Fear of Great White attack on world champ hopefuls clouds WSL Finals Day in California

"The World Surf League’s Final’s Day a whole new shade of awful."

For the fourth consecutive year, surfing’s world champions will be crowned at Lower Trestles in a one-day “pressure cooker” shootout and, if current surf forecasts hold, it’ll happen on day one, Friday, September 6. 

Pocket rocket Filipe Toledo has won the men’s for the past two years running, ain’t nobody was ever getting past that little dynamo who is electric in waves one-feet and under, a fountain of shards and sparks, and fellow Brazilian Gabriel Medina the year before that. 

This year the gate has opened for tour leader John John Florence to win his third world title, although he’ll either have to beat Australian Jack Robinson, a boy with deltoids that invite crushes from excited men, local queen Griffin Colapinto, also correctly described as the Gandhi of Surfing, Ethan Ewing, known for his “overwhelming ass” and 2019 world champ Italo Ferreira.

In the girls, Caity or Molly gonna win.

But there lingers a shadow over the event. Southern California’s exploding Great White population and innumerable sightings of Great Whites at Lower Trestles means there exists the real possibility a world title hopeful might be snatched by one of the fish on the WSL’s lightly viewed livestream.

Three years ago, a breaching Great White forced the temporary suspension of Finals Day at Lowers.

As reported back in May, pundits predicated a Summer of Blood for South Californian surfers this year after Long Beach State University’s renowned Shark Lab was forced to shutter its shark monitoring program due to a lack of funding.

As surf journalist Chas Smith reported, 

The program has been running since 2018 and is considered one of the most advanced in the world. It utilizes a “high-tech system of receivers, buoys and underwater monitors that allow them to track and tag sharks in real time.”

An instant notification of  juvenile Great Whites swimming around with bibs and hungry eyes can be sent directly to lifeguards to help keep surfers uneaten.

But, after June, no longer.

July and August soaked in blood.

September probably too.

The World Surf League’s Final’s Day a whole new shade of awful.

Prophetic? Tune in Friday (Saturday in Australia.)

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CyberTruck SUP (pictured) in action. Photo: YouTube
CyberTruck SUP (pictured) in action. Photo: YouTube

CyberTruck surfboard sells in Manhattan Beach for $2000!

Wild times.

Surfboards have been turned into controversial things, wall hangers, street signs, catwalk accessories, but none more controversial than a CyberTruck. Manhattan Beach’s Brad Jacobson took to Facebook Marketplace in order to announce, “I’m selling a custom CyberTurck surfboard which was built for me to use in one of my YouTube episodes. It’s not officially licensed by Tesla but is an actual surfboard. The upper shell was built using carbon fiber so it’s light but sturdy. It was surfed for my episode and it fits in my 4runner. Dimensions: 6’10 / 29.5.”

The craft was listed for $2000 United States dollars and sold in under 20 hours.

The aforementioned YouTube episode, released one month ago and climbing past 3,000 views, shows the craft is actually not a surfboard but rather a SUP.

Manhattan Beach, as you know, is home to SUP enthusiast and former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan. He was ruthlessly fired in a one word sentence whilst the tour was in Brazil last year. He has since embarked on an influencer career.

Do you think he is the happy new owner?

More importantly, what if you saw the CyberTruck SUP coming at you, one fine day, whilst you were out straddling your boring old high performance thruster? Would you good-naturedly chat up its pilot or sneer and angry sneer and yell something anti-Elon Musk?

What are your thoughts on the CyberTruck, specifically, and Tesla, in general?

Wild times.

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Malibu surfer (pictured) with high hopes. Photo: Malibu Surf
Malibu surfer (pictured) with high hopes. Photo: Malibu Surf

Malibu surfers paddle out at sickeningly flat First Point in hopes of Bella Hadid in nude bikini glimpse

Barbarian days.

It is officially September first, in Southern California, and the ocean is flat. It is generally good, this time of year, or getting good with summer crowds sent off and hemispheric storms pushing swell toward the Golden State’s bottom third.

Malibu’s iconic First Point currently a sickening 0 – 1 ft, and yet the sand is a’ bustle with surfers waxing boards, un-coiling leashes, pretending to gaze over the horizon, looking for “waves,” making surf talk with others pretending to gaze over the horizon looking for “waves.”

In truth, these derelicts are hoping to catch a glimpse of the Dutch-Palestinian supermodel Bella Hadid who has been prancing on the shore wearing what Page Six described as a “a skin-colored triangle top and matching side-tie bottom.”

Other sources characterized it as “nude.”

But do you recall the wayback times when surf competitions were accompanied by bikini contests?

Did you participate in that baldfaced sexism, standing in the audience with a cold Bud Light, hooting, whistling, drooling as teenaged girls trotted across stage for the viewing pleasure of boozed adult men?

Barbarian Days.

Hadid, in any case, was with friends, her cow poke boyfriend Adan Banuelos nowhere to be seen giving the aforementioned surfers some faint hope that they would be noticed. Alas, it appears they were not.

Happy Labor Day.

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Jesse Faen, in hospital.
"It could have been lights out. Instead, I never lost consciousness during the intense collision, slow agonizing moments which followed on the road, chaotic ambulance ride to the emergency room, extensive full body X-rays, or confusing time before being rolled into the operating room for anesthesia and ultimately another chance."

