Surf fans (insert) and Jackson Bunch. Photo: WSL
Surf fans (insert) and Jackson Bunch. Photo: WSL

Surf fans rub hands in giddy excitement after Maui’s Jackson Bunch locks down final WSL Championship Tour slot

"I can’t wait to go into Pipe wearing my name on my back."

It’s all set, ladies and gents. The 2025 World Surf League Championship Tour draw officially official with the final day of Saquarema squarely in the bag and can you feel the buzz? That growing hysteria? The excitement palpable in each corner of this earth except the Wright house where consternation reigns. Everywhere else, though, the thrill is real.

Of course you already know that the Pride of Canada, one Erin Brooks, has joined the big time on the women’s side of the draw. The men’s sees the first Maui-bred surfer to take a swing since Dustin Payne.

Not counting Imaikalani DeVault.

Jackson Bunch, who hails from Pāʻia on the Valley Isle’s north shore, scooted in at the buzzer after Frenchman Marco Mignot beat America’s Levi Slawson who I’m assuming would have been “him” had he won. Bunch had fallen out in the round of 64 citing two painful eye infections.

He and his friends celebrated in the warm Brazilian waters, at the end, the bright lights of Abu Dhabi no longer glittering dream but reality.

“I can’t believe it. I’m at a loss for words. It’s just incredible to be here with all of my friends […] I can’t wait to go into pipe wearing my name on my back,” the handsome fella declared.

Now the draw is set, how excited are you for the end of January to roll around? Our newly minted class of ’25 will take on the Banzai Pipeline, first, before being whisked more than halfway across the world to the aforementioned United Arab Emirates capital. After that, plentiful fossil fuels are burned to ferry the best surfers in the world to Europe then Central America then Australia then America then Brazil, South Africa, French Polynesia and finally Fiji. No telling if Bunch will be on tour, at the finish, but, for now, hope springs eternal.

Mabruk.

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Prince Harry gets barrelled at Kelly Slater Surf Ranch.
Prince Harry gets a legit barrel at Kelly Slater Surf Ranch.

Incredible footage leaked of exiled royal Prince Harry getting barrelled at Kelly Slater wave pool!

Kai Lenny says, "You get to show surfing to the most famous people in the world! They must all think you’re the biggest legend in the world!"

The former frontline royal Prince Harry, who bravely killed twenty five worthless goat-fucking Taliban sons of bitches from his helicopter turret during the Afghanistan War, has fallen, again, and like most celebrities, under the considerable spell of Tahitian Raimana Van Bastolaer.

Recently, Ivanka Trump, the statuesque forty-two-year-old daughter of Donald and Ivana Trump (RIP), and whom you last saw on these pages when she savaged “violent, manipulating” windsurfers on a Lex Fridman podcast, fell under the spell of Raimana during a recent trip to the Kelly Slater Surf Ranch.

Five days ago it was the “incredibly horny” rapper Doja Cat whom Raimana deft hoisted into her first barrel. 

Obviously, I don’t need to remind anyone Cindy Crawford refers to the hunky Tahitian as “human Viagra.”

One year ago, we found Prince Harry aching for Raimana’s crotch fire at a F1 race in Austin, Texas, with news site @polynesiela1ere posting,“Who doesn’t know Raimana Van Bastolaer?”

Prince Harry and Raimana Van Bastolaer
Old pals Prince Harry and Raimana Van Bastolaer.

And, today, that friendship blossomed into a tuberiding experience for Prince Harry when he demonstrated better than the usual celeb surf skills when he jumped off Raimana’s ski, got himself to his feet and, at some point, although not filmed on video but captured on stills, a barrel shot most of us could be pretty happy with.

Back in 2020, the wonderful Theodore Dalrymple wrote of the paradox that is Prince Harry,

He wants to destroy tradition and at the same time benefit from its continuation. He has no claim to the public’s attention except that he was born who he was in the very tradition that he wants to overthrow because he wants to be really, truly, just himself. I can well understand why a young man in his position does not want to play the part allotted to him by fate; I wouldn’t have wanted such a part myself. But in order not to be a hypocrite, he should have gone off quietly into obscurity, without public subvention, there to study butterflies or Sumerian epigraphy, or whatever took his fancy.

He has rendered a service, however, by holding up a mirror to our modern egotism. He is, so to say, the selfie, the tweet, and the Facebook page made flesh.

