Surfline team under promising. Photo: ISA / Pablo
Jimenez
Surfline head forecaster claims missed
Teahupo’o super swell a product of trademark “under promise, over
deliver”
By Chas Smith
"I look back and it wasn't a perfect forecast by
any means ..."
The official forecast for the Teahupo’o
Olympics, delivered by Surfline, was for unexceptional
surf during the entire waiting period. Contestable, sure, but not
epic. Then Monday. Head Place came to absolute roaring life, nearly
drowning Western Australian hell charger Jack Robinson and deposing
recent King of Teahupo’o Filipe Toledo 16 hours after his grand
coronation.
Stab Magazine called it “the day that will outlive us
all” and Surfer Magazine declared it “Wow bingo bongo. Waves
made giant tubulars for to surfers rip the corn hole!”
Surfline clearly whiffing on the call.
Speaking to Reuters, head forecaster Kevin Wallis
explained, “I look back and it wasn’t a perfect
forecast by any means … but, yeah, under promise, over deliver.
That’s always a good rule of thumb in forecasting.”
That’s Surfline’s rule of thumb when it comes to World Surf
League forecasts?
Under promise, over deliver?
Well color me code red.
Wallis also opened up about “the toughest job at Teahupo’o”
which is forecasting, saying, “My popularity it wanes with how good
the waves actually look. But, yeah, everyone’s obviously interested
in what the waves were doing over the next few days.”
Everyone except House Toledo (7/28 – 7/29).
Frowny face emoji.
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Colin Jost's deadly injury: Photo:
Instagram
Teahupo’o cements reputation as “most
dangerous place in the world” after funnyman Colin Jost stubs
toes
By Chas Smith
"You know it's going great when you've been to the
Olympic medical tent more than any of the athletes."
Olympic shortboard surfing has been called off
for two days in a row, now, though Teahupo’o’s reputation as “the
most dangerous place in the world” has only been burnished during
that time. Coverage of the Tahitian mutant has been breathless, in
the mainstream media, with descriptors such as “treacherous” being
applied. Surfline, typically reserved, has even partaken in horror
talk vis a vis “The End of the Road” characterizing it a “uniquely
intense surf zone” and “freakish.”
Well deserved and especially in light of NBC correspondent Colin
Jost stubbing his toes on the very scary reef and requiring medical
attention.
The Saturday Night Live funnyman took to Instagram in order to
declare, “I did pretty well until the first wave, and then I ended
up standing on the coral reef. Much like the coral reef safety
expert, but without coral shoes on. So I got a little scraped
up.”
Extremely graphic images shared.
The injury developed an infection, as reef scrapes often do, and
surf fans were immediately reminded of former World Surf League CEO
Erik Logan who suffered
life-threatening scratches gifted from the same
nightmare shoal nearly two years ago.
While Logan cried like a baby as WSL deputy commissioner Renato
Hickel squirted lime juice on the affected area, Jost seems to be
taking his dance with death in comedic stride, informing his
audience, “You know it’s going great when you’ve been to the
Olympic medical tent more than any of the athletes.”
No word how many times King of Teahupo’o Filipe Toledo (7/28 –
7/29) dawned the aforementioned medical tent’s flap.
The threat to life and limb and digit possibly scaring away
those watching at home and dreaming of potentially wrangling a Head
Place barrel for themselves.
When competition resumes, the men will be in their quarterfinal
round while the women will enter round 3. The Shortboard Surfing
waiting period ends in four more days.
I’m sticking with my original prediction of a Joao Chianca gold
and Carissa Moore backing up her Tokyo bauble with a Parisien
one.
Who you got?
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Neymar serves cold dish to Kanoa Igarashi in defence of
best pal Gabriel Medina.
Neymar Jr mocks Japanese surf Olympian
Kanoa Igarashi with three-year-old tweet
Two days back, Neymar’s best friend Gabriel Medina created
Olympic history with the highest wave score in the Games, scoring a
9.9 and eliminating Kanoa Igarashi from competition.
In 2021 at the Covid-delayed Tokyo Games, Igarashi narrowly beat
Medina who has, as they say, the memory of an elephant.
“Tokyo was a hard one to deal with because I was so close to the
medal,” said Medina after his historic win. “Kanoa took me out on
that one but we had revenge just now. It’s good to get him back. We
respect each other, (but) it’s just competition. You have to surf
to win. Today was my day. He had his day in Tokyo.”
