"By sponsoring a water polo team and helping these girls out, this is bigger than me winning a Grammy.”

The Olympics, a once-every-four-year bacchanal wherein run-of-the-mill citizens suddenly become intensely fascinated with obscure sporting competition, is rounding into the second half of its first week and storylines abound at this Paris offering. There was, of course, US women’s gymnastics, billed Team F around and Find Out, putting on a dominant show, Pommel Horse Guy, Australia’s Kaylee McKeown owning backstroke and the rise and fall of the King of Teahupo’o but to name a very few.

US Surfing has not fared as well what with the men’s team dropping out, in its entirety, before the quarters. And, such, must be looking on jealously at the aquatic brothers and sisters on the water polo side which has backing in the form of rap great Flavor Flav.

The founding member of Public Enemy became interested in the women’s side after national team member Maggie Steffens posted to Instagram (RIP) that many in the group work three jobs in order to make their dreams come true.

Flav responded, “AYYY YOOO,,, as a girl dad and supporter of all women’s sports — imma personally sponsor you my girl,,, whatever you need. And imma sponsor the whole team. My manager is in touch with your agent and imma use all my relationships and resources to help all y’all even more. That’s a FLAVOR FLAV promise.”

The hall of fame artist was true to his word and inked a sponsorship deal with both the men’s and women’s sides, inspiring a whole nation. He humbly told the Today Show, “For me doing this, I ain’t gonna lie, to me this is one of the biggest things that I feel that I could have ever done in life, outside of the other accomplishments that I’ve made to music. By sponsoring a water polo team and helping these girls out, this is bigger than me winning a Grammy.”

Powerful.

But who could sponsor the US Men’s Surfing Squad?

Kid Rock?

Bethany Hamilton?

Other?

Suggestions welcome.

Move over, Gaza.

Teahupo’o, the Place of Skulls, or Head Place (per Kaipo Guerrero’s Almanac of Folk Linguistics) has had quite a coming out party on the world stage. Long known to surf fans as a dynamic mettle tester, the larger Olympic audience is now gasping at her terrifying beauty and pushing superlatives to the max.

As Paris Games got underway, Teahupo’o was billed as “the most dangerous Olympic venue.” Even Surfline getting caught up in the momentum, crowed, “This uniquely intense surf zone owes much of its freakish form to an equally unique bottom contour, a dramatic shift from deeps to shallows. Layer in South Pacific swell sources and winds, and you have a wave worthy of any surfer’s dreams — and nightmares.”

Well. Today, the “most dangerous Olympic venue” has been elevated to “the most dangerous place in the world,” shoving Gaza, Venezuela, Ukraine, Southern Sudan and Amarillo’s Big Texan Steak Ranch to the corner, after Australia’s Jack Robinson declared he almost drowned in his Day Three heat against John John Florence.

Speaking to the gathered press, Robinson gamely shared, “I got dragged over the bottom and almost had a two wave hold under,” after a horror wipeout. “I didn’t get much air. There wasn’t much time. I got reminded of so many guys who have had so many bad wipe-outs here. I have had some pretty bad (wipe-outs) but in a contest it’s different. You have way more adrenaline and there is way more on the line. (Paddling back out was) a test of physicality and spirit.”

The Western Australian further explained, “Every other sport is in a court or a stadium. We are in an ocean. It is the biggest, most powerful source of life we have on this planet. The waves are so powerful. It doesn’t relate to any other sport. Maybe an avalanche coming down on your head on a mountain. Maybe it’s similar to that. It’s so dangerous and so crazy.”

Beirut’s southern suburbs no match.