nation objected to Israel being invited. The country has no diplomatic ties with the bravest Middle Eastern apartheid state and anti-Israel sentiment runs high amongst the population.

Indonesia National Olympic Committee spokesperson Raja Sapta Oktohari said the World Beach Games were cancelled “with a heavy heart,” but that did not stop the Association of National Olympic Committees from angrily declaring, “It is with great surprise and extreme disappointment that ANOC has learnt that the Indonesian Olympic Committee (KOI) has withdrawn from its commitment to host the ANOC World Beach Games and the ANOC General Assembly in August 2023.”

Though I am no sporting body governor nor diplomat, I would suggest something a little stronger. Something like this:

To the WSL community,

I want to address the conversation that happened in our community following the recent Championship Tour event at the Surf Ranch. As you likely know, a small number of athletes made statements questioning the judging of the competition and the final results.

I want to respond directly to those statements, however, we first need to address a much more important issue. In recent days, a number of surfers, WSL judges, and employees have been subject to harassment, intimidation, and threats of violence, including death threats, as a direct result of those statements. Those things should never happen in our sport or any sport, and we’re devastated that members of our community have been subject to them. It is an important reminder to us all that words have consequences. We hope the entire WSL community stands with us in rejecting all forms of harassment and intimidation.

In terms of the statements made, we completely reject the suggestion that the judging of our competitions is in any way unfair or biased. These claims are not supported by any evidence.

Firstly, the judging criteria are provided to the athletes ahead of each competition. All athletes competing at the Surf Ranch Pro received these materials on May 20th. Every athlete had the opportunity to ask questions about the criteria at that time. None of the athletes who made these statements took advantage of this opportunity at the Surf Ranch Pro.

Secondly, our rules allow any athlete to review the scoring of any wave, with the judges, and receive a more detailed explanation of how they were scored with the judges. This process has been in place for a number of years, and is the direct result of working with the surfers to bring more transparency to the judging process. It is not acceptable, and is a breach of league policy, for surfers to choose not to engage with the proper process and instead air grievances on social media.

A number of athletes at the Surf Ranch Pro received points for elements such as progression and variety, so it is simply incorrect to suggest these are not taken into account in the judging criteria. Furthermore, our rules have been applied consistently throughout the season, including at events this season that were won by athletes who are now questioning those same rules.

Surfing is an ever-evolving, subjective sport and we welcome a robust debate around the progression of our sport and the criteria used to judge our competitions. However, it is unacceptable for any athlete to question the integrity of our judges who, like our surfers, are elite professionals.

No one person or group of people are above the integrity of the sport.

Erik Logan
WSL Chief Executive Officer


Logan (left) and icon Tom Carroll. Happier days. Photo: WSL
Logan (left) and icon Tom Carroll. Happier days. Photo: WSL

Breaking: Former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan alters much-loved Instagram account to reflect hopeless new reality!

Goodbye horses.

“Life is like a box of chocolates,” the famous thinker Forrest Gump once declared, adding, “you never know what you are going to get.” Former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan certainly didn’t. The Oklahoman with a million dollar smile and a magic wetsuit of armor was riding high. After slamming those who dared put themselves above “the integrity of the sport,” the big boss traveled to Brazil in order to revel in victory while living his best life.

Alas, something happened (more as the story develops), and Logan was suddenly and brutally sacked in the most terse way possible.

Simply “no longer with the company.”

Rabid surf watchers immediately swung to Logan’s much-loved Instagram account, a place where he took followers on special tours and ordered his employees to take their shirts off, in order to find clues or, at the least, comfort.

Their dreams dashed, slowly, by days upon days of silence.

Though a small devastating shift has, just moments ago, occurred.

While not posting a topless massage of Jordy Smith ahead of the J-Bay Pro, Logan quietly disappeared the phrase “CEO World Surf League” from his biography.



The fact that Logan continues to live life “one wave at a time” certainly provides some comfort but what is his new “passion” and how will he remake his life around it?

If he would speak, I imagine him saying,  “I see you rise.” But, it always falls. I see you come, I see you go.

He say, “All things pass into the night.” And I say, “Oh no sir I must say you’re wrong. I must disagree, oh no sir, I must say you’re wrong.”

Won’t you listen to me?

He told me, I’ve seen it all before. I’ve been there, I’ve seen my hopes and dreams.

Lying on the ground. I’ve seen the sky just begin to fall.

He say, “All things pass into the night.”

And I say, “Oh no sir, I must say you’re wrong. I must disagree, oh no sir, I must say you’re wrong.”

Won’t you listen to me?

Goodbye horses I’m flying over you.

Logan’s Linkedin still, thankfully, lists him as CEO of the World Surf League.

Hope springs.

