Noel and Liam Gallagher.
Big brother Noel says “surfing is for idiots” and that if anyone even thinks about skateboarding riding, well, “skateboarding is for fucking little idiots. Skateboarders and surfers can go fuck themselves. Surfers, by their very definition, are arseholes."

Fears for billion-dollar Oasis comeback tour as surfing smashes detente between Noel and Liam Gallagher

“Surfing is for idiots and surfers are arseholes," says Noel.

The brittle armistice between Manchester minstrels Liam and Noel Gallagher and with it Oasis’ billion-dollar comeback tour is in doubt after both men clashed over their respective love and hate of surfing.

Little brother Liam Gallagher, who is fifty, recently visited Ireland to go surfing with one bar keep subsequently reporting, “He had a full Irish with a Guinness head. He said he wanted to go out a do a spot of surfing but the conditions weren’t great so he came in for some breakfast.”

An earlier post had signalled Liam Gallagher’s love for the sport of kings.

“A new love and respect for surfers been watching some mad fuckers doing there thing and there ANIMALS as in HARDCORE LG x”

Big brother Noel, who is fifty-seven, disagrees and says “surfing is for idiots” and that if anyone even thinks about skateboarding riding, well, “skateboarding is for fucking little idiots. Skateboarders and surfers can go fuck themselves. Surfers, by their very definition, are arseholes.”

Noel then delivers his coup de grâce, “Australians.”

The infamous meltdowns between Liam and Noel Gallagher have become as legendary as the music of Oasis itself, marking a tumultuous journey through sibling rivalry, creative differences, and personal clashes that have defined much of their public persona.

One of the earliest meltdowns occurred during their gig at the Whiskey a Go Go in Los Angeles, when Liam threw a tantrum and hit Noel with a tambourine before storming off stage. This incident was a precursor to the ongoing friction that would eventually lead to the band’s disbandment.

Creative control was often at the heart of these disputes. Noel, the primary songwriter, felt undermined by Liam’s behavior, which he perceived as unprofessional. This was epitomized during the recording of “(What’s The Story) Morning Glory?” when Liam brought a crowd into the studio, interrupting Noel’s work, leading to physical confrontations.

The final straw that led to Oasis’s dissolution in 2009 was an altercation during a tour where Liam, hungover as hell, led to Noel’s exit from the band.

Sadly, both men are shit without the other.

In another post on X Liam wrote:

“(Noel) split the band up put lots of people out of jobs ruined many folks lives and he wants me to do the calling he is fucking DELUSIONAL he can call me though id love to hear from him it’s been to long.”

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Noah Beschen (left) the new Zoltan Torkos (right)?
Noah Beschen (left) the new Zoltan Torkos (right)?

Board slide at Waco tank pitches surf world into bitter polarization!

The ghost of Zoltan Torkos is haunting.

The surf world has entered a new phase of unrest after many years of relative calm. Two days ago, Shane’s boy Noah Beschen, I think Mason Ho and likely others traveled deep to the heart of Texas in order to participate in what I hear was a Swatch Nines event. All seemed fine and well until, that is, a large piece of plywood with coping was lowered just above the surface of the waters allowing the aforementioned to slide it as if they were at a skate park.

 

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Wild polarization immediately taking hold and nearing dreaded Zoltan Torkos levels.

But you certainly recall almost fifteen years ago when the Santa Cruz magician decided to answer Volcom’s siren call and kickflip a surfboard?

Yikes.

There were those who claimed it the very peak of progression and then those who claimed it was a heretical. Surf and skate so close yet so far. Those, like Chris Cote who loves the marriage, and those, like probably Maurice Cole, who don’t.

Major infighting.

David Lee Scales and I discussed today, anyhow, but found enough time to consider the musical importance of Die Antwoord and how ice in urinals might just be peak fancy. You would be doing yourself a disservice in not listening.

Don’t be a little whiny baby.

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Ryan James Wedding (pictured) wanted.
Ryan James Wedding (pictured) wanted.

Surfers lose last shred of “bad boy cred” after Olympic snowboarder fingered as mastermind behind cocaine ring

"He chose to become a major drug trafficker, and he chose to become a killer."

There was once a time when surfing, and its surfers, were outlaws. Living on the fringes of society, man. Rejecting buttoned-up culture and “jobs” and “making a decent living” or an “honest one.” Surfers did whatever they could to keep living the derelict dream which often included trafficking cocaine and sometimes abusing it or haven’t you seen the surf masterpiece Sea of Darkness?

In any case, time moved on, surfing itself became “monetized” and Erik Logan. Still, sometimes after the sun sets, surfers gather in dusky beach-adjacent parking lots, drink beer straight out of the can and reminisce about the naughty noughties and being bad boys.

Well, all that is officially lost with the revelation that a Canadian Olympic snowboarder has been running a murderous cocaine trafficking ring that stretched all through the Americas. The FBI declared it is offering a $50,000 reward for information leading to the arrest of one Ryan James Wedding who, they say, is living in Mexico.

