UK surfer (pictured) happy (for now).
UK surfer (pictured) happy (for now).

Biggest survey in over a decade finds surfing leads to increased happiness

Chas Smith

By

"The joy I feel for the rest of the day after being at The Wave has made me a much nicer person..."

Now, our JP Currie might seem a little gruff sometimes but science has just proved that a happy light is actually glowing in his Scottish heart. Yes, the largest study of surfing and its relationship to mental health has just been conducted in his United Kingdom. The partnership between the University of Bristol and The Wave, also in Bristol, chatted with 1350 souls about their wave sliding and found “a positive relationship between increased frequency of surfing and better mental wellbeing.”

While longtime surfers, likely including Currie, cast doubt upon those 1350 kooks, late adopters gushed, “I’m always smiling, and the joy I feel for the rest of the day after being at The Wave has made me a much nicer person to be around according to my wife.” And “To say (surfing) has changed my later life is an understatement.”

Gag.

The study found that the biggest barriers to the wellspring of surfing joy were “the weather, work and study commitments, travel time, and pollution.” Dr Joey Murphy, a lecturer in physical activity and public health at the University of Bristol, told the BBC, “The data clearly indicates that making surfing accessible to more people has the potential to support both population health and the UK economy.”

Little does Dr. Murphy know that more surfers coming into this pastime of kings will almost instantly snuff out the glowing happy light and replace it with hatred and ice.

Argh.

But hold on… “the joy I feel for the rest of the day after being at The Wave has made me a much nicer person…”?

This seems like real sweet advertisement for artificial surf tanks. Like, too sweet. Wait until Kelly Slater gets his hands on this fake science.

Jimmy Jannard is worth a little under three billion dollars these days, is a Mormon, owns two Fijian islands, in the Lau Group, too, and if you know anything about the Lau group, oowee, empty waves for days, and, recently, sold his Malibu spread for $210 thereby surpassing Jay-Z and Beyonce for the most expensive joint in that sexy little beach town.
Jimmy Jannard is worth a little under three billion dollars these days, is a Mormon, owns two Fijian islands, in the Lau Group, too, and if you know anything about the Lau group, oowee, empty waves for days, and, recently, sold his Malibu spread for $210 thereby surpassing Jay-Z and Beyonce for the most expensive joint in that sexy little beach town.

Oakley’s Jim Jannard smashes Jay Z and Beyonce record for California’s most expensive house, sells Malibu compound for $210 million

Derek Rielly

By

The Jannard House is on an almost ten-acre spread and has eight bedrooms, two guesthouse and a swim tank overlooking El Pescador State Beach

Whenever I hear of ol Jimmy Jannard in the news it always takes me back to baby Dez in the late-eighties paying one hundred and twenty shekels for a pair of Oakley Razor Blades the gal behind the surf shop counter said he looked “fire” in and thinking if he bought the crazy lookin’ specs in turn she’d rob his semen bank.

The folly of the young and dumb.

Oakley Razor Blades ad
Seductive advertising for Razor Blades circa 1987.

But Jimmy ain’t just known for his wild looking glasses ‘cause it was his second biz, RED, that changed the world by democratising filmmaking: the creation of relatively affordable, wildly portable HD cameras that meant indy filmmakers could get their hands on professional-grade equipment without having to sell their soul to a studio or whatever.

Incredibly, Jimmy sold RED to Nikon earlier this year for a bargain eighty-five mill.

Jimmy Jannard is worth a little under three billion dollars these days, is a Mormon, owns two Fijian islands, in the Lau Group, too, and if you know anything about the Lau group, oowee, empty waves for days, and, recently, sold his Malibu spread for $210 thereby surpassing Jay-Z and Beyonce for the most expensive joint in that sexy little beach town.

You might remember from the other day in a story about Kanye ripping the bowels out of a $53 million home called the little Ando and named after the Japanese architect Tadao Ando. Jay Z and Beyonce’s joint is the Big Ando.

Details of Jimmy Jannard’s sale are pretty light, it was all off market, but he bought the 9.5-acre oceanfront compound in 2012 for seventy-five mill and the new owner had to borrow $203 million to meet the $210 million asking price.

The Jannard House is on an almost ten-acre spread and has eight bedrooms, fourteen bathrooms, two guesthouses, a swinging little garden and a dazzling pool that overlooks El Pescador State Beach.

It ain’t the only house Jim Jannard has listed.

He recently put his Beverly Hills brutalist mansion on the market for sixty-eight mill, a joint that has been described as a “supervillain’s lair.”

Timberlake (pictured) not doing a good job. Photo: Sag Harbor PD.
Timberlake (pictured) not doing a good job. Photo: Sag Harbor PD.

Surfers react in horror as Justin Timberlake caught looking “glassy-eyed and weird” in unfortunate mug shot

Chas Smith

By

"You've got to practice this stuff, man."

