"People were just screaming, ''You hit somebody! Somebody's under your truck! Stop''!'"

The New Jersey police are having one heck of a time as summer turns to autumn and Starbucks aficionados smack their gums in anticipation of pumpkin spice flavored fatty beverages. First, a surfer was violently thrown to the sand and arrested for failing to immediately produce his pedigree. Then, a second surfer peacefully protesting on the high tide line was also arrested for being a hippie. The twin actions so odious that surf great Kelly Slater and former The Inertia darling Tulsi Gabbard swung into the fray.

The 11x world champion asking, “What do you guys think about having to pay to go on the beach NJ? This should be criminal. I expected this to have been struck down years ago I saw a guy getting arrested on Instagram the other day for not having his pass.” Freshly-minted Trump surrogate Gabbard adding, “The thing about New Jersey that I couldn’t swallow is, I think it’s principally wrong to charge people to go to the beach. The ocean belongs to everyone. I couldn’t stomach paying money to go and jump in the ocean.”

Well, things just got a lot worse for New Jersey law enforcement overnight after an officer ran over a woman sunbathing on the sand, maybe even daring watch some surfers catch a little dribble.

A witness at Wildwood Beach told local news that a police Ford F-150 was cruising past when “People were just screaming, ”You hit somebody! Somebody’s under your truck! Stop”!'”

Thankfully, the officer did stop and bystanders jumped into action, lifting the front of the truck off the woman who was then rushed to the hospital where she was diagnosed with broken ribs and vertebrae plus lung issues but is expected to survive.

I was at the beach the other day and saw a lifeguard almost get her truck stuck in a sand hole dug by sneering four year olds. Not exactly the same but what I got.

You?

Anything to add?

Wild times.

Surfboards have been turned into controversial things, wall hangers, street signs, catwalk accessories, but none more controversial than a CyberTruck. Manhattan Beach’s Brad Jacobson took to Facebook Marketplace in order to announce, “I’m selling a custom CyberTurck surfboard which was built for me to use in one of my YouTube episodes. It’s not officially licensed by Tesla but is an actual surfboard. The upper shell was built using carbon fiber so it’s light but sturdy. It was surfed for my episode and it fits in my 4runner. Dimensions: 6’10 / 29.5.”

The craft was listed for $2000 United States dollars and sold in under 20 hours.

The aforementioned YouTube episode, released one month ago and climbing past 3,000 views, shows the craft is actually not a surfboard but rather a SUP.

Manhattan Beach, as you know, is home to SUP enthusiast and former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan. He was ruthlessly fired in a one word sentence whilst the tour was in Brazil last year. He has since embarked on an influencer career.

Do you think he is the happy new owner?

More importantly, what if you saw the CyberTruck SUP coming at you, one fine day, whilst you were out straddling your boring old high performance thruster? Would you good-naturedly chat up its pilot or sneer and angry sneer and yell something anti-Elon Musk?

What are your thoughts on the CyberTruck, specifically, and Tesla, in general?

Wild times.

Barbarian days.

It is officially September first, in Southern California, and the ocean is flat. It is generally good, this time of year, or getting good with summer crowds sent off and hemispheric storms pushing swell toward the Golden State’s bottom third.

Malibu’s iconic First Point currently a sickening 0 – 1 ft, and yet the sand is a’ bustle with surfers waxing boards, un-coiling leashes, pretending to gaze over the horizon, looking for “waves,” making surf talk with others pretending to gaze over the horizon looking for “waves.”

In truth, these derelicts are hoping to catch a glimpse of the Dutch-Palestinian supermodel Bella Hadid who has been prancing on the shore wearing what Page Six described as a “a skin-colored triangle top and matching side-tie bottom.”

Other sources characterized it as “nude.”

But do you recall the wayback times when surf competitions were accompanied by bikini contests?

Did you participate in that baldfaced sexism, standing in the audience with a cold Bud Light, hooting, whistling, drooling as teenaged girls trotted across stage for the viewing pleasure of boozed adult men?

Barbarian Days.

Hadid, in any case, was with friends, her cow poke boyfriend Adan Banuelos nowhere to be seen giving the aforementioned surfers some faint hope that they would be noticed. Alas, it appears they were not.

Happy Labor Day.