There's been so many iterations of the Kelly Slater retirement that he has made it an art form, dear friends.
Several months heretofore, the world’s second oldest active pro athlete Kelly Slater threatened to call it quits for the twenty-sixth consecutive year after being eliminated from the Hurley Pro at Sunset Beach.
The just-turned fifty-two-year-old Kelly Slater, who is four years younger than the still-competing pro soccer player Kazuyoshi Miura, was narrowly beaten by Australia’s golden girl Ethan Ewing, a baby-faced twenty-five-year-old Australian with the “plumpest and most spankable bottom in surfing”.
Following the loss, Kelly Slater said he was “questioning competing to be honest with you… My confidence isn’t super high.
Yesterday, after losing in the round of 32 to world number one Griffin Colapinto, Kelly Slater again quit.
The first time Kelly Slater retired was in 1998, the then six-time world champ having just-turned twenty-six. He competed sporadically over the next few years, winning Pipe in 1999 and the Eddie in 2002, before re-joining the tour to take on Andy Irons head-on, hinting at retirement every year thereafter.
Other retirement announcements can be found here, here, here and here.
Is this the end?
Chas Smith says non!
“You actually think hat Kelly Slater is retiring? You think somehow that this year, this time, was the time that he decided to hang it up? Do you forget the 26 other times that he said he was gonna hang it up? Do you somehow not remember when Joel Parkinson was retiring? Oh, what was Kelly Slater gonna do too? Retire. Do you not remember? When he actually did retire during the Andy Irons years, that was a long time ago. There’s been so many iterations of the Kelly Slater retirement that he has made it an art form, dear friends. And this latest gambit, this latest show, we’ll say, is a bit of acting, theatre.
“He will certainly continue to surf. That is a far-forgone conclusion. He will surf in Tahiti, he will surf in Fiji, he will surf and he will surf and he will surf again. But how does he beat this retirement? I don’t know. This was… the Oscar award-winning retirement.”
Thoughts? Opinions?
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Later Kelly, I could give a fuck…
”Giving up smoking is easy. I’ve done it hundreds of times” – Mark Twain
“Retiring is easy, I’ve done it thousands of times” – Kelly Slater
He was cut and retired.
It’s like a team losing in the playoffs than announcing they are retiring from competing in the super bowl.
All it does is give them attention.
Which is what Kelly wants
He knew what he was doing, so I gave him what he asked for.
Drunk with power?
He was being obscenely racist, so no, not at all. Power of being a moderator on BG? lol
Hey, I came out of commenting retirement to celebrate Kelly ‘retiring’ (winkwinknudgenudge) but if he does stick with retirement, he’ll always have Abu Dhabi to soften the blow.
No way kelly has retired. he got chaired up the beach at a contest he got knocked out of.
no one else on the planet could have pulled that off. that attention is his oxygen.
I could see him missing the birth of his child and justifying it. “Hey babe, they gave me another wild card. This is what champs do…Phillip Toledo missed his child’s birth”.
Do you have a cabinet maker friend? If, so, could you get him/her/them to see if they could source timber to match your shelf and add another vertical to the lower shelf? That would be much more effective that than those two brackets. I really struggle to engage with these videos with those two pissy little things in the background.
Maybe Goodwill
I genuinely enjoy Chas owning his hate of surfing. It’s refreshing. Where on the Grit (haven’t listened in ages) it always seemed like a front, like Chas and DLS were just ego stroking, continually pushing the idea that they could save pro surfing (by framing everything as wrong, then purporting to have all the answers). Simply starting with a more authentic “I hate surfing”, really free’s things up, nullify’s that repetitive need to play frame games positioning oneself as the savior “if only Dirk Ziff would listen to my ideas”, etc. These new conversations are way more interesting to me. Leaving some open ended questions (even if they’re only in the service of engagement) is great.
Kelly ain’t retiring just like Micks not retired. He’ll never be full time, unless he wins Pipe and gets overcome by his ego’s grasping at the past. But that would be kinda sad, and old guy pathetic. Winning Pipe, and leveraging it for Fiji, J Bay, or Teahupoo wildcards would be a better play. Sure the Goat could gloat that “he could easily make the cut” after a win like that. But actually going down that path, ignoring lessens of the last couple years, would be a foolish mistake. Needless to say Kelly can still win a contest at a wave he’s inspired by. He still has moments of brilliance. But he can’t light up consistently in crappy surf like the young guys anymore (a little too stiff/old, and not enough inspiration to get him through those crappy forecast contests). If you want to be a world title contender you need be firing on all cylinders most the year, that ain’t happening anymore.
If Kelly knows he’s got a wildcard, and has half a year to prepare, that vicious competitor will totally show up. When he’s 60 he’s gonna still feel like he can win, he’s always going to want to take it to the guys on tour. Kelly will always have something to prove. Even beating a top 5 guy in 1 heat will give him that “I’ve still got it” affirmation his internal competitor needs to feel relevant. He’ll even dust off some of those old mind games, see how they work on the new guys. Surfing still deserves that from the Goat. Can’t wait to watch him in Fiji!
You own some great looking suits Chas. Mind sharing the brands? Thanks!
Hold fire until we see him wearing a waistcoat, buttoned up correctly.
Whatever helps you sell newspapers Chas.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Shooting spree in VIP tent that started in blue lobster bar , 45 rounds into Joe turpel alone, unrecognisable
Post office worker style
Seafood restaurant gets out of hand
I had to tell my 80 year old parents that Kelly slater retired today. They took it ok I guess. As well as can be expected.
Poor Kelly is so
Determined to quit quitting
That he can’t quite quit
That Pauly bloke needs to retire
If you go back through a thread all that pelican does is talk to himself or decimate good old Christian values
Bob ain’t happy
This reminds of the time I quit commenting.
Pauly can put you in time out with DSS if you need it?
And Andy C!
Ugh, what was that about? I kept getting distracted by Chas’s curated collar in collar out look
He probably will this time. I get the feeling he doesn’t like loosing more than he likes being on tour.
I got used to losing a long time ago. Sleep better now.
I wanna keep this going…
A I was like taj mahal to Kelly’s inxs