“Surfing culture, big time surf brands and the ‘surf lifestyle’ are F*$KING dead."
The Californian surf star Kolohe Andino whose natural skill wasn’t allowed room to breathe on the world tour which led to his premature departure, has stunned surf fans with a profanity laden screed posted on Instagram.
Like Luther nailing his Ninety-five Theses to the door of the All Saints’ Church in Wittenberg thereby creating the still-reverberating split in Christianity, Kolohe Andino has broken rank, and accepted protocol, to take aim at the once-mighty surf industry.
“Surfing culture, big time surf brands and the ‘surf lifestyle’ are FUCKING dead,” writes the just-turned thirty year old. “You got every FUCKING up and coming kid thinking they are one of the Paul brothers. Trying to gain cloud in any way, shape or form, with no gumption, no backbone, or no idea. These kids are not leaders, they are followers.”
Jackets are 175, hats and tees are forty and a pair of brown pants is seventy US.
Surf fans were divided on the post, all veering one of three directions.
One, “Kolohe Andino is “spitting facts”, two, “Who are the Paul brothers?” and, three, “Just comes with your age bud. Remember when the old timers said the same thing about you? Haha Sponsored by Red Bull, Nike, and Target. Hardcore surf brands and culture!”
Apart from not reaching the stellar heights that were predicted for him as a teenager, Kolohe Andino, who is six years into marriage with the stunning Madison Brooke-Aldrich (Maddie’s account of Kolohe’s Christmas Day proposal, is proof that virility isn’t just measured at the root of the belly where the phallus rises) will be remembered for helping get the Surf Ranch Pro onto the tour.
“After watching footage, Kolohe goes, ‘Why isn’t this on tour…well think about it!’” remembered Slater in his excellent documentary series Lost Tapes. “That’s when the conversation became real.”
Commented on Disqus? Log out, tap the Disqus button, and your old name and comments come back. The box is ours.
Your comments are still here. Every one of them.
Twelve years of BeachGrit comments came across from Disqus. Connect and we will show you how many are yours. We get your username, nothing else.
Connect Disqus to reveal.
“the surf industry is dead!”
*proceeds to get very involved in aforementioned industry*
It would be hard coming up with content day in day out. That’s why that thing chas copy pasted from 10 years ago read like a Pulitzer.
Kolohe literally described himself
I do like the idea of smaller brands by surfers vs the big suits/conglomerates.
But at the day it’s just clothes, I’d pick something up next time I need it, not just spending money to show support for a movement
Being an ignorant Australian, I’m not privy to Kolohe’s socioeconomic childhood or geographical and environmental drawbacks, but I’m guessing this is akin to a bunch of out of work investment bankers from Vaucluse starting a OneFour styled drill rap group? Just guessing from the sentiment below?
I wonder what wetties he will use
The surf industry is dead (because no one will sponsor me)
💯🎯
Dane’s level? His forefathers were Vikings that raped, pillaged and destroyed. What did Dino pass onto Kolohe, other than Andino?
Wrong Dane Dude 😀
stacked you a sandwich.
yes
Chloe is the new Karen 🔪
Whom do you figure has a higher level of self-awareness? Kolohe or Chas?
But I’m always open to feedback. I might be missing something.
Also, a friend’s brother had the exact same name. He died some years back, in a tree well, snowboarding an epic day at Sun Valley. Seeing the name makes me feel like he’s still with us.
Chas and DR do copy-paste right!
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
What the fuck is that shitty manifesto. Some of the surf adjacent stuff i read here sometimes feels like its from a much dumber, parallel universe.
On that note, happy 420 joel tudor and all you stoner bros. You know who you are!!!
Always feels like it’s from a much dumber, parallel universe.
FIFY
I have to laugh at the 47th t-shirt brand that tells you they’re totally different, all about unleashing creativity, doing what’s new, really being in touch with the unique power of the ocean.
still trying to replicate Superman and Spiderman as they tear off their suits in a phone booth and bare t-shirts and a new identity and rush off to rescue a damsel in distress…(or are just pulling up late for their heat).
Why would anyone
Start a brand called 2 percent
Very poor margin
this sums it up. wtf kind of brand is this
It was the average score he got on exams before he dropped out in the 7th Grade?
Bad bad bad
805 doesn’t have it either
Carson not consulted
Chloe reminding me of the shortboard version of Tudor…
Tudor is a much better insult comic.
A down vote?
Please explain. Do you believe that Khloe is a better insult comic than Tudor? 🤣
He’s obviously a hypocrite to say these things but he is 100% correct. Surfing has eaten itself. The US and Australia became a zoo a long time ago. Surfing in Europe is an unmitigated disaster and even the ments have been invaded by soft tops. Thank fuck for crime and sharks in the stretch of coast I call home.
I was at Cactus last year and there were surfer couples with matching longboards there showboating around with their felt hats and selfie sticks.. sickening
That’s adorable! Did they have the old-fashioned shoes too?
Should have shot them
And locals
At the end of the day, Miki Dora was right.
I will be the first to admit that it was fucking cool being a teenager in the late 80s when surf brands exploded. If you couldn’t be a surfer you wanted to dress like one. All the spivs and hangers on in the surf industry got rich basically through pure luck and a handful of good decisions. Same way North Face and Patagonia got rich off people who wanted to dress like mountaineers. Or vision street wear & stussy with skating.
No one wants to dress like their dad though. So it all came to a screaming heap about 15 years ago. My heart bleeds buckets of pus for all those same spivs and hangers on in the industry who should have sold their shares. Fuck ’em.
Everything has changed thanks to social media. You don’t need to dress like a surfer, you don’t even need to surf. You just need to imitate the surf lifestyle and post it on social media.
This is what the van life crowd is all about: pretending that it’s 1970 again and you can be Wayne Lynch wearing red corduroy jeans in Evolution or George Greenough with bleached hair and a bowl cut.
No-one is going to get rich off a surf brand ever again. That ship sailed (sorry Kel). They’d be better off designing for parkour or some other subculture.
Kolohe seems like a nice guy, he came off really well in SITD and I appreciate that he is still plugging away at trying to get back on tour! His surfing stands up, he belongs on tour, more so than at least ten of the guys on it. But these clothes – and this company? It looks so low budget that hopefully he hasn’t invested much of anyone’s money in it!
Former Lite?
He’s not off the tour for lack of natural talent.
Say what you want about the flag-waving, 3-score-big-claiming, chip-on-shoulder Brazos on tour, they didn’t grow up spoiled in OC, so they really apply themselves to make the most of their talent.
The reason Khloe rubs people the wrong way is that many of us would love to have been gifted with his talent, connections, and opportunities.
This might have been less cringe worthy if he had rolled this out without all the puerile chest beating and didn’t write his own copy (or at the very least proof read it).
If you need to tell people how cool you are, you are not, in fact, cool.
High probability for Kolohe to post this during daddy day at nap time after being mentally abused by toddler all morning.
Amen to that. My online presence definitely grew after having a kid having earlier nights and during nap times