"A massive swell expected to bring sizeable waves, potentially matching the memorable CT event here in 2014."

Now, there is longstanding tradition in the theater to not jinx an upcoming performance by wishing “good luck” or telegraphing maximum success. Dancers, actors and musicians are generally superstitious, not wanting to spoil the future by being overly bullish. Thus, ballerinas tell each other “merde” before the curtain opens, or shit, actors pine for broken legs and violin, cello, timpani etc. players go “toi toi toi,” spitting three times in each other’s faces.

The World Surf League, though, is bucking that trend and boldly predicting that the waves will be so good, come Wednesday, or maybe Thursday, that it needs Monday to gloat. Yes, in an overnight missive, the “global home of surfing” declared that folk should tune in Monday at noon Tahiti time in order to hear the gang talk up the upcoming swell, sparing no superlative.

Per the release:

The WSL Commissioner’s Office is eyeing a massive swell expected to bring sizeable waves, potentially matching the memorable CT event here in 2014. More updates will be shared tomorrow afternoon for the call times and anticipated schedules for Tuesday, May 28, and Wednesday, May 29.

“Even though there were some remnants of yesterday’s swell, the biggest set was the size of the average sets yesterday,” said Renato Hickel, WSL Deputy Commissioner. “With this swell forecast to fade further, it was an easy decision to wait for the next set of bigger swells starting on Wednesday. Wednesday and Thursday are looking great to run the competition with the anticipated swell, and we’re looking at Friday as our backup day. We’ll share more details about the call tomorrow afternoon, but we might have a look on Tuesday, and we’re expecting to have a big day on Wednesday.”

Do you think the fates will reward this boldness or might some devil wind be conjured in order to ruin the proceedings?

Also, do you think Pip is still scared by even the thought of “massive swell” hitting the Cave of Skulls?

Recall the aforementioned 2014 Billabong Pro while formulating your thoughts.

"There’s one girl out there that opens your magazine and says, ‘She’s doing it. I can do it.’”

Sasha Jane Lowerson is a household name throughout this, our small and ofttimes backward surfing community. The celebrated transgender surfer, who was one of Australia’s leading male longboarders, even winning the men’s longboard division as Ryan Egan before transitioning four years ago and joining the women’s side of the draw, has crushed all-comers since. Lowerson has won many fans through her dominance, but also a small handful of detractors who question the fairness of it all.

Well, in a stunning new Rolling Stone profile, the strawberry blonde delivers bombshell after bombshell, detailing her wild journey. Amongst the most surprising bits, Sasha Jane Lowerson…

-Finds California much more supportive than Australia, declaring, “Even the middle-aged cis white guy [here] accepts me in the water. Whereas, generally, in Western Australia, it’s the polar opposite. Hopefully it changes.”

-Is a design genius, shaping a board called the “Shrimp Taco” which can “support a 250-pound rider and fits in the average car trunk.”

-Calls Rip Curl pulling its controversial ad featuring her “The biggest load of bullshit ever.”

-Is penning a memoir about the wild 1990s surf industry boom.

-Hopes to encourage others along the way, saying, “There’s one girl out there that opens your magazine and says, ‘She’s doing it. I can do it.’”

The thought of anyone, much less a young girl, finding a physical copy of Rolling Stone and being even remotely interested enough to open it is the kind of pie in sky dreaming that allows humanity to reach its perpetually new heights.

Utopia near.

Read in its entirety, online, here.

"Where have all our celebrities gone?"

This is, let us not forget, almost surfing’s grandest ever moment. The Paris Olympics are mere weeks away, now, and our Pastime of Kings™ will certainly be front and center. Oh sure, the City of Light boasts more beauty than almost anywhere on earth what with the Tour Eiffel, Cathedral Notre Dame, Arc de Triomphe, Louvre and Oscar Niemeyer’s Communist Party HQ but do any of them actually beat the Cave of Skulls?

Yes, the surfing portion of the Games will be conducted halfway across the world at Teahupoo and the second most picturesque wave in the world (after Mundaka) just so happens to be running the Tahiti Pro right now with swell theoretically on the way.

The World Surf League Public Relations Chiefs must certainly have been frothing at the mouth, bringing celebrities not named Kaipo Guerrero to the End of the Road in order to tease the lusciousness just ahead of Paris ’24 in order to sell organized professional surfing to the Saudis.

Alas.

News, today, is that every celebrity, save the aforementioned Guerrero, is in Monaco for the Grand Prix.

Per the BeachGrit of popular culture TMZ:

The 2024 Monaco Grand Prix got some of Hollywood’s biggest and brightest revving their engines … with actors, models and more rushing to Europe to watch the action.

Joe Jonas and Anya Taylor-Joy both put on their Sunday best for race day … while Academy Award winner Jared Leto looked downright tranquil with a peace sign up and his sheer shirt on.

Supermodel Emily Ratajkowski left little to the imagination in a barely there bra underneath a leather racing jacket … ready to model for the Formula 1 circuit any day now it seems.

Even littler could have been left to the imagination had Ratajkowski been bobbing in the Teahupoo channel.

Dirk Ziff, WSL owner and a billionaire, certainly angry.

Will he be able to position his holding for Saudi sale in time?

Can Joe Jonas bob?

More as the story develops.

"It’s destructive, it’s likely to suffer wear and tear and depending on how subtle it is it may not be noticed at all!"

We live in charged times, as you know, but statues, or other public art, celebrating important surf figures have mainly been spared from wild polarization. Those both left and right appreciate the Duke Kahanamoku monument there fronting Waikiki and also the Kelly Slater one in Cocoa Beach. Yes, notable surf figure statues have a way of bringing us all together, or rather did until somebody carved an image of Bernard “Midget” Farrelly into a Sydney rock thereby breaking all hell loose.

But let us sally forth to Palm Beach where sides are dug in and dug in deep.

The piece setting everyone off was commissioned by Northern Beaches Council and produced by local stonemason Newton Bishop after “lobbying from the Midget Farrelly Recognition Committee (MFRC).”

Beautiful though some are calling it vandalism. A rage-filled mob descended upon the a shire forum, spewing things like, “Whilst my wife and I both support the idea of a sculpture commemorating Midget Farrelly, we are totally against defacing the rock. We believe this would be an act of vandalism to a natural rock which itself is a Palm Beach icon.”

And also, “I agree that Midget Farrelly should be recognised at Palm Beach, but carving a statue into the natural environment doesn’t seem the right way to do it. It’s destructive, it’s likely to suffer wear and tear and depending on how subtle it is it may not be noticed at all! Surely a sculpture/statue etc next to Black Rock would be a more appropriate memorial?”

The council tried to ameliorate the populace by declaring, “(The tribute proposal) is supported by world champions Kelly Slater, Layne Beachley, Tom Carroll and Barton Lynch.”

A who’s who, for certain, but tensions remain extremely high as none of the above are artists or environmentalists (save Lynch of course).

Where do you fall on the matter? Yay or nay?

Ready… fight!