Dennis and the shark. Photo: Orleans Police Dept.
Dennis and the shark. Photo: Orleans Police Dept.

Unbelievably huge great white shark washes up on Cape Cod beach

"Unfortunately, this giant was located washed up on the beach, and just as with a 4x4 stuck on the outer, we called Dennis to tow it away."

We surfers, we players in the ocean, are all very aware that monstrous creatures lurk beneath our dangling toesies. Sharp-fanged brutes with beady little eyes and remorseless souls. Bloodbottlers and fleshlumpeaters, bonecrunchers and manhuggers. Yes, we are all very aware but do our best to shove that very awareness into the dusty corner’d pieces of our brains where old math equations lurk.

But then one of the beasties washes to shore and that very awareness lurches to the front and haunts and haunts and haunts.

And let us travel to Cape Cod where a great white so large, so viciously scary, washed to shore. The Orleans police department shared:

Not one of our typical calls for service. Nor is it one for our local duty tow, Nauset Recovery. But, as always, we answered the call. Unfortunately, this giant was located washed up on the beach, and just as with a 4×4 stuck on the outer, we called Dennis to tow it away. You really never know what kind of call you’ll respond to on any given shift. At least Sgt Elliott only needed to follow the tow truck and didn’t have to wrestle an unruly Great White.

That Dennis a real champ. Back to the GREAT white, though, the Atlantic White Shark Conservancy declared it would be performing a necropsy to see what killed the freak. “At this point, we do not know if it was a tagged or previously identified individual,” it revealed.

Now, the next time you paddle, will you have visions of the colossus swimming beneath or are you of strong mind and spirit like Dennis?

Be honest, please.

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ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
1 year ago

He didn’t have a beach pass for the local get down.

DongWangVerga
DongWangVerga
1 year ago

Have you ever seen a komodo dragon eat a goat?

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
1 year ago
Reply to  DongWangVerga

A brown goat that wont shut up even when it disappears?

DongWangVerga
DongWangVerga
1 year ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Yeah brother – that’s the one

Dogsnuts
Dogsnuts
1 year ago

I’m so loaded up will basal cell I surf at dusk and my long sessions are on full moon.
Don’t give a fuck anymore.
Sometimes I invite the thought.
Xox

DongWangVerga
DongWangVerga
1 year ago
Reply to  Dogsnuts

Embrace it. The other is an ignomious end hooked to machines under fluorescent lights in a for-profit building disguised as a wellness and/or healing and/or health care institute.

ricmatic
ricmatic
1 year ago
Reply to  Dogsnuts

Youll get thru it xox

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
1 year ago
Reply to  Dogsnuts

Me too
Get em burn every 8 weeks

Abscessed Llama
Abscessed Llama
1 year ago
Reply to  Dogsnuts

Same on inviting the thoughts! Found myself resting my toes on my nose last week as something finned hard few yards away. Think it was a very big Cobia..

Dogsnuts
Dogsnuts
1 year ago

Haha I still get a startle so I’m not completely dead inside.
But a few months ago a shark was cruising around on twilight and I was still adamant on catching a good one in.
It didn’t appear to be a total cunt.
Xox

Nonagon_Infinity
Nonagon_Infinity
1 year ago

Dennis removes menace.
Where I’m from Dennis would get fined for not securing his load

pipspuss
pipspuss
1 year ago

Chas I hope you’re up at the Menendez presser. Need interviews… we’ll fry this fish later

justiceminister
justiceminister
1 year ago

The sharks on land are a bigger threat than these oceanic bounders

Occ Topus
Occ Topus
1 year ago

“Unfortunately…” ???
No.
When a large shark turns up dead, it’s a good thing.

Com Turren
Com Turren
1 year ago
Reply to  Occ Topus

even whale sharks though?

Occ Topus
Occ Topus
1 year ago
Reply to  Com Turren

No, definitely not whale sharks. ‘Maneaters’ specifically: Great White, Tiger, Bull, etc.

channelbottom
channelbottom
1 year ago
Reply to  Occ Topus

Whoah-oh here she comes…

Look out boy.

Rocks local
Rocks local
1 year ago
Reply to  channelbottom

lol

Stick man
Stick man
1 year ago
Reply to  channelbottom

shes’s a plant-eater! no?

channelbottom
channelbottom
1 year ago
Reply to  Stick man

She’ll chew you up.

DongWangVerga
DongWangVerga
1 year ago
Reply to  Occ Topus

uh….I disagree and I’ll leave it at that rather than suggesting it’d be better for the earth and universe if you+yours and me+mine and everyone here+theirs turnt up dead before a large shark. They ain’t got no sense. We do…and we do this with it.

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
1 year ago

Shark–Whoop! Just need “Candle” and then “Ben Gravy” and another BG Bingo row is down for the week.

Com Turren
Com Turren
1 year ago
Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
1 year ago
Reply to  Com Turren

How did you find Negatron’s business graphic?!?

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
1 year ago

After the shame of my first and only online business review (3 stars) I went underground, you’ll find no cute graphics from me.

Occ Topus
Occ Topus
1 year ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Hopefully, you’ve gotten better at your trade, and have nothing but happy customers. 😊

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
1 year ago
Reply to  Occ Topus

Oh I’m good, but unfortunately the “give a fuck” skip in my step factor is diminishing with age.

DongWangVerga
DongWangVerga
1 year ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

That’s unfortunate you spent so many precious years giving a single one about people’s shitters

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
1 year ago
Reply to  DongWangVerga

The wallet pocket must come down before one uses the toilet. Swami Negs 2004

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
1 year ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

So your business was in the shitter for a while?

Stick man
Stick man
1 year ago

Pipe dreamin…

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
1 year ago

badda-boom!


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