Artist rendition of ISA Parade of Nations.
Artist rendition of ISA Parade of Nations.

Geopolitical tension nears snapping point as Puerto Rico hosts final World Surfing Games ahead of Olympics!

Watch the bloodbath live.

These are, undeniably and undoubtedly, extremely tense times. The Russo – Ukrainian war is stretching into its third year and at a bleak stalemate, Israel versus Gaza has neither end, nor clean possible conclusion, in sight, two tottering geriatrics are vying to become “leader of the free world,” and “healthy drinking” is trending.

It is amongst this twisted tableau that the globe’s suspicious and eggy surf teams are meeting in the U.S. protectorate of Puerto Rico to compete in the final World Surfing Games ahead of the 2024 Paris Olympics.

A paltry sixteen Teahupo’o tickets remain. Nine for women and seven for men.

Slim.

Gimlet eye’d hopefuls arrived in the beachside hamlet of Arecibo, yesterday. Over 260 of what are described as “the best surfers in the world” ready to bash or broil each other for the opportunity to not even come close to winning an Olympic medal. Things got underway with the jingoistic “Parade of Nations” where it was said flags flew high and chants rang out.

Victory or death.

International Surfing Association president Fernando Agguere, described as a “dignitary,” tried to ease the strain by declaring, “We are, today and every day, the united nations of surfing. This year we celebrate 60 years. The ISA was founded in Australia in 1964 during the first world championships. Our vision is ‘a better world through surfing’. These times of the opening ceremony are our way to bring the world together though surfing, in peace. All of us are ambassadors of the ocean. When this event is over we are going to be ambassadors of Puerto Rico as well. Some of you will take home medals, some of you will take home Olympic slots, but all of you are champions for being here this week. Viva Puerto Rico!”

Surfing huns, hoping to eat each other’s lunches, looked on passively.

Today, they fight.

Watch the bloodbath here.

WEBCAST - Competition Day 1 - 2024 ISA World Surfing Games
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Huli Opu
Huli Opu
2 years ago

Love your new pink outfit Gorilla

Occ Topus
Occ Topus
2 years ago

It doesn’t appear to be a fruit grown in Hawaii. Lol
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Tomas' silky smooth arms
Tomas' silky smooth arms
2 years ago

Lion chest pounding https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Kama'aina
Kama'aina
2 years ago

Surfing is a real dumb sport

Lairds biome
Lairds biome
2 years ago
Reply to  Kama'aina

Let’s take more about banana

J H
J H
2 years ago

Puerto Rico is neither state nor country.

This is a threat to our Democracy!

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
2 years ago
Reply to  J H

As are Cissy people!!

Sean Connery
Sean Connery
2 years ago
Reply to  J H

Let’s just throw some paper towels at them and move on.

J H
J H
2 years ago
Reply to  Sean Connery

Whatever happened to the crazy lady running the place?

Maybe she should be running the WSL…

tim_nelsen
tim_nelsen
2 years ago

A former MLB WSL All-Star could be preparing to embark on a second career as a would-be Olympian.

Longtime MLB outfielder/bench rider Carlos Gomez Phil is currently training as a cyclist. Phil Gomez’s goal is to make it to the Dominican Republic national championship, and from there, the Pan American Games. From there, the Olympics could even be a possibility. (LB Sports. modified).

He’s semi-quoted as saying: “Yeah cycling is much harder than riding some waves…getting rid of the e-bike and will ride a unicycle down to trestles.” Which comes first, the Olympics or the WSL Finals champ? WHAT?

tim_nelsen
tim_nelsen
2 years ago

as Jen stated earlier (and don’t think it was flip or was it?) this guy needs a better PR team. Dewey, Cheetum…and Now!

tim_nelsen
tim_nelsen
2 years ago

round 1 heat 25…a 5 and a 4…and he’s growin a wirey beard. scrubbin it. ISA bold.

Firelipe Torpedo
Firelipe Torpedo
2 years ago

How could surfing medium sized mushy waves in puerto Rico possibly service filipes Olympic goals at possibly large teahupoo given that he has already qualified?

Barnycle
Barnycle
2 years ago

Massive Brazilian sponsorship money if he wins the gold. Brazil marketing firms love a gold medal / World Cup winner

Lairds biome
Lairds biome
2 years ago

Talking in the forth person?

Gil Gunderson
Gil Gunderson
2 years ago

Can’t wait for the 14th round repechage heats.

tim_nelsen
tim_nelsen
2 years ago
Reply to  Gil Gunderson

the thrill of a 2nd place heat finish with 5 days more to finnish; and the agony of defeat. imagine not making the Olympics. where does he turn now? “dad…whistle?”

Sup Braj
Sup Braj
2 years ago

Isla del encanto

Low wide stinkbug stance
Low wide stinkbug stance
2 years ago
Reply to  Sup Braj

Me voy!