 

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A post shared by Raimana Van Bastolaer (@raimanaworld)

 

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Owen Wright and Dad Rob, dementia struggle.
“We fought pretty hard, didn't we Poppy, to keep you out of the Home," says Owen Wright. "That was your wishes. You said that to me years ago, ‘I don't want to go in there. I don't ever want to go into one of those places.’ So we fought pretty hard to keep you out. And we did pretty well, I reckon."

Surf Olympian Owen Wright reveals Dad’s late-stage dementia in harrowing social post

“A few years ago my Dad was surfing and today he barely walks, has to be fed food and is non-verbal.”

Dementia, Alzheimers, whatever you want to call it, is a helluva disease that turns even the smartest people alive into confused, paranoid husks wandering the fluorescent-lit hallways of locked dementia units or in the case of the USA, carrying the codes for nuclear armageddon.

There’s no hope, no cure, no improvement.

A downslide into the depths of hell until death’s merciful hand ends the pain.

The one-time world title contender Owen Wright, who is thirty-four, has spent the last five years caring for his Dad Rob even as he deals with the lingering effects of his own brain trauma.

In a harrowing post on social media, Owen spoke movingly about his Dad’s struggle as the pair sat side by side, checking the surf at Boulders, a quirky rock-bottom wave just south of Lennox, and a favourite wave of his old boy’s. It’s Rob’s last stop before going into a Dementia unit.

“He’s surfed here forever. Every morning. He was still surfing here three years ago. And five years ago he got diagnosed with dementia. He hid it before that. He already knew before that, but he hid it from us.

“But we found out about it five years ago and he was surfing all the way up until two years ago. And today we’ve come down to Boulders to say see you later to Boulders, because we’re off to the Home today. We’re taking him to the nursing home to get some better care.

“We fought pretty hard, didn’t we Poppy, to keep you out of there. That was your wishes. You said that to me years ago, ‘I don’t want to go in there. I don’t ever want to go into one of those places.’ So we fought pretty hard to keep you out. And we did pretty well, I reckon.

“Because the condition he’s in now is non-verbal, can barely walk, doesn’t get out of bed much. You know, dementia can be pretty messy and incontinence is a part of that, not knowing how to feed yourself. Losing bodily functions. That’s something I wasn’t aware of when this started. I thought it was just memory. And seeing how far it goes is quite shocking, but we did our best to keep him out of the Home for as long as we could.

“It definitely took a toll on me personally and emotionally, but you do anything for your mums and dads. And I guess today is a big day for us, hey Poppy? We’ll put you into the Home, get some care, get some nurses around and maybe meet some new people.

“Anyway, what a journey mate, what a journey. So, it’s been a pleasure. It’s been a wild ride, for sure.”

 

In his book Against the Water, Owen wrote,

“My Dad did so many things that clearly got great results. That relationship was the reason I surfed, it was the reason I pushed, it was the reason I rebelled, it was the reason I pushed again. It’s part of the reason I’ve retired. And it’s part of the reason I made it back out of the head injury.”

Little sister Tyler Wright, in the news this past week over fears the Arabs gonna string her up as proscribed in Sharia Law at the UAE pool event, has a different take on the Wright patriarch.

Wright says she suffered “different emotional and psychological abuse” from her Dad.

“I experienced that and I worked with a psychologist for years to understand my relationship with surfing and understand how that was born, how it was really unhealthy for me,” Wright told Dave Prodan on his usually milquetoast podcast The Lineup.

“I’m rebuilding a relationship with surfing because of the drastic and extreme circumstances that I was raised in…Look, this is not uncommon. Which is baffling for someone like me. If this is not uncommon, why don’t we have better solutions, better parenting programs, better informed industry? I’m not the first child this has happened to. I’m not the first child star this has happened to.”

Let’s hope there’s a little of that old school divine forgiveness on the cards ‘tween daughter and Dad.

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Dennis and the shark. Photo: Orleans Police Dept.
Dennis and the shark. Photo: Orleans Police Dept.

Unbelievably huge great white shark washes up on Cape Cod beach

"Unfortunately, this giant was located washed up on the beach, and just as with a 4x4 stuck on the outer, we called Dennis to tow it away."

We surfers, we players in the ocean, are all very aware that monstrous creatures lurk beneath our dangling toesies. Sharp-fanged brutes with beady little eyes and remorseless souls. Bloodbottlers and fleshlumpeaters, bonecrunchers and manhuggers. Yes, we are all very aware but do our best to shove that very awareness into the dusty corner’d pieces of our brains where old math equations lurk.

