"It takes 15 of the world’s largest container ships to equal all the pollution created by cars on earth."

The winningest professional surfer of all-time, one Robert Kelly Slater, found himself Instagram, yesterday, as Americans flocked to the polls and decided it was time to share a bit of information about climate change. The autodidact is, of course, widely knowledgable across multiple fields. Slater is smarter than most doctors, a mathematics whiz and an expert in Sino-American relations just to name but a very few.

Regarding the climate, though, the legendary snowboarder Jeremy Jones had posted a carousel of images highlighting the differences between Trump’s policy positions and Harris’s and urged his many followers to vote with the climate in mind.

Slater, in any case, teed off, “So you think Harris winning is gonna change the planet’s climate in a noticeable way? It takes 15 of the world’s largest container ships to equal all the pollution created by cars on earth. And there are thousands of those ships. Any policy they can get her to memorize and speak on is not gonna change anything in any tangible way and surely not stopping avalanches, as old as time itself. But if we all fight about it here it might just fix it.”

Nobody at the time of his comment was fighting though the floodgates certainly opened thereafter with many Slater fans praising the 11x world champion’s intelligence and fortitude.

The only small problem, Slater was spewing misinformation like a coal fire. Jones, a climate activist for many years and founder of the non-profit Protect Our Winters thanked the 57-year-old Pipe Master for joining the conversation though pointed out that “The CO2 output from all the cars on the planet in a year is approximately 3.05 billion tons of CO2. The 15 largest cargo ships in the world collectively produce 4.13 to 4.96 million tons of CO2 annually.”

Hmmmmm.

Slater’s skepticism, and smoke blowing, might have been borne from sincere confusion even though, as mentioned, he is smarter than most doctors. It might also have been borne from the fact that he is actively trying to sell energy-hungry wave pools to Middle Eastern petro-kingdoms. Do you have any thoughts on that?

If we all fight about it here it might just fix it.

"I could have been standing at the beach, my beautiful white skin getting nice and tan. Being smacked, being smacked in the face by a wave loaded up with salt..."

It is election day, in America, in case you were unaware. Happy men and women, each over the age of eighteen, giddily traipsing to polling locations in order to place a vote for their preferred candidates and issues. A wonderful sense of optimism in the air as they greet each other along the way.

“Morning, friend.”

“Howdy, neighbor.”

The headlining act is, of course, Republican Donald J. Trump and Democrat Kamala Harris who are both running to be President of these extremely United States. Now, some children grow up dreaming that someday, they might sit in the White House themselves. Trump, indeed, has squatted in the Oval Office signing bills into law etc. though at his final campaign stop it appears he rues not chasing a different sort of life.

That of a surfer.

At one of his rallies in Virginia, Trump gazed ruefully at his adoring audience and declared, “I didn’t need this. I didn’t need to be with you tonight. I could have been standing at the beach, my beautiful white skin getting nice and tan. Being smacked, being smacked in the face by a wave loaded up with salt, salt water. And I could have said, ‘The hell with everything. I could have had the greatest life in the world. Instead, I got missing a little piece of my ear.’”

The greatest life in the world, without question, though may there still be time for the 78-year-old Florida local to tan that beautiful white skin and get smacked in the face by a wave loaded up with salt? Surfing’s current greatest of all-time Kelly Slater is 58, a mere two decades younger than Trump, and also the wild influx of vulnerable adult learners, post-COVID, has highlighted that it’s never too late to start.

Very exciting.

Speaking of Slater, though, do you think his BFF Tulsi Gabbard and idol Joe Rogan have convinced him to vote for Trump thus keeping him out of the water and dealing with national problems?

Surfing shade is something he throws best.

Sneaky old GOAT.