Ryan James Wedding (pictured) wanted.
Ryan James Wedding (pictured) wanted.

Surfers lose last shred of “bad boy cred” after Olympic snowboarder fingered as mastermind behind cocaine ring

"He chose to become a major drug trafficker, and he chose to become a killer."

There was once a time when surfing, and its surfers, were outlaws. Living on the fringes of society, man. Rejecting buttoned-up culture and “jobs” and “making a decent living” or an “honest one.” Surfers did whatever they could to keep living the derelict dream which often included trafficking cocaine and sometimes abusing it or haven’t you seen the surf masterpiece Sea of Darkness?

In any case, time moved on, surfing itself became “monetized” and Erik Logan. Still, sometimes after the sun sets, surfers gather in dusky beach-adjacent parking lots, drink beer straight out of the can and reminisce about the naughty noughties and being bad boys.

Well, all that is officially lost with the revelation that a Canadian Olympic snowboarder has been running a murderous cocaine trafficking ring that stretched all through the Americas. The FBI declared it is offering a $50,000 reward for information leading to the arrest of one Ryan James Wedding who, they say, is living in Mexico.

Wedding, 43, popped on the extreme scene by competing for the maple leaf at the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympiad where he finished 24th in parallel giant slalom. From there, it was straight on to the delinquent life. Authorities say he organized long-haul semi-trucks to ferry the product from Colombia up to the Great White North. As things happen with cartels and whatnots, Wedding is also being charged with murder.

In speaking about the case, Martin Estrada, U.S. attorney in Los Angeles, stated, “He chose to become a major drug trafficker, and he chose to become a killer.”

Erik Logan, in the meantime, chose to become a #Lifeforcepartner.

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Prince Harry surfing
"I mounted her quickly, after which she spanked my ass and sent me away."

Prince Harry’s secret surfing life revealed as exiled royal and wife Meghan Markle buy beachfront property in wave-rich Portugal

"A humiliating episode with an older woman who liked macho horses and who treated me like a young stallion."

The world’s press, from Vanity Fair to the Hindustan Times, was turned on its head yesterday when the former Tahitian bodyboarder turned surf coach to the world’s wealthy Raimana Van Bastolaer posted a short clip of exiled royal Prince Harry deftly hunting tubes at the Kelly Slater wave pool in Lemoore.

The coach, Raimana Van Bastolaer, whose rags to riches story has been detailed several thousand times on these pages, is delightful as he shares the moment with the forty-year-old red-headed prodigal son who is sometimes called the Prince of Wails.

“Move move up move up! Yeah, love you brother! Aiaaeeee! Yeah! Move your shoulder, yeah! Nice! Thank you! Keep going! Yeeaaahy! Yeah, my brudda! Come back to me! Come back to me!”

 

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A post shared by Raimana Van Bastolaer (@raimanaworld)

Now it can be revealed, Prince Harry’s skills aren’t by chance and it sure wasn’t his first time wrangling a sled. Four years ago, Megan Markle, the actress turned, briefly, princess, gifted Harry surfing lessons shortly after they decamped from dirty, miserable Britain to the polished wealthy enclave of Montecito and a short drive from Dane Reynolds’ new Chapter 11 surf store.

And, not happy with their sprawling $20 mill compound on California’s Central Coast which is famous for its “desirable weather and several nearby hot springs” alone, the pair have reportedly bought up a hunk of beachfront in Portugal, which is known for its occasionally excellent waves although the water can be unpleasantly cold and the tides a little extreme.

What’s your fav quote from Prince Harry’s memoir Spare?

So much cock play!

“I mounted her quickly, after which she spanked my ass and sent me away. One of my many mistakes was letting it happen in a field, just behind a very busy pub. No doubt someone had seen us.”

“What was the universe trying to say to me by depriving me of both my brother and my penis?”

Even an excursion into Nazi cosplay.

“I was debating whether to dress as a Nazi or a pilot for the Native and Colonial themed party… I phoned Willy and Kate, asked what they thought. Nazi uniform, they said. They both howled.”

Very surf.