Sup Braj
Sup Braj
2 years ago

Is eggy pronounced – “edge E” or” egg E” Was always curious about this?

Professor Ski Lodge
Professor Ski Lodge
2 years ago

Imagine these poor sods at Chopes. Anyway…I could only watch the stream for less than five seconds because I heard Shannon’s voice and was forced to pour caustic soda into my ears.

Occ Topus
Occ Topus
2 years ago

Hopefully your ears will heal soon. Wouldn’t want you to miss out on the dulcet tones of Joe Turpel’s voice, next WSL event.

Professor Ski Lodge
Professor Ski Lodge
2 years ago
Reply to  Occ Topus

Oh my god…

Sean Connery
Sean Connery
2 years ago

They are going to have ambulances lined up like a cab stand at a airport.

Com Turren
Com Turren
2 years ago

This has to be the first streaming/televised surf contest where I can reliably say I am a better surfer than at least one of these guys (the guy from Ukraine)

Otto
Otto
2 years ago
Reply to  Com Turren

That Ukrainian is probably getting some sweet NIL deals funded by US taxpayers.

Com Turren
Com Turren
2 years ago
Reply to  Otto

money well spent as long as it causes more Russian causualties

Otto
Otto
2 years ago
Reply to  Com Turren

Ukraine is losing ground no matter what. Where’s the offramp? After we’ve given trillions versus billions?

Brutus
Brutus
2 years ago
Reply to  Otto

haha $78 B since the war started……that’s the official amount.

What is it with Trump/Republicans in their love of Putin/Russia?

Ukraine is putting their lives on the line and the USA a few paltry $’s??

Otto
Otto
2 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

We just love taking care of Americans first. Better return on investment.

Sellme fitzgobbins
Sellme fitzgobbins
2 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Yeah your health system does a great job of that.
..

Otto
Otto
2 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

What has that $78B resulted in?
70,000 dead Ukrainians. 120,000-130,000 wounded.

Otto
Otto
2 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Funding insanity

https://www.pm.gc.ca/en/new…

Otto
Otto
2 years ago

So ocean Ambassadorships has been the plantain all along?

This plantain is doomed to failure.

astro
astro
2 years ago
Reply to  Otto

All of us, Otto.
Even me and you and Twillsy (who I suspect is only here to sneak peeks into the girls changing room.)
Ambassadors all.

tim_nelsen
tim_nelsen
2 years ago
Reply to  astro

my weed delivery girls ya talkin ’bout?

Occ Topus
Occ Topus
2 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Plantain? I have those growing in the yard. They are delicious fried in butter and topped with blackstrap molasses or maple syrup with cinnamon.

Otto
Otto
2 years ago
Reply to  Occ Topus

A good plan is only good up until that good plantain goes bad.

Huli Opu
Huli Opu
2 years ago
Reply to  Occ Topus

I have 2 giant banana patches on my property. One is a delicious apple banana and the other is a plain cooking plantain patch. My washing machine waste water drains right into the cooking plantain patch. We rarely use them and they grow into monstrous size. So every other week I have to get out there and chop down the trees, some of them with giant 24 inch trunks. As soon as my nubian goats in the adjacent pasture see me with my machete bolo knife they rush the fence sticking their heads thru bleating and screaming, just going nuts in anticipation. As soon as I chuck the leaves and trunks in their pasture they swarm and scarf and gorge until there is nothing left. I swear to god that their goat milk tastes like a banana smoothie.

Occ Topus
Occ Topus
2 years ago
Reply to  Huli Opu

LOL at the last two sentences. We have at least two dozen stands of bananas: apple, miniature apple, Mysore, Maoli, Maia Lele, Williams, Saba, Cuban Red, and Mini Puerto Rican plantain. Our plantains only get around 10ft tall, and a bunch only has about 15 bananas. I’ve removed a couple of Williams stands… to many, and I’d rather use the space for other fruit trees. I’m propagating some of the rarer species that we only have one or two stands of.

Huli Opu
Huli Opu
2 years ago
Reply to  Occ Topus

You’re packing some serious bananas over there Occ. I had a good patch of Williams but over 10 years ago they got that banana bunchy top from some infesting aphids. Had to cut all of my patches down and I ended up removing the whole Williams mat cause it was really infected and the new keiki kept getting infected. It took a coupla years for the infestation to finally go away. Here’s a pic of the new dolphin variety I recently planted.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

tim_nelsen
tim_nelsen
2 years ago
Reply to  Huli Opu

phosphates. goats, anticipation…

Lairds biome
Lairds biome
2 years ago
Reply to  Occ Topus

Staple of any Colombian “surf” trip.

Barnycle
Barnycle
2 years ago

As age old as organised competition……I think.


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