“Surfing culture, big time surf brands and the ‘surf lifestyle’ are F*$KING dead."
The Californian surf star Kolohe Andino whose natural skill wasn’t allowed room to breathe on the world tour which led to his premature departure, has stunned surf fans with a profanity laden screed posted on Instagram.
Like Luther nailing his Ninety-five Theses to the door of the All Saints’ Church in Wittenberg thereby creating the still-reverberating split in Christianity, Kolohe Andino has broken rank, and accepted protocol, to take aim at the once-mighty surf industry.
“Surfing culture, big time surf brands and the ‘surf lifestyle’ are FUCKING dead,” writes the just-turned thirty year old. “You got every FUCKING up and coming kid thinking they are one of the Paul brothers. Trying to gain cloud in any way, shape or form, with no gumption, no backbone, or no idea. These kids are not leaders, they are followers.”
Jackets are 175, hats and tees are forty and a pair of brown pants is seventy US.
Surf fans were divided on the post, all veering one of three directions.
One, “Kolohe Andino is “spitting facts”, two, “Who are the Paul brothers?” and, three, “Just comes with your age bud. Remember when the old timers said the same thing about you? Haha Sponsored by Red Bull, Nike, and Target. Hardcore surf brands and culture!”
Apart from not reaching the stellar heights that were predicted for him as a teenager, Kolohe Andino, who is six years into marriage with the stunning Madison Brooke-Aldrich (Maddie’s account of Kolohe’s Christmas Day proposal, is proof that virility isn’t just measured at the root of the belly where the phallus rises) will be remembered for helping get the Surf Ranch Pro onto the tour.
“After watching footage, Kolohe goes, ‘Why isn’t this on tour…well think about it!’” remembered Slater in his excellent documentary series Lost Tapes. “That’s when the conversation became real.”
