Move over, Gaza.
Teahupo’o, the Place of Skulls, or Head Place (per Kaipo Guerrero’s Almanac of Folk Linguistics) has had quite a coming out party on the world stage. Long known to surf fans as a dynamic mettle tester, the larger Olympic audience is now gasping at her terrifying beauty and pushing superlatives to the max.
As Paris Games got underway, Teahupo’o was billed as “the most dangerous Olympic venue.” Even Surfline getting caught up in the momentum, crowed, “This uniquely intense surf zone owes much of its freakish form to an equally unique bottom contour, a dramatic shift from deeps to shallows. Layer in South Pacific swell sources and winds, and you have a wave worthy of any surfer’s dreams — and nightmares.”
Well. Today, the “most dangerous Olympic venue” has been elevated to “the most dangerous place in the world,” shoving Gaza, Venezuela, Ukraine, Southern Sudan and Amarillo’s Big Texan Steak Ranch to the corner, after Australia’s Jack Robinson declared he almost drowned in his Day Three heat against John John Florence.
Speaking to the gathered press, Robinson gamely shared, “I got dragged over the bottom and almost had a two wave hold under,” after a horror wipeout. “I didn’t get much air. There wasn’t much time. I got reminded of so many guys who have had so many bad wipe-outs here. I have had some pretty bad (wipe-outs) but in a contest it’s different. You have way more adrenaline and there is way more on the line. (Paddling back out was) a test of physicality and spirit.”
The Western Australian further explained, “Every other sport is in a court or a stadium. We are in an ocean. It is the biggest, most powerful source of life we have on this planet. The waves are so powerful. It doesn’t relate to any other sport. Maybe an avalanche coming down on your head on a mountain. Maybe it’s similar to that. It’s so dangerous and so crazy.”
Beirut’s southern suburbs no match.
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Chaz is showing growth by not mentioning Kelly Slater in this article. Maybe he even shaved the pedophilic mustache off, enquiring minds want to know!
Why do the Brazzies have a 3 guy representation (Please no Toledo jokes).
They won the ISA teams, that gets you a extra man (something like that from memory}
I feel like Gold is going to Jack! Or whichever Brazzo survives the next round….Not that anyone cares how I feel
Do not compare it to war zones, even jokingly. That’s not funny. Do you have any idea what’s going on in those places?
Calm down cupcake
is it more dangerous than climbing up a 1000 meter rock cliff face with no rope ?
Depp: “It’s almost as dangerous as Amber…a freakish form to an equally unique bottom contour. And between the legs, or near there, lies the problem. She (and Chopes) are maneaters.”
Teahupo’o and Pipeline reveal true Warrior Champions with the spirit of Gladiators rising… trestles not so much…Will WSL learn anything from the Olympics? Doubtful….
Sure it can be dangerous but has he ever been inside a denver walmart?
I avoid Denver movie theatres as well.
Salt Lake city is catching up with Denver. Going to hide out in the mountains and pray for snow 🏂
“vacay from the reefs are dying and we can all celebrate to surf transients left…back to near normal…Colin?”
Jack should know his limits. He is putting the life of the safety crew on line with his stupid recklessness. Typical australian, just like that young photographer of recent…
I hope you’re being ironic but hard to tell.
Yeah, im still trying to defend that jackass photographer from all the haters.
You’re the photographer, aren’t you? We promise not to laugh.
Is it surfings gift to the Olympics, look what we do? Or is it Olympics gift to surfing.. have a sick event on us. Sick of crew wishing the non surfing audience would embrace what we love. General public only care if you got a medal, don’t care if it is gymnastics or rap dancing
surfing to the Olympics is what Nascar is to Auto Racing.
people tune in just to see athletes get their shit fucked up.
“Hey Honey, lets watch that Surfing, that looks fun”
“Nope, no one drowned today. lets watch the gymnastics. they got nicer bathing suits”
“…but…but…I saw a picture of that Gabriel flying through the air like an angel”
“that boy’s one of them A-Rabs”
“no honey, That’s Razmi, the handsome one with the incredible body and the…. “
“Damn Woman, what you been doing while I’m at work? Fantsizing bout them dark skinned A-Rabs again? You go wash your mouth out….and make me a sandwich while you’re up.And get me cold beer while you’re at it……..and come back, snuggle up and let’s watch those lil’ girls do the splits on that horse thang”
Fucking nailed it bra!
She dreams of the day you’ll ask for a glass of Don Julio…..
(am a betting man that you still like little pink ponies.) “Honey, buy me some pink flamingos for the front porch then I will make you a hot dog.”
lol!
Buddha Don’t Surf, Jack!
If only more people would recognise that the ocean is ‘the biggest, most powerful source of life ….. ‘ and choose to stay on land rather than share it with me, sharks and shallow reef breaks etc.
or headbutt their way towards the mantle, seeking out the ultimate source
Sure but less painful for them would be golf where they can seek out the ultimate GOAT.
Golf Slabs are Death Slabs.
Cat hound…typing..
…something about packing double overhead tropical slabs with his crew and we’re all clueless idiots. Check!
Death slabs
Tropical Death slabs…got it!
Overhead Tropical Death Slabs are the new Orange.
(who was dat guy?)