Carissa Moore (pictured) forever on top.
Carissa Moore (pictured) forever on top.

Greatest ever surfer Carissa Moore officially retires on eve of World Surf League 2024 season kick-off

"My favorite rides, the greatest thrills have come when I've paddled over the ledge even though my heart or my head is telling me not to..."

The planet is waking up to a different reality, this morning. A little grayer, maybe. Or maybe not. Maybe things are exactly as they should be, surfing jerked back on a true and righteous path.

Carissa Moore, the universally adored Hawaiian surfer, the greatest to ever do it, is officially retiring from the World Surf League at the still tender age of 31.

The five/six-time champion and Olympic gold medalist opened up in a wide-ranging feature with The New York Times, a moving piece in which she shares her fear in facing this next, non-competitive, phase in her life, but also the crackle of doing something new. What life looks like “outside of the jersey.”

“My favorite rides, the greatest thrills have come when I’ve paddled over the ledge even though my heart or my head is telling me not to, you know?” she gamely declared. “The anxiety comes from ‘am I going to show up?’ I just want to be proud of myself. I want, at the end of the day, to be like, ‘Ok, I did my best. And I rose to the occasion,’ you know?”

The “global home of surfing” is certainly the loser, here, and it could/should be argued that ugly decision making, creating a fraudulent finals day, etc. kicked Moore into retirement early. The fact that she is stepping away, now, a clear mark against World Surf League dumb.

Moore is slated to surf the Pro Pipe, the Tahiti event and the Teahupo’o Olympics. What she will do next, though, exciting to imagine. Something untainted by the big ugly.

Bryan Taylor, the star’s longtime manager, told me, “As Carissa’s manager for the past 17 years, I can’t begin to express just how proud I am of this little scrapbooker from Hawaii. As the only surfer in the world to have attained multiple World Titles plus an Olympic Gold Medal, there isn’t a surfer alive who can lay claim to this unparalleled level of achievement. Thanks in part to the incredible grace, class and style that’s woven throughout the family that raised her, Carissa possesses both the poise and confidence required to venture away from the tour at the top of her game, complete with a full tank of gas. By taking the brave and unselfish step of deciding not to stay at the party too long, Carissa refreshingly demonstrates just how much honor and respect she exhibits for her sport. Each and every one of us involved with professional surfing shall forever owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to Carissa for all that she’s brought into our world, and I personally can’t wait to see what lies ahead as her unrivaled journey continues.”

And it could not have been said better.

Here’s to what’s next.

More as the story develops.

World surfing champ Joel Tudor blames bulldozing of Moroccan fishing village Tifnit on surf camps and yoga retreats

“Y’all just namaste’d this place into rubble!”

The three-time world surfing champion Joel “Tinkerbell” Tudor has blamed the bulldozing of Moroccan fishing village Tifnit on surf camps, yoga retreats and online magazines. 

In a missive posted on Instagram earlier today Tudor wrote, 

“All you kooks with your yoga retreats, surf camps and online magazines that have blown this place (Tifnit) up since blowvid… I hope you’re happy now… y’all just namaste’d this place into rubble soon to be high-end rentals.” 

Joel Tudor on the destruction of Tifnit, Morocco
“Y’all just namaste’d that place into rubble,” says Joel Tudor.


“Social media is a disease. And now they’re all signing petitions and sharing on social media. Been there ten years ago, since then everyone absolutely social media raped that place down. Now they’re very surprised that the government solid it to the big trust funds and hotel chains… bunch of famous longboarders, too, with their retreats making thousands without partnering with any locals. Shame.” 

Joel Tudor on the destruction of Tifnit, morocco
“Everyone social media raped that place (Tifnit),” says Joel Tudor.

A little background on the killing of Tifnit from a story by Jean-Luc Vautravers.

On the 6th, the director of equipment for the province of Chtouka Aït Baha, Mohamed Zouhair, disseminates information, demanding the restoration of illegally built homes to their original condition, within five days. Stupor, collapse and incomprehension of the approximately 200 more or less regular inhabitants of the village, mainly fishermen, some of whose families have lived there for generations. The heart tight, some flee Tifnit with their meager possessions. Defenders of the village, mainly foreigners, launched a petition and organized a demonstration. Calls to the authorities go unheeded. On the 25th, no voluntary demolition having taken place, the mechanical excavators came into action and destroyed everything, but really everything, in their path (see above video  Michel Terrier). On December 28, they covered the rubble accumulated by the traxes with earth. Tifnit has completely disappeared. Nothing remains of the small town described as the only one of its kind to have survived in Morocco. 

Also, real dirty, suss restaurants, shit everywhere.

Anyway, have a squiz here, see if you care.

Joel Tudor is a well-known star of blood feuds, including a ten-year battle with Kelly Slater over the correct use of jiutjisu belts.

You’ll remember his role as the protagonist in these classics,

Blood Feud: Joel Tudor and Noa Deane in creative battle royale! Blood Feud: Joel Tudor vs The World, and Blood Feud: Kelly Slater vs Kelly Slater (part one), Blood Feud: Joel Tudor vs Kelly Slater, part two and Blood feud; Joel Tudor squares off with shaping icon Richard Kenvin.

World Surf League co-interim CEOs kick PR intern in seat of pants, force them to release “Welcome to 2024 Championship Tour” presser days ahead of launch!

