Prince Harry’s secret surfing life revealed as exiled royal and wife Meghan Markle buy beachfront property in wave-rich Portugal

"A humiliating episode with an older woman who liked macho horses and who treated me like a young stallion."

The world’s press, from Vanity Fair to the Hindustan Times, was turned on its head yesterday when the former Tahitian bodyboarder turned surf coach to the world’s wealthy Raimana Van Bastolaer posted a short clip of exiled royal Prince Harry deftly hunting tubes at the Kelly Slater wave pool in Lemoore.

The coach, Raimana Van Bastolaer, whose rags to riches story has been detailed several thousand times on these pages, is delightful as he shares the moment with the forty-year-old red-headed prodigal son who is sometimes called the Prince of Wails.

“Move move up move up! Yeah, love you brother! Aiaaeeee! Yeah! Move your shoulder, yeah! Nice! Thank you! Keep going! Yeeaaahy! Yeah, my brudda! Come back to me! Come back to me!”

 

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A post shared by Raimana Van Bastolaer (@raimanaworld)

Now it can be revealed, Prince Harry’s skills aren’t by chance and it sure wasn’t his first time wrangling a sled. Four years ago, Megan Markle, the actress turned, briefly, princess, gifted Harry surfing lessons shortly after they decamped from dirty, miserable Britain to the polished wealthy enclave of Montecito and a short drive from Dane Reynolds’ new Chapter 11 surf store.

And, not happy with their sprawling $20 mill compound on California’s Central Coast which is famous for its “desirable weather and several nearby hot springs” alone, the pair have reportedly bought up a hunk of beachfront in Portugal, which is known for its occasionally excellent waves although the water can be unpleasantly cold and the tides a little extreme.

What’s your fav quote from Prince Harry’s memoir Spare?

So much cock play!

“I mounted her quickly, after which she spanked my ass and sent me away. One of my many mistakes was letting it happen in a field, just behind a very busy pub. No doubt someone had seen us.”

“What was the universe trying to say to me by depriving me of both my brother and my penis?”

Even an excursion into Nazi cosplay.

“I was debating whether to dress as a Nazi or a pilot for the Native and Colonial themed party… I phoned Willy and Kate, asked what they thought. Nazi uniform, they said. They both howled.”

Very surf.