Wedding, 43, popped on the extreme scene by competing for the maple leaf at the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympiad where he finished 24th in parallel giant slalom. From there, it was straight on to the delinquent life. Authorities say he organized long-haul semi-trucks to ferry the product from Colombia up to the Great White North. As things happen with cartels and whatnots, Wedding is also being charged with murder.

In speaking about the case, Martin Estrada, U.S. attorney in Los Angeles, stated, “He chose to become a major drug trafficker, and he chose to become a killer.”

Erik Logan, in the meantime, chose to become a #Lifeforcepartner.

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Prince Harry surfing
"I mounted her quickly, after which she spanked my ass and sent me away."

Prince Harry’s secret surfing life revealed as exiled royal and wife Meghan Markle buy beachfront property in wave-rich Portugal

"A humiliating episode with an older woman who liked macho horses and who treated me like a young stallion."

The world’s press, from Vanity Fair to the Hindustan Times, was turned on its head yesterday when the former Tahitian bodyboarder turned surf coach to the world’s wealthy Raimana Van Bastolaer posted a short clip of exiled royal Prince Harry deftly hunting tubes at the Kelly Slater wave pool in Lemoore.

The coach, Raimana Van Bastolaer, whose rags to riches story has been detailed several thousand times on these pages, is delightful as he shares the moment with the forty-year-old red-headed prodigal son who is sometimes called the Prince of Wails.

“Move move up move up! Yeah, love you brother! Aiaaeeee! Yeah! Move your shoulder, yeah! Nice! Thank you! Keep going! Yeeaaahy! Yeah, my brudda! Come back to me! Come back to me!”

 

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Now it can be revealed, Prince Harry’s skills aren’t by chance and it sure wasn’t his first time wrangling a sled. Four years ago, Megan Markle, the actress turned, briefly, princess, gifted Harry surfing lessons shortly after they decamped from dirty, miserable Britain to the polished wealthy enclave of Montecito and a short drive from Dane Reynolds’ new Chapter 11 surf store.

And, not happy with their sprawling $20 mill compound on California’s Central Coast which is famous for its “desirable weather and several nearby hot springs” alone, the pair have reportedly bought up a hunk of beachfront in Portugal, which is known for its occasionally excellent waves although the water can be unpleasantly cold and the tides a little extreme.

What’s your fav quote from Prince Harry’s memoir Spare?

So much cock play!

“I mounted her quickly, after which she spanked my ass and sent me away. One of my many mistakes was letting it happen in a field, just behind a very busy pub. No doubt someone had seen us.”

“What was the universe trying to say to me by depriving me of both my brother and my penis?”

Even an excursion into Nazi cosplay.

“I was debating whether to dress as a Nazi or a pilot for the Native and Colonial themed party… I phoned Willy and Kate, asked what they thought. Nazi uniform, they said. They both howled.”

Very surf.

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Surf fans (insert) and Jackson Bunch. Photo: WSL
Surf fans (insert) and Jackson Bunch. Photo: WSL

Surf fans rub hands in giddy excitement after Maui’s Jackson Bunch locks down final WSL Championship Tour slot

"I can’t wait to go into Pipe wearing my name on my back."

It’s all set, ladies and gents. The 2025 World Surf League Championship Tour draw officially official with the final day of Saquarema squarely in the bag and can you feel the buzz? That growing hysteria? The excitement palpable in each corner of this earth except the Wright house where consternation reigns. Everywhere else, though, the thrill is real.

Of course you already know that the Pride of Canada, one Erin Brooks, has joined the big time on the women’s side of the draw. The men’s sees the first Maui-bred surfer to take a swing since Dustin Payne.

Not counting Imaikalani DeVault.

Jackson Bunch, who hails from Pāʻia on the Valley Isle’s north shore, scooted in at the buzzer after Frenchman Marco Mignot beat America’s Levi Slawson who I’m assuming would have been “him” had he won. Bunch had fallen out in the round of 64 citing two painful eye infections.

He and his friends celebrated in the warm Brazilian waters, at the end, the bright lights of Abu Dhabi no longer glittering dream but reality.

“I can’t believe it. I’m at a loss for words. It’s just incredible to be here with all of my friends […] I can’t wait to go into pipe wearing my name on my back,” the handsome fella declared.

Now the draw is set, how excited are you for the end of January to roll around? Our newly minted class of ’25 will take on the Banzai Pipeline, first, before being whisked more than halfway across the world to the aforementioned United Arab Emirates capital. After that, plentiful fossil fuels are burned to ferry the best surfers in the world to Europe then Central America then Australia then America then Brazil, South Africa, French Polynesia and finally Fiji. No telling if Bunch will be on tour, at the finish, but, for now, hope springs eternal.

Mabruk.

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