Rincon locals hang heads in shame after iconic strand named “World’s Safest Beach” by rich interlopers

Do better.

Surf localism, as any enforcer knows, is an art that takes generations to fully develop. A tough must move near the beach, sire children whom he teaches to both surf and mark territory who, in turn, must sire more surfy fighty children. One or more of them sticking around and punching fins out of interloping surfboards.

Maybe just maybe an enforcer gets lucky, moves near the beach at a young-ish age and makes it his, or her, life’s only goal to dominate a wave. Difficult, time consuming work but all worth it for a snarling reputation and a spot where only the bravest, or stupidest, dare paddle.

You can then image the shame being felt by Rincon’s locals this morning after the Southern-ish California point break was named “world’s safest beach” by Mansion Global in the feature “California’s Rincon Point is a Surf Haven with a Wine Country Neighbor.”

It begins thusly:

Situated along Highway 101 and straddling Santa Barbara and Ventura Counties, Rincon Point is one of the state’s prime locations to cruise the waves. It often ranks high on lists as enthusiasts travel to experience this Central Coast surfing destination.

“Rincon Point has three different surf breaks,” said Jason Streatfeild, a real estate agent at Douglas Elliman in Santa Barbara. “In the winter when the swells are large enough, all combine into one and you can surf for a quarter of a mile,” he said of the reason Rincon Point receives recognition from across the globe.

Those who own mansions in nearby Carpinteria are then interviewed and speak glowingly of a small town, main street dotted with surf shops and “rollers” on which to “hang ten.” Ernest and Sue Chamberlain, originally from the Midwest and East Coast, respectively, the piece shares, traded cooler Belvedere Island, by San Francisco, for sunny Carpinteria in 2018. “Carpinteria is one of the last remaining beach towns on the California coast that isn’t overdeveloped,” Ernest declared. “We wanted a place that wasn’t growing like crazy, a small town kind of charm that would stay that way for years.”

The Chamberlain children might become growling surf menaces at some point in the future, but for now the transplanted millionaires are simply cool living at “the world’s safest beach.”

Do better Rincon locals.

Bruce Irons delivers profoundly sad confessional from “psychedelic assisted” mental health centre in Mexico

"My name is Bruce Irons. I'm a 44 year old professional surfer. My brother was world champion. I'm doing this for him and all my other fallen brothers."

Kauai-born surfer Bruce Irons, the best surfer in the world in 2005 if you asked anybody who’d seen him tear hell out of Teahupoo, Pipe, Indo, has made a rare public appearance after fourteen years of living in the shadows since his brother Andy’s death.

Bruce Irons in 2024 is a little heavier and jowlier, his hair longer and darker than when he owned surf media in the early 2000’s, but that deep-seated cool, his mama Danielle once described Bruce as a stealth bomber, remains firmly in place.

Speaking from a psychedelic assisted rehab joint in Cancun, Mexico, called Beond, Bruce delivers a profoundly sad confessional.

My name is Bruce Irons. I’m a 44 year old professional surfer. My brother was world champion He’s the baddest motherfucker that ever lived and I’m doing this for him and all my other fallen brothers and fucking friends who died who’ve had a fair shares of ups and downs and losses and mental health problems, you know depression and drugs came to this place in Mexico called Beond and to just see what it was about and they have the ibogaine treatment and it it’s it doesn’t matter what your current state is how bad it is how worse it is it always can get worse and there’s always someone that’s looking a little shittier but when I came to this place it’s basically with open arms, no judgment, resentment, nothing.

The staff, everybody makes you feel so good and the communication of what’s going on with, why do I feel the way I’m feeling? They explained a lot of it and the medicine from the plant that they provide really helps you go into your mind, into your vision and it’s as much work as you put in here, you will receive it in your vision and it’s uncanning on what the possibilities that you can overcome, let go of and just find that inner child again that can come up and flourish because we’re all beautiful beans of light and thank God for Mexico because the States I don’t think are their western medicine isn’t good let’s be honest the rehabs there suck my brother went to a rehab there and every single person I met my brother in that rehab including my brother died so I never was gonna do that so when I found out about this place it’s just the success rate is instead of 98% relapse, it’s 98% success.