Surfers are known derelicts. Maybe some of the biggest derelicts on earth, if honestly is to prevail, and are all very aware that trouble lurks around every corner. Trouble with overzealous lifeguards, trouble with yellow beanie-wearing former surf media denizens, trouble with the fuzz. A mug shot a very real and present danger and, thus, surfers are regularly practicing looks.

There is the…

“Got me but I don’t care.”

The legend Mitch Coleborn (pictured) with Tofino, Canada PD.
The legend Mitch Coleborn (pictured) with Tofino, Canada PD.

“Catch me if you can.”

Mik Dora (pictured) not looking at the FBI.
Mik Dora (pictured) not looking at the FBI.

“So?”

Jill Hansen (pictured) giving a little smile.
Jill Hansen (pictured) giving a little smile.

…to name but a very few. Options certainly abound but no surfer, anywhere, wants to get caught by the law looking like Justin Timberlake.

JT (pictured) in The Hamptons.
JT (pictured) in Sag Harbor.

Described as “glassy-eyed” and “weird” by the mainstream media, the very famous songbird’s look horrified surfers. Equal parts shame and defiance exuding from an altogether unflattering portrait.

Timberlake was, of course, popped for DWI in Sag Harbor after blowing through a few stop signs and swerving badly.

Per the New York Post:

He told arresting officers he had just “one martini, and I followed my friends home’’ — while refusing three times to take a Breathalyzer test. A witness at the bar told The Post that the superstar singer was “wasted — and even picked up someone else’s drink from the table and downed it when its owner went to the bathroom. “When [the man] came back, [Timberlake] was drinking his drink.“The guy goes, “Justin, that’s my drink!’’ the source said.

Well that doesn’t sound too terribly out of line but the mug shot… it should have been practiced more.

I’d encourage you, dear surfer-reader, to run to your nearest bathroom and toss your best busted look straight away.

And you’re welcome.

Kelly Slater (pictured) being cute.
Kelly Slater (pictured) being cute.

Surf legend Kelly Slater straps baby to chest and gets barreled

Chas Smith

By

Autumnal fun.

Fatherhood is just around the corner for the world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater. The 11x champion and his longtime girlfriend, Kalani Miller, announced, months ago, that they were going to have a little baby boy. It is, of course, the second go around for Slater though questions remain as to his involvement in raising his daughter Taylor.

Bygones be bygones, though, and Slater was just filmed strapped with baby, carving, barreling, even airing at his Surf Ranch.

Practice, as they say.

Now, it must be assumed that the baby is false but the joy of watching an older father-to-be really leaning into his role, this time around, is inspiring.

Like Robert Di Nero and Al Pacino.

Autumnal fun.

Jade (pictured) at Pipeline.
Jade (pictured) at Pipeline.

Brave influencer praised for surfing “most dangerous wave in the world” with no experience!

Chas Smith

By

"Thank you for showing the mental struggles of your Pipeline journey."

The confluence of surfing and influencing has been one of the most delectable bits of our modern epoch. Surfing, itself, is generally pointless. Feed a river of half-baked narcissists with even less value right into it et voila… a bouillabaisse of embarrassment so delicious as to require a Michelin Star.

And let us meet Jade who decided, at 19, she wanted to surf Pipeline.

Jade’s inspirational video journal opens with a call to her surf coach in which she asks, “Say a beginner, and that beginner is me, wanted to surf Pipeline?” It is unclear why she has a “surf coach” at all but he answers that she would have to train very hard, discussing how deadly the wave is etc.

Maybe ignoring his advice, she leaves her father then travels to Oahu’s iconic North Shore in order to do vlogger things, discusses her “training,” which included surfskate, then finally she was ready. Jade paddled out on a Rob Machado model surfboard, “body fully shaking” and eventually rolls into a 2ft burger, achieving the dream, as it were.

A few rude apples pointed out that she did not surf Pipe but, rather Gums, and offseason with no swell, though the general flood was filled with praise and awe.

Son of the sun declared, “Thank you for showing the mental struggles of your Pipeline journey. I feel like the frustration with setbacks is oftentimes just ignored on social media, and seeing you go through all of that is soooo inspiring!!!”

Annie McCoy added, “I don’t know you but when I saw you surfing pipeline, I was beaming from ear to ear. That was awesome! Good job Jade!!!!”

Roam with Reda shared, “Recently surfed Pipe for the first time maybe ~6foot faces was terrified just being out there lol but had a blast once I got over the fear.”

R. Goodrich simply said, “You’re gnarly for surfing pipeline!! Keep up the good work and can’t wait to see if you get sponsored eventually.”

On and on and on it went which brings us back around to Filipe Toledo. Will Jade surf Teahupo’o with no experience next?

More, certainly, as the story develops.

Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by @theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros
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