Inspirational speaking circuit rapidly shutting.
The World Surf League kicks off its 2024 Championship Tour in mere days, though not that you’d know it. The sounds emanating from the “global home of surfing’s” El Segundo veterinarian office can only be described as “radio silent” with a dash of “dying cat.”
Well, no matter and it’s true. Filipe Toledo is certainly gearing up for his third crown in a row but it is unlikely that he will ever catch one Kelly Slater. Surfing’s greatest of all-time has amassed an eye-watering eleven championships over the course of his decades-long career.
Very neat.
All things come to an end, however, and now fifty-six, and only on tour thanks to a “special” season-long wildcard, Slater must be planning on what life looks like outside of the singlet.
One avenue, that of inspirational circuit speaker, likely blocked by an angry mob. For you have certainly seen the trouble shark attack survivor and icon Bethany Hamilton has faced in recent days. A woman’s group in Oshkosh, Wisconsin invited the Kauai native to address its members. All very innocent… except. A gaggle became enraged and collaborated on a five-page open letter seeking to have Hamilton removed.
“For those who may not be aware, Bethany Hamilton announced in February 2023 that she refuses to compete in World Surf League events in response to their decision to adopt the International Surfing Association (ISA) policy on transgender participation,” the framers declared. Bethany Hamilton wants transgender surfers to be segregated into a separate athletic division. Currently, there are no transgender athletes competing in the World Surf League, and only one transgender athlete, Australian longboard surfer Sasha Jane Lowerson, has ever won a professional surfing competition.
Bravo for our Sasha Jane to make news in Oshkosh, B’gosh, but ominous for Slater who has gone on record to state that there should be a specific transgender division in professional surfing.
Absolute fighting words in this day and age.
Fighting words or worse.
It must be assumed that five, or even six, page letters will be written to any board that dares invite Slater to the lectern. Must be assumed that protesters will gather outside Ramada Inn conference rooms, pitchforks held high.
Slater’s indelible voice drowned out by rage-filled shouts for justice and rights.
So no inspirational speaking but then what?
Barrista?
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Kelly’s potential for his narcissist appeal to Gen Z ers and how to garner all the attention and steal other people’s lime light will keep him relevant for many more years long after surfing.
naw. he needs to breed ’em for his shoe factory.
I hear that a new Wellness Co is being set up in Fiji , called the OK Corral….
the health benefits of K’s sustainable Turtle soup , with Koala Bear Burgers…….bongs of Ayahuasca for spiritual ascendence , which will open wallets and hearts…….Firewire boards will abound as the new KS wave pool will be built off the island ( still trialing the nuclear sub foil!)…and……. $50 K perday in groups of 10…….all sponsored by Aramco…..now there’s a retirement plan!
You forgot the rejuvenating colonic irrigations!
added bonus: under proper guidance, your praying/yoga mat/rug will turn into a magic carpet ride. so you might need air travel insurance!
He should concrete his front yard and bolt all his trophies onto it. Make it look pretty like the Maltese do after retirement.
heck, FLA had trouble relocating his statue. maybe he should add that to his backyard memorium?
He virtually already has, with all the surgeries etc, (despite the incredible health), but Slater could volunteer for a Robocop style scenario, guaranteeing infinite future episodes. In fact, if he teamed up with Laird, Robocop meets Terminator, surfing would be saved. Then they could bring back Tommies, Kong, all sorts of brutal enforcers, and do endless Robocop, Terminator, Expendables sequels. And finally, at last, for once and for all, surfees would get the movie to end all movies, that shows the world!
https://youtu.be/UFuxiZFwDP…
that Greatest Surf Movie Ever from West Oz added tripods…to scale!
At least one at the wooz needs a shot of Mad Cow vaccine … there’s likely to be more, but I’m no veterinarian.
where did all the epidimeologists go? out where the huskies go?
North to Alaska
(way up north)
Rumor has it he’s thinking about doing Dancing With the Stars
The only acceptable post-retirement career?
Barber to the Stars ⭐️ please. One salon near his home in Southern California and one near his home on the North Shore. I only want the most experienced to lather me up and Bic me.
The WSL could hire him as wave pool ambassador, or maybe Joe Rogan could hire him as an advanced knowledge beat reporter (as a contract worker of course)
Hopefully he puts ALL of his energy into firewire, so that it fails spectacularly like everything else he Gung hoes.
Slater is 51, not 56.
on the brink of 52!! He and I share a birth year, but he’s ahead of me by almost exactly 9 months, a right suspicious gap.
Maybe he’s your biological father.
That is but a minor error for BG. Yesterday Eimeo was apparently trying to raise fifty-fifty k.
First time?
He definitely looks 56
In these uncertain times you should pen a story about Billy Kemper’s pipe win so we can all come together as a BG community to talk shit.
Dude screamed at me for not giving him a free footpad when I was a wagie working a shop floor.i didn’t know who he was and it almost started the initial scrap.
I imagine that was pre-ice baths. Probably cooled off now.
More info on the scrap please. He is a little guy so curious if you slapped the top of his head.
I was so high, I just laughed and it made it worse.
What a tool. Typical low-tier sponsored surfer, though.
The entire industry should hire Tony Hawk to give seminars in how not to be a dick to the people who feed you, no matter how good you are, or how famous you think you are.
TH couldn’t have been nicer the one time I was in the vicinity! And his crew has the highest proportion of tattoos to good manners (on the good side) of any crew on earth!
I hope you’re happy. https://beachgrit.com/2024/…
Its Fleeting