And it’s all up to you putting in the work and just being completely honest. And you’re not going to be judged. And Tom and his staff are the most beautiful people in the world. I’ve never, ever met a group of people who never did their job so fucking good. And with all love, not one bit of fake happiness to help. That’s at this place.

So I would love to spread this word. For anybody who needs help, I’ll help you. I’ll bring you down here. Just hit me up on Instagram. I’m getting healthy and strong again. I’m going to get back in the water.

And I still have some big waves and barrels I need to get at Pipeline. And why may I maybe get back into Eddie Aikau or Pipe Masters, I still feel like I got one win in me left. Or two. One more Pipe Masters, one more Eddie. Let’s do it. I’m fucking going for it. 


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Matt "Dad Bod" Biolos steering mid perfectly. Photo: Instagram
Matt "Dad Bod" Biolos steering mid perfectly. Photo: Instagram

Controversial new body type theory set to change surfing forever!

Ultra paradigm shifting.

Now, I was chatting with David Lee Scales this morning, as I almost always do on Fridays, when he blew my mind right out of my ear holes. The conversation had turned, as it does, to Kelly Slater mocking mid-lengthed surfboards by putting Shane Dorian on one and making him look dumb.

It is proper funny mean and that’s when David Lee rocked my world. “You know the problem with the clip?” he asked. “Well, that Shane Dorian is surfing it badly on purpose on a terrible wave,” I answered assuming I got it right.

“Wrong,” David Lee said. “It’s because Shane Dorian is fit and well-muscled and fit, well-muscled men don’t belong on mid-lengths. What you ride is determined by your body type.”

An epiphany!

“What should I ride?” I questioned though knew the answer directly. A short stubby fish. Tall skinny men = short stubby fish. “What about a short fat man?” I continued. “A longboard,” we declared at the same time.

The fit and well-muscled ride thrusters or guns, dad bods get mids (see above photo) and that’s where we stopped for the day, but you can take it from here. I defy you the theory doesn’t stand up to your most lucid scrutiny.

While I’ve shared the best part, you must dive in for a discussion on why Matt Biolos should keep his damned mouth shut when it comes to surf media.


Open Thread: Comment Live, Day One of the Bonsoy Gold Coast Pro!

Ask, receive.

Martin Potter (right) butt of Slater's unfortunate joke.
Martin Potter (right) butt of Slater's unfortunate joke.

Surf legend Martin Potter misses Kelly Slater retirement joke memo

"I remember when it all started, it was, hey guys pack your bags it’s all over for us..."

The punchline of Kelly Slater’s twenty-seventh prank retirement announcement was, let’s be honest, never going to be you or me. We have watched the surf great for generations now, knowing that one of his favorite social manipulations is to lightly suggest that he’s finally hanging it up only to become showered in praise and adulation. It is funny but maybe not so funny for the elderly who are easily confused and think that the 11x champion has really and truly called it.

Enter Martin Potter.

Hours after Slater received his wildcards for the upcoming Tahiti and Fiji contests, the only two he would have surfed even if making the cut, ’89 took to Instagram in order to share a heartfelt tribute:

It’s taken a while for me to comment on @kellyslater letting go, shit if the waves were pumping noone can beat him still to this day. I remember when it all started, it was, hey guys pack your bags it’s all over for us, but it wasn’t bad it was just him taking our sport to the next level, all our greats did that!@markrichardssurfboards @shauntomson @thomasvictorcarroll and the list goes on. Kelly you have made us proud to be surfers not just by the way you rode waves but the way you were a great human, you shared the love with us and the many generations of groms you inspired. We love you mate and wish you and your beautiful family all the best. What’s next. ??? Golf Golf Golf.

Golf, golf, golf and/or ’25 Pro Pipeline, Snapper, Bells and Margs (forecast dependent), Teahupo’o and Fiji (if it remains). Rinse and repeat for ’26. Etc.

Back to Pottz, how cute is he?

Definitely cute enough to not be fun made.

Shame on Kelly Slater.