Beloved surfer-writer-broadcaster Jesse Faen reveals extent of gruesome injuries after near-fatal motorcycle crash

"My right kneecap was shattered into 15 pieces and lost most of its protective skin. Right elbow and forearm got totally smashed, with multiple bones snapping through my flesh."

Eight days ago, one of the better men in the game, surfer-writer-broadcaster Jesse Faen, was critically injured when his motorcycle collided with a car doin’ a U-turn on Lincoln Boulevard, an eight-mile cord of bitumen near Santa Monica Bay in Los Angeles County.

It was the morning of his fiftieth birthday party, so hell of a time to get thrown into intensive care when there’s a table groaning under the weight of vodka High Noons.

“He was immediately rushed to the hospital and soon after in the operating room for 11 hours reconstructing his leg and both arms,” Jesse’s baby mama Jessie Samedi wrote in a post. ” It went well as he had an amazing team of doctors and seems there will be more operations and procedures in his near future.”

Today, Jesse gave an update on his condition. It ain’t pretty.

Hey all, been laying in this bed for 8 days now, after a near fatal motorcycle accident with my mate @alwider and just wanted to keep things real. It’s been tough.

Grateful to be alive, in the of care of incredible surgeons, nurses and hospital staff at UCLA, and have escaped so many heavier, almost expected outcomes. It could have been lights out. Instead, I never lost consciousness during the intense collision, slow agonizing moments which followed on the road, chaotic ambulance ride to the emergency room, extensive full body X-rays, or confusing time before being rolled into the operating room for anesthesia and ultimately another chance. My right kneecap was shattered into 15 pieces and lost most of its protective skin. Right elbow and forearm got totally smashed, with multiple bones snapping through my flesh. Left wrist also felt the brunt, breaking in numerous places and needed reconstructive surgery for nerves and ligaments. Then there’s the huge muscular bruises and little cuts and scraps… more will be revealed.

Alain flew over the top of me and the driver who hit us, avoiding a similar impact thankfully, but still fractured 10 ribs and has more than his fair share of pain and hurdles to handle.
Want to thank @avawar for so much. Showing up and staying at the hospital day one, during some of the most painful moments and unknown fears. For taking Al under her wing at home, ensuring he’s as comfortable as possible during this ordeal… and basically doing her best to deal with way too many details and emotional matters. 

 

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A post shared by Jesse Faen (@jessefaen)

The surf world lit up Jesse’s IG.

Ozzie Wright: Love you so much Jesse praying for you and Al ,what a nightmare I know your strength is so big that you will be shredding the ocean with your magical style in all kinds of disciplines before you know it, and being the best Dad ever !!!

PM Tenore: blessings your still on this side of the dirt – sending love and endless healing jesse – stay strong ❤️ —>

Barton Lynch: Mate Fark that is horrible to hear, I lost my father in a motorcycle accident so feeling it and sending you all our healing energy for a complete recovery.

Dominic Purcell: I stole the pretzels and chocolates from ya hospital ward……The uncles got gypsy, we’ll get her out in the water. Rest up.

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Gavin Newsom-hating, Commie-bating Matt Biolos crowned best surfboard shaper in the world for second year running!

Matt Biolos is a man of integrity whose surfboards are a work of master craft, the attack and the interlock of each board unparalleled in the game

Four years ago, as the world reeled from a mysterious virus that had leaked out of a US-funded lab in China. beaches were closed, as was all commerce, and people were locked inside their hovels with threat of jail and wildly punitive fines if they tried to get a little sand between their toes or refused an experimental, and occasionally fatal, vaccine.

San Clemente’s shaper to the stars, Matt Biolo was one of the few who refused to goose-step in line with California’s extreme-left governor Gavin Newsom. 

And when Newsom, who virtually cuckolded our own Chas Smith in a horror cafe date some years ago and which sent our man down a rabbit hole of weightlifting and calisthenics, sent our promo video to excite fans for Finals Day at Biolos’ home break Lowers, “Bear Jew” Biolos shucked all politesse. 

“I think you all know this better than I do. Surfing is California’s state sport. And while no one… no-one… controls the ocean, it looks like she’s delivered,” says Newsom, apparently unaware he was burying himself under a tsunami of irony.

“What a two-faced pile of shit,” thundered Biolos. “Two years ago, YOU CLOSED OUR ACCESS TO OUR OCEANS! Come on @WSL. Keep the creepy, lying, two-faced fascist politicians out of surfing!” 

Anyway, Matt Biolos is a man of integrity whose surfboards are a work of master craft, the attack and the interlock of each board unparalleled in the game with, perhaps, only the exception of the Basque-based Brazilian shaper Johnny Cabianca. 

If you follow the fringe professional surfing movement, as administered by a group called the World Surf League, you’ll know that the best in the game all ride Biolos’ …Lost surfboards.

Biolos’ riders on the CT include Olympic gold medallist Caroline Marks and Canadian teen sensation Erin Brooks, who just won the Fiji Pro as a wildcard, world number two Griffin Colapinto, world #6 Yago Dora, rookie of the year Crosby Colapinto and Bells champ Cole Houshmand.

Also, Carissa Moore, Mason Ho etc etc etc.

Unsurprisingly, for the second year in a row, Biolos’ …Lost surfboards have won the Vissla CT shaper rankings.

Sharp Eye fell a distant second, Pyzel, Channel Islands and DHD mopping up the lower rungs. 

The winning team is a gifted a day at Surf Ranch.

Last year Biolos booked an extra day and opened the gate to all of his sixty employees. 

 

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