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Surf fans (insert) and Jackson Bunch. Photo: WSL
Surf fans (insert) and Jackson Bunch. Photo: WSL

Surf fans rub hands in giddy excitement after Maui’s Jackson Bunch locks down final WSL Championship Tour slot

"I can’t wait to go into Pipe wearing my name on my back."

It’s all set, ladies and gents. The 2025 World Surf League Championship Tour draw officially official with the final day of Saquarema squarely in the bag and can you feel the buzz? That growing hysteria? The excitement palpable in each corner of this earth except the Wright house where consternation reigns. Everywhere else, though, the thrill is real.

Of course you already know that the Pride of Canada, one Erin Brooks, has joined the big time on the women’s side of the draw. The men’s sees the first Maui-bred surfer to take a swing since Dustin Payne.

Not counting Imaikalani DeVault.

Jackson Bunch, who hails from Pāʻia on the Valley Isle’s north shore, scooted in at the buzzer after Frenchman Marco Mignot beat America’s Levi Slawson who I’m assuming would have been “him” had he won. Bunch had fallen out in the round of 64 citing two painful eye infections.

He and his friends celebrated in the warm Brazilian waters, at the end, the bright lights of Abu Dhabi no longer glittering dream but reality.

“I can’t believe it. I’m at a loss for words. It’s just incredible to be here with all of my friends […] I can’t wait to go into pipe wearing my name on my back,” the handsome fella declared.

Now the draw is set, how excited are you for the end of January to roll around? Our newly minted class of ’25 will take on the Banzai Pipeline, first, before being whisked more than halfway across the world to the aforementioned United Arab Emirates capital. After that, plentiful fossil fuels are burned to ferry the best surfers in the world to Europe then Central America then Australia then America then Brazil, South Africa, French Polynesia and finally Fiji. No telling if Bunch will be on tour, at the finish, but, for now, hope springs eternal.

Mabruk.

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Prince Harry gets barrelled at Kelly Slater Surf Ranch.
Prince Harry gets a legit barrel at Kelly Slater Surf Ranch.

Incredible footage leaked of exiled royal Prince Harry getting barrelled at Kelly Slater wave pool!

Kai Lenny says, "You get to show surfing to the most famous people in the world! They must all think you’re the biggest legend in the world!"

The former frontline royal Prince Harry, who bravely killed twenty five worthless goat-fucking Taliban sons of bitches from his helicopter turret during the Afghanistan War, has fallen, again, and like most celebrities, under the considerable spell of Tahitian Raimana Van Bastolaer.

Recently, Ivanka Trump, the statuesque forty-two-year-old daughter of Donald and Ivana Trump (RIP), and whom you last saw on these pages when she savaged “violent, manipulating” windsurfers on a Lex Fridman podcast, fell under the spell of Raimana during a recent trip to the Kelly Slater Surf Ranch.

Five days ago it was the “incredibly horny” rapper Doja Cat whom Raimana deft hoisted into her first barrel. 

Obviously, I don’t need to remind anyone Cindy Crawford refers to the hunky Tahitian as “human Viagra.”

One year ago, we found Prince Harry aching for Raimana’s crotch fire at a F1 race in Austin, Texas, with news site @polynesiela1ere posting,“Who doesn’t know Raimana Van Bastolaer?”

Prince Harry and Raimana Van Bastolaer
Old pals Prince Harry and Raimana Van Bastolaer.

And, today, that friendship blossomed into a tuberiding experience for Prince Harry when he demonstrated better than the usual celeb surf skills when he jumped off Raimana’s ski, got himself to his feet and, at some point, although not filmed on video but captured on stills, a barrel shot most of us could be pretty happy with.

Back in 2020, the wonderful Theodore Dalrymple wrote of the paradox that is Prince Harry,

He wants to destroy tradition and at the same time benefit from its continuation. He has no claim to the public’s attention except that he was born who he was in the very tradition that he wants to overthrow because he wants to be really, truly, just himself. I can well understand why a young man in his position does not want to play the part allotted to him by fate; I wouldn’t have wanted such a part myself. But in order not to be a hypocrite, he should have gone off quietly into obscurity, without public subvention, there to study butterflies or Sumerian epigraphy, or whatever took his fancy.