Biden (left) and his bro. Photo: A laptop
Biden (left) and his bro. Photo: A laptop

Suspicion deepens around Hunter Biden bringing bag of cocaine to White House after photos resurface of first son surfing with Strider Wasilewski!

Only a surfer knows the feeling.

America’s Independence Day celebration is now, officially, in the books and did you have a wonderful time with family and friends? Barbecuing in the backyard, maybe, enjoying a deeply discounted Bud Light? Or did your revelry involve something a little more… leaded. Maybe hoovering lines of cocaine off a White House toilet while humming the Star Spangled Banner?

But certainly you’ve heard the news that, yesterday, the President’s residence was briefly evacuated when a bag containing a “powdery substance” was found in the West Wing.

Per America’s old foil, the BBC:

The discovery in the West Wing, which contains the Oval Office and other working areas for presidential aides and staff, led to a brief evacuation.

Secret Service agents found the suspicious powder in an area that is accessible to tour groups while doing a routine inspection.

President Joe Biden and his family were at Camp David in Maryland at the time.

A senior law enforcement official told the BBC’s US partner CBS News the substance was found in a storage facility routinely used by White House staff and guests to store mobile phones.

The White House complex was closed as a precaution around 20:45 local time (00:45 GMT) on Sunday after it was discovered.
A preliminary test later confirmed the substance was cocaine.

After many shocked gasps, the public immediately wondered who would do such a thing. Who would dare.

Suspicion immediately fell upon President Biden’s son Hunter, a recovering addict who has an established relationship with the crack varietal of cocaine. That suspicion only deepened when photos of the first son surfing in Malibu with Strider Wasilewski resurfaced.

The Daily Mail reported, two-years ago, that Biden donned a “VERY tight” wetsuit and enjoyed a Malibu session with the popular World Surf League broadcaster, straddling a large pink foamie. Wasilewski can be seen pushing the artist into a few waves, pure glee stretching across Biden’s classically handsome face.

The relationship between cocaine and surfing is well documented, as you know, plus historically significant. Could the President’s son have discovered the link and made like an ASP tour standout circa the early 2000s?

Or are you less conspiratorial in your thinking, imagining that a boardriders’ club was touring the White House and being generally sloppy.

If you had to party with either Hunter Biden or Donald Trump Jr. who would you choose?

Currently more questions than answers.

They say the two best days of a sailor's life are when he buys a boat and when he sells it to Erik Logan. John John (pictured) flipping off Vela. Photo: JJF
They say the two best days of a sailor's life are when he buys a boat and when he sells it to Erik Logan. John John (pictured) flipping off Vela. Photo: JJF

Surf champion John John Florence lists legendary gunboat Vela née Falcor for an easy $1.3 million!

Yo ho, yo ho...

Have you ever had the dream of leaving it all behind, hopping on a 48′ catamaran and pushing off from shore in search of wild adventure? Well, guess what. The world is ending and you should just do it though not on any old 48′ catamaran but a legendary gunboat previously owned by John John Florence and Travis Rice before him.

Vela, as Florence named her, Falcor, as Travis did, is currently for sale in New Zealand for an easy $1,349,000.

Per the listing:

The embodiment of spirit and adventure, this Gunboat 48 is on the search for her next custodian!

Borne of Gunboat’s singular focus to quality and durability, “Vela” has spent most of her life travelling some of the worlds most spectacular locations with some of the worlds foremost watermen and adventurers.

Now its your turn to join the legend…..

“Vela” is currently lying in the North of New Zealand and has been a recent recipient of an extensive refit ensuring that she is 100% ready to go on her next adventure. Lightweight, robust and featuring North 3di technology flying from a Marstrom Carbon mast supported by ECsix carbon rigging, The Gunboat 48 strikes the balance between performance and comfort in a manner rarely seen on performance catamarans under 50ft.

The saloon space flows beautifully into the hulls and forward in to the forward cockpit, sail handling area which of course leaves the aft cockpit space open and free for socialising and watching the world go by.

Recently returning to her original metallic blue hull colour with black accenting provided by the forebeam, mast and trampolines, “Vela” is champing at the bit to get back to exploring!

Professionally managed and maintained, “Vela” is currently winterised with all sails serviced and stored with North Sails NZ.

The yacht was made very famous, of course, in Florence’s video series of the same name when surf fans around the world wondered if he was through with professional surfing altogether

Apparently he is here to stay, though you know who could use a lifestyle change?

You are certainly correct. Former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan must be feeling a bit lost right now and how better to remake his tattered life by becoming a pirate? Sailing the high seas with a patch over one eye, cutlass between teeth, pillaging and forcing young men on foreign shores to take their shirts off.

Yo ho, yo ho.