It's baaaaack.

The World Surf League is alive! Surf fans, everywhere, have spent the last two months nervously biting their fingernails whilst vigorously refreshing email inboxes, wondering when the “global home of surfing” would release something, anything, about the 2024 Championship Tour season. Alas, those tentacles were chewed down to nubs with inboxes remaining empty.

Was professional surfing going to fold like its sister professional bodyboarding?

But no!

Minutes ago, and hours ahead of the Lexus Pro Pipe, the “Welcome to the 2024 WSL Championship Tour” was unleashed. Twin WSL co-interim CEOs clearly deciding to march past the Parvo room in order to kick the PR intern in they/them’s pants and release the following.

The Banzai Pipeline, located on the North Shore of Oahu, is one of the most powerful and challenging waves in the world. Widely known as surfing’s proving ground, surfers have been making the journey here every season to test their skills at the world-renowned break. The wave itself is a hollow, fast, barrel that breaks over a treacherous reef.

Over the past two seasons, the women have showcased their talents at Pipeline and raised the bar for what is possible, inspiring a new generation of surfers. Defending event winner and five-time World Champion Carissa Moore (HAW) put on a brilliant display of barrel riding last season, making her the one to beat. But, she will face a stacked field including a new rookie class hoping to make a name for themselves.

The competition will also see three event wildcards joining the world’s best surfers: 2022 Pipe Pro winner Moana Jones Wong (HAW), 2023 SAMBAZON World Junior Championships runner-up Jackson Bunch (HAW), and 2023/2024 Hawaii/Tahiti Regional Qualifying Series winner Shion Crawford (HAW).

Rejoice and savor this, let’s be honest, final World Surf League offering before the reins are handed to Abu Dhabi and the show is rebranded Kelly Slater’s Pro Surfer.

Here’s to the Cosmos stop.

Billy Kemper (pictured) glowing.
Billy Kemper (pictured) glowing.

World’s most beloved surfer Billy Kemper wins Da Hui Backdoor Shootout!

"The weight of winning the Shootout is so much heavier than a WSL event or any other contest.”

It is impossible not to adore Maui’s Billy Kemper. The big wave, small wave and everything in between charger has inspired surf fans for years. But who, here, was not moved by the eponymous six-part series Billy that tracked the star as he recovered from a life-threatening injury and returned to the very heights of surfing power.

Essential, to quote the great Derek Rielly. And pivoting to modern times, just yesterday, or maybe the day before, Kemper won the prestigious Da Hui Backdoor Shootout as part of Team Peru. The waves for the final day were not what would be considered “good,” though they certainly highlighted our hero’s ability to shine in any and all conditions.

“Some of these events in surfing never really register as surf contests,” Kemper declared at the end. “To me, only two events in the entire world hold that power: The Shootout and The Eddie. They’re more like celebrations of surfing, culture and community rather than rankings, ratings or competition. At the end of the day, the weight of winning the Shootout is so much heavier than a WSL event or any other contest.”


And, please, discuss what the win means for you as you navigate various ups and downs in your own life.

Kelly Slater (pictured) gazing into a bleak future.

Surf champion Kelly Slater looks over wizened shoulder and sees mob closing in on post-surf career

Inspirational speaking circuit rapidly shutting.

The World Surf League kicks off its 2024 Championship Tour in mere days, though not that you’d know it. The sounds emanating from the “global home of surfing’s” El Segundo veterinarian office can only be described as “radio silent” with a dash of “dying cat.”

Well, no matter and it’s true. Filipe Toledo is certainly gearing up for his third crown in a row but it is unlikely that he will ever catch one Kelly Slater. Surfing’s greatest of all-time has amassed an eye-watering eleven championships over the course of his decades-long career.

Very neat.

All things come to an end, however, and now fifty-six, and only on tour thanks to a “special” season-long wildcard, Slater must be planning on what life looks like outside of the singlet.

One avenue, that of inspirational circuit speaker, likely blocked by an angry mob. For you have certainly seen the trouble shark attack survivor and icon Bethany Hamilton has faced in recent days. A woman’s group in Oshkosh, Wisconsin invited the Kauai native to address its members. All very innocent… except. A gaggle became enraged and collaborated on a five-page open letter seeking to have Hamilton removed.

“For those who may not be aware, Bethany Hamilton announced in February 2023 that she refuses to compete in World Surf League events in response to their decision to adopt the International Surfing Association (ISA) policy on transgender participation,” the framers declared. “Bethany Hamilton wants transgender surfers to be segregated into a separate athletic division. Currently, there are no transgender athletes competing in the World Surf League, and only one transgender athlete, Australian longboard surfer Sasha Jane Lowerson, has ever won a professional surfing competition.”

Bravo for our Sasha Jane to make news in Oshkosh, B’gosh, but ominous for Slater who has gone on record to state that there should be a specific transgender division in professional surfing.

Absolute fighting words in this day and age.

Fighting words or worse.

It must be assumed that five, or even six, page letters will be written to any board that dares invite Slater to the lectern. Must be assumed that protesters will gather outside Ramada Inn conference rooms, pitchforks held high.

Slater’s indelible voice drowned out by rage-filled shouts for justice and rights.

So no inspirational speaking but then what?