He has rendered a service, however, by holding up a mirror to our modern egotism. He is, so to say, the selfie, the tweet, and the Facebook page made flesh.

 

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A post shared by Raimana Van Bastolaer (@raimanaworld)

 

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Owen Wright and Dad Rob, dementia struggle.
“We fought pretty hard, didn't we Poppy, to keep you out of the Home," says Owen Wright. "That was your wishes. You said that to me years ago, ‘I don't want to go in there. I don't ever want to go into one of those places.’ So we fought pretty hard to keep you out. And we did pretty well, I reckon."

Surf Olympian Owen Wright reveals Dad’s late-stage dementia in harrowing social post

“A few years ago my Dad was surfing and today he barely walks, has to be fed food and is non-verbal.”

Dementia, Alzheimers, whatever you want to call it, is a helluva disease that turns even the smartest people alive into confused, paranoid husks wandering the fluorescent-lit hallways of locked dementia units or in the case of the USA, carrying the codes for nuclear armageddon.

There’s no hope, no cure, no improvement.

A downslide into the depths of hell until death’s merciful hand ends the pain.

The one-time world title contender Owen Wright, who is thirty-four, has spent the last five years caring for his Dad Rob even as he deals with the lingering effects of his own brain trauma.

In a harrowing post on social media, Owen spoke movingly about his Dad’s struggle as the pair sat side by side, checking the surf at Boulders, a quirky rock-bottom wave just south of Lennox, and a favourite wave of his old boy’s. It’s Rob’s last stop before going into a Dementia unit.

“He’s surfed here forever. Every morning. He was still surfing here three years ago. And five years ago he got diagnosed with dementia. He hid it before that. He already knew before that, but he hid it from us.

“But we found out about it five years ago and he was surfing all the way up until two years ago. And today we’ve come down to Boulders to say see you later to Boulders, because we’re off to the Home today. We’re taking him to the nursing home to get some better care.

“We fought pretty hard, didn’t we Poppy, to keep you out of there. That was your wishes. You said that to me years ago, ‘I don’t want to go in there. I don’t ever want to go into one of those places.’ So we fought pretty hard to keep you out. And we did pretty well, I reckon.

“Because the condition he’s in now is non-verbal, can barely walk, doesn’t get out of bed much. You know, dementia can be pretty messy and incontinence is a part of that, not knowing how to feed yourself. Losing bodily functions. That’s something I wasn’t aware of when this started. I thought it was just memory. And seeing how far it goes is quite shocking, but we did our best to keep him out of the Home for as long as we could.

“It definitely took a toll on me personally and emotionally, but you do anything for your mums and dads. And I guess today is a big day for us, hey Poppy? We’ll put you into the Home, get some care, get some nurses around and maybe meet some new people.

“Anyway, what a journey mate, what a journey. So, it’s been a pleasure. It’s been a wild ride, for sure.”

 

In his book Against the Water, Owen wrote,

“My Dad did so many things that clearly got great results. That relationship was the reason I surfed, it was the reason I pushed, it was the reason I rebelled, it was the reason I pushed again. It’s part of the reason I’ve retired. And it’s part of the reason I made it back out of the head injury.”

Little sister Tyler Wright, in the news this past week over fears the Arabs gonna string her up as proscribed in Sharia Law at the UAE pool event, has a different take on the Wright patriarch.

Wright says she suffered “different emotional and psychological abuse” from her Dad.

“I experienced that and I worked with a psychologist for years to understand my relationship with surfing and understand how that was born, how it was really unhealthy for me,” Wright told Dave Prodan on his usually milquetoast podcast The Lineup.

“I’m rebuilding a relationship with surfing because of the drastic and extreme circumstances that I was raised in…Look, this is not uncommon. Which is baffling for someone like me. If this is not uncommon, why don’t we have better solutions, better parenting programs, better informed industry? I’m not the first child this has happened to. I’m not the first child star this has happened to.”

Let’s hope there’s a little of that old school divine forgiveness on the cards ‘tween daughter and Dad.

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