Pink champagne all around!
We all, today, learned the very important and valuable lesson of preserving the solemnity of significant and personal announcements. Kelly Slater and longtime girlfriend Kalani Miller shared, yesterday, that she was pregnant. Now, I had been told this fact two or three weeks ago but decided to do the right thing and let the happy couple disclose on their own time, in their own way.
That aside, I heard a fresh rumor today from an impeccable source that the bundle of joy is, in fact, a girl.
Huzzah!
Slater will now, officially, be a two-time daughter farther. His eldest, 28 and an artist of note. His youngest yet to decide on a career path.
Now, if left to their own devices, how do you think the 11x surf champion and bikini maven Miller would have shared the news? With a gender reveal party, toxic pink smoke or turtle-killing pink balloons let into the air all to the refrain of Jack Johnson’s 2009 standard My Little Girl?
Heaven forbid.
Doing the GOAT a solid here.
He’s welcome.
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He had to do it, while he has a girlfriend who is older than his daughter.
Pairs great with placenta.
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Can someone please make this surfing-soap-opera go away.
Enough already.
Just don’t click Bud.
certainly Kalani will be a great mother.
2nd chance for Kelly to raise a daughter. hope he gets to enjoy being a father this time around.
hopefully they don’t give her one of those celebrity baby names like Mantra, Karma, Yoga or Zen.
maybe name her Outer Known Slater, or Lemoore Ranch Slater.
wait, they should name her VALerie in honor of Chas.
Celebrities have gone to great lengths to be as cool as Frank Zappa, after he named two of his kids Moon Unit and Dweezil. Many have tried. None have succeeded.
Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette
Vigilante Sidekick Miller Slater
oh, no. Say is isn’t so! You identify as a goof?
Whatever. Is she goofy or regular, that’s the real scoop.
And don’t be like Rip Curl and take pictures of a switch foot in a bikini. That can get expensive.
So is it a boy or an abortion?
It’s a Chas!
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Dude
Dude fuck hahaha, holy fuck.
Xox
Perhaps the most important photoshop you’ve done to date
FUUUuuuuuuuuuckin hell
Ohhhh myyyyyy.
You are one funny fella.
That afterbirth looks tasty
Whoops
Looks like your potential future invites to Abu Dhabi and/or Lemoore won’t be in the mail now…
Need a doctor in there with the face of DR…then we all chip in, get it framed, and have Chas’s North Shore interlocutor drop it off on behalf of BG for the baby shower.
Wow, that is some next level shit. I take it your new wife hasn’t seen this one?
I’m equal parts horrified and proud I made you a moderator around here.
I haven’t shown my wife, but she supports my puerile endeavours.
Its a chihuahua!
I thought the baby would be bald
As a son brother husband father I love girls.
Wow Dr. War-Shore, you definitely went all out with that very graphic but tasteful picture.
Wrong reply, but you cunts get the drift
🤔
Hopefully to different women
When Kelly and Kalani first got the news, Kelly, seemingly overwhelmed with emotions, asked Kalani if he could step away for a moment. “Of course” Kalani said, thinking it quite sweet for she’d rarely seen much emotion from Kelly.
Kelly, now alone, assuredly away from prying ears, whispered to himself “Damn right there won’t be another Kelly Slater”.
Kelly is a gender fluid name
Maybe one of the Brown descendants can make a movie about Kelli’s upbringing, called Step into Fluid.
They should name her Kelli.
Kali (bud)
Kali is also the name of the Hindu goddess of darkness, destruction, and death.
“No, sweetheart. We didn’t name you after THAT Kali. Don’t worry. You were named after our favorite strain of pot! It’s all good. Don’t cry.”
Haha fuck yeah cunt hahahaha wow.
Xox
Truth cunt
Then with the emotions in check yet slightly overwhelmed with the upcoming responsibilities, promptly decided to skip work and go hang on the Gold Coast
brilliant haha
The seed is weak
Its not a girl its a bunch of cells!!
But then again, im very progressive.
So Eddie is still your North Shore source?
ahem, don’t you think it’s a bit premature to be calling the child a girl before she’s grown up and decided which, if any gender she identifies with?
Quick someone hold Tyler back
idk, she’d probably be out of breath pretty quickly with that small mouth of hers insufficiently oxygenating her
They could at least attempt some morse code on her tummy, see if the clump of cells have decided yet.
Reckon they’ll call her Kanoa?