Watch the bloodbath live.
These are, undeniably and undoubtedly, extremely tense times. The Russo – Ukrainian war is stretching into its third year and at a bleak stalemate, Israel versus Gaza has neither end, nor clean possible conclusion, in sight, two tottering geriatrics are vying to become “leader of the free world,” and “healthy drinking” is trending.
It is amongst this twisted tableau that the globe’s suspicious and eggy surf teams are meeting in the U.S. protectorate of Puerto Rico to compete in the final World Surfing Games ahead of the 2024 Paris Olympics.
A paltry sixteen Teahupo’o tickets remain. Nine for women and seven for men.
Slim.
Gimlet eye’d hopefuls arrived in the beachside hamlet of Arecibo, yesterday. Over 260 of what are described as “the best surfers in the world” ready to bash or broil each other for the opportunity to not even come close to winning an Olympic medal. Things got underway with the jingoistic “Parade of Nations” where it was said flags flew high and chants rang out.
Victory or death.
International Surfing Association president Fernando Agguere, described as a “dignitary,” tried to ease the strain by declaring, “We are, today and every day, the united nations of surfing. This year we celebrate 60 years. The ISA was founded in Australia in 1964 during the first world championships. Our vision is ‘a better world through surfing’. These times of the opening ceremony are our way to bring the world together though surfing, in peace. All of us are ambassadors of the ocean. When this event is over we are going to be ambassadors of Puerto Rico as well. Some of you will take home medals, some of you will take home Olympic slots, but all of you are champions for being here this week. Viva Puerto Rico!”
Surfing huns, hoping to eat each other’s lunches, looked on passively.
Today, they fight.
Watch the bloodbath here.