Medina was less sanguine in 2021 when his lunge for Olympic Gold
was stymied by controversial judging decisions in both his
semi-final and bronze-medal heats.
And, the three-time world champ reacted furiously when Olympic
medallist Kanoa Igarashi appeared to mock the Brazilian in a
tweet.
In Portuguese, for Igarashi is fluent in Portuguese, a sort of
American English as well as Japanese, Igarashi tweeted, “Chora
chora q tou feliz! Hehehehe” followed by “Bla bla bla” and a
laughing emoji.
Translate, “Cry cry. I’m happy!”
Bla bla bla, pretty explanatory.
Kanoa Igarashi mocks Gabriel Medina in a tweet
from 2021.
Medina, cry-baby etc.
The tweet went pretty mad, 877 retweets, 8,337 likes and 11.5k
quote tweets.
Medina hit back at Igarashi with,
“Clowning around after you win is easy. Everyone respects each
other on the circuit. I won countless times from him and never
played. I prefer to work in silence, do mine and focus… I watched
the waves. That’s why I held back my words, I wouldn’t speak
without having watched. Comparing my best waves and his two best
ones, I won the heat. I’m really sad…I don’t want to let it shake
me. I received huge support from Brazil, and that only makes me
stronger. Those sad days will pass and I will bring even more pride
to us.”
Ominously and prophetically, Medina added he wanted to light up
Tahiti at the 2024 Paris Games at Teahupoo.
“I hope to be in the next Olympics in Tahiti, which is a wave I
love. There is still a long time, three years, but my dream starts
from now…”
Well, revenge is a dish best served direct from the frigo, as
they say in France, and after easily dispensing with his foe,
Medina’s best friend Neymar unearthed Igarashi’s old tweet and
deftly added,
“Oi amigo.”
Neymar’s 64 million followers were, as you might imagine, almost
universally on his side although Igarashi did have the grace to
reply, “Damn, the canoe already sunk haha.”
And, on Medina’s Instagram, “Laughing not to cry.”
Chinese pirates target “world’s most
beautiful surfboard shaper” with $35 version of best-selling
model
By Derek Rielly
“A second cultural revolution over China’s horizon?
Hayden Cox the new Chairman Mao?”
A couple of days back, news that you could pick up a Hayden
Shapes Hypto-Krypto soft-board direct from China for seventy
bucks, or thirty-five apiece, if you ordered 100 of
‘em.
The Hypto-Krypto model, as mentioned in that story, is a
spruced-up seventies style design that is more fun that the
vigorous operation of your sex glands, and still one of the best
selling surfboards of all time.
Craig Anderson famously rode a five-four version in ten-foot
barrels in the Ments a while back.
As your old pal DR recuperates after invasive surgery, it is a
red five-nine HK twin that has daddy back on his feet, hiding all
of its forgiving traits in a forward wide point and generously
unbent rocker. Hayden Cox is in demand worldwide for he has the
ability, like Johnny Cabianca
and Matt Biolos, to blend a
healthy width and thickness into a surfboard that is as
irresistible as a college girl with a small red mouth and an
Orgasms For Sale button affixed to her chest.
Perhaps you’ll remember my rapture when I first visited his
headquarters on Sydney’s northern beaches. What a thrill it was to
see a joint free from the ravages of hipster cliché. There was no
wood, no pendant lighting, nothing vintage. No motorcycles or
coffee machines.
Instead, wall-to-wall polished concrete with an asymmetrical
counter of fabricated concrete shadowed by a large screen built
into the wall showing black-and-white surf films of empty waves and
occasionally Craig Anderson. Surfboards of matte and polished
black, and white, hung from bespoke clothing racks.
“A second cultural revolution over China’s horizon?” wrote
Smith. “Hayden Cox the new Chairman Mao?”
Very sadly, no.
A message sent to Cox’s marketing whiz wife Danielle Cox, née
Foote, was met with the reply that it was an act of piracy,
although not of the glamorous Jack Sparrow sort.
“We don’t sell on Alibaba and don’t produce boards or
soft-boards through this manufacturer. Fakes,” she wrote. “There’s
been way worse ones than Alibaba! There was an entire fake HS site
a few months ago that everyone kept sending us. It’s rife out
there!”
But again, it was short, for yesterday Filipe Toledo paddled out
at Teahupoo that had become burly and woolly, that had become
menacing and mean and Filipe was sent home.
Fondly, we will sing songs to House Toledo and its rule.