But then one of the beasties washes to shore and that very awareness lurches to the front and haunts and haunts and haunts.

And let us travel to Cape Cod where a great white so large, so viciously scary, washed to shore. The Orleans police department shared:

Not one of our typical calls for service. Nor is it one for our local duty tow, Nauset Recovery. But, as always, we answered the call. Unfortunately, this giant was located washed up on the beach, and just as with a 4×4 stuck on the outer, we called Dennis to tow it away. You really never know what kind of call you’ll respond to on any given shift. At least Sgt Elliott only needed to follow the tow truck and didn’t have to wrestle an unruly Great White.

That Dennis a real champ. Back to the GREAT white, though, the Atlantic White Shark Conservancy declared it would be performing a necropsy to see what killed the freak. “At this point, we do not know if it was a tagged or previously identified individual,” it revealed.

Now, the next time you paddle, will you have visions of the colossus swimming beneath or are you of strong mind and spirit like Dennis?

Be honest, please.

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Markets rocked as Brooke Farris, the Rip Curl CEO who led controversial pivot to trans-market, suddenly quits

“Elevating people like Brooke Farris into powerful positions is a sign that surfing is moving away from its gender-bullying past.”

Less than one year after leading Rip Curl’s heavy pivot to the trans market which ended in a world-wide boycott of the brand, its CEO Brooke Farris has suddenly quit with the company now scrambling to fill the role.

“After 14 years at Rip Curl, and over three of those in the CEO role, the time feels right for a break and new opportunities,” Brooke Farris said in a statement. “It has been an honour to lead this iconic brand, and I’m confident Rip Curl will continue to be the ultimate surfing company.”

In January, the Kathmandu-owned Rip Curl joined a conga line of Australian swimwear companies in pivoting to the growing trans-woman market.

An Instagram reel followed as part of Rip Curl Women’s Meet the Local Heroes of Western Australia campaign, Rip Curl Women featured the inspirational T-girl Sasha Jane Lowerson.

Lowerson was one of Australia’s leading male longboarders, even winning the men’s longboard div as Ryan Egan, before transitioning four years ago and joining the women’s side of the draw.

Sasha Jane Lowerson trans boycott
The trans-friendly Rip Curl post of Sasha Jane Lowerson that almost burned the whole joint down.

Meet Sasha – a West Australian waterwoman who loves the freedom found in surfing, disconnecting from the mainstream, and the feeling of dancing on constantly changing waves. When we were adventuring through Western Australia recently, we were keen to know what The Search means to the surfers who crossed our paths. These surfers live on a wild stretch of coast where there’s always a new wave or campsite just a little further down the road or off the beaten track. It’s a state of mind, always being ready to try something new, curious to seek out knowledge and learn the rules – and break them.⁠

Sometimes it isn’t even the actual surf, it’s the journey itself, the chats that we have in the car on the long straight roads here in WA and the campfire afterwards,” Lowerson says. “Friendships grow on the search and I love that.”

Rip Curl subsequently turned off all comments on the post when the trans-pivot blew into a firestorm.

Initially, Rip Curl refused to react even as the furore spread worldwide and customers were filmed burning boardshorts and throwing their booties in the trash and the hashtag @boycottripcurl trended on X.

They got so much heat, including from high profile anti-trans-gals-in-sports activists Riley Gaines ad Taylor Silverman as well as from their own former team rider Bethany Hamilton, who reportedly split from Rip Curl ‘cause of her anti-T gal stance, they removed the post and apologised. 

“Our recent post has landed us in the divisive space around transgender participation in competitive sport. We want to promote surfing for everyone in a respectful way, but recognize we upset a lot of people with our post and for that, we are sorry. To clarify, the surfer featured has not replaced anyone on the Rip Curl team and is not a sponsored athlete.”

Which in turn got ‘em into the fire with the queer crowd. 

Surf Equity described the “so-called” apology as “divisive, anti-trans, and discriminatory. The LGBTQIA+ community is appalled. Aligning with bigots harms your brand identity and fails to support your LGBTQIA+ employees.”

Brooke Farris’ appointment as Rip Curl CEO was heralded as important step in smashing the boy’s club that had ruled the surf industry since the, uh, boys had created it in 1969.

“The willingness of the sport to elevate people like Brooke into powerful positions is this incredibly pleasing thing – a sign that surfing is moving away from its gender-bullying past and understanding that there’s strength in diversity,” said Nick Carroll, a one-time commentator below the line on BeachGrit before taking a role with Surfline